Bork Lazer — Roleplayer Guild

[X] - You spot a person of interest in the crowd, one who distinguishes themselves from the vast horde of raving aislers…...[1]

[X] - A woman dressed similar to you, but in a mail of bright yellow cardboard instead of alabaster paper. She bears the insignia of a yellow bumblebee on her chest plate. [1]

In the dour crowd, you notice she’s the only one to bear an infectious grin as she continues to pepper random aislers around her with questions. The smell of cardboard intermixed with frosted sugar stings your nose as you close in on her. Her freckled face, tightly bound with hexagonal swimming goggles, looks around curiously yet not with naivete as her left hand touches the handle of a wickedly curved needle that’s about the size of your forearm. 

You lightly prod her shoulder just as she’s in the middle of having a conversation with a beleaguered Greenthumb. 

“ Forgive me for my intrusion, dear Elf, but would you happen to know where - ” She pauses the moment you make contact with her cardboard armor. Before you can even introduce yourself, she turns towards you in a blink of a eye, hovering around you and babbling in a language you 

“ OhbyFructoseandSucroseareyouaSamurai?I’veneverseenoneinthefleshbefore!The detailsofyourDepartment’sexploitshavebeenspreadlikenutellaallovertheGrocery department!ThisisthemostamazingmomentofmylifesinceI-” She takes in a deep breathe. Just when you thought it was over, she continues again at the same ear-blistering pace. “WhenthelegendaryZ-GripassistedSugarFrostintheevacuationoftheIkeanLamplightsin thedawnoftheSeventhWinterSeasonal.OrhowcouldIforgetaboutthetimewhenClanCastilo joinedforceswiththePathoftheTigertoshutdownanIceCreamtraffickingrouteintheNorthern Aisles.EventhestoryofTicoderongathe Majesticwhobeatoneofourmostsacredpaladinsin a joustingmatchwithonlyafiveinchpen-” 

Her spastic ramblings are catching the attention of the entire crowd as she continues to thunder on with glee. You wave your arms up in a placating manner, eyes shifting around nervously. By the Founding Clans, didn’t she have an off switch? 

“ At ease.” You whisper urgently. “ Whilst I appreciate your departmental appreciation, it would be better to converse with each other about such matters in a more…” Your eyes stare at a nearby Dorf. “ ...private location.” 

“ Oh, I’m just - “  She mumbles, a flustered expression on her face. “ - Gosh, it’s not everyday you get to meet a Samurai.” 

“ And it’s not everyday I get to meet a Cereai.” You reply back in turn. You notice her cheeks turn a deeper shade of red after you mention it. “ Let’s continue this in that abandoned Coupon Booth over there.” 

“ Oh, thank you so much for agreeing to help me!” Your head thrums as you spot the blessed shadow of the Coupon Booth in the distance. The Cereai continues to speak with a grateful tone as the both of you walk together. “ I’ve been trying to find someone for the last hour or so to help me in my - “ 

“ Just as long as you agree to get me out of this hellhole.” You cut her off. 

Once the both of you reach the booth, the Cereai reaches into her pockets, making you tense for a moment. It’s only once she pulls out two foil-covered bars that you relax. You take the oatmeal bar she offers you and sit on top of a dilapidated conveyer belt whilst the Cereai chews on her own bar as if she’s a guinea pig tearing off chunks of flesh. 

“ I never thought I’d see a Cereai all the way out here in the Bargain Bin.” you comment. 

“Not a knight. A squire.” You take a taste of the bar as she grumbles bitterly. The thick honey coats your tongue so much that it takes a few gulps before you can properly breath. “ Initiate Squire Melissa of the Path of the Holy Insect. At your service.” 

“ What are you doing here?” Your right eyebrow furrows. “ I thought all the Grocery Department was too chaotic for the Cereai to venture out of it.” 

“ We are!” She blurts out too quickly before sagging backwards slightly with a smile that tugs too hard at the edges. “ Well, the knights are. We’re running out of members quickly. The Path of the Insect tasked me on a penance of nutrition four seasons ago, to help the unhealthy, to cleanse the obese and to ensure dietary balance wherever I go. Only after I complete my penance will I be recognised as a fully fledged Cereai.” 

“ It must have been hard.”  You say. “ Being on your own.” 

“ Oh not at all, “ She shakes her head. “ Most Cereai merely devote themselves to their craft but forget the true purpose of our founding. To protect the average aisler. The price of protecting the innocent is higher than that of any cereal or cardboard I cloak myself in.” Her smile then twitches. “ Or, so I believe.”  

“ So, why are you here in the first place?” 
She takes an awful while to answer the question, finishing off the remainder of her oatmeal bar. She then peeks around the corner, checking to see that no one is listening in on your conversation before speaking.

“ Have you ever heard of Fort Monopoly?” 

“ The Dorfs?” The Stationary Shogunate had few dealings with the bearded squat men before. They were useful but notoriously unstable and immature due to their exposure to the mysterious elixir only known as Age B Gone. Why would a Cereai ally with those who were responsible for the downfall of their own Department. “ Why would you involve yourself with those obsessive maniacs?” 

You try not to wince at her judgemental glare. “ They needed help. I found them on the outskirts of the Bargain Bin, recovering from a straggler of Nevergrows. Their Fort had just been ransacked and their men, women, children were all but skin and bones. I protected them until they made it all the way to the Bargain Bin. I’ve kept them safe for the last few months. They plied their trade and managed to accrue enough wealth for the last Seasonal. We were supposed to leave three days ago until - “ 

“ The Smilers.” You realise, cursing those wretched cultists. “ The Smilers damaged your only exit route.” 

Melissa nodded with a wry smile. “ Since then, the Dorfs have been working on another way out of here. We’ve recently got a tip off on an old abandoned Shopping Cart Mark 3.0, Employee Model. The heavy duty kind that’s strong enough to carry the entire of the Fort out of the Bargain Bin.” 

“ So, what’s stopping you from getting it?” 

The Cereai lifts up two honey-greased fingers. “ Firstly, it’s location. I know where it’s located in the Inner Bin but it’s been sealed off along with the main Exit Gate ever since the Smiler attack. Only one of the guards know the way in and I’ve been having little luck convincing them. Secondly, it can only be activated with a valid Employee Card. I spotted one at the Bazaar before the attack but the sampler who sells it has gone missing. My bet is that he’s still in the bin somewhere.” 

You scratch your chin as you begin to decide your options. 

[X] - Accompany her to focus on one task. There’s better strength in numbers as your recent ordeal has taught you. 

[X] - Split up and focus on individual tasks. The sooner you complete this, the faster you’ll get out of this accursed bin.
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Chomping Time

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