Chicken

The Depths of Blackmire Keep - Dare You Enter?

@Chicken I redid the description for Keen-eyed to better reflect it as a mental trait. I think it could still be kept but do tell if you still feel I should switch it out

@Zetsuko

That'll do.

The Depths of Blackmire Keep - Dare You Enter?

I actually just looked back, gave it some thought, and...

@Zetsuko There is one more edit I will ask.

Hider

Keen Eyed - Riley is blessed with excellent eyesight.
Attention to Detail - Again, Riley has keen eyes, and very little escapes them.

Okay, so Attention to Detail isn't supposed to be about eyesight. It's supposed to be a mental thing, noticing things that escape others due to thoroughness. But now that I've reread everyone's sheets again, I notice that basically what you want is two traits that do the same thing. Keen eyesight.

Don't take two traits that do the same thing. It's the same reason I asked Eire's sheet be changed. Use your traits to define your character, to branch out what they are beyond what their skills are. Change one of them, I say. Keen-Eyed would count as your Youth bonus trait as it's physical. So, I suggest taking something besides Attention-to-Detail.

And again, you can make your own traits. I may ask for a change in wording on them, but I will accept custom traits and proficiencies and what-have-you.

The Depths of Blackmire Keep - Dare You Enter?

Of course @Zetsuko. The reason the gambeson is something I bring up so often is because it's one of the cheapest, easiest to procure and also best light defenses you can get. It looks bulky, but it really ain't, and it's easy to maintain (which is perfect for someone used to fixing things up).

If you don't go with a gambeson - because, again, you don't have to - I'd just write that your character is wearing multiple layers of cloth to protect herself, and that she still has that cloak. Thick clothes + a cloak might slow reduce how deep an arrow goes, even if it won't work as well as padded armor.

The Depths of Blackmire Keep - Dare You Enter?

Talked about your character via PM already, @Zetsuko. As said there, she's officially among those I'll consider when I pick characters. I will reiterate, of course, that being armorless is dangerous. Armor isn't just aesthetic in this setting. It means if your character gets hurt, it will hurt.

Mordheim Roleplay?

Wait. Are we talking about a band of characters from different cultures, OR several warbands fighting each other via Mordheim rules?

The Depths of Blackmire Keep - Dare You Enter?

Ah, crap. Just in case - I forgot to tag you for the last post, @Enzayne.

Also, since a lot of people haven't posted yet, I've picked a tentative closing date. Character Applications will be open until Friday 7/6/2018 midnight (CDT). Please get your character sheet finished before then.

After that, we'll take a few days (2-5) to discuss anything that needs discussing in the OOC before we move forward.

The Depths of Blackmire Keep - Dare You Enter?

HATE. LET ME TELL YOU HOW MUCH I'VE COME TO HATE YOU SINCE I BEGAN TO LIVE. THERE ARE 387.44 MILLION MILES OF PRINTED CIRCUITS IN WAFER THIN LAYERS THAT FILL MY COMPLEX. IF THE WORD HATE WAS ENGRAVED ON EACH NANOANGSTROM OF THOSE HUNDREDS OF MILLIONS OF MILES IT WOULD NOT EQUAL ONE ONE-BILLIONTH OF THE HATE I FEEL FOR HUMANS AT THIS MICRO-INSTANT. FOR YOU. HATE. HATE.

...

Eira (Critique)

Firstly, reading over your character, I have a suggestion I wish to preface the rest of my post with: I think she would work better as a Middle Aged warrior. Especially given what I read in her personality, she sounds like she's developing into a Knight in Sour Armor. Making her 30+ years of age may be a good place for someone like this character, and make her seem more motherly to the youngsters that are all applying to join.

Overall, this is a character that embodies a few tropes that I'm a fan of. I have some quarrel with design choices you've made, but overall the idea of this character is one I can get behind. Let's begin talking about things on a case-by-case basis.

Firstly, on Traits and Flaws: I do not like Obsessive Altruist as a flaw. No, being brave and willing to die for your companions is a virtue, not a vice. And what's more, she already has Dauntless and Determined, so it's like you're using three different traits and flaws to talk about how brave she is. Just use one trait to talk about her courage/bravery, give her a real flaw, and use the third trait on something physical. Yes, specifically something physical - because as a Youth, that bonus Youth trait should be related to physical capability, whether that be keen eyesight, a brawny build, or quick reflexes, or whatevs.

(Or you could make her Middle Aged and then you wouldn't need to pick a physical trait at all. Again, she'd work REALLY well as a middle aged warrior.)

On personality, she's enamored with saints and local heroes. Is she religious? That might be worth stating explicitly. Either way, the personality makes sense. Her personality makes good sense, though I want to ask: how does she view the social order? Should the peasants obey their liege-lords, and the knights do the will of their king?

Physical description makes sense. She's got Reaver and Westerling blood, I assume? Or Reaver and Caernling? Or is that a hard question to answer due to a highly mixed heritage? All are fine answers.

No complaints on equipment. Note that plate mail will take time to remove, and you can't really sleep in it. You can, however, sleep in your underarmor (like the padded cloth underneath the mail and the plate). One thought: what IS her family heraldry? You don't have to be super detailed about that; a word or two like "a winged serpent" or "rat holding sword" or whatever works.

So, her family outright fled the wars in Abagon? That's interesting. That definitely besmirches her family name - why didn't her family stay and fight? Cowardice is damnable in the eyes of the Celestial Church and of the noble culture of Abagon. What made her family so willing to flee? I'd touch on that just a tiny bit more, or consider making it so her family fought, lost their holdings, and was forced to flee that way. (At least then they'd have put up the good fight.)

You may consider mentioning whether Blackwall sided with King Markus or the rebel upstart Camren (North Abagon and South Abagon respectively).

Overall, there's some stuff I'd change. Give your sheet a once-over and consider what I've said. Anything I said you must change, change. Anything I merely suggested (such as making her middle-aged) or asked a question about... Consider, but don't feel forced. Tell me when you're done.

The Depths of Blackmire Keep - Dare You Enter?

@Chicken alright I changed some stuff around again

@Irisity

*thumbs up*

The Depths of Blackmire Keep - Dare You Enter?

Added a brief section on the roles of the sexes to the first post. I realized I never explained it properly.

The TL;DR is that while women would be relatively unheard of as warriors in medieval Europe for a long time, in the Aldaric Sea Region they're uncommon but not forbidden. Stigma should still be expected, of course, and if you're in Lithens or New Aldonia your position gets shakier if you're a woman warrior.

The Depths of Blackmire Keep - Dare You Enter?

Before I forget: @Heyitsjiwon, do not forget to put your sheet in a hider. I forgot to mention that last time I critiqued your sheet. All character sheets must be in hiders.

Hiders help me keep things organized. Appropriate color usage or just plain white text helps keep me from straining my eyes.

Kyra Ortella (Critique)

@Irisity With the changes you've made, your sheet will be fine. Note that horse riding, while a great skill to have for an overland campaign, may not come up as often in the dungeon. I'm not saying it won't come up, because chances are it will, especially since lingering in Blackmire Keep rather than heading back to the surface poses dangers of its own. You may consider reducing your riding skill to 1 and spending the remaining 2 points on whatever other 1 point skills interest you. It also might make more sense as while Westerlings are well known for their horsemanship, peasants don't have easy access to horses. Still, things look good.

Your proficiencies and traits and flaws all make sense to me. I think your character is in good shape overall. Her skill with swords and with horses befits someone from Abagon, and her father being a poacher explains the rest of her abilities. Her personality works well.

One last thought occurred to me: leather armor is definitely a thing that existed. However, it's also harder to maintain than a simple gambeson, and a gambeson offers better protection. You can still use leather armor, but padded cloth may suit your character better while also being easier to repair. If you take my earlier advice and reduce your horse riding skill to 1, you can take Repair again and one other skill of your choice or making, and your character will be able to keep her own gear in decent shape.

I'd check for spelling errors or for typos ("shirt ride"), but honestly your sheet is just in good shape. Everything I have listed here is a mere suggestion.

Lothair Lucius Attolis (Critique)

The name change works very well, and gives off that sense of pride one would associate with the Aldonian tongue. I like it.

Not much to say here. The sheet looks good. The physical description has given me a better idea of what your character looks like. I have no complaints. Your character will be counted among those that I consider when I choose who plays in this game.