Force and Fury

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@Ti Percy's hilarious. I'll make sure that he makes some appearances! Thanks for making him a thing.

@Fetzen Overall, I love Otios and it's nice to see a yasoi character take shape! Looking forward to seeing him in action! Here are a couple of minor tidbits for thought and questions I had:
1) How would his name actually be pronounced, what with the double 'y' and all.
2) What might the middle section of his name mean, since that's the one that's generally earned. Might be a cool thing to address in terms of his characterization.
3) Fourth and a half wheel is very strong and very rare. How might this have affected him? Is it an important part of his character? Anybody with that much of the Gift is going to draw plenty of attention for it unless they're actively trying to hide it. If they are, that begs the question: "why?"

@Komo Told ya you could do it! Overall, I can see the effort that you put into this and it's paid off! It's nice to have bboth a wizard and another knight, haha. Two for one! below are some little things that I might ask you to take a look at.
1) Her father being a fifth wheel wizard is maybe a little bit much. There are probably no more than ten of those in the entire world. If he was fifth wheel, he'd probably be a king and able to singlehandedly wipe out that entire army. If he's fourth and a half, that'd still be really strong and worthy of immediate recognition.
2) I imagine that you had to stop and restart a few times as you worked on this over the course of a few days. Naturally, there are a few typos, missed words, and awkward sentence structures in there, so maybe just give it a good proofread and fix those. The hard work is all done, though! I've included a couple of examples below.

• A small wording thing: tallest of her father’s children and just a head shy of her oldest brother’s height. Since she's shorter than her brother, did you mean, "tallest of her her father's daughters?"
• Due to her talent in picking up skills quickly along with her gifts, she has proven to be really lethal and effective combatant that anyone who has fought beside her has never gone out of their way to change anything, or say anything else.

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@Siber Sounds good. Yeah, it kind of just needs to have the right sound. Like, think of an old school Germanic-sounding name. That's what we're looking at here in terms of characters being consistent with the world and logical. Thanks for making that adjustment. Subject to it, you should be good to go! Also, if you need any help, feel free to ask.

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@Siber Overall, I like your character and her angle a lot. I do wonder where her name cones from, though. If I'm going to be honest, it strikes me as pretty out in left field compared to the others.

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@Fetzen Awesome stuff! Nice to know someone was able to go through and actually calculate all of this stuff! As for the year nomenclature itself, the female aspect signifier (Aun) always goes before the deity name while the male, Sept, always goes after. regardless, well done and thank you very much!

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Okay, review time! Here we go:

@Wolfieh You've already seen my feedback on discord. Looking forward to RPing with Vali

@Th3King0fChaos Phew, that was a lot to read. Kol looks good. He's a little bit main character-esque, but I've RPed with you enough now that I'll trust you to play him responsibly in service of crafting a good storoy. Now, finish his CS when you have the chance!

@YummyYummy Overall, you know I like Arnaud. He's been preapproved. The one thing that I can't help but nitpick, though, is that he looks like two entirely different people in his two pictures. If you can find some way to bring those in line a bit, that'd be ideal.

@Atalanta The same goes for Osanna. I also like her new pic a lot better. One small thing is the formatting on her age/gender/loyalty/calling header. Maybe just 'Rezaindian Order' to give yourself a bit more room for spaces? That's up to your discretion, though and it's an extreme nitpick on my part. The 'the' does add some force to it, after all.

@A Lowly Wretch Alright, so I've now read and reviewed! Nettle is bizarre in an intriguing and potentially humourous way and, if you can play her to form should be a really fun character to have around. Overall, I like her! Below, I have a few recommendations.
1) The demonym for yasoi is, indeed, yasoi. Strange as it is, no need to tack 'an' onto the end.
2) I'd recommend reading through once more and just doing some quick editing in terms of typos, repeated words, and such.
3) know you like to draw your reference pics, but if you can find something a bit more in-depth and vivid in the next few weeks for a planned collage, that'd be appreciated.
4) I'm wary of any 5W that high. It's the equivalent of a 9+ RAS, which is very, very rare. It's world-warping level magic. To use some THO references, you're playing on Benny, Traveler, and Hugo levels. I'm going to provisionally approve this pending a conversation we'll hold on discord about your character's actions, goals, and storyline ideas. If fifth wheel is necessary for those, then maybe we can find a way to make it work.

@Ti Overall, I like Asier and really appreciate how you worked his legend in lol. That was great! As far as recommendations going forward...
1) Editing stuff like demonyms, possessives, slew/slain, and the like. Give it a once over and try to clean those up.
2) This is the dark ages and the nobility are still a martial class mostly, so I don't think there'd e quite as much traditional noble snootiness and outright disdain. It's more like, "they all say you're so great, but you just look like another smelly Tourrare horseman to me. Prove the stories true." Basically, they're resistant to being impressed and he'll have to show them.

@Dao Ma I absolutely love Maerec. He is everything that a knight should be with just enough of a twist to make him unique and interesting. I don't have a lot in the way of improvements to offer, but see below!
1) This is very well written, but I have to imagine that this was just a small error and it might bug you if you didn't catch it: It is hard to say at first that if he genuine or if it is for formality's sake. There was also a 'diffuse' that I think was meant to be a 'defuse'.

The Hourglass Order

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B L A C K F L A G

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_♪

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They stood there: six of them triumphant. One was dead for certain and two were missing. The ground was littered with bodies and parts of bodies. Ingrid had sucked the flames dry once but residual heat had reignited them and and a few still guttered in the ruins of buildings. People huddled together and cried, looking upon the alien youths with fear and barely-concealed reproach.

Trypano spoke up, giving instructions to Ismette, perhaps knowingly. "Given the destruction we've drawn more than our fair share of attention from the majority of the island. Perhaps you and Benedetto should go de-incentivize any gathering pirate crews from interfering further in our work." Yet, many of the people who shrunk back in fear, who sobbed over burnt houses and dead bodies, were not pirates. A town like this needed other sorts to run as well and even pirates were people, after all. Ismette looked at them uncertainly.

Indeed, the group looked about to tear itself apart. Nerio backed away, uncomfortable, begging his leave to go see to his crew. Desmond, meanwhile, turned angrily on Benedetto for the latter's mockery of the dead and spat angry words at him. He was joined, after a moment by Ingrid. "You should be respectful to the dead Benedetto. If not for your enemies then at least for your allies. Speaking ill of the deceased only lowers you to that of a scoundrel and you are not that."

There was a pause and a palpable silence, for all knew that to play with Benedetto was to play with Eshiran himself. His power was of a truly inhuman nature. Slowly, he turned to them with dead eyes, his face a paper mask, his head slightly tilted.

What do you know of death?

"And what do you know of death, mercenary?" There was a bitter, raspy chuckle. "What good is it to speak words over a body once it's dead? What comfort is it to the people whose lives we've destroyed?" He gestured at the wreckage. "Whose loved ones we've killed? Will it change how Eshiran takes them?" He turned to Ingrid with the same cold, pained, dead look. "And you, you don't think I'm better than that, so speak truth or shut the fuck up. You think I'm an animal." For a moment, a sort of dark glee flashed through his eyes. "You think you're better than me 'cause you pump your deeds full of righteous words and 'respect' and prayer to Gods that don't exist." He took a step towards the others and his face was hard. "That's where we're different. Life is struggle and violence. The strong step over the weak. Some do it with swords and magic fire, but most do it with words and laws and that fucking faith that lets them put their boot on your neck while you just take it!" His eyes flashed and it was clear that he was bubbling beneath the surface. "I know I'm an animal and I'm proud to be one. I take what pleasure I can. I laugh at death before it can laugh at me, and I never," he snarled, "let anyone or anything put their boot on my neck. Never again."

He went still and there was a buildup of energy so sudden and fantastic that it seemed almost a dream. "You wanna do something for these people? Shove your 'respect'. Lift the rubble. Put out the fires. Heal their wounded so some other rich fuck can come along and kill them someday. See if I care." When they looked up, great mounds of splintered wood, stone, and plaster hovered above them. These were set down roughly on the ground and the first raindrops began to fall. They fell fast and Benedetto's energy faded. He stood there, chest heaving in the rain as the stray fires winked out and steam rose. "She was weak," he pronounced of Wvysen, turning to glance her way. "Good, but weak, and now she's this." He gestured at her body and shook his head tightly. Turning back to the others, his words were cold. "She never should've been here. Neither should most of you. Those people you killed were defending their home. That princess you protect is no hero: no victim. You're just too stupid to see it." For a moment, he glared at her prone form, but he turned his eyes back on the others. "Now go play-act at being heroes somewhere else," he sneered. "I'm not saving you again." With a crackle of energy, Benedetto rocketed off into the night sky, streaking away like a comet.

Whatever their reactions to Benedetto may have been, these were not allowed to play out. A small, weakened voice called to them from shore, where Onarr was waving and asking for assistance. At almost the same moment, Princess Amelia stirred and sat up, rubbing her neck as the massive spongy cushion began to deflate. "Eshiran," she cursed, "Thank you for saving me. I swore I wouldn't be that sort of princess... What'd I miss?" Then, she saw Wvysen and her eyes widened. She crossed herself. "Oraff-Zept! Is everyone okay!?" She started to clamber off, pulling kinetic energy as she went. "They did this: the Maria Nera's crew! I recognize that one." She pointed to the Chemical mage and her voice rose in righteous anger. She freed herself from the cushion and stood, still a bit woozy, but face full of steely determination. "I know where they hide, those bastards. We need to find them before they cause any more harm."

If the aftermath of their life-or-death struggle had been frustrating, sobering, and desperate, the group now had a decision to make. They would likely need all of the strength that they could muster to fight the Nera's crew if that was indeed what they desired to do. Yet Penny remained missing and Onarr was in need of not-insignificant healing. While Benedetto's rain had drenched the fires, there remained a severe human toll and now Nerio was nowhere to be seen, perhaps seeing to his crew. Ismette looked at the others uncertainly. "I would... rather not use my magic to harm," she said quietly, "but I can... help with whatever else you need."

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Meanwhile, on a beach far but not so far away, a young woman lay unconscious in the sand, covered in soot and blood. Some fifty meters distant from her, gouts of black smoke rose into the night sky and a stout building lay in ruins, decorated with bodies and guttering flames. A ship, just around a rocky head of land, groaned in a sheltered cove, and people began swarming out of it like ants: furious ants.

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Hi everyone! The following is just a repost of what went up on the Sipenta Discord, for those of you who aren't on it yet!

Take the weekend to work on your CSes. For ease of reading and comparison, these all must be posted in the Oriflamme OOC by Wednesday Noon GMT-4. No submissions after that time or in other places will be accepted. At all. No matter what. I just have a ton of stuff to keep track of and honestly just don't have time to go searching through old threads, linked docs, and DMs. Make my life easy and I'll have more time and energy to keep working on this awesome world we've all agreed to play in. Anyways, the sheets will be reviewed and we will have our roster for the RP posted by Thursday morning. Looking super forward to kicking this thing off!

-Force and Fury
_{(neither forceful nor furious)}

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NOTICE
Chapter One of Act Three is currently active.

Posts are due by Saturday, December 17, at 10:00 PM GMT-4. If you need some help getting started, please see the 'Action Opportunities' hiders at the bottom of the posts. As this is the first post of a new act, consider how your actions set up future plot points and remember that you will have five chapters to tell the story of your character's actions.

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@udonoodles Thanks for the repost. Just makes it easier to keep track of things that way! As for the CS, I like Edmund's angle quite a bit. He's cold and quasi-villainous without being a caricature and... honestly not really so much a villain as a believably ruthless individual of his day and age. He's loyal but ultimately for his own reasons as opposed to anything less tangible. As for some small amendments and recommendations, I might offer the following:

1) Just keep nomenclature of the time period and ethnic group analogues in mind. Edmund Hereward passes muster... barely. Maybe something else just to make it sound a bit more archaic than high medieval. That's ultimately a nitpick on my part, however. This is, however, a somewhat French-analogous society, so try to keep that inn mind as well.

2) Just make sure that you're not making their society sound a bit too structured and advanced. maybe a bit more emphasis on how he's genuinely an innovator in bringing in new crop rotations and in establishing networks of trade that have fallen into neglect after the collapse of the empire. Maybe his services in that regard have been so valuable that the king has ennobled him.

3) Maybe some distinction between merchant and businessman, because the former would've been the common term in his day. Why does he personally think of himself as the latter? That could be interesting to explore!

4) Might want to specify that his family were yeoman farms as opposed to regular peasants. That makes his rise a bit more believable. They were respectable and better off than most other farmers but still a very far cry from privileged.

Overall, I really appreciate his angle and look forward to seeing him in this roleplay!

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@Siber Okay, so I've read the CS and I like her angle a lot. I want to see where it leads her for sure! She uses force magic in a very cool way too and makes being a bard believable in terms of being helpful. A few minor issues below:

1) The names. Remember that we're not just in a generic fantasy setting here. Drudgunzean names should remind us of names from Germanic tribes. Eskandr names should have a Norse/Viking feel to them. 'Jenny' ain't gonna make the cut, haha.

That's honestly about it, actually... Otherwise, you're good to go!