“What’s weighing on your mind, Zarina?”She was back home. Finally, she was home. No more of the infernal overthinking and unfamiliar territories every single day. Just the drawing room she had sat in since she was six with the same odours and humidity. It was perfect. And yet her mother was right, there was something that brought an absent look in her eyes.
Zarina took a sip from her wine and regarded Saoussen, sat opposite and the picture of relaxed. She also indulged in some vintage.
“I take it you’ve been told something you’re not very happy with.”The mere twitch in Zarina cheek as she moved her gaze to the side for just a second was enough to prompt a nod from the matriarch.
“In order to live as comfortably - we of Gandacar - a plethora of these uncomfortably discreet moments with our king were done. I want you to understand that it wasn’t anything out of the ordinary.”“To let an innocent man die for a ‘maybe’? Is that normal?” inquired an irritated and confused teenager.
“Yes. Things like that. Hard decisions. The ability to make them is what separates the worthy from the ‘worthy’. You may have merit, but …” she took a hearty drink off her glass before serving herself once more.
“To decide how things are, and how they should be, takes both the best and the worst of us.” Saoussen spoke with experience and her daughter knew. The latter mimicked her parent’s drinking.
“I don’t know what to do about it. I don’t want to kill an innocent man, even more so a holy one.”Saoussen shrugged.
“Then don’t.”There was silence. The older of the two continued to enjoy her sips and even took this pause to stand and get some recently made local pastries without soliciting a servant.
“Then what should I do? Let it happen? It’s just as bad, mom.”Again, another shrug.
“Don’t let it happen if you can help it, then. That sounds heroic to me.”Baffled by the answer, Zarina turned her head and regarded her mother with great scepticism.
“I don’t get it. If I’m not going to follow the plan, then why should I even go there?”“You’re focusing on a big picture you hardly even understand, despite your work. Think on a smaller, personal scale, dove.” Saoussen let her back sag against her seat, one arm around her abdomen while the other held her pastry close to her mouth.
“I’m not following.”“Big picture. Tsk tsk. You should leave that to me. So I’ll explain why - the world is rapidly changing, ours included. And with these changes comes a chance for those worthy enough to gain a voice. To get the job done.” A sonic bubble was warranted, just in case.
“Osman’s reign is reaching its end. He may not die in the near future, but his health will warrant an heir to act as regent, a fine opportunity to train him or her. During such transitions, instability and power struggles become abundant. It is important to reach a certain proximity to the king’s garden if one wishes to exercise influence on what the world will look like.” her finger pointed right at Zarina.
“I’ve managed to place you this far, part of it was you too, and now it is time to act.”“So you think if I do my job in Palapar, it’d get me in good graces? What if we fail? It sounds like a total mess over there …”A third shrug from Saoussen, this one with a light grimace to emphasize her indifference.
“The outcome of this problem will rely on more than just you. Regardless of whether you succeed or fail, what will matter is how you’ll be perceived. The men and women of Virang that reside in Palapar are remote, but they have sway. Have them see you favourably, as the mighty hero-thaumaturge you’ve always wanted to be, and they’ll want you around them. They’ll want you to shine.”Zarina swallowed, a tad overwhelmed by the notions presented to her. She was being asked to gain the eyes of important people - nobles of her nation - with the ultimate goal of recognition and acceptance. Never had it occurred to her.
“I’m having a hard time understanding why I should care. You’re doing just fine without sucking up and earning titles.”“No titles, you’re right, but I do suck up. I get things done. But I’m not a one-of-a-kind dragon. Nor am I an unmarried and pretty youth.”Both remarks seemed to stagger Zarina just as much, in spite of the extreme nature of the former.
“Yeah, of course I know. If the Torragonese were made to know, we’d be too. It’s the main reason you were brought to the garden.” the matriarch gestured in dismissal.
“I’m going to reiterate.” she leaned her, her voice solemn.
“If you want something done right, you’ve got to do it yourself.”
Zarina instinctively pressed her back against her seat. No amount of power could make her feel less intimidated by her mother, a near-mirror image of herself, only a tad shorter and unmarked skin.
“Qarim had the right idea. And now he holds the most influential position in the world. Now you too, Zarina, have this chance to actually have a say. Make a home that you’d truly want for you and everyone that matters to you. A chance to make something better than we have.”“I don’t know i-”“You do. You’re scared you’ll be terrible at it. And you will without learning first.” Saoussen took the wine bottle and refilled her daughter’s glass.
“You’ve a mother who’s done it all already. And you’ve got a network even more potent than anything in the past few generations. Do things right, and these awful decisions involving martyrdom and sacrifice may not even be necessary.”“I don’t think I want to. Mom, sorry but I’m happy with just-”“Then you’d be fine with following the vision of those like Ren Baykara?”Zarina perked up and scowled. There were no words, her mother knew this was going to elicit emotion. And the youth had nothing to say, for it was an obvious truth. People like Ren were bound to reach some sort of social apotheosis if people like Zarina stood by idly.
A reassuring smile was then given to Zarina. The teen reeked of indecision.
“What should I do, then?”“Do what you think is right. For you, for your home and for the people over there.”Zarina, in turn, smiled. A wry smile, but the unease had been shaved off a tad.
“There is one thing that’s paramount, however -” a shift in tone, one charged with authority and a subtle business-like demeanour Zarina recognized immediately. It put her on edge.
“Both the Viceroy and the Vizier cannot be butchered by the animals. That is your job.”Zarina blinked. The last part hit her with a delay.
“Mom, what the fuck. Why?!”“Not literally. But if you want to have a chance at getting the best optics AND salvage what we have, the best way to start is to be the one to deliver justice.”A sudden realization hit Zarina.
“... Just like Osman did when our laws were being corrupted.”Like the Elder’s Embrace, there was a parasite. In Palapar, it was the rotten core of self-indulgence. For Virang, it was Palapar, or rather what would come of it if left alone, but the true rot was what would emerge from it. Would it be Ren and his stranglehold on all beneath him, or Zarina’s reform?
“There we go. Rather than let the slave class make a show of their resolve, our nation delivered never before seen justice.”“Rebuild some trust and spread the reform of the mainland. This really is a big optics thing, isn’t it?”“Which is why a dreg like me can’t get any higher. But YOU.” she leaned over the table, her hand tapping the table all of a sudden.
“You, Zarina, are something they can’t ignore or relegate to hidden privileges. Show them your worth. Both in power and as a person.”Zarina exhaled, eyes in the vintage again. She saw her reflection, a still innocent if increasingly experienced young woman. One day, likely soon, those hopeful eyes would likely never be the same again.
“I’ll try.”“I know you will, dove.”Zarina prepared to stand. She needed air.
“Ah, before you go-”Her lips flapped but all Zarina could hear was-
Ting-ting-ting-ting.