All Lyra had to do was open the door. Not a lot of people had the privileges she did, so announcing herself wasn't really a thing when it came to herself and the leader of Dawn Rising. There were no meetings, no appointments, it was just her mother in that room. She had planned out a speech to prepare herself for an argument--and oh boy, there was definitely going to be one. Her heart was beating against her chest as her hand touched the door, a deep breath doing absolutely nothing to calm herself as she knocked on the door. A gentle voice told her to come in, and the dark haired girl reminded herself that there wasn't any backing out.
Lyra entered the room and quietly closed the door behind her, staring at the door until she was sure she didn't look nervous. She heard a tiny gasp and immediately turned around, watching as her mom's jaw dropped.
Lilie was as casual as she could be in her quarters, a cream colored robe covering her nightdress and a brush in hand telling her that she had caught her as she was getting ready for bed. She abandoned her brush on the small dresser, her own white hair spilled over her shoulders, contrary to their usual neatness. She crossed the room to get a better look, sapphire eyes admiring her. "You cut your hair!" She expressed her surprise, eyebrows high on her forehead as she was unable to hide her shock.
Lyra's hand immediately shot up to said hair out of instinct. Oh, right, she didn't get the chance to show her after her uncle cut it. "Oh, yeah, I, uh...I wanted a change," She replied, clasping her hands together.
Her expression softened considerably. "Do you like it?" She asked her gently.
No. "You don't?" Lyra flipped her hair up, forcing herself to smile. "It's really different, yeah, but it's also fresh and new. And easier to wash, too."
Lilie slowly nodded, but Lyra knew she was doing that thing where she was studying her expression to see how she actually felt. "You look lovely," She told her. "It's just...sudden, is all. Is everything alright?"
And there it was. But for once, Lyra was glad. It was a bad segue but a good distraction. "Actually, I also wanted to talk to you about something," She said, knowing that if she didn't get it all out now, she'd chicken out. "I'm going to volunteer to help Commander Agevee at Caeli."
The speed at which her mom went from concerned to downright stern was, as always, impressive. Still, Lyra was a little spoiled in the sense that Lilie never believed in saying the word 'no' to her children. What she usually liked to say came out of her mouth immediately: "Absolutely not."
"They need help. And I think I'll do well helping the commander," Lyra replied.
"Absolutely not," Lilie repeated herself. "We're already having a few transfers to help the commander, you don't have to worry yourself about that."
Lyra couldn't help but bristle a little at the second denial. "Mama, I'm not asking you. I'm telling you," She said slowly.
Lilie narrowed her eyes. "And I'm denying your application for a transfer," She replied calmly.
Lyra let out a huff. Man, she didn't want to push it, but Lilie wasn't budging. "I think that as Leader, even you have to admit that leaving a talented fire mage in HQ doing nothing here is better off actually helping out. I can't just ignore the Commander's call for help."
"No one's ignoring him, I already told you, we have others helping," The fact that her mom managed to stay so collected was starting to annoy her. "What do you think people will say if I let my only daughter leave my side?"
"That you trust me enough to handle my own business and that you believe in my magic," Lyra was quick to respond to that. "I'm a great fire mage, I can take down people bigger than me, and I can be useful."
"No, they'll see it as desperate," Lilie corrected her. "Things are rocky enough as it is, and I can't just let you go out there and endanger yourself. You're safe here, you're protected. There's so many people that would give everything to be in your position."
Lyra scoffed. "If you have their numbers, I'm happy to call them," She outright rolled her eyes. "I'm sure they'd love to be babysat at every minute and have constant restrictions on where they can go. I'm twenty three, but you treat me like I'm still sixteen."
Lilie rubbed her temples as she took a pause, shaking her head. "I am sorry if you are unhappy being here, but you are safe. That's all that matters to me," She said, dropping her hands. "I can watch over you here. I can protect you here. I'm not letting you go out there where you can get hurt or killed or--"
"We were safe in Cordis until they came knocking on our door, and look what happened!" Lyra couldn't help but blurt out, frustrated.
"That's exactly why you have to be here! I will never let that happen to you again," Lilie matched Lyra's frustration.
Lyra shut her mouth before she would say something she would end up regretting. She mentally counted to three before speaking again, "I'm going. With or without your blessing."
"You're not. I'm not budging on this, Lyra Rose," Lilie replied coldly, crossing her arms. "You might not appreciate it now, but everything I do has your best interests in mind."
For some reason, hearing that set Lyra off. Yeah, she had heard of a lot of the good her mom always did. She wouldn't be the leader of the rebellion right now if it wasn't for everything she had done at Ben's side. She always did what was needed and it was always for the good of everyone. Everyone but her and her sister. Everyone always told them how lucky they were, but...
"Was leaving us alone all the time also in our best interest?"
It slipped out like water spilling from a glass, smooth in the air until it fell flat and splashed. Lyra would be lying if she didn't admit that there was a part of her that was happy to have it out in the open, but as her mom's eyes widened and she saw the shame on her face, she knew she had messed up. Lilie dropped her gaze in what had to be guilt, her hands rubbing her arms as she withdrew a little.
Lyra regretted ever letting those words leave her, immediately closing the gap between them. How could she just say that? She wasn't a little kid, she knew how much her mom had been through. "I'm so sorry, I--I didn't mean that," Lyra touched her hand, immensely apologetic. "I know you didn't want to. And we weren't alone, we had Peepa and Meema and Ren, and I just...I spoke out of anger. I didn't mean it."
Lilie shook her head, hand patting Lyra's. "You don't have to lie," She said softly, raising her head to look at her. She took Lyra's face in her hands, making sure she made direct eye contact before she continued, "I promise you that everything I did, everything I do, and everything I will do is for you. I need you to trust me. To believe in me."
"I need that, too," Lyra's reply came quick, even if it was quieter than usual. "Don't you believe in me?"
Lilie fell silent for a moment, her eyes searching Lyra's. She let out a heavy sigh, letting Lyra go as she looked down at Lyra's wrist. Lyra followed her gaze, noticing Eden's name facing upwards on her bracelet. She had a feeling they were both thinking about the same thing.
"The last thing I want to do is leave you alone," Lyra frowned. "I want to prove myself. To everyone. And to you."
Once again, Lilie was silent. Her fingers traced Eden's name engraved on the bracelet, and she took Lyra's hands in both of hers. For a moment, she looked like she wanted to say something, but ultimately decided against it. "I'll think about it," She finally spoke. "For now, why don't you go to bed?"
It wasn't the yes she was looking for, but at the very least she didn't hear a no again. She would have to settle for that and see if she could remember the speech she had initially prepared that sorta flew out the window once they started talking. "Okay," Lyra nodded as Lilie let her hand go. "I love you, Mama."
Lilie looked at Lyra once again, giving her a warm smile as she touched her short hair. "I love you, too, Lyra. More than anything. Don't ever forget that."