Her hands gripped the red-splattered edges of her dress unable to meet Izayoi eye to eye. She might have lowered herself to the floor if Esben hadn't been sitting against her just to let go of the pressure pushing down on her shoulders. Ciradyl was trying to find the courage to speak as much as she was trying to form the right words in her mind. All she could do under the intense stares of Team Kirin, mostly Izayoi, was fidget in place feeling like a trapped animal. That became especially true with the surprise guest to enter the room.
Every movement she was involuntarily making stopped as she stared at Hien, feeling the creeping tendrils of anxiety take hold of her. No! The young lord needed to be ignorant of her actions so that he could deny them in the future! She timidly shook looking down at the ground. There was no escape to be had. Chisaki wouldn't come save her from this situation. She was scared. Scared of saying the wrong thing. Scared of being abandoned.
"I..." The word barely escaped her lips when she felt Esben shift behind her and speak.
Ciradyl felt strangely exposed, vulnerable even, as Esben proceeded to read out a fraction of her history leading up to now. In fact, a faint blush colored the Faye's cheeks as Esben eloquently stated her actions in such a way that even she couldn't argue against the defense. Esben was a SEED agent so it shouldn't have surprised her that he would have such a way with words, but her mind turned towards what Rudolf said earlier. It was though at last...she was finally seen. Ever since Izayaoi was presumed dead, she had felt alone with no one that could understand her true feelings. Now....tears welled up in her eyes once more as Esben finished and she suddenly found herself surrounded by Eve, Esben, Izayoi, Hien, and Miina.
Mint-eyes watched as Miina's hand hovered over to her head and felt the gentle touch of her patting down her snowy-white hair
"Miina..."The tears she had been trying to suppress finally were unleashed but these carried a different meaning than earlier. Ciradyl had carried the unbearable weight of Osprey's future on her shoulders by herself for so long. She had fought so hard on her own forced to bottle everything up inside to the point she felt cold to the outside world. The stiletto that had felt so heavy after she had gotten it back from Izayoi was barely within her notice. There was indeed a faint light visible from the dark pit she had felt trapped in.
"Yes, Chisaki really enjoyed that one." The faintest smile appeared on her lips as she decided to address Esben first. She took in a deep breath, finally ready to answer Izayoi's question.
"I destroyed myself giving Osprey this chance and now there is barely anything left to give. I thought, just maybe, if I submitted myself to some kind of punishment I might get some of the pieces back...but reality is hardly that fair." This was her earnest answer. Her attention turned to those others in the room that had expressed their discontent with her or had yet to speak
"I am truly sorry for my actions at the manor."Acceptance was far from the outcomes she had expected and it seemed her choice to go
rogue at the manor was more of an issue than her past actions. The day that her parents died was the last time she remembered feeling anything at all, and now she was showing such a messy side of herself to those who had barely become acquittances. No. That was unfair to the members of Team Kirin. She wanted to believe they had become friends during their short time together. Her mind drifted to the conversation that her and Esben had that one night. Ciradyl had done all that she could for Osprey and now it was probably better to have at least one member of its resistance make themselves scarce.