The pressure around her was supposed to iron chains to restrain her from taking any more foolish actions, but she found them closer to warm blanket. How many times had she pleaded to the gods that if what she was doing was wrong for someone to stop her? Rudolf spoke to her like a kindred spirit and she believed him. The simple idea that there was something else who might feel the same kind of hurt was enough to send her into a second round of sobbing. Ciradyl didn't care about what he revealed in the desert. Not now. Now she was desperately hanging on to his sweet idea that maybe...just maybe she wasn't alone in the world just yet.
It was always donning one mask after the other, ditching the ones that no longer suited her needs. At some point she had lost herself in the pile of discarded personas. The songstress Ciradyl was a liability and her true feelings were a danger. Now the masks she wore were ash in her hands, leaving behind only the original only...it was in pieces and she didn't know how to put it back. She had put all that she was and all that she had on the line....and she had accomplished her goal. Hien was now in charge of loyal, devoted resistance and a network that infiltrated all aspects of the invaders organization command. There was simply nothing left on the table for her to take back.
"Believe me. Life's a battlefield. It's hell to fight alone."
After hearing this, Ciradyl not only stopped resisting but in fact clung onto his arms never once looking back at him. The words were different but it was something close to what her father had once said to her during one of their hunts. Ciradyl had those under her command, including the capable Chisaki, but strategically it had been her against Valheim. She had been fighting in hell for an entire year. That was perhaps why she just couldn't see the Kirins as true comrades, even Izayoi. They would eventually leave for their quest and she would be left behind, alone once more.
"We will discuss this later. For now, wait. You are complicating the situation at the moment."
Those words from the friend she should have cherished most stung, especially as her delusions of love began to fade. How truly useless she was in this state. The intense crying from earlier had started to calm down, turning into sniffles and occasional tear. Ciradyl feel more exhausted in this moment than she had ever felt in her entire life. Mizutani's regained voice did not help this matter and she felt herself tighten up once more. Miina had at least gotten something out of the wrench.
Her chest felt like it might implode as her greatest fear came to fruition. She might have been able to keep a poker face and pass it off as the last, desperate words of a psychopath. Alas, Ciradyl had no energy or desire to do so. Izayoi stabbing her sword into Mizutani's abdomen came only a brief relief. Her expression went blank and the last of her tears dripped onto the floor like the last gasp of life inside her had gone out.
"Rudolf. Release her." "Finish what you started. If you will not, I will. The rest, we will discuss back at the safehouse."
Cirady's vacant gaze looked up at Izayoi as she had approached and then at the stiletto in front of her. Mint-green eyes red from her tears lingered on the silver blade, at her reflection through the splattered blood. Her attention was so focused on her stilleto that she hadn't even spotted Miina finishing her task, only finally reacting to the morbid sounds. Mizutani was dead, just like that, and a hollowness overcame as she finally took the stiletto into her hands. Silently she tucked it away where she had hidden it earlier and struggled to her feet.
She took a good look at Mizutani's corpse before she followed behind Izayoi.
Ciradyl was sitting down as Izayoi began looking like a shell of the imposing, serene figure she had been. Izayoi's words startled her from her daze and she flinched. Now would come the reckoning she so rightfully deserved and there was no resistance to be offered. There was hardly a friendly face she could turn in the room...except for one. Esben's sudden approach caused a brief interruption in the melancholy she had been experiencing. Her eyes followed his movement and even let out a small gasp as he insisted on sitting behind her, leaning on her back for support. This casual and nonchalant attitude had taken her completely off guard as did his words. She simply nodded in response saving her energy for what she was about to say.
"It is the truth. The deaths of a number of our countrymen is on my hands." She spoke dryly, though her eyes betrayed her regret and sorrow.
How much did they want to know? She could go on in detail about every little move she made following Valheim's occupation of Kugane. The regret she felt was that there had been little other options. No one had seen the fervor of its citizens when Edren drew closer. The country had been left almost destitute after the war. She had decided shortly after Valheim began its invasion she would resist in their stead. That lead to the removal of trouble warriors and officials that would rally the commonfolk in a suicidal attack. Hien's resistance was strong and loyal thanks to her efforts but now it was time for her to hand it over. There were a number of personel that would not bow to their new lord while Ciradyl was present so...much like she did to others, she would have to disappear.