That's alright. Please take the time you need to feel better and if there's anyway I can help let me know.
LadyAnnaLee Member
VIX
STATUS: It's my birthday! Hooray! I have to work. Boo. But I do have Nutella. So, it's a good day over all. 23 days ago
-
Last Seen:
0-24 hrs ago
- Joined: 6 yrs ago
- Posts: 645 (0.30 / day)
- VMs: 8
-
Username history
- LadyAnnaLee 6 yrs ago
-
Latest 10 profile visitors:
-
Most recent →
rabidbacon,
EricWald,
CitrusArms,
Snowdrops,
Rapture,
Cao the Exiled,
Talvinter,
Pascal,
Daxam,
IAmAugustReign
Status
Recent Statuses
23 days ago
Current
It's my birthday! Hooray! I have to work. Boo. But I do have Nutella. So, it's a good day over all.
9
likes
25 days ago
I know that not every one on this site is from the USA, but I would like to remind all my fellow USAers that taking a moment to remember what happened 23 years ago wouldn't be bad.
6
likes
Bio
User has no bio, yet
Most Recent Posts
Darin looked at the tattoo with something akin to awe. It was gorgeous and looked right on Ridahne’s face. She wasn’t sure she liked the red puffy state of he face, but Darin knew that it would heal quickly enough. Darin felt the corner of her lips twist upwards in almost grim satisfaction. Now everyone, well at least everyone that could read Oijh, would know that Ridahne Torenzi was something that Astra had never seen before or would see again. That was the best news Darin had gotten since this wholed thing had started and she had had a part, a very small part yes, but still a part in making it happen. Now any Azurei that saw the traitor’s mark would had to at least wonder what the new mark meant.
Her voice was a cross between a harsh sound of satisfaction and a hiss of pleasure, “Yes. Perfect. My Ridahne Torenzi Seed-Chained.” She let out a laugh that was nothing but a good sound, “Today is the first day of the rest of our lives.”
It was a phase that Darin thought had meant nothing for the longest time. The elders used it to try to encourage people to do something with their lives or make a change that the elders wanted them to make. It had never made sense to Darin. Everyday was the first day of the rest of her life. That was just how time worked. Yet that was the point. Yesterday was over. The past was something that would be left in the past. While past actions would influence thoughts, it was gone and done Darin could do nothing about it. The choices that Darin made today that would shape the rest of her future. She could only hope to make the right ones.
She held out a foot to show off her boot, “I need to find a cobbler to resole my boots. If I do too much more walking my toes will pop out.” She looked up from her boot to Ridahne’s face, “Do you think we can do that after you finish breakfast? We woke up late and I don’t want to waste much more of the day. There’s a lot to do before we leave Lihaelen and now that we are done with the Archives we should start getting ready to move on. There’s lots to see and lots to do.”
Darin could think of more than a few things. Ridahne had purchased supplies the first day they were in the city, but was it enough? Darin needed to resole her boots and get a new waterskin. A hair cut would not go amiss either. She also needed a chance to talk to regular people even if she wasn’t one hundred percent how to do so. She just knew that she needed to. She knew nothing about city life and she needed to know about as much of Astra and the Children of Astra as possible. There was more than just farming to any functioning society and Darin could only hope that one day she would have the understanding of it necessary to comprehend it all. She had left The Farm to seek a better understanding of culture and walks of life and to do that she needed to talk to regular people and learn from them.
Her voice was a cross between a harsh sound of satisfaction and a hiss of pleasure, “Yes. Perfect. My Ridahne Torenzi Seed-Chained.” She let out a laugh that was nothing but a good sound, “Today is the first day of the rest of our lives.”
It was a phase that Darin thought had meant nothing for the longest time. The elders used it to try to encourage people to do something with their lives or make a change that the elders wanted them to make. It had never made sense to Darin. Everyday was the first day of the rest of her life. That was just how time worked. Yet that was the point. Yesterday was over. The past was something that would be left in the past. While past actions would influence thoughts, it was gone and done Darin could do nothing about it. The choices that Darin made today that would shape the rest of her future. She could only hope to make the right ones.
She held out a foot to show off her boot, “I need to find a cobbler to resole my boots. If I do too much more walking my toes will pop out.” She looked up from her boot to Ridahne’s face, “Do you think we can do that after you finish breakfast? We woke up late and I don’t want to waste much more of the day. There’s a lot to do before we leave Lihaelen and now that we are done with the Archives we should start getting ready to move on. There’s lots to see and lots to do.”
Darin could think of more than a few things. Ridahne had purchased supplies the first day they were in the city, but was it enough? Darin needed to resole her boots and get a new waterskin. A hair cut would not go amiss either. She also needed a chance to talk to regular people even if she wasn’t one hundred percent how to do so. She just knew that she needed to. She knew nothing about city life and she needed to know about as much of Astra and the Children of Astra as possible. There was more than just farming to any functioning society and Darin could only hope that one day she would have the understanding of it necessary to comprehend it all. She had left The Farm to seek a better understanding of culture and walks of life and to do that she needed to talk to regular people and learn from them.
Darin sighed, “There’s just so much Ridahne. It’s hard to believe that I’ll ever be ready. I’m not even sure what it means to be ready.”
Darin fought a yawn and was the loser of that battle. She let her eyes slip close. She supposed that some sleep was better than no sleep even if it wasn’t much. She figured she should move from where she was sitting to return to her own bed, but she was just so comfortable right now. She would regret it when her back ached in the morning though. With that in mind she forced her eyes open and then forced herself to stand. She felt like it was the hardest thing she had every done even though she knew that couldn’t be true at all. It was still no fun to cross the room.
As she practically collapsed on the bed, she told Ridahne, “I told Mrixie to go away and to take Ulice with him. He said he would be back later tomorrow, or rather today now, I guess. I still figure we’ll have the morning free of him. We should try to get some sleep though so we can make the best use of our unsupervised time.” She yawned again, “I’m going to bed. Good night.”
Darin slept, but if she dreamed, she didn’t remember any of them. It felt late when she woke up, but there was no sunshine coming from the window for her to judge the time. How did people live in this ever-present twilight? She was ready to be on the way from Lihaelin, but The Seed wasn’t, and she didn’t think the trees of the forest were ready for her to depart either. Besides there were still things that needed to be done. She still needed to get her boots resoled. They might still need to gather supplies. Darin wasn’t so sure about that one. She knew Ridahne had gotten supplies the first day they were in the city, but she didn’t know if that was enough to get them to their next destination.
Darin rolled out of the bed and landed on the ground, “Owe.”
It was a soft sound that was followed with a ground as she desperately tried to get herself untangled from the blankets and rise to a vertical position. This process involved lots of cursing in both Common and the language of home. Once she was vertical, she made the bed. It was an easy enough task. That was followed by pulling on her boots and making her way down to the tavern on the first floor. She was starving. The last food she had had that she had managed to keep down were the dumplings yesterday morning. That had been more than 24 hours ago.
Though she was nervous Darin managed to ask the person running the inn at the moment for breakfast. She was brought a bowl of something that Darin thought looked like boiled wheat mixed with milk or cream. She supposed that was a standard breakfast anywhere. When she tasted it, she decided it wasn’t wheat but barley. She supposed boiled grain mixed with milk or dairy was a good standard breakfast anywhere. Back home it was wheat because that’s what she grew. She wouldn’t be surprised if different grains were used across Astra. This bowl tasted like it had just a pinch of salt and hint of sweetness. She decided she liked it and finished it quickly.
Darin fought a yawn and was the loser of that battle. She let her eyes slip close. She supposed that some sleep was better than no sleep even if it wasn’t much. She figured she should move from where she was sitting to return to her own bed, but she was just so comfortable right now. She would regret it when her back ached in the morning though. With that in mind she forced her eyes open and then forced herself to stand. She felt like it was the hardest thing she had every done even though she knew that couldn’t be true at all. It was still no fun to cross the room.
As she practically collapsed on the bed, she told Ridahne, “I told Mrixie to go away and to take Ulice with him. He said he would be back later tomorrow, or rather today now, I guess. I still figure we’ll have the morning free of him. We should try to get some sleep though so we can make the best use of our unsupervised time.” She yawned again, “I’m going to bed. Good night.”
Darin slept, but if she dreamed, she didn’t remember any of them. It felt late when she woke up, but there was no sunshine coming from the window for her to judge the time. How did people live in this ever-present twilight? She was ready to be on the way from Lihaelin, but The Seed wasn’t, and she didn’t think the trees of the forest were ready for her to depart either. Besides there were still things that needed to be done. She still needed to get her boots resoled. They might still need to gather supplies. Darin wasn’t so sure about that one. She knew Ridahne had gotten supplies the first day they were in the city, but she didn’t know if that was enough to get them to their next destination.
Darin rolled out of the bed and landed on the ground, “Owe.”
It was a soft sound that was followed with a ground as she desperately tried to get herself untangled from the blankets and rise to a vertical position. This process involved lots of cursing in both Common and the language of home. Once she was vertical, she made the bed. It was an easy enough task. That was followed by pulling on her boots and making her way down to the tavern on the first floor. She was starving. The last food she had had that she had managed to keep down were the dumplings yesterday morning. That had been more than 24 hours ago.
Though she was nervous Darin managed to ask the person running the inn at the moment for breakfast. She was brought a bowl of something that Darin thought looked like boiled wheat mixed with milk or cream. She supposed that was a standard breakfast anywhere. When she tasted it, she decided it wasn’t wheat but barley. She supposed boiled grain mixed with milk or dairy was a good standard breakfast anywhere. Back home it was wheat because that’s what she grew. She wouldn’t be surprised if different grains were used across Astra. This bowl tasted like it had just a pinch of salt and hint of sweetness. She decided she liked it and finished it quickly.
Darin let out a disgruntled noise, “I guess. That doesn’t mean that I have to like it. Right is right. I can’t believe we need laws to tell us that.”
Why couldn’t people just know what right and wrong? She had known people that didn’t do something just because it was against the law. The implication was that if it wasn’t illegal, they would totally be doing it. Then there were people that sis what was right despite the law. It seemed to Darin that the law was kind of pointless. Maybe she would look up books about the law at the Archives. Though she doubted that would help. The books today had only made her head hurt. It didn’t help that the words looked like they were swimming and that only got worse the worse her headache got. Reading was one of her least favorite things ever.
She asked a question that completely changed the subject, “Do you think I’ll have to read stuff as The Gardener. I know he wrote letters. Reading is probably something I should practice isn’t it?”
She stuck out her tongue as she let her head fall on Ridahne’s shoulder. She was tired, and probably needed rest, but she could feel that it would be dawn soon. She knew she wouldn’t be able to see the sunrise, but she could sense it. That had nothing to do with being The See-Bearer and everything to do with being a farmer. She woke with the sun. She slept with the sun. Yet, her sleep schedule was all messed up. This was the second night in a row that she hadn’t gotten proper rest. She should probably sleep in, but the thought of that felt so fundamentally wrong that she didn’t even know how to process it.
Darin sighed again, “I should practice a lot of things. I need to control my emotions betters. I need to learn how to talk with kings, and councilpeople, and Sols, and other rulers. I need to practice reading and writing and probably math. There’s so much Ridahne, and time moves so fast. I can’t slow it down even if I wanted to. Is that how you felt, when it became obvious what needed to be done, that there was so much to do and so little time to do it? Did it feel overwhelming?”
It certainly felt overwhelming to Darin right now. She had felt overwhelmed before, when she made the decision to farm the land herself. Those feelings had passed though, once she had the skills necessary to do the job. Would the same thing happen here, in this case? Would Darin fell so overwhelmed until one day she looked around and realized that she hadn’t felt overwhelmed in a long time? That seemed equal parts likely and unlikely and she wasn’t sure which one she wanted it to be. There was a lot that Darin just didn’t know, and she was getting sick and tired of felling that way. There had to be appoint where it leveled out, right?
Why couldn’t people just know what right and wrong? She had known people that didn’t do something just because it was against the law. The implication was that if it wasn’t illegal, they would totally be doing it. Then there were people that sis what was right despite the law. It seemed to Darin that the law was kind of pointless. Maybe she would look up books about the law at the Archives. Though she doubted that would help. The books today had only made her head hurt. It didn’t help that the words looked like they were swimming and that only got worse the worse her headache got. Reading was one of her least favorite things ever.
She asked a question that completely changed the subject, “Do you think I’ll have to read stuff as The Gardener. I know he wrote letters. Reading is probably something I should practice isn’t it?”
She stuck out her tongue as she let her head fall on Ridahne’s shoulder. She was tired, and probably needed rest, but she could feel that it would be dawn soon. She knew she wouldn’t be able to see the sunrise, but she could sense it. That had nothing to do with being The See-Bearer and everything to do with being a farmer. She woke with the sun. She slept with the sun. Yet, her sleep schedule was all messed up. This was the second night in a row that she hadn’t gotten proper rest. She should probably sleep in, but the thought of that felt so fundamentally wrong that she didn’t even know how to process it.
Darin sighed again, “I should practice a lot of things. I need to control my emotions betters. I need to learn how to talk with kings, and councilpeople, and Sols, and other rulers. I need to practice reading and writing and probably math. There’s so much Ridahne, and time moves so fast. I can’t slow it down even if I wanted to. Is that how you felt, when it became obvious what needed to be done, that there was so much to do and so little time to do it? Did it feel overwhelming?”
It certainly felt overwhelming to Darin right now. She had felt overwhelmed before, when she made the decision to farm the land herself. Those feelings had passed though, once she had the skills necessary to do the job. Would the same thing happen here, in this case? Would Darin fell so overwhelmed until one day she looked around and realized that she hadn’t felt overwhelmed in a long time? That seemed equal parts likely and unlikely and she wasn’t sure which one she wanted it to be. There was a lot that Darin just didn’t know, and she was getting sick and tired of felling that way. There had to be appoint where it leveled out, right?
Darin knew that Ridahne was right. She just didn’t like it. She supposed that she should be grateful that the Sols had decided to be done with Ridahne. That meant she got Ridahne. The Sols honestly didn’t know what they were missing. Though it still didn’t mean that Darin liked them. How had Ridahne been the only one to know what Khaltira was doing? Were the other Sols blind by choice or was the traitor just that good at hiding her crimes? Whatever the answer was Darin wasn’t sure she liked what it said about Azurei culture and laws. She wasn’t sure it was something she wanted The Seed to take into Its Planting. She rubbed at the scar on the palm and back of one of her hands. Maybe Ridahne had a point about law breakers having to be punish.
Suddenly she held up a hand to show Ridahne, “See this?” She laughed a little, “Well, it’s kind of dark so probably not now, but I’m sure you’ve seen it before.” She dropped her hand to her lap to study the old injury as best she could in the dark, “There was a man back home named Phillip. He was a lazy incompetent fool. He was also a bully who was always drunk.” She sighed, “He had this dog named Max. When he was a pup Max was as sweet as could be, but years of training and abuse from Phillip turned him mean. So, Thomas, one of the best men I ever did know even if he is my age, got all us kids together to rescue Max. We bribed a trader in Lively to take him. Well, we weren’t as sneaky as we would have liked. Phillip found out and reported us for theft to the elders. We were a crew and we all lost the privilege of going to the next dance in Lively. The crew leader would get a physical reminder of the crime.” She wrinkled her brow, “It was the first time I asked anyone for help since my father left. I asked all the other crew members save one to lie to the elders. When the elders asked who lead the group Thomas stood to tell the truth. George was the first one to provide a conflicting the story. Then Milla. Then Jess. Then Samuel. Samuel was a terrible liar. That’s when the elders knew which of the two stories was truth, but it was easier to believe the lie, especially when I scoffed at the sheer absurdity of Thomas, Thomas of all people, looking to cause trouble. Of course, Thomas was being noble and self-sacrificing, I mean who did the elders think had caused this much trouble. Who was the only one to ever cause this much trouble? They ran my dominant hand thru with a red-hot poker. They treated it to avoid infection; they were looking to punish me, not torture me. And then Thomas didn’t speak to me for two months. That hurt more than the burn.” She finally turned her attention to Ridahne, “So, I get what you mean when you say that the law has to be follower. Criminals must be punished. What I don’t get now, what I didn’t get then, is why is good considered a crime, just because it conflicts with the law. Why is the law automatically higher than doing what’s right? I know that the law is there to keep order, but sometimes chaos is good.” She shook her head, “I don’t expect an explanation that makes sense from you or anyone. It might be something a little more complicated than a farm girl can understand. I think that because I didn’t understand why getting a victim away from their abuser was less important than theft. I think I will never understand it because I don’t understand how saving an innocent is less important than killing a monster.” Her gaze dropped back down to her hand, “An elder. Nicoli, who’ve I mentioned before, came to my farm a few days later. He told me I had done the right thing. I asked him what thing I had done right. He gently took my burnt hand in mine and said, “You took the fall.” Then he left. Why was there a need to take the fall for a good man trying to do the right thing? Why was there a need to let a good woman trying to do the right thing have just one last conversation with her fiancé? Why will right always be less than the law?” She scoffed, “And I know that you will say that there is a difference between stealing a dog and killing a ruler, but boil it down to its essence oh you warrior who has spent time in the highest courts of Azurei. Think of it not as an Eija or an Eija-Alihn, but as a fisherman’s daughter. Is there a difference between a small right and a big right? Can you really say there is a difference in the abuse of power over others? I am Darin, a famer’s daughter.” She laughed, “I was picked because I am a farmer, soil, sun, water, and seeds. There’s a simplicity there that people seem to be forgetting all across Astra. It’s the simple things I think we need to remember.”
Suddenly she held up a hand to show Ridahne, “See this?” She laughed a little, “Well, it’s kind of dark so probably not now, but I’m sure you’ve seen it before.” She dropped her hand to her lap to study the old injury as best she could in the dark, “There was a man back home named Phillip. He was a lazy incompetent fool. He was also a bully who was always drunk.” She sighed, “He had this dog named Max. When he was a pup Max was as sweet as could be, but years of training and abuse from Phillip turned him mean. So, Thomas, one of the best men I ever did know even if he is my age, got all us kids together to rescue Max. We bribed a trader in Lively to take him. Well, we weren’t as sneaky as we would have liked. Phillip found out and reported us for theft to the elders. We were a crew and we all lost the privilege of going to the next dance in Lively. The crew leader would get a physical reminder of the crime.” She wrinkled her brow, “It was the first time I asked anyone for help since my father left. I asked all the other crew members save one to lie to the elders. When the elders asked who lead the group Thomas stood to tell the truth. George was the first one to provide a conflicting the story. Then Milla. Then Jess. Then Samuel. Samuel was a terrible liar. That’s when the elders knew which of the two stories was truth, but it was easier to believe the lie, especially when I scoffed at the sheer absurdity of Thomas, Thomas of all people, looking to cause trouble. Of course, Thomas was being noble and self-sacrificing, I mean who did the elders think had caused this much trouble. Who was the only one to ever cause this much trouble? They ran my dominant hand thru with a red-hot poker. They treated it to avoid infection; they were looking to punish me, not torture me. And then Thomas didn’t speak to me for two months. That hurt more than the burn.” She finally turned her attention to Ridahne, “So, I get what you mean when you say that the law has to be follower. Criminals must be punished. What I don’t get now, what I didn’t get then, is why is good considered a crime, just because it conflicts with the law. Why is the law automatically higher than doing what’s right? I know that the law is there to keep order, but sometimes chaos is good.” She shook her head, “I don’t expect an explanation that makes sense from you or anyone. It might be something a little more complicated than a farm girl can understand. I think that because I didn’t understand why getting a victim away from their abuser was less important than theft. I think I will never understand it because I don’t understand how saving an innocent is less important than killing a monster.” Her gaze dropped back down to her hand, “An elder. Nicoli, who’ve I mentioned before, came to my farm a few days later. He told me I had done the right thing. I asked him what thing I had done right. He gently took my burnt hand in mine and said, “You took the fall.” Then he left. Why was there a need to take the fall for a good man trying to do the right thing? Why was there a need to let a good woman trying to do the right thing have just one last conversation with her fiancé? Why will right always be less than the law?” She scoffed, “And I know that you will say that there is a difference between stealing a dog and killing a ruler, but boil it down to its essence oh you warrior who has spent time in the highest courts of Azurei. Think of it not as an Eija or an Eija-Alihn, but as a fisherman’s daughter. Is there a difference between a small right and a big right? Can you really say there is a difference in the abuse of power over others? I am Darin, a famer’s daughter.” She laughed, “I was picked because I am a farmer, soil, sun, water, and seeds. There’s a simplicity there that people seem to be forgetting all across Astra. It’s the simple things I think we need to remember.”
That was what Ridahne wanted? To be made aware of her struggles and thoughts? That was all? It was so strange to the human girl who had been raised to be strong, to rely on no one. To have to keep it inside. To solve the problems on her own, and to go for help only when it was something Darin literally couldn’t deal with on her own. Still if that was what Ridahne wanted the human supposed it wouldn’t hurt to at least try. She had a feeling she would fail more than once before she even succeeded once. The instinct to hide any and all emotion that didn’t serve a purpose was far too strong.
Darin nodded as she joined Ridahne on the bed, “I’ll try.” She shrugged, “I’ll probably get it wrong, but I’ll try.” The Seed burned against her thigh in reminder and The Seed-Bearer was quick to remind them both, “I can’t tell you everything, but I’ll try to tell you what I can.”
Then the warrior mentioned her father and Darin suddenly stilled. It wasn’t like Ridahne was wrong that Darin disagreed with her. Martin, son of Gerald by Alice, didn’t have to see what he had done to Darin or to her mother. She was more than willing to let Ridahne look for the man so that wat the human could break his nose. Darin just wasn’t sure she understood why Ridahne was allowed to hate the people that had hurt her while Darin wasn’t allowed to hate the people that had hurt the warrior. Every time Darin brought up or made mention of her dislike of the Sols Ridahne leapt to to their defense. Granted it wasn’t quite the same thing. They were leaders of an entire country and Martin was just on terrible man, but still, didn’t friends hate the people who had hurt their friends? Darin supposed she should ask Ridahne that question given what she had just promised, but she really didn’t want to have yet another fight about the Sols tonight. Darin gave her head a shake. It wasn’t about her.
Darin’s voice was a soft whisper, “Why are you allowed to hate him, he who hurt me, but I’m not allowed to hate those who hurt you?” She sighed, “You always leap to their defense Ridahne, using logic and facts, and it’s not that your logic is wrong. It’s just hate is very rarely logically, and they hurt my friend.” Her already quiet voice got quieter, “At least I think we are friends.” She resumed a louder volume, “Knowingly or unknowingly they harbored a murderer in their midst and instead of admitting their wrong they got rid of you.” She sighed as she twisted her hands together nervously, “I’m not saying you have to hate them. I’m not saying that justice didn’t have to be followed. I’m just saying that if you get to track down Martin in order to do unspeakable things to him, then when we get to Azurei I should get to get at least be snarky to them. Or show I care more about you then them. Or show them that they don’t impress me. Or have their horse throw them at least once, Or something.” She threw up her hands in exasperation, “That’s what friends do right? I’m not sure, but don’t friends get mad at people that hurt their friends even when the friend won’t?” She shifted to halting Azurei, “I love you as my dearest friend. I think you love me too. If you get to fight my battles I should get to fight yours, even if you don’t realize there’s a battle to be fought.”
Darin nodded as she joined Ridahne on the bed, “I’ll try.” She shrugged, “I’ll probably get it wrong, but I’ll try.” The Seed burned against her thigh in reminder and The Seed-Bearer was quick to remind them both, “I can’t tell you everything, but I’ll try to tell you what I can.”
Then the warrior mentioned her father and Darin suddenly stilled. It wasn’t like Ridahne was wrong that Darin disagreed with her. Martin, son of Gerald by Alice, didn’t have to see what he had done to Darin or to her mother. She was more than willing to let Ridahne look for the man so that wat the human could break his nose. Darin just wasn’t sure she understood why Ridahne was allowed to hate the people that had hurt her while Darin wasn’t allowed to hate the people that had hurt the warrior. Every time Darin brought up or made mention of her dislike of the Sols Ridahne leapt to to their defense. Granted it wasn’t quite the same thing. They were leaders of an entire country and Martin was just on terrible man, but still, didn’t friends hate the people who had hurt their friends? Darin supposed she should ask Ridahne that question given what she had just promised, but she really didn’t want to have yet another fight about the Sols tonight. Darin gave her head a shake. It wasn’t about her.
Darin’s voice was a soft whisper, “Why are you allowed to hate him, he who hurt me, but I’m not allowed to hate those who hurt you?” She sighed, “You always leap to their defense Ridahne, using logic and facts, and it’s not that your logic is wrong. It’s just hate is very rarely logically, and they hurt my friend.” Her already quiet voice got quieter, “At least I think we are friends.” She resumed a louder volume, “Knowingly or unknowingly they harbored a murderer in their midst and instead of admitting their wrong they got rid of you.” She sighed as she twisted her hands together nervously, “I’m not saying you have to hate them. I’m not saying that justice didn’t have to be followed. I’m just saying that if you get to track down Martin in order to do unspeakable things to him, then when we get to Azurei I should get to get at least be snarky to them. Or show I care more about you then them. Or show them that they don’t impress me. Or have their horse throw them at least once, Or something.” She threw up her hands in exasperation, “That’s what friends do right? I’m not sure, but don’t friends get mad at people that hurt their friends even when the friend won’t?” She shifted to halting Azurei, “I love you as my dearest friend. I think you love me too. If you get to fight my battles I should get to fight yours, even if you don’t realize there’s a battle to be fought.”
Darin wanted to ask Ridahne to switch back to Common but managed to refrain. If the Azurei felt more comfortable speaking in her native tongue Darin would not begrudge her. She still struggled to follow along. She was just glad Ridahne was speaking slowly. The Tree’s gift wasn’t perfection. It was just a foundation that Darin could only hope she was doing a good job of building on. She still felt like something was lost in translation, because there was no way that Ridahne was asking her to pour out her heart and soul to the warrior. That would certainly be the first time anyone had asked that of her. At least she managed to get Mrixie to leave them alone for most of tomorrow. That was one good thing.
Still, Darin wasn’t completely sure she knew what Ridahne really wanted. She didn’t want to ask again. She wasn’t sure she could ask again. That might just make it seem like she wasn’t paying attention, and the human really trying to pay attention. She thought Ridahne was asking if Darin really trusted her and that was just a ridiculous thing to ask. Darin trusted her more than she trusted anyone else, her mother included. Still it seemed like she hadn’t managed to get that message across. Darin wasn’t sure how. She felt lost in more ways than one and could only hope that she wouldn’t make things worse.
She gave a small shrug, “I do trust you Ridahne. It’s just.” She paused as she thought. The Elf wanted to know why she had run. Darin could try so she restarted after a brief pause, “I saw my future and I didn’t even realize it.” Her laugh was not a good sound, “One day you will die. My mother will die. Thomas and Milla and Talbot and Taja and all my other important people, whoever they were, are, or will be, will die. Then it will be just me, just Darin, alone waiting for the day when I will hand off another Seed to another Seed-Bearer who sees me as some mythical figure only to watch me die right in front of them.” She gave her head a shake, “And that doesn’t scare me, not like being alone for countless centuries does. And I don’t know why that does. It’s always been just me, just Darin. My mother loved me, but even before my father left, she was devoted to him and never had time for me if he was in the room. Thomas and Milla liked me, but couldn’t afford the elders’ ire, and they just hated me. It’s always just been me.” She was dangerously close to be crying, “I’ve always been okay with that. Then I literally fell into your life, and met you, and Mitaja, and Tsura, and you’re incredible, and I trust you, and I love you. I don’t like the thought of being alone again. I don’t like the thought of losing you.” There was another pause and right when it seemed she had nothing to say she whispered, “If you really are asking me to bare you my soul, to show you my ugly,” The tears dripped down her face, “I don’t know how. I’ve never had anyone to practice with. I couldn’t afford to let anyone see my weakness. The elders would use that against me, or I would be a bother to my mother to brush off the moment he showed up or endanger the few who did care.” She hugged her knees closer to her chest, her knuckles white on her legs, “It’s always just been me.” She suddenly got passionate, as she practically leapt from the bed to slide to her knees on the floor next to Ridahne’s bed, “But it’s not about me anymore. It never was about me. It’s not about my fears or hopes or worries. It’s about Astra and doing what’s best for the Children of Astra. I can’t be selfish anymore. So, tell me what you want, what you need, and I will do my best to do it.” Please Ridahne,” She seemed almost desperate, “Please let me make this right.”
Still, Darin wasn’t completely sure she knew what Ridahne really wanted. She didn’t want to ask again. She wasn’t sure she could ask again. That might just make it seem like she wasn’t paying attention, and the human really trying to pay attention. She thought Ridahne was asking if Darin really trusted her and that was just a ridiculous thing to ask. Darin trusted her more than she trusted anyone else, her mother included. Still it seemed like she hadn’t managed to get that message across. Darin wasn’t sure how. She felt lost in more ways than one and could only hope that she wouldn’t make things worse.
She gave a small shrug, “I do trust you Ridahne. It’s just.” She paused as she thought. The Elf wanted to know why she had run. Darin could try so she restarted after a brief pause, “I saw my future and I didn’t even realize it.” Her laugh was not a good sound, “One day you will die. My mother will die. Thomas and Milla and Talbot and Taja and all my other important people, whoever they were, are, or will be, will die. Then it will be just me, just Darin, alone waiting for the day when I will hand off another Seed to another Seed-Bearer who sees me as some mythical figure only to watch me die right in front of them.” She gave her head a shake, “And that doesn’t scare me, not like being alone for countless centuries does. And I don’t know why that does. It’s always been just me, just Darin. My mother loved me, but even before my father left, she was devoted to him and never had time for me if he was in the room. Thomas and Milla liked me, but couldn’t afford the elders’ ire, and they just hated me. It’s always just been me.” She was dangerously close to be crying, “I’ve always been okay with that. Then I literally fell into your life, and met you, and Mitaja, and Tsura, and you’re incredible, and I trust you, and I love you. I don’t like the thought of being alone again. I don’t like the thought of losing you.” There was another pause and right when it seemed she had nothing to say she whispered, “If you really are asking me to bare you my soul, to show you my ugly,” The tears dripped down her face, “I don’t know how. I’ve never had anyone to practice with. I couldn’t afford to let anyone see my weakness. The elders would use that against me, or I would be a bother to my mother to brush off the moment he showed up or endanger the few who did care.” She hugged her knees closer to her chest, her knuckles white on her legs, “It’s always just been me.” She suddenly got passionate, as she practically leapt from the bed to slide to her knees on the floor next to Ridahne’s bed, “But it’s not about me anymore. It never was about me. It’s not about my fears or hopes or worries. It’s about Astra and doing what’s best for the Children of Astra. I can’t be selfish anymore. So, tell me what you want, what you need, and I will do my best to do it.” Please Ridahne,” She seemed almost desperate, “Please let me make this right.”
Darin desperately tried to listen, to hear what Ridahne was saying, rather than just let the words wash over her. Darin just wasn’t sure she understood what Ridahne was saying. Did the Elf think that she didn’t want to be here for the ceremony? That’s what it sounded like. Darin supposed that she couldn’t blame the Azurei for thinking that. She wasn’t sure she understood the bit about vulnerability either. It almost sounded like Ridahne wanted Darin to come crying to her every time she had a crisis of faith. That couldn’t be right, could it? Darin wanted to dart out of the room as she thought this though, but that wasn’t what Ridahne wanted. AS darin thought about she wanted to say she desperately tried to remember that it wasn’t about her, that she couldn’t make excuses, that she needed to be what Ridahne needed her to be. But what was that exactly.
Darin cursed how quiet she sounded, “I was worried that, that, that I would mess it up.” She couldn’t look at RIdahne, “That I would mark somewhere wrong, or, or I would break the needle or drop it or, or something.” She clenched her knees tighter, “But I wanted to be here. I guess I gave up that honor.” She quickly hurried on as her voice got a little bit louder, “Not that I blame you. It’s your choice.” Her volume dropped again, “I guess I should have told you my fears.” Her hands moved from her legs to clutch her skull and hair, “I just don’t understand what you mean when you say I don’t give in return.” Her voice broke, “I thought I was. I don’t understand. I thought I was a decent partner.” She didn’t want to cry, “But I guess I don’t know what it means to be a friend.”
Darin was trying, at least she thought she was trying. She guessed she wasn’t as being giving as much as she thought. She had never had a friend before. Well, that wasn’t exactly true. Milla and Thomas were her friends, kind of. They didn’t hate her. Did animals count? Somehow Darin didn’t think so. She also didn’t think that she could be friends with Ridahne the same way she was friends with Thomas and Milla. They didn’t “bare souls” to each other. It was more like Thomas convincing Rolland to let her borrow Heath in exchange for apple pie and rescuing abused dogs together. For as long as Darin could remember, even before her father left, Darin didn’t show vulnerability. She had also dealt with her emotions herself. It made her less of a bother. It made her less of a target. What did Ridahne mean?
She was still struggling not to cry, “I don’t.” She paused to consider her words, this wasn’t about her, “What do you need from me? How do I make this right? Talk to me like I’ve.” She cut that off too, it wasn’t about her, “Please. How do I make this right? What do you mean?”
Once again Darin was struck by the difference in the lives, they had led. Darin wasn’t a warrior, but she had a home to go to if she needed to. Ridahne had no real home to return to, but she could survive on the road by herself. Darin could farm. Ridahne could read and write and use a quill with ease. Ridahne had a brother, and a man who loved her. She had probably even had friends and partners before she did what needed to be done. She had had people to confide in. For Darien it had just been, well it had just been her. There was Thomas and Milla, sure, but there was only so much they could do for the village outcast without drawing the ire of the village elders on themselves. Darin had been trying to follow the model of friendship she had seen others have, but clearly, she was failing. She wanted to do better, but it seemed like Ridahne was going to be a whole lot simpler when saying what she wanted. If the warrior said it Darin would try to do it.
Darin cursed how quiet she sounded, “I was worried that, that, that I would mess it up.” She couldn’t look at RIdahne, “That I would mark somewhere wrong, or, or I would break the needle or drop it or, or something.” She clenched her knees tighter, “But I wanted to be here. I guess I gave up that honor.” She quickly hurried on as her voice got a little bit louder, “Not that I blame you. It’s your choice.” Her volume dropped again, “I guess I should have told you my fears.” Her hands moved from her legs to clutch her skull and hair, “I just don’t understand what you mean when you say I don’t give in return.” Her voice broke, “I thought I was. I don’t understand. I thought I was a decent partner.” She didn’t want to cry, “But I guess I don’t know what it means to be a friend.”
Darin was trying, at least she thought she was trying. She guessed she wasn’t as being giving as much as she thought. She had never had a friend before. Well, that wasn’t exactly true. Milla and Thomas were her friends, kind of. They didn’t hate her. Did animals count? Somehow Darin didn’t think so. She also didn’t think that she could be friends with Ridahne the same way she was friends with Thomas and Milla. They didn’t “bare souls” to each other. It was more like Thomas convincing Rolland to let her borrow Heath in exchange for apple pie and rescuing abused dogs together. For as long as Darin could remember, even before her father left, Darin didn’t show vulnerability. She had also dealt with her emotions herself. It made her less of a bother. It made her less of a target. What did Ridahne mean?
She was still struggling not to cry, “I don’t.” She paused to consider her words, this wasn’t about her, “What do you need from me? How do I make this right? Talk to me like I’ve.” She cut that off too, it wasn’t about her, “Please. How do I make this right? What do you mean?”
Once again Darin was struck by the difference in the lives, they had led. Darin wasn’t a warrior, but she had a home to go to if she needed to. Ridahne had no real home to return to, but she could survive on the road by herself. Darin could farm. Ridahne could read and write and use a quill with ease. Ridahne had a brother, and a man who loved her. She had probably even had friends and partners before she did what needed to be done. She had had people to confide in. For Darien it had just been, well it had just been her. There was Thomas and Milla, sure, but there was only so much they could do for the village outcast without drawing the ire of the village elders on themselves. Darin had been trying to follow the model of friendship she had seen others have, but clearly, she was failing. She wanted to do better, but it seemed like Ridahne was going to be a whole lot simpler when saying what she wanted. If the warrior said it Darin would try to do it.
Darin finally gathered the courage to reenter the inn. It was later than she would like. The tattoo probably wouldn’t happen tonight. Still, she ignored both Ulice and Mrixie as they called out to her. She had already screwed up already. She wasn’t screwing up again. She needed to explain herself to Ridahne before she explained herself to anyone else. Hopefully the warrior would understand. It may not be easy, but she loved Ridahne and couldn’t help but hope that she was loved in return. Was that too much to ask for? Was it too much to hope for? Darin wasn’t sure. She found herself hoping anyways.
As soon as she swung open the door to the room her nose was met with a smell that she knew intimately. It was the balm that RIdahne used to treat the human’s dozens on injuries as they occurred. Was Ridahne okay? Darin hoped so. She took a few steps into the dark room to see the warrior tossing fitfully in bed. The uloia’s reflection in the small mirror, the smell of blood in the air, the burned down candles, were the final clues that Darin needed to understand what had happened tonight. Her hand quickly flew to her mouth to muffle the choked sob. Her mouth tasted awful and had nothing to do with her being sick. She couldn’t be mad. She wasn’t allowed to be mad. It was her fault, her fault. It was always her fault. Why couldn’t ever get it right?
Without another word or sound she left the room again. Try as she might Darin couldn’t get the tears to stop. She couldn’t cry here. She wasn’t allowed to cry at all, but if she was going to cry, she wasn’t going to disturb Ridahne. She headed back down to the man room and out the door. This time she wasn’t fast enough to avoid being followed. Mrixie called after her, but she ignored it. She didn’t know where she was going. She didn’t care that this was the second time in one night that she had run off. She couldn’t help but flash back to the first few nights they had traveled together. She couldn’t help but flashback to the first few nights after Martin had left. Why was it that she was too much of a coward to face her loved ones?
Finally, Mrixie would be ignored no longer so he grabbed her arm, “Slow down Martian! And talk to me.”
Darin yanked out of his grip as she suddenly turned to rage, “Don’t call me that!” The trees started shaking in response to her anger and she snapped at them, “Oh behave! You don’t have to follow my lead for every stupid thing!”
Mrixie’s experience helped him remain calm, “Just because it has you upset doesn’t mean it’s stupid. What’s wrong?”
Her anger was no longer fire, but it wasn’t gone either, “Go away, and take Ulice with you.”
He responded, “We have a job to do.”
There was the rage again, “WHAT JOB!” She gestured vaguely at the direction of the inn, “Is it to make Ridahne feel untrusted? Is it to crowd her? Why are you here?”
Mrixie seemed to not want to blink, “It’s not about her. It’s about you.”
Darin scoffed, “It’s not about me. It’s never been about me! It never will be about me! It’s about so much more than me!”
Why had it taken her so long to figure that out? Why had she let it take so long? She had taken so long that she may have hurt Ridahne. Ridahne might be mad at her and Darin didn’t know if she could bear the thought of that. She wanted to scream and rage. Luckily the trees weren’t doing it for her. Was there a way to make this right? Would an apology be sufficient? Somehow Darin didn’t think so. She had inadvertently made light of one of Ridahne’s most sacred rituals. There was no going back from that. Why had she let it take so long? Why was she such an idiot? No! It wasn’t about her. She needed to figure out how to make this up to Ridahne. Getting rid of the shadows the warrior didn’t seem to want seemed like a good start.
Mrixie’s eyes had gone wide with horror, “I’m not sure I like the way you said that.” He reached out for her again only to drop his hand when she flinched away, “There’s a difference between selflessness and destructive self-sacrifice. You can’t fill cups if your own is empty.”
Darin repeated herself while looking at anywhere but the older man that genuinely seemed to care, “Go away, and take Ulice with you.”
Mrixie let disappointed sigh, “Very well.” He bowed a bow Darin didn’t recognize, “I will return. Perhaps late tomorrow.”
Then he was gone. Darin was left alone, unsure what she should do. She didn’t want to go back to the inn, back to her mistake, but she didn’t want to worry Ridahne either. In the end she slowly made her way back to where she belonged. She could deal with it. She couldn’t keep just running off. It wasn’t about her. She needed to remember that. She couldn’t afford to let her selfishness get in the way again. If she couldn’t even remember that in regard to Ridahne, how was she going to remember it in regards to the Children of Astra. She took off her boots as entered the inn. Hopefully Ridahne had fallen into a deeper sleep, and Darin didn’t want to wake her. She sat on the bed with her knees bent and her arms wrapped around them. There had to be a way to make this right. She just had to think of it, and she was going to figure it out, before she sought the peace of rest.
As soon as she swung open the door to the room her nose was met with a smell that she knew intimately. It was the balm that RIdahne used to treat the human’s dozens on injuries as they occurred. Was Ridahne okay? Darin hoped so. She took a few steps into the dark room to see the warrior tossing fitfully in bed. The uloia’s reflection in the small mirror, the smell of blood in the air, the burned down candles, were the final clues that Darin needed to understand what had happened tonight. Her hand quickly flew to her mouth to muffle the choked sob. Her mouth tasted awful and had nothing to do with her being sick. She couldn’t be mad. She wasn’t allowed to be mad. It was her fault, her fault. It was always her fault. Why couldn’t ever get it right?
Without another word or sound she left the room again. Try as she might Darin couldn’t get the tears to stop. She couldn’t cry here. She wasn’t allowed to cry at all, but if she was going to cry, she wasn’t going to disturb Ridahne. She headed back down to the man room and out the door. This time she wasn’t fast enough to avoid being followed. Mrixie called after her, but she ignored it. She didn’t know where she was going. She didn’t care that this was the second time in one night that she had run off. She couldn’t help but flash back to the first few nights they had traveled together. She couldn’t help but flashback to the first few nights after Martin had left. Why was it that she was too much of a coward to face her loved ones?
Finally, Mrixie would be ignored no longer so he grabbed her arm, “Slow down Martian! And talk to me.”
Darin yanked out of his grip as she suddenly turned to rage, “Don’t call me that!” The trees started shaking in response to her anger and she snapped at them, “Oh behave! You don’t have to follow my lead for every stupid thing!”
Mrixie’s experience helped him remain calm, “Just because it has you upset doesn’t mean it’s stupid. What’s wrong?”
Her anger was no longer fire, but it wasn’t gone either, “Go away, and take Ulice with you.”
He responded, “We have a job to do.”
There was the rage again, “WHAT JOB!” She gestured vaguely at the direction of the inn, “Is it to make Ridahne feel untrusted? Is it to crowd her? Why are you here?”
Mrixie seemed to not want to blink, “It’s not about her. It’s about you.”
Darin scoffed, “It’s not about me. It’s never been about me! It never will be about me! It’s about so much more than me!”
Why had it taken her so long to figure that out? Why had she let it take so long? She had taken so long that she may have hurt Ridahne. Ridahne might be mad at her and Darin didn’t know if she could bear the thought of that. She wanted to scream and rage. Luckily the trees weren’t doing it for her. Was there a way to make this right? Would an apology be sufficient? Somehow Darin didn’t think so. She had inadvertently made light of one of Ridahne’s most sacred rituals. There was no going back from that. Why had she let it take so long? Why was she such an idiot? No! It wasn’t about her. She needed to figure out how to make this up to Ridahne. Getting rid of the shadows the warrior didn’t seem to want seemed like a good start.
Mrixie’s eyes had gone wide with horror, “I’m not sure I like the way you said that.” He reached out for her again only to drop his hand when she flinched away, “There’s a difference between selflessness and destructive self-sacrifice. You can’t fill cups if your own is empty.”
Darin repeated herself while looking at anywhere but the older man that genuinely seemed to care, “Go away, and take Ulice with you.”
Mrixie let disappointed sigh, “Very well.” He bowed a bow Darin didn’t recognize, “I will return. Perhaps late tomorrow.”
Then he was gone. Darin was left alone, unsure what she should do. She didn’t want to go back to the inn, back to her mistake, but she didn’t want to worry Ridahne either. In the end she slowly made her way back to where she belonged. She could deal with it. She couldn’t keep just running off. It wasn’t about her. She needed to remember that. She couldn’t afford to let her selfishness get in the way again. If she couldn’t even remember that in regard to Ridahne, how was she going to remember it in regards to the Children of Astra. She took off her boots as entered the inn. Hopefully Ridahne had fallen into a deeper sleep, and Darin didn’t want to wake her. She sat on the bed with her knees bent and her arms wrapped around them. There had to be a way to make this right. She just had to think of it, and she was going to figure it out, before she sought the peace of rest.
© 2007-2024