Her sigh came on the heels of his own defeat. It only augmented the sensation of being lost and out of his depth. Caught too long in the sun. Never before had he wished so strenuously to ‘just be dreaming.’ Never had he thought that might not be the perfect solution. Or that it could be used against him. He, or she, was dreaming now, and look what it won them. Should she wake up now, Curdle was almost certain he would vanish like the mist that came from the sea.
So, when her first words were of the sort that might follow a casual introduction between equals, he could only blink at her. Surprised by the reminder that they did not know each other. Pleased to…? She did not sound it. Somehow, he could not believe that calm tone hid any pleasure. Yet he could not begrudge her tradition or the lie, he was the intruder here. Her name, however, made him smile. A slight shift in his expression, barely visible beneath his beard, though it lightened his gaze briefly. Miria. A pretty name. It suited her well.
In the midst of his fear, her calm and quiet bearing, though perhaps unfriendly, grounded the Jinni. Her attention and clipped questions gave him something immediate upon which to focus, and stole away the thoughts that were swirling through his head. Of death and dying. Of failure. Of red, red walls. Here and now was not a moment for himself. Questions were asked. Answers must be given, no matter how mundane.
“It was tradition, Miria messi, among Sherahd’s guard.” A tradition that may or may not have still existed. It had been some years since he’d been to that city by the sea. Renna had not held to the same ideas, but he remembered other cities from their journey there. “A second name marks ten years in service. My brother was Burden, another was Pox. “
Of course, it was both badge and blemish, as the nicknames were meant to keep their fellow Jinn humble. As a Jinni, ten years was not so long a time, but Sherahd was not as forgiving a city as Renna. Insult and caution notwithstanding, he’d worn the name through many more years, over forty, until he came to connect it with both the belittlement of the humans above him, and the strength of the Jinn around him. It had been almost second nature to introduce himself as such when Fiira had asked him for a name. But he’d paused before the sound emerged, so that he could not say he’d done it without thinking. He had been jealous of his position, having proved his worth. Angry at being tied to a girl younger than his daughter. Afraid of losing his family.
When he gave it to her, it had been with all the rancor of a man uprooted from his very life. And it had taken a long time for him to see that she was not so different, or powerful. An ignorance he’d held onto. One that left them both lonely strangers when they might have taken comfort in being from the same city, if nothing else. In the end, neither had remained turned away.
At her second question, he inclined his body towards her, respecting a well-placed guess. “I was, messi, for sixty-three years.”
Almost, he left it there. It was answer enough, wasn’t it? And wiser, to only agree with the one who held all the power. Curdle had learned that art well over the years. But he paused too soon after he finished speaking for it to go unnoticed, and stayed uncertain as to how important it was that she place him accurately. He could not let the silence grow too long, however, without risking upset. So, he took a breath before adding, grey eyes still averted. “This Jinni was her brideprice and dowry.”
Though uncommon, the practice was not as rare as the awkward arrangement might have sounded. But it gave much away about the state of affairs into which he’d been bound, and he hesitated to make such a revelation lightly as it meant he was demeaning her family. While he felt no great compunction to maintain their reputation before this woman, he did not want her to think ill of the girl he had come to know. Nor, it was true, was he sure she would not take offense at the implied criticism from a bound servant.
But Lady Fiira had been bought and sold for a symbol of status her family could not afford to keep. It was fact.
In the contract, the Leres family won high reputation, a monopoly, and a son. In practice, they handed over the reins of their salt trade operation and opened the city gates to a much stronger, higher ranked family. They had regained their wealth, but lost their independence. Still, the man now in charge was the Lady Fiira’s son. And the last Curdle had heard, he traded up and down the coast with a fleet large enough to rival the waves. But he had the Gerun name, and the Leres were all dead.
As much as his statement revealed about Lady Fiira’s family affairs, it said only a little about himself unless Miria knew the other woman’s history. At the very least, it revealed that he was meant to serve more than the one he’d been bound to. Though whether or not he had depended solely on Fiira’s whims once he swore his oath to her. He had only been wanting to say that he’d been more than bodyguard, without belittling the position or correcting her assumption too directly.
Instead, with his mind still wavering from the shock, he’d managed to compromise his master’s ancestors with so few words it was shameful. And as the realization struck him in increments, Curdle winced as if caught in slow motion. Eyes briefly widening before his eyelids came together, pressing tight shut. Shoulders curling up and in as he leaned back on his heels. Lips thinning. Breath caught. Fingers creaking into fists ready to deliver his own recrimination.
He had forgotten his own rule. Think before you speak.