@Eklispe@Joshua Tamashii There we go. Nicely posted, both of you. I did originally intend to post a bit quicker, but heh.
@Rune_Alchemist Yupp. Nicely posted. Now, then. Here you can tell me to simply post the rest of the introduction, or do something spontaneous if you so feel like. Heh.
@Dusksong Yupp. Nicely posted. I like it. Now, here's... this, heh. I don't think I got to properly show what reasons Kalmia had to not give Oaken a Pokédex last time, hah.
Cacnea stared as Atlas came out, stared at the steel-type…
Then like lifted its arms up and smiled a creepy little smile up at Dawkin.
‘Cacnea?’ “Parley?” … It had realized it basically stood no chance of winning. However, as the cactus still wouldn’t be letting itself be captured by talking a battle still would take place if Dawkin wanted the cactus.
Two headbutts would do nicely, as Cacnea was trying to Leech Seed Atlas back but it wasn’t going very well. It tried to Absorb, which would have done more damage but Atlas’ Steel-type prevented it from doing so. Atlas took a bit of damage, but ultimately could decrease the opponent’s health enough for Dawkin to throw a Pokéball. The ball impacted the cactus, and the Pokémon was taken inside the ball which then fell down on the ground.
It shook once. It shook twice…!
… It shook thrice.
click
Dawkin caught Cacnea!
Gender: ♀ Type: Grass Personality: (Up to player.) Quirks/Talents/Aspirations/Other: (Up to player.) Level: 11 Moves: Poison Sting, Leer, Absorb, Growth, Leech Seed Ability: Water Absorb. Contact with water restores health, including water from any Water-type moves. Held Item: None.
Currently at about 14% health.
New Pokémon caught! Dawkin earned 1250 P!
Would you like to give a nickname to Cacnea?
With that done, Dawkin and Amelia could continue.
Current Condition; Mostly Clear, slightly windy - There’s a swirl in the winds, throwing the occasional sand into the air. It might grow more intense, it might cool down. Only the future will tell. The usual sandstorm blows over the path to the Mystic Oasis…
1. Find Pokémon. Can be specified what kind of Pokémon is being searched for, and how you search. 2. Train Pokémon. With this command, we can jump ahead in time and skip posting about grinding. 3. Seek trainers. There are miners and the occasional archaeologist around here to potentially seek out. 4. Talk. They can also just be chatted to! 5. Move along. Move along normally, letting any events that may come happen naturally. 6. Hurry along. Intentionally avoid confrontations and try to get safely to the next destination. 7. Specify. If you specify what you want to do, the GM will take it into account and tell the result. 8. Trigger random event. Force the GM to use his imagination to make a scenario for you. 9. Area Specific; Delve into the Sandstorm. If you think you’re prepared!
Connected areas: Raremine Town. Behind you. Desert Mines. What Raremine Town stands here for! These mountains are filled with dough!. Old Tombs. Across the desert, an old and chilling place awaits those who wants to visit… Mystic Oasis. Somewhere within that sandstorm, that is.
Common: #331 Cacnea #551 Sandile #554 Darumaka
Uncommon:
Rare:
Amelia wouldn't be getting any more information than was described from the previous post from here. Though, she could very clearly tell where the tombs they were seeking were located.
Zeal was evolved, and ready to show off his new moves…!
Unfortunately, Whimsicott is a frickin’ speed demon, flying forth at a magnificent pace and got off Stun Spore before Zeal had gotten off his taunt, paralyzing him. Then, it became a Gust VS Ember battle between two basically equal Pokémon, both recently evolved, Zeal’s lower Special Defense countered by that Whimsicott lacked a Flying-type. However, paralyzation kept Zeal from acting out first and halted his movement at one point, resulting in that Whimsicott won the overall battle. Zeal fainted.
Ralia came out. Whimsicott was still taunted, so it went for Mega Drain. First it hit, healing itself somewhat before Ralia could get her Double Team up. Next move, Whimsicott targeted the wrong clone, so Ralia got off a Confusion. Whimsicott located the correct Ralia, and hit with a Mega Drain, but then Ralia teleported and Whimsicott had no idea where she went. It made a futile attempt to keep Mega Draining but couldn’t find the real one before being Confusioned to defeat.
Ralia grew to level 15!
Against Lombre, Ritz came out. On average, Lombre’s Bubble is its most powerful move, so Daisy set to spamming that. However, that unwittingly played against Ritz excellent Special Defense, meaning he was free to set up his barriers with ease. After that, Lombre did frustratingly little damage, and Ritz Comet Punched Lombre on and on, and Ritz got lucky in the number of punches he delivered. Ultimately, while it damaged Ritz heavily, he took down Lombre on his own.
Claire is victorious! Claire gained 356P!
‘Oh, wow. I lost, but I got to see a young trainer grow stronger right before my eyes. That’s the idea of gyms, is it not? I’m strangely happy. Maybe this is my calling? … Tihi. Okay, that aside. You’re free to go on!’ Daisy said, a smile on her lips.
Then, after she went to heal, Butler Ramsey stood ready for her.
Ritz VS Skiddo. Ritz got himself Leech Seeded and Tail Whipped, but the barriers were up. Since Razor Leaf would be laughable against a Ledyba, Skiddo went Tackling. This time Ritz didn’t quite get in as many punches using Comet Punch, most of it got healed by Leech Seed, and Ritz found himself too hurt to continue on. Claire switched to Del. Del Hardened twice as Skiddo seeded him too with Leech Seed, but then Poison Sting was far more effective than what Ritz’s Comet Punches had been, poisoning the target on the second try. While Tackle + Leech Seed took a decent chunk out of Del’s health, he still stood victorious over Skiddo.
Del grew to level 13! Del learned Focus Energy!
Del VS Leafeon. Del was still Leech Seeded, but managed to counter that by immediately stinging and poisoning Leafeon through the Sand Attack. Leech Seed plus Leafeon’s Quick Attacks meant Del would have his health depleted first, and as such Claire switched to Lure. Lure may have found her opponent frustratingly powerful, as Quick Attack was really strong, but through biting and gusting and poison Lure still managed to finish the job.
Finally, Ralia VS Nuzleaf. Ramsey who knows his types better than the GM has Nuzleaf Fake Out shoot itself up in Ralia’s face before she can Double Team, causing her to flinch and getting Nuzleaf into close combat. She still managed to Double Team after, but Nuzleaf was good at following her movements. She still got off two Disarming Voices, damaging Nuzleaf considerably, but Nuzleaf was overall the more powerful Pokémon and Ralia had to switch out. Then came Lure. Nuzleaf tried to Pound. Lure was probably immensely unimpressed and Bug Bit the heavily damaged Grass/Dark Pokémon to oblivion.
Lure grew to level 14!
Claire is victorious! Claire gained 510P!
‘Well done, young trainer. Come, Master Archie’s this way,’ Ramsey said, bowing briefly before (after Claire got to heal) guiding Claire up the stairs…
She arrived at a great platform, gazing out over a sea of trees.
The sun glares down viciously over the woodland region that is the Stillwood Forest. The trees stretch high, crowding to pick up every bit of sunlight there was. Under the treeline it was as if the sun didn’t even exist, but up here, above the trees that served as the roof of Stillwood Village, the powerful rays stung against the skin…
The landscape is under the effect of Harsh Sunlight!
Claire stood on top of another platform, larger than the one she had previously been fighting on, entirely created out of wood. Ramsey dutifully closed a hatch they had come out from, rendering the path down invisible and rendering the sunlit platform surveying the sea of trees stretching in all directions one from which there was no visible escape. Ramsey wandered to the edge of the platform…
There. Movement. A young boy was playing with a number of stray Hoppips and Skiplooms. He was laughing, running… he was running on top of the trees as if it was a floor, absolute confidence he would not be falling through down towards a long drop down to Stillwood Village. As if the crowns of the trees were as reliable as the earth itself, he ran without a worry, laughing so happily, a green cape with green flowers on it blowing after the teal-haired young child…
‘Master Archie,’ the butler called from a distance. The boy didn’t seem to hear him. ‘Master Archie!’ the butler tried again, raising his voice as gently as he could.
Here’s a room for Claire to do something spontaneous if she feels like. Or just tell the GM to move on. That works too.
The boy eventually heard the butler’s calls. Waving a bit to his Pokémon friends, he dashed over, running effortlessly on top of the trees below. Finally he arrived at the platform, leaping high into the air above the edge and landing before Claire and Ramsey. He looked over her with a wide, innocent smile and eyes which felt slightly unfocused
‘Hiii…! Oooh, you look like fire. Red and fierce like fire. I bet I’m facing a fire-type. Hahahahaha…!’ So the young boy said with a tone that was a cross between excitement and a daze, starting to half-prance around Claire to get a look at her.
‘Young master, I will remind you of what your mother have told you about manners,’ Ramsey said in a tone that one would use to a young boy that has forgotten something, walking to stand on Archie’s side of the arena.
‘Oh, yeah.’ The boy came to a stop before Claire. He did a small dramatic bow, before smiling to Claire once again, eyes still unfocused as he looked at her. ‘I am Archie, Gym Leader of Stillwood Village! I run around in woods and stuff, places where no human other than I wanders, and there I meet some really cool Pokémon! The adults are all super-impressed, but it just comes naturally to me! Hahahahahaha…!’ The young boy laughed slightly creepily as he took out a Pokéball and stumbled back from Claire.
‘Soooo…’ He smiled, a slightly disturbing smile on a far too innocent yet dazed-seeming child. ‘Under this sun… a lot of Grass-Pokémon grow strong. My flowers bloom the mightiest under the blazing sunlight. But you look like fire, fire grows really strong too, fanned fiercely by the intense heat. Your fire, my flowers. Under this sun, which will grow the strongest? Will your fire be fumed into an intense inferno and overwhelm me? Will the sunlight be absorbed into my flowers and your fire extinguished under their weight?’ Archie smiled so widely. Ramsey now stood to Archie’s immediate right.
‘You use six Pokémon. I use three. Don’t worry about any tricky secondary types, all my Pokémon are pure Grass-types. Despite that, most newcomers never get by my first Pokémon. You’re not supposed to beat me on the first go. Learn from this battle, make up a plan, then come back and beat me, if you can. Hahahaha. Good luck~’
‘GO,’ Archie began, but in the middle of his exaggerated throwing motion Ramsey suddenly extremely deftly snapped the Pokéball from Archie’s hand, depositing in his pocket, and then put a new Pokéball back into Archie’s hand before Archie threw it, Ramsey now standing like nothing had happened at Archie’s side as the young Gym Leader went through with throwing the Pokéball without even a pause or seemingly noticing. ‘LILLIGIANT!’
The ball opened with a blast of light, and a form… a form took shape. Humanoid shape with a green flower dress and a beautiful flower on its head, limbs and clothes of leafs and a crown adorned in the midst of the flower, stood before Claire… except it towered above her. It was easily five meters high, more than twice the height of any normal human, probably more than thrice as high as Claire. This was not the natural size of this Pokémon. It was positively massive, beaming out and looking so happy in the blazing sun…
‘LILLIGANT~!’
Though the Pokédex showed…
Pokédex Entry #549 – Lilligant, the Flowering Pokémon. Famed for its most beautiful flower that will wither and rot if not given constant care. It is a symbol of status to have a thriving Lilligant with a blooming flower. Despite this, it is famously the most beautiful when it blooms in the wild. The fragrance of the garland on its head has a relaxing effect.
The flower most assuredly bloomed…
‘Hahahahaha… The Gym Challenge… has started~!’ Archie smiled knowingly on the other side of the giant Lilligant, the “Lilligiant” as Archie had called her. The next move was Claire’s.
Oaken looked to Eryn as she spoke about lecturing her instead of her Pokémon. He didn’t reply, instead refocusing on what was happening in the battle.
Skorupi missed a Knock-Off because of fear of Dei’s tail, when then the flaming tail hit Skorupi in the face.
'SKROOOOP!' Skorupi yelled out and reversed direction, running away and back behind Oaken before tripping and rolling a few times. It did, however, get back on its feet and scramble a bit in panic. Oaken wasn’t even watching, but he crossed his arms.
'Hmpf, very well. I commend your intuitive battle tactics when all odds were against you. However, as swinging the tail onto your opponent is not an actual Pokémon move, it will merely do superficial damage at best. You cannot win with that move alone. Eventually, Skorpi will get over his fears, and then the battle will be over…'
So he said, but at that time the scorpion came tumbling at his side, looking rather wingly.
'Skor… rup…'
Skorupi has confused itself!
It walked a couple of steps towards Dei, but then tried to Knock-Off way too early, swinging about and falling harshly onto its back over its tail, smacking its face into the asphalt.
Skorpi hurt itself in its confusion!
'… Ugh,' Oaken made a noise, and managed to make a neutral expression look like all of existence had collaborated to make his life nothing but pain. Skorupi scrambled to try to get back on its feet.
'Knock-Off… whenever you can…' Oaken lazily waved his hand, trying to convey the rough idea of the plan. Skorupi was not entirely in a state to respond.
@BrokenPromise Not so much that I'm confused and more that I have made the active decision to call everyone with an obviously female avatar for "she", heh.
Alright. That could have been done with a little bit more fanfare,
CONGRATULATIONS TO @SILVER, WINNER OF RPGC #19 WITH HIS ENTRY, BATTEN VALLEY
Your achievement will now be recorded into the Grimoires of Legend, where it shall be eternally remembered.
Runner-Up, Sunday by @Exit. Well done!
or something, but anyways. Nicely done, Silver.
I’ll go ahead and reply to those that reviewed my entry.
Fairies against machines. Great idea. I loved reading their struggle with the strange technology and how they did their best to make sure they couldn’t conquer other worlds as well. Overall the story is well paced and I’m glad they had a happy ending (for now). I’m sure nature will recover so they’ll have new forests to play in <3
Teh-heh. I’m happy you enjoyed it. And yes, with time, nature will recover. The rather long winter needs to end first, but yes.
Okay, I absolutely loved this one. I will be immensely surprised, reading on, if this isn’t the most original entry in the contest. The prompt called for a tale about vicious machines, and with the futuristic direction you took it in, I was happily surprised to find that the protagonists came from the absolute opposite end of the genre spectrum.
I’ve never seen fairies and omnipotent robot overlords clash on paper, outside of particularly ambitious and eccentric D&D campaigns. What’s more, you took the time to flesh the concept out to its full potential by adding other mythical populations, delineating the fairies’ powers and weaknesses, and exploring the interactions between the supernatural world and the digital. You did so with charismatic characters, an optimistic tone, and fairly consistent plot movement from beginning to end. Well done!
There were a few typos here and there and at some times the level of intelligence in dialogue seemed to oscillate, but those are forgivable sins in the context of your creativity. I’m truly impressed.
I dunno about originality, two other entries also went the fantasy route, heh. Anyways. I’m really happy you think so. That middle paragraph there is a wonder for me to read. Thank you!
*googles what “oscillate” means*
I will start this by saying, you got a close second from me.
Fairies pitted against Machine is a wonderful take on an age old theme that's been taken to it's extreme: Nature vs Man. Man in this instance is already gone but what they left behind is still plaguing the earth, thankfully we've got an army of fairies to clean up our mess.
The story manages to be fun and somehow carefree despite what's going on in their world. I'd lend that to the personalities you've successfully given to your main characters. It's a tricky thing at times to work with multiple characters and preserve their individuality but you've done a wonderful job here and it's this individuality that becomes the hero in this story. There's a bright contrast between the machines who follow the same mundane patterns and those playful machinations of Rochus, Inga, Signy and Bui (I like the names by the way). They each have their own voice. Each want to tackle a problem in their own way. Each shine independently.
I also like the way you've maintained and even had them acknowledge the childlike nature they have. It's clear when they become frustrated or when they're trying to explain something they don't really understand.
Nice blend of fantasy and fairy lore. Human's can't see magic so neither should their creations. Iron is harmful. Dogs are a threat and once upon a time, children were kidnapped.
The only negative here being Bui's ability to create a soul... which seems like a Deus Ex Machina. Although I have to credit you with the way they delivered that specific payload. I like consistency and an ending that makes sense. Despite Bui's sudden ability to create an entire soul, you maintained the machine's ability to 'backup' or learn and defend themselves against a new threat, cementing the fact that they had one use... until they discovered the ships. What followed was perfectly believable and left me with a satisfactory ending.
Teh-heh. An army of fairies cleaning up mankind’s mess is an amusing way to put it. I’m happy the characters came across as I wanted them to, that’s like, wonderful. I did some research into ancient germanic names for their names, that’s the origin of fairies, right? … Then I just took some liberties to make the names shorter and fairy-like, because those ancient germanic names are usually long and unpronounceable. XD … And yupp. Fairy-lore is nice. I regret I didn’t have much time to do further research into the subject, I had to go from the things I already knew from other medias.
And… yeah, that was a Deus Ex Machina. I had the problem that I had no idea how to make my fairies actually win against the machines. I really wanted to come up with a sensible way for them to win, but the problem was that any method they’d use the machines would be able to counter with intelligence and redundancy, not to mention the established cold iron shrapnel bombs made a direct attack at the machines suicidal. I had written myself into a bit of a corner there. Had to turn to some good old game-winning magic there. That said, as you noted, I ensured that despite receiving the Deus Ex Machina, they still had to work to employ it. I’m happy I wrote that well enough to give a satisfactory ending.
Thank you so very much!
I can appreciate an attempt to throw the reader into the thick of the story, but the opening felt rushed. A better start probably would have been jumping to the faeries flying inside the robot and then remarking on that information through dialog or narration.
There were also an excessive amount of commas during certain passages. Take this one for example.
‘C’mon!’ Inga shouted as she drifted in front of him, drifting through this tiny tube of cooling fluid intake with her pink wings fluttering. Rochus frowned a little, annoyed that she had called him as if he wasn’t already intending on following, but nonetheless followed after. Behind them, Signy followed with doubt in her eyes, but still intending to help them out.
Most of the sentences in here could benefit from replacing a comma with a period and rephrasing the newly created sentence. It's not wholly incorrect, it's just the information could be made more clear if it came across like so.
‘C’mon!’ Inga shouted as she drifted in front of Rochus. Her pink wings fluttered as she drifted through a cooling fluid intake tube. Rochus frowned in response. He was annoyed that she had called him as if he wasn’t already following her. He followed after her regardless. Behind him, Signy followed with doubt in her eyes. Despite the look on her face, she intended to help them regardless of what hardship they faced.
This is not the only way to do it, and I don't even think it's the best way. But you can see how ajusting the order of the information makes the scene easier to follow. That was really my most pressing concerns grammatically speaking.
The faeries were interesting characters to contend with the menacing, non-magical machines. I did enjoy reading about their childish antics and you did give them each different personalities. The arms race between the mythical creatures and the robots that were trying to fairy proof themselves was also an interesting plot point. I was a bit thrown off by the inclusion of other mythical races and why they hadn't been wiped out by such severe radiation poisoning. I also thought it was a bit weird that the robots had these central servers that nobody thought about attacking until they discovered how to do soul magic. Not your best work, but an entertaining read. Great name for the story, by the way.
I’m having trouble seeing the difference between flying into a great machine and working on destroying it and flying into a robot. Anyway, I wanted to showcase the three of them talking somehow, so discussing how to sabotage a factory felt reasonable, heh. But, noted.
I am aware I occasionally use too many commas. I’m working on it. I just need to format the sentences in such a way that fewer commas are needed. That said, I do like my paragraph more than I like the example one you gave, too many dots like that for sentences that are interconnected feels like it interrupts the flow. I do know it’s a problem, but I’ll see how I handle it.
I kind of imagined that mythical races were kept alive by unnatural stuff and didn’t need to worry about radiation. As long as it wasn’t their explicit weakness, they’d be fine, hah. I do admit there might have been a better way to write in other races, but oh, well. And… they had thought of attacking the central servers, but they could never attack enough of them at the same time to do lasting damage. Constant back-ups. The fairies also don’t actually know how a server looks, they couldn’t identify the controller when they found it until Bui got his upgrade. They just mainly tried to break everything.
Anyways. I’m happy you found it entertaining. Heh, how many other works of mine have you read, I wonder? How long have you been here that I don’t currently remember? Oh, well, anyways. Thank you for the review~
Right, uh. Nicely posted, those who posted. I apologize for any delay. I'm a tad exhausted right now.
Since Hevel's smarter than I am, I'll assume he said that which I couldn't think of because I couldn't think of something to say, so we'll say he said that which he needed to say, heh.
Hevel blinked in surprise when he was suddenly grabbed by the shoulder and shook, a couple butterflies lifting from him before resettling. Then, okay, he was told to go do that. He looked somewhat towards Kara as if for confirmation, and he got said confirmation. He nodded, and said his piece.
‘Okay. Here goes nothing, then,’ Hevel said, taking a deep breath and bouncing up and down a bit as he was focusing… and then his eyes opened wide in the most terrified expression one could possibly imagine on his face before he ran out to the guards, like in a panic. They noticed, and gathered to block the thief from entering… when he said something to them with panic in his voice. The guards threw momentary distressed glances at one another, before Hevel dashed off. They looked hesitant for a moment, then ran to catch up to him, right by the bushes which the other two were hiding in without noticing anything.
Kara could eventually feel the Fire Emblem moving again… and it was moving up to the surface.
Isolde was first through the tunnels, however she was not fast enough to catch up to the Rogue. By the time she finally came to the end of the tunnel… there was an incline, the path upwards. Then, there was an open hatch, the Rogue had left it open behind him. She’d be first to emerge through the hatch into the humble home of a couple civilians who had long since evacuated. Much of their belongings still remained, flowers, tables and tableware, shelves and whatever else, it was a pleasant home. The door stood open, the Rogue had escaped.
Come outside, and she’d be greeted by the sight of being outside in the castle town of Grado, outside the palace. It was possible that when the passage was built the town wasn’t here, but now it was like this. The Tactician’s Stone gave her an overview of the area. There was no sign of the Rogue… but there was other things of note. Jehannan troops, if nothing else.
[Assumed Marwood action: Give chase]
Marwood came second, mounted on Fiona. He was greeted by much the same as Isolde. Later, having taken the time to pick up the Fire Emblem, Titania arrived alongside Aldo. The four of them were now inside a house in the Grado castle town…
In the below map, note that they are inside the building.
Notable Individuals;
Blue Wyvern Rider Isolde - Clumsy, but reliable Wyvern knight. Weapon Mastery: Axe: D Level: 5 Equipment and Items: Halberd, Tactician’s Stone
Blue Cavalier Marwood - The prince of Renais with a good heart and a rebellious streak, cares deeply for others. Weapon Mastery: Sword: C, Lance: D Level: 4 Equipment and Items: Reginleif, Steel Sword, Tactician’s Stone, 5,000G
Blue Cleric Titania - A tough healer from Rausten, she forges her own path to help as many people as she can. Weapon Mastery: Staff: D Level: 5 Equipment and Items: Heal, Mend, Tactician’s Stone, Fire Emblem
Blue Shaman Aldo - A shaman researcher and advisor on things magic in service of Grado. Magically gifted and incurably serious. Weapon Mastery: Dark: E Level: 2 Equipment and Items: Flux, Vulnerary, Guiding Ring, Tactician’s Stone x4.
Blue Wyvern Rider Servus - Abandoned his home as a rogue mercenary. Adores his rare wyvern, Amboli. Weapon Mastery: Axe: D Level: 6 Equipment and Items: Halberd, Vulnerary, Pure Water
Blue Thief Hevel - A young man on an aimless journey. A timid but humane thief that often monologues with himself. Weapon Mastery: Sword: D Level: 2 Equipment and Items: Iron Sword, Lockpick
Blue Manakete Kara - Mature and worldly Manakete with a strong wanderlust and an even stronger appetite. Weapon Mastery: Stone: D Level: 6 Equipment and Items: Dragonstone, Vulnerary (2 uses)
Green Soldier in down-right corner. Viridia - Daughter of a Jehannan hero. Serious, righteous and dependable. Weapon Mastery: Lance: D Level: 3 Equipment and Items: Iron Lance
Green Knight in down-right corner. Osmund – A Grado Knight from the countryside. Inexperienced warrior with intimidating visage. Weapon Mastery: Lance: E Level: 2 Equipment and Items: Iron Lance, Vulnerary, Antitoxin
Red Knight Boss Zane - Former knight of Grado, now a commander of Jehanna. Craves battle and greater challenges. Weapon Mastery: Lance: C Level: 12 Equipment and Items: Iron Lance
Red Warrior on throne Nurit - Second-in-Command of Rhodri’s Wheel Guild. A hearty girl with a vicious battle-lust who feels at home at sea. Weapon Mastery: Axe: ???, Bow: ??? Level: ??? Equipment and Items: Killer Axe, Steel Bow, Hero Crest
Red Wyvern Knight next to throne Nadir - Second-in-Command of Eira’s Storm Guild. A charming man who dutifully takes care of all Eira can’t handle. Weapon Mastery: Axe: ???, Lance: ??? Level: ??? Equipment and Items: Spear, Elysian Whip
… A couple visions could potentially be viewed by the holders of the Tactician’s Stones…
__________________________
In the lower right of the map, a pretty big Grado Knight had been attempting to guide a pair of siblings home, when a couple Soldiers came across them. However, while most of the Soldiers intended to attack the Knight, one of the Jehannan Soldiers turned to face back at her countrymen. The argument quickly became heated.
‘These are children, are we really going to stoop to the level of killing children!?’ Viridia asked, glaring back at her fellow guild-members.
‘Sir Zane has commanded us to kill anyone found outside their homes or with weapons,’ the soldier simply replied, lance ready to battle.
‘I know that, but I also can’t accept that!’ Viridia announced, her lance lowered to indicate she did not want to battle. ‘We’re here for the Fire Emblem, not the people of Grado! Can’t we simply let them take cover in a building, and-’
‘So you’re betraying us?’ the soldier asked.
‘I have betrayed nobody! Don’t jump to conclusions!’ Viridia called, anger in her tone. ‘I’m simply saying that our mission here does not call for unnecessary bloodshed-’
‘Then you stand against us. Too bad, your father is such a hero to us all. You’d surely have grown into a fine warrior. … Still, no matter. You’re just one of the rabble, surely you won’t be missed.’ So the soldier said, before the troops prepared their weapons, obviously intent on killing her for this transgression.
‘… My father,’ Viridia spoke in a tone of regret, ‘told me that my assignment to this guild would teach me a lot. He was right, I have. I have learned that not all of Jehanna upholds the ideals that he taught me! When I get back to him, I will tell him what I’ve learned, because he too would denounce the actions we’ve committed to in this war!’ So she said. The reply of the Soldiers was simply to approach to attack with their lances.
‘Tsk,’ Viridia made a noise with her tongue and jumped back to stand alongside the huge Grado Knight, who also stood ready to fight, trusting this former enemy Soldier without hesitation.
‘Thank you, young miss,’ Osmund said to her, holding his lance ready as they made ready to protect the two shivering kids behind them.
‘Sorry. I hope you don’t mind fighting alongside a Jehannan like me…’ Viridia said, sounding defeated.
‘Nonsense!’ Osmund told proudly. ‘As far as I am concerned, you’re an honorary knight of Grado!’
The two exchanged small smiles, Osmund growling towards the Jehannan soldiers who were looking like they were considering just exactly how to attack this giant Knight who was standing before them, looking exceptionally strong and capable. There was a flash of hope in Viridia’s expression.
‘So, uh, you wouldn’t happen to be some legendary warrior of Grado, or something?’ Viridia asked, hopefully.
‘I AM…!’ Osmund announced loudly and intimidatingly, before continuing in whispers only Viridia (and eavesdroppers) could hear. ‘… merely a regular countryside Knight, conscripted out of necessecity, called to arms by the call of war. I’m normally a cook. I’m pretty proud of my stew.’
‘Oh,’ Viridia replied in realization. ‘Oh, we’re going to die.’
__________________________
‘WHY ISN’T THE COLOSSEUM OPEN!?’ Zane demanded, glaring at the “we’re closed” sign hanging in front of the large building.
‘S-sir, might I suggest it is because Grado is currently being invaded and they don’t have time for activities of entertainment at this moment…?’ a hesitant Mercenary proposed next to him.
‘BAH! WEAK GRADOS!’ Zane grunted angrily as he spun around, glaring angrily around him. ‘I left the Grado knighthood behind to join Jehanna, simply and only because I wanted to fight more and become stronger, fight against monsters… and I was THRILLED to know we were going to war! Yet we come here, and Grado has nothing to match us with!? Disappointment! Pain and disappointment!’ So he shouted, the Mercenaries powerless to do anything but listen.
‘No matter! Point me in the direction of SOMEONE I can fight! Anyone from Grado!’ Zane announced, looking around with bloodthirsty eyes.
‘But sir, we’re just about routing the last of them. All the most capable warriors are in the castle fighting off Sion’s main force, we’re just dealing with the town militia here! There’s just civilians and children left…’
‘FINE!’ Zane roared. ‘Put some armour and weapons on a civilian, tell him we’ll kill him if he surrenders, then make him fight me!’
‘But sir, that’s insane!’ the Mercenary started looking desperate…
‘INZANE!?’ Zane expressed, and suddenly started spinning around looking for something. ‘WHERE IS HE!? I’VE BEEN MISTAKEN FOR HIM MORE TIMES THAN I CAN COUNT! I’M ZANE, NOT “IN”-ZANE! WHERE’S INZANE!? I’LL HAVE HIS HEAD!’ so screamed Zane before the two suddenly very perplexed Mercenaries who were just now starting to grasp what kind of commander they currently had…
__________________________
In the bottom left of the map, a Fighter walked inside a house…
‘Oh, what have we here? So many weapons, and Sir Zane told us to kill people with weapons…’ the crook said as he came into the house, seeing all the weapons hanging around.
‘Oh, darn it, I’m a shopkeep! I can have weapons! I sell weapons! I’m not gonna fight you with them!’ the man inside complained in a mildly angered tone.
‘Oh, right, yeah. I’ll just settle for taking all the weapons, then!’ the Fighter told, looking proud.
‘Nah-nah-nah. I made a special deal with Jehanna, I’ll be selling these to the guilds now, you’d be stealing from your superiors,’ the shopkeep said, smirking.
‘Uuuh. I’m not sure that’s, uh…’ the Fighter frowned, thinking too hard.
‘You can check with your leaders, if you like. No? Then let me sweeten the deal for you,’ With that, the shopkeep suddenly reached and picked down a great axe. The Fighter’s eyes went wide, seeing it. It was as if the axe glowed with power, the sides looking so very sharp, the shine of the axe unparallelled. What was this axe…?
‘This… is Stormbellows!’ the shopkeep announced, holding the epic axe high. ‘This mighty axe, crafted between the work of a master smith while a Sage was imbuing intense Lightning magic into it, this weapon was wielded by the great hero Grado himself before he obtained Garm from the gods. It holds such strength, it will blast right through virtually anything we have today! Do you feel its power? C’mon, hold it! Hold it!’ the shopkeep said as he handed over the axe. The amazed Fighter took the axe, feeling the weight, a smile spreading on his lips.
‘Yeah, I most certainly feel it…’ he said, admiring the axe.
‘Right!? And if you let this slip, I’ll let you have this for the low-low price of 1,900 gold! It’s a bargain, is it not? Usually, this artifact is priceless…! I can see it now, you, holding this axe, conquering all your enemies and being hailed as a hero across the lands…!’
The Fighter swallowed, but his eyes had drowned into the axe…
‘Yeah… yeah, I can see it!’ the Fighter grinned, picking up his money-pouch and handing it over.
‘It’s the last of my savings, but with this axe, I can easily earn it back ten times over…!’ the Fighter boosted.
‘Great! Here you go, then! May your glory days be long and many!’ the shopkeep called, smiling so happily to the Fighter.
‘Yeah! I’ll find you and pay you back when I’m a general, I promise! For now, to battle! For Stormbellows! Yaaaaah…!’ the fighter spun around and dashed out of the house, Stormbellows in hand, while the shopkeep stood there smiling. A woman, the shopkeep’s wife, approached on the side…
‘Silvio, honey, what was that?’
‘That was an ordinary Iron Axe given a paint-job and dipped in some of that glowing powder we bought in Jehanna, Drina dear. Now grab your things, we’re leaving on the double.’
And with that, the two quickly started to prepare to leave, post-haste.
__________________________
‘-and that about covers it.’ A woman of dark skin-colour sat with an axe on a seat by the entrance to Grado Keep, just finishing telling what was going on to the man standing beside her by his wyvern.
‘Alright. Thank you for telling me, miss Nurit,’ the man by the wyvern told her, bowing gently, ponytail swinging just a little.
‘What’ya being so formal for, Nadir? Kahaha! Ah, oooouuugh…’ Nurit started laughing at the comrade, but then ended with a sound of not being pleased with something.
‘Does the scenery not agree to you?’ Nadir asked, looking curiously at the woman.
‘Land doesn’t agree with me. I wanna be out at sea. And I wanna fight, not just watch some opening…’ Nurit complained, looking about for something interesting to do.
‘I’m sorry that’s the case, but we are in a state of war. Now, excuse me, I need to ferry this message back to miss Eira. I suppose I’ll fly over town and make sure everything is as it should before I go…’ Nadir said, intending to get up on his wyvern and flying off.
‘Waaaaaaaaaaaaait. Don’t goooooooooooo…’ Nurit called for him silently, sitting lazily in the seat, waving a hand in his direction. Nadir smirked back at her, amused.
‘Oh? I’m happy you find my presence desirable, miss Nurit.’
‘That’s not it, I just don’t wanna be alone…’ Nurit replied, before looking to him… and grinning.
‘Ah, that’s not a good grin,’ Nadir stated with a tinge of worry, before suddenly dodging down and striking up with his spear to deflect the massive axe that came swinging for his head, his wyvern jumping back a bit to avoid the sudden strike as metal clashed towards metal.
‘C’mon, C’MON! Let’s spar! Kahahaha!’ Nurit laughed out loud as she brought the axe around for a slice at Nadir’s mid-section that definitely looked aimed to kill.
‘Miss Nurit, we don’t usually- woah -spar using killer weapons!’ Nadir warned with a scared little smirk, a bit of sweat dropping as he was systematically dodging each of Nurit’s axe-slices just barely, lifting his disadvantageous spear in self-defense.
‘Eh, it’s no worries! You’re not gonna let me actually HIT, are ya!?’ Nurit called out as she did a powerful overhead slice, which Nadir just barely dodged under. Despite everything, Nadir found himself smiling.
‘Well, that does it. If that’s your style of flirting…!’ Nadir dived out of the way and then, with an acrobatic leap, he thrust himself up into the air by his hands on the floor and twisted in mid-air to land in the saddle of his wyvern. ‘Then I better flirt seriously. En garde!’ he called, as his wyvern stood tall and ready to battle.
‘Hah, flirting. As if you have eyes for anyone but your dear pretty miss Eira,’ Nurit replied, grinning as she watched Nadir on top his wyvern.
‘I would have said the same about you and your most manly boss Rhodri?’ Nadir replied with raised eyebrows, smiling teasingly right back at Nurit.
‘Heh, don’t go assuming things.’
‘Then I’ll ask the same of you.’
Both of them met each other’s glares with dangerous smirks, before they both took off against one another, Warrior against Wyvern Knight in a deadly-looking play-fight…
__________________________
… All this aside. What would they do now?
Enemy Base Level: 2 Enemy Base Weapon Mastery: E Enemy Equipment Quality: Iron Notable Deviations: Fighter in lower-left wields the STORMBELLOWS!Functionally an Iron Axe.
@Gardevoiran Supersonic would affect it just like it'd affect any other creature that is affected by supersonic... though that's not really information you can use, now, is it? Have your trainers figure something! Heh.
@Eklispe That's alright. Any update on when you think you're going to be able to post?
@Dusksong Heh. I must admit that the idea to wave the tail at the opponent was quite amusing, and I really had to reward it. That said, you're facing the most disagreeable rival here, so... let's see how you're going to proceed. You have one advantage here. How do you use it?
@Gardevoiran@Old Amsterdam Nicely posted. I will, though, need to occasionally note not all plans are going to go well, if I reason they won't. Also, sometimes I use things that aren't entirely part of the game. Like Barboach's Pokédex entry. ... Yeah, blinding a Pokémon with an internal radar-system is not gonna do you much good. XD
You're obviously free to argue I got something wrong if you feel so, in the meantime. What will you do now?
@Rune_Alchemist Nicely posted. Anyhow, here I'd like some player input before I move on. You can just say "yes/no" and that I should continue with the same strategies, in which case I could just edit in the rest of the battles. On the other hand, maybe you want to type out a post at this occasion. In that case, that's up to you. Teh-heh.
In the background, Kalmia suddenly got a phone-call and had to take a couple steps away from Jacques, but she still very much kept her eyes on the battles. She did look suddenly perplexed from what she heard over the phone, but overall smiled. Her attention was still on the battles, Jacques turning to eye her a bit curiously a little before looking back.
Oaken dropped the confident smirk at Eryn yelling back at him, frowned a little as he internally considered that perhaps his little speech had been uncalled for and he simply refocused on the battle, looking at Skorupi going in to attack against Dei. Then, both Skorupi and Oaken heard Eryn’s next command.
'Heh,' Oaken made a small amused sound, 'I understand your desperation, but something that isn’t a proper move is not going to serve you. Skorupi! Go!'
'Skoruuup!' Skorupi sounded out, Growl reducing its attack as the scorpion tried to go in for another Knock Off… when the flaming tail was waved at it.
'SKRPI!' Skorupi sounded out in a positively terrified tone and winced backwards, crawling back and away from Dei. Oaken blinked a bit in confusion.
'… Skorupi, what are you doing? He has no moves that can hurt you. At him. Knock Off,' Oaken commanded, frowning at the thing not doing what he wanted.
'Sk-skoru-pi…' the scorpion replied, looking back at his trainer and then towards Dei, shaking a little.
'You’re… afraid of the fire,' Oaken stated, getting it finally. … He reacted by closing his eyes, frowning hard in annoyance, lowering his head, and closing his two hands into fists with enough annoyance one could hear the bones knack a bit. Skorupi tensed up, scorpion-eyes wide, hearing the cracks.
'Skorupi… Do you remember… what I told you when we met?' Oaken stated, in a barely restrained focused tone, seething in contained anger. 'You understand… what’ll happen if you lose this battle that by all accounts you should win?'
'Sk-skoooo…' Skorupi sounded scared, this time both of the fire before it as well as the trainer behind.
'You do understand,' Oaken confirmed, like a teacher done lecturing a naughty child. He pushed his glasses back a bit, and then stated in a tone that said that there were no other options. 'Go. Win.'
That command made, Skorupi forced himself forward, trying to find a manner to get a Knock-Off in without getting hit by the flaming tail.
Cici shot out a Smoke Screen pellet, which hit #8 straight on and a cloud of black smoke emerged around them, close enough to Cici that there was nothing to be seen… except the sudden burst of Mud-Slap coming out of the smoke to hit her in the face. The burst of mud did some Ground-type damage, and some got into her eyes to lower her accuracy slightly.
'That’s it! Keep up the Mud-Slap! Use her loss of accuracy, dodge the bubbles and Mud-Slap again!' Simon commanded from over there, and #8 pressed on the attack. The fish appeared to have a pretty good idea of where Cici was despite the smoke in its face. #8 kept close to Cici, trying to dodge the Bubble attacks and going in for another Mud-Slap. Seeing how Mud-Slap is also the only move in #8’s arsenal, that’s probably how it’d continue, too.
Meanwhile, Seabreeze was setting up and starting to Water Gun at Scraggy’s “pants”. Scraggy didn’t even register anything except the force, stumbling a bit but preparing to attempt to jump. It was a bit heavier, but with such a burst of water it was hard to actually make the make the majority stick to the pants… but Scraggy was confused with reduced accuracy.
'Scraaaaaaaa-!' Scraggy let out a yell and leapt right into Seabreeze! … Except, instead of hitting Seabreeze with a kick, it instead just flew straight up into the bird, headfirst!
Scraggy inadvertently used Struggle! As such, both Pokémon took a significant dose of damage. In addition, Scraggy fell out of the air headfirst and hit with his head first into the ground. It hurt itself in confusion! Seabreeze could just keep afloat.
'Scraggy!' Vivia called, somewhat worried. However, the Dark/Fighting-type wasn’t out yet, struggling back to its feet. 'O-okay. Um. Run and help #8! Go Low Kick the Horsea!' Vivia commanded.
'Scraggy!' Scraggy confirmed, trying to run in the direction of the other battle… in a less than straight line, considerably damaged already.
The Gym Guy looked like he was considering how to answer Claire’s first question, then she went on to say she got this. He smiled in reply.
‘Alright. Go show them what you’re made of!’ he encouraged, and then Claire climbed the stairs to enter the gym.
Aroma Lady Tanya would like to battle!
Shroomish was slower than Zeal, meaning Zeal immediately got his Taunt off. Trying to get some damage off, Tanya commanded Shroomish to Tackle, hoping Effect Spore would be induced on the contact. However, while Shroomish got a Tackle in, Zeal was too hot for spores, and Zeal Embered the Shroomish into smoking ruin.
With Tangela, Tanya went all out with the Vine Whips, ignoring any possible Taunt! Despite being Not-Very-Effective, Tanya got an additional Vine Whip off while Zeal was Taunting, counting on just being overall stronger with the vines! Zeal replied with Embers, that did way more damage, however come the time when the burns on Tangela finally caused it to faint Zeal was pretty badly hurt.
Treecko quickly turned out to be Tanya’s most capable Pokémon. Zeal being damaged, Claire switched to Ritz. With Ritz being Bug/Flying Absorb would do Treecko no good, so Leer plus Quick Attack it was. However, after the Leer he was quick to impact into a Reflect wall, making life difficult. The two Pokémon found themselves pretty evenly matched. Treecko was overall more formidable, but Reflect evened the playing field. Quick Attack and Comet Punches were exchanged, the punches doing 3-3-2-5 hits, leaving Treecko badly damaged. However, Ritz was damaged too by repeated Quick Attacks, and as such Claire switched to Lure who promptly Gusted the damaged Treecko to its defeat.
Lure grew to level 13! Lure learned Bug Bite!
for good and bad, hah
Claire is victorious! Claire gained 303P!
‘Fuhuhuhu… Ouch, having to use Grass-types only really hurts~! One day, I’m leaving this gym and town behind and make a name for myself with a more varied team~!’
With that, Claire could walk by Tanya, then up to Daisy!
Lileep was prevented from using Confuse Ray by taunt, but in a move to make Taunt less OP, it instead sent Acid shooting at the chimp-Pokémon without sacrificing a move. Power-Up Punch was super-effective, but as Chimchar wasn’t a Fighting-Type yet and Lileep had considerable Defense, Lileep was still tethering onto a smidgeon of health left after two punches. It had managed to spit acid onto Zeal thrice before Zeal could finish it off with a punch that ultimately was powerful enough to have OHKO’d it, Daisy having to hurry to return Lileep before she flew over the edge. The three acids, the second one lowering Zeal’s special defense, had left him pretty damaged. However… speaking of not being a Fighting-type yet…
Zeal felt a certain energy having gathered within him. He can choose when he wants to release it. Is this the most optimum moment? For dramatic reasons, the event that approaches would fully heal him, along with the more notable thing it’ll do. The choice is his, and potentially his trainer’s if he manages to ask her. Not going through with and leveling more would not have any negative consequences long-term when it comes to moves.
A burst of fire emerged from within Zeal’s stomach. The energy built up surged along his limbs and muscles, growing them, changing them. Fire and a bright light erupted around him as this significant event took place, limbs growing longer, fire burning fiercer, muscles growing stronger. His tail, of which he had none but a flame before, grew long and flexible with an intense flame on its end. And on his face, grew the blue markings around his eyes that their kind were the pride of the kind…
Zeal evolved into Monferno!
Pokédex Entry #391 – Monferno, the Playful Pokémon. A great and playful martial artist, it is known to climb walls and ceilings to spring from and attack. Its tail is a weapon right alongside its limbs, and it increases the intensity of the flames for attacks and keeping enemies on an ideal distance. The brighter the blue pattern on its face, the greater its rank in the pack.
Zeal learned Mach Punch!
New Pokémon evolved! Claire earned 2000 P!
And, because of the dramatic change that is evolution, Zeal’s damage was healed!
We pause here a bit, because that decision might impact all the battles ahead.
Well, guess I better get a move on. I’ve read all the participating entries, so I might as well.
The following things are just my personal opinion that I’ve formed upon reading the entries. Yeah.
Yeah. It’s good. It’s well written. It’s basically the first thought I had when I read the challenge, except I didn’t go through with it because of the second thought being that someone else was already doing that… kinda. This doesn’t really feel like the story is about fighting the metal menace, does it? The story is about Adelaide and her quest to become Empress, and I really do wonder why she needed to banish Siegfried through a portal and why she couldn’t just cut his throat in his sleep earlier. Eh, there’s probably plenty of reasons.
The basics of this victory is that Magic > Technology, which works. Magic might be more situational, but used right it has no limits and is extremely unpredictable. Yeah, it’s simple enough. Your writing is good and descriptive, you’re pretty artistic in your word-choices and all that. I just didn’t entirely see anything in this entry that stood out to me as noteworthy, I’m afraid. I’ve seen plots of betrayal and coup d'etats before, and the metal army could really have been replaced with basically any threatening force as far as the main plot goes. Eh, oh, well.
*reads title* I really hope this is Gundam-inspired somehow.
Nope, it was not. XD
… That was amazing. Well done. Hank made himself immediately likable, and there was always something off, but their conversation was really nice. Something off developed, and you made it into something interesting. The “Metal Age” wasn’t just something invading, it was far more interesting. And… I’ve never thought of there being a third stage behind machines, heh. Homunculus developed because machines wanted humans, huh. That’s so interesting. I have not heard of that before. Well done. I am thoroughly impressed.
Hm. This entry, unfortunately, didn’t feel very alive. Trevor and Mikhal’s first conversation felt far too casual for the horrific nature of being invaded, and the fact they had to speak one another’s names for no in-universe reason so the reader would know felt off. The conversation didn’t feel natural. Later, while having Trevor be captured immediately might be realistic, it was very bland to read about. It feels like there would have been ways to write that in a more interesting way, somehow.
Lemitsa’s little additional bit felt really random and didn’t feel like it added anything. … Linda appeared out of nowhere and I’m not sure she made anything better, hah. Yeah, you established that this was a fantasy world, but yikes. She’s a bit out-there for me to accept out of nowhere.
Alright. I’m sorry to say, but that was somewhat of a drag to read through for me. The story wasn’t particularly interesting. I’m not sure I can pinpoint how or why, but that was one of the reasons I opted against actually writing about an invading army for my entry, because it could easily become uninteresting. More than that, the conversations felt empty to me, and I’m not entirely sure how to fix that.
This entry is long, and it isn’t even the full story. It might become more exciting later, because hearing about our heroes being successful is more entertaining than hearing about our heroes failing to protect their kingdom, but that’s not what we have here. I’m sorry to say so. Oh, well.
I’ll mention I think my own entry suffer a couple of similar problems. I don’t feel that it’s among any of my better work, hah.
Woah. Second-person point of view? Okay. Let’s see where this goes.
… Yupp. Guessed the twist within the first couple sentences. Sometimes, I really wish I could just, like, NOT make those guesses, but I guess I’ve just been subjected to too much media for that. Oh, well.
“You” kind of works when we’re able to relate to the person we’re in, in a weird way. It goes out the window when the individual in question does something we’d never do. It’d been cool if you somehow managed to keep the person logically acting within what we’d reason ourselves to do, and THEN sprang the twist out of nowhere, heh. That would have been much more disturbing, suddenly thinking back and perhaps a death you accidentally caused or so was actually perhaps not so accidental. Eh, not necessary. You just made an entry as you wanted it. Well, this made me smile, anyway. So nicely done on that part.
Um. Okay. So it’s a story about machines taking over the world, told in newscasts, kinda. I’m, uh… well, good work. I’m just going to move on now, because I felt virtually nothing while reading, and as such don’t have a lot of comments that would be interpreted as helpful, hah.
Edit: Suppose that’s just me being a brick while I was writing. Okay, let me try to add something.
The concept is cool. Telling about how machine-inducement slowly takes over and fewer purists remain until nothing remains of the original humans. Everything being told in broadcasts is pretty cool, yeah. You’re pretty fancy in the editing, too, and your language is most certainly up to par. It’s simply that I, personally, did not feel particularly grabbed by the story that was going on. I realized what was happening, knew where it was going, and saw it go there. No big surprises, no characters for me to relate to, nothing in that vein. The last jump into the future went really far, which threw me off additionally. It was simply a story, told in a slightly new way, but yeah. It told the story as you wanted it told, and suppose you may have told that perfectly, I don’t know if I’d have changed anything. Others seems to have liked it, while I’m indifferent. So, yeah. Well done.
Whelp. Uuuuh. Okay, so I’m sincerely confused right now. In the end, who was the machine? The Program? Prime? The Government? The news broadcasts? All of the above? … Hahahahaha. I don’t know who’s word I can trust. Would be cool if it was Prime, though.
Okay, that was interesting. Kudos to you for writing something interesting. The end was a bit disappointing, but perhaps that’s just because I’m stupid and don’t get it. In any case. Well done. I was really interested in what was going to happen there for a bit, and that’s a really good thing. Nice.
I vote for Evolution MKII, because I personally found it the most charming and interesting entry out of those available. Well done, Broken.
Shoutout to The Program, too. It’s really good. If I was more satisfied by the end, I may have considered it over the one I now voted for. Anyways, yupp.
Edit: Here’s to the missing thing. Oh, and I added some more to Sunday, because I don’t think I was being fair there.
I didn’t really read why this wasn’t submitted for voting, but I suppose I could guess. This story isn’t finished, is it? You didn’t even get to actually telling us what it was you were hiding, which is, like, the big thing in stories like this where you’re hiding something from the audience. I personally never got to a point where I thought I had any grasp of the situation that was going on. I also feel like this might have needed a couple examinations. These blocks of text uses a lot of complicated word-choices yet I could barely understand what they were saying in many occasions. Perhaps try to simplify just a bit? Or is that me being a bad reader? I dunno. But I did find a lot of the sentences here confusing, heh.
Merely trying to find examples I find more and more confusing bits that I swear wasn’t here first time I read it. Hah. Who was screaming? The owners of those arms trying to grab him? Why could he sink into the ground? If he’s walking on a mountain of corpses, why is it described as the ground? What’s even the dimensions of this place? Why was that blue beam recognizable, what did it mean? Wires apparently dug into him, but apparently he ran off no problem? I can imagine why, but no description of them not affecting him or so? Why did he think of grabbing the device between Rytok’s knees? Did he have the cleaver with him when he came down? Was he thrown down, but they’re apparently under a fake sky?
Wait, now that I read it again, it was a foot he grabbed that inserted itself into his… … … I’m going to stop reading now, because apparently I was not in a state to read this when I read it, I missed way too much. I'm losing faith in my ability to read here.
Still, I was curious where it was going, and that’s a plus. I wondered what kind of world you had in mind here and read to the end… and didn’t get anything, hah. So, yeah. The first part. You had something going here, at the very least. So nicely done on that part.
Xaltwind
Pirouette
Crimson Flame
Danyel
Mage
Noctis
Izurich
Damycles
jimapple
Zapdos
