RolePlayerGuilt

The Elder Scrolls: Fruits of Contention - Chapter 1 (Completed)

<Snipped quote by gcold>

Unless its long acting poison in which case you will not be stronger by the end of it.

@ClocktowerEchos

We've all drank this poison called life...

@Vhagar @Mortarion @Frizan @LotusWarrior @Cat Sidhe You guys still around?

The Elder Scrolls: Fruits of Contention - Chapter 1 (Completed)

the anticipation is killing me..

@Sovi3t

You're not dead yet. Plus, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

By the way...

The Elder Scrolls: Fruits of Contention - Chapter 1 (Completed)

Up to you.

Also, 101st post.

The Elder Scrolls: Fruits of Contention - Chapter 1 (Completed)

Edited. Personality expanded, horse info added, Leiliana changed to Liliana, photographic image linked properly now. If anything is still falling short let me know.

@MacabreFox

Nope, you're all set.

Fixed Background, I re-wrote the parts and made sure the fit so if you want me to PM you the background only, I will.

@Sovi3t

Please do.

The Elder Scrolls: Fruits of Contention - Chapter 1 (Completed)

@gcoldDone and done, sorry about that I guess. Is he all good now?

@ClocktowerEchos

All good.

The Elder Scrolls: Fruits of Contention - Chapter 1 (Completed)

That's right.

The Elder Scrolls: Fruits of Contention - Chapter 1 (Completed)

Any word on Gcold where he's at atm.

@Sovi3t

Getting my beauty sleep, yo.

Since Leiden's playing the good cop and accepting everybody, I'll play the bad cop and annoy y'all with nitpicking.

@ClocktowerEchos Do not add in skills without my notice. You may keep the woodworking, but please revert speech back to apprentice. This is all that stands between Lucex and acceptance.

@oak7ree Felix's background and personality are both very short. If you have trouble getting more content down, I would start by extrapolating on what you have so far. For example; how did he get that scar on his face? How did he get drunk and found his way to Markarth? Where did that Griffon emblazoned shield come from?

Also, leave a line between each paragraph, it'll make reading easier.

@MacabreFoxFirst of all, you should also space paragraphs, same deal as Oak7ree.

Second, I would like you to link her apperance directly to the picture, Pinterest can be tricky to navigate. I would try this link; https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/d6/bf/41/d6bf4109a0bde8d355eb582962888f6e.jpg.

Regarding her sister's name, do you think Leiliana is a Nordic name? I could see it being derived from “Liliana”, which in turn can be derived from the Greek “Lily”. However, Greek names are generally assigned to Imperials and High Elves. Another source is “Leila”, which is Semitic.

How did she get her horse? Please explain in your background. Beside that, her personality is fairly short. The first paragraph is primarily her outlook on the world, and I want to see you expand the second paragraph.

@Sovi3t Genes are no substitute for exercise. No lift = no guns. Also, the average Redguard man is 6'1, not 6'4.

There are lots of spelling and grammar mistakes. Read everything over and do your best to reduce them. I'll be honest with you, the caliber of your sheet is on the edge between casual and advance. So, you need to really convince that it fits in this category.

This sentence; “Bascero approached the parents of Bascero and asked them if they would be interested with their son joining the Synod. “. Do you mean Bascero asked his parents about Jonimar, or did he ask Jonimar's parents? Confused wording like this happens more than once in the sheet, again, re-read and convince me you can edit.

I found the third-to-last paragraph in your background to be incredibly confusing. Rewrite and make it clearer.

Another thing to note is how did Jonimar know what's happening within the Synod HQ? Did he intercept letters or something?

Like Leiden said before, his weaknesses are more like quirks. Besides being wanted, everything else are easily countered.

Look man, if this is the final product, it'll be rejected. I'm giving you this week as second chance. Take your time and make something that will convince me of your improvement.

The Elder Scrolls: Fruits of Contention - Chapter 1 (Completed)

<Snipped quote by Leidenschaft>

@Peik

For the record, image didn't show properly.

The Elder Scrolls: Fruits of Contention - Chapter 1 (Completed)

<Snipped quote by gcold>

It's not very usual but I've seen some documented cases of child soldiers in WWI at the very least (as an example of child soldiers in legitimate armies, and not some African warlord's drag band). And 'camp people' were a thing, be they traders, washers, cooks or prostitutes.

@Peik

<Snipped quote by Peik>

<Snipped quote by gcold>

It wasn't unusual for young men to be considered adults by medieval standards. He was pressganged into service and was a bugle boy who also mended shirts and trousers. He was 14 when he crossed into Cyrodiil, if that's worth anything. Also, I'll just change it to a J soon. Changed.

@Leidenschaft

I see, that makes sense.

And I assume you approve of your own char, Leiden?

The Elder Scrolls: Fruits of Contention - Chapter 1 (Completed)

Yeah. I always appreciate a character who's just simply a nice guy.

@Peik

This is also true in real life.

@Leidenschaft Some minor nitpicks from me.

-In Nordic orthography, the palatal approximant is represented by <j> rather than <y>. Which means your guy should be "Jorwen" instead of "Yorwen". With that said, it seems like the old Atmoran spelling used <y>, so if you want to keep his name, add an explanation for that old-fashioned spelling.
-I doubt the Legion would conscript someone at the age of 13. Either he lied to join, pressured by peer, or taken by more unorthodox commanders.

@ClocktowerEchos Did you ninja in a skill? I swear there was one less...

@HHShetland Standing in this corner; hailing from Riften, Skyrim; the undercat champion; Tennant Ibnazh!



Feel free to add your sheet, Shetland.

@Sovi3t @MacabreFox Still reading, sorry for the wait guys.