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fanficriff.blogspot.com/202… It's long overdue that I make fun of myself for a change.
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fanficriff.blogspot.com/201… No, I can't imagine why you feel like you've read this exact story before, why do you ask?
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fanficriff.blogspot.com/201… I wanna be, the edgiest, like no one ever was~
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fanficriff.blogspot.com/201… Have you ever wanted to see Scathach and Ichigo Kurosaki shipped together? No? Well, here it is anyway.
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Kishinami Hakuno


Hakuno's face was still burning when she took a seat, gaze fixed on the table before her. Even if it was a joke, Archer's jokes still made her so flustered... she was surprised when the servant gave her a telepathic message, one that helped calm her nerves somewhat. Archer was right, after all. If she didn't act suspiciously, and simply acted like everyone else here, then whatever other Master was there too could never find her.

Hakuno inhaled deeply, the redness slowly fading from her cheeks. Her back straightened, face neutral. Right now, she wasn't some embarrassed girl who happened to be eating with a goddess, she was just a normal, plain, completely inconspicuous person with no notable traits whatsoever. Her brown eyes fell upon the sight of Archer requiring a chair to reach over the counter, and instantly she was bent over double, tying to hold back her laughter.

That's too cute! the Master commented internally as she struggled to regain her composure. She didn't want to risk losing her life this very moment because of that adorable image, and with considerable difficulty, raised her head with a painfully forced grimace upon Archer's return.

After a few moments of ensuring she wouldn't break out into giggles, and doing everything she could to block the image from her mind, she managed to squeeze out a reply, "...Good. Sounds... good."

What was with that strange burning smell slowly washing over them, though?

@VitaVitaAR@KoL

-----------------

Lancer


With a resounding crash, the tarmac shattered from the force of the blow. His target had managed to evade; as he had suspected, this Servant had foreseen the strike with plenty of time to spare. That was fine by him.

The movements of this Servant were resoundingly swift, giving almost no room to ponder. His blade was still lodged in the ground when she bounced back, looking ready to punch. The bearded warrior, having experienced decades of battle in life, could understand from this fleeting exchange, a few key details. Mainly, that the probability of his opponent being a Berserker shooting way up.

He was unfazed by the strange, seemingly unhinged smile that approached him like a force of nature - there was simply no time. This was a battle, so he would answer this bloodlust with his overwhelming might.
With the ease of lifting a feather, Lancer's blade was freed, debris sent flying as he arced his weapon upwards, as if to swipe the enemy once she was within range. Lancer was not helpless if someone was too close; anyone within his guard would still have to deal with a hulking giant of a man.

But his instinct told him that even this small girl was going to be dangerous in melee combat. He couldn't allow himself to be complacent or arrogant right now.

@Crusader Lord@Raineh Daze
Lancer


They were within range, now. He would need to strike quickly, if there were to be any chance of ending it one stroke. Even with his presence hidden though, the opposing Servant was already close enough to discern his form, if they were paying any kind of attention.

And so, Lancer leapt, gaining magnificent , eyes locked on his target. He began to fall, rapidly gaining speed as he formed a solid body. In his hand, the glorious guandao formed, curved blade adorned with small, scale-like blotches that were quickly growing. Grasping it in both hands, Lancer let out a roar as he swung the weapon into the ground with enough force to split the concrete below.

During his descent, he had noticed the quick departure of the other two figures, which most likely meant the ambush was not a success. That was fine. Lancer found it highly unlikely that the Servant before him was a martial artist to surpass his own abilities, and in close-combat, the abilities of a Caster were nigh-useless.
Kishinami Hakuno


Hakuno figured she might as well relent and accept the generosity of the goddess - at least, Hakuno was viewing her suggestion as such. Some may find her choice of words to be infinitely arrogant, but Hakuno could hardly disagree with Archer. A Servant may as well be perfect compared to a pathetic weakling like herself. Heck, even if she were one of the most prestigious mages in the universe, her skills would be laughable compared to a goddess.

She gave Archer a quizzical look at her comment. What was she referring to, with her intuition? It took a moment for the master to conclude that potential enemies were here. Immediately, the young lady tensed, worriedly glancing around the restaurant. Was someone looking at them? Could she sense any magic? Who looked suspicious?!

The mountain of food caught her eye, and she marvelled at the duo who seemed to be tackling the pile alone. Two girls, one of them apparently a child nun, were eating away like it was a normal lunch. Hakuno couldn't help but be dumbfounded at the sight. Still, she had to be on the lookout for enemy mas-

Hakuno suddenly choked at her Servant's words, face instantly glowing red as she rounded on Archer, "D-Date?!"

Was she being serious?! Hakuno never could tell. But... wait, her Servant was known for messing with men, right?! There was no way that was a serious remark! Yet the normally stoic and plain-faced girl was reduced to flustered state, trying to maintain composure.

---------------

Lancer


His presence hidden, Lancer watched closely for their approaching enemies. He could identify three figures drawing closer. Surveying the three girls, the hidden Servant noted what his eye could perceive.

The taller two girls - one of them had to be a Master. He couldn't tell which one, but the chances of either posing a remote threat tohim were virtually nil, anyway. therefore, he wasn't too worried about their capabilities. His main concern, of course, was the smallest of the three.

Even from here, he could feel it; the intense desire for battle. Was she a warrior, or a beast? Regardless, it flared a faint hint of excitement in the bearded general. He made sure to temper those feelings - he wasn't there to sate a lust for combat, he was there to eliminate his master's enemy. Even if that enemy bore the face of a little girl or a demon, his blade should not falter.

"Preparing to attack, Master," Guan informed Estelle, and readied to pounce. Let them move a little closer, and strike at the apparent-Servant faster than she could react. That was the idea, at least...

@KoL @Raineh Daze @VitaVitaAR @Crusader Lord
Kishinami Hakuno


Why did her Servants' gaze make Hakuno feel so uncomfortable? It made her feel like a predator was watching her, smugly content with its' superiority. It wasn't exactly inaccurate, but still! Though Archer's words were at least considerate. The young Master couldn't tell how sincere the smaller girl was being, but she'd take false concern over insults.

That said, she couldn't let herself appear weak before a goddess! Even as the scent of fast food washed over her senses, the inexperienced magus had to show she wasn't some bundle of nerves or something!

"...It's fine, Archer. I'm not hungry," Hakuno offered Archer a small, comforting smile. It would have been a very effective expression, had Hakuno not allowed her body to carry her towards the restaurant anyway. The sudden rumble in her belly certainly didn't help much either. Hakuno's face was frozen as she tried to find a way to recover from that slip-up, "...er... not that hungry?"
Kishinami Hakuno


Respectfully - and nervously - keeping her eyes averted, Hakuno tried to keep her thoughts occupied as she waited for Archer to finish changing. A surprisingly strong desire to sneak a quick peek briefly alighted in her thoughts, but that idea was quickly snuffed out. The young master was no historian, but her limited knowledge certainly indicated that it never went well for anyone that tried to watch a divine female clothe themselves, or perform any task that involved a removal of clothes in general.

Granted, those goddesses probably hadn't invited the peeper into an enclosed space beforehand, but it was best not to take any chances.

At Archer's word, Hakuno finally brought her eyes towards the small girl. In all honesty, the attempt at blending in would probably fail miserably - those clothes were not something Hakuno would have pictured her Servant wearing in any situation... yet she looked so natural and resplendent regardless. Once again, Hakuno hadn't the heart to suggest she maybe try wearing a fake moustache to shatter the image of true beauty, and simply nod at her suggestion.

So the church is off-limits, huh? Hakuno grimaced slightly. In all honesty, that would have been her first port of call. The more she thought about it though, the sillier it seemed in practice; Hakuno would be potentially sacrificing her (questionably-useful but potentially life-saving) magecraft and basically announce to the rest of the combatants that she was, indeed, a Master. That would only make it that much harder to blend into the scenery in future. And if it became a free-for-all...

In that case, better to play it safe and continue doing what they were doing. Namely, making everyone in the city burn with jealousy that a cute goddess was leading a piece of cardboard around. Her cheeks tinged pink slightly, Hakuno forced her eyes away from Archer, "Then... let's lay low, I guess."

@KoL
Will post in the next few days.

On another note, I hate internetting on phones.
-Wrong tab-
Kishinami Hakuno


Hakuno was quick to avert her eyes when Euryale began to shamelessly change in front of her. In absolutely no way did she allow her brown eyes to linger on the beautiful girl's form before tearing them away. That would be improper conduct towards a Goddess, after all. You don't just stare at a divine being while she disrobes. Not unless you were looking for a cursed existence forevermore.

Her queries took the young master by surprise however, and she glanced towards the small girl once more. Much like before, Hakuno totally did not examine the skin bared to her in that brief instant, forcing her to turn away fully. She only turned her back out of deference for Archer's privacy. Also, her cheeks were only reddening a little from the heat of the dressing room.

"...I... am fine," Hakuno replied, somewhat unconvincingly. True, she wasn't sick or anything... but she was beginning to realise that contracting a goddess known for her beauty was going to be taxing in a way that... really, Hakuno should have seen coming.

---------

Lancer


"Then I suppose we'd best lay in wait sooner, rather than later," Lancer commented, giving his beard one more stroke. Lowering his hand, he gently took hold of Estelle's own, indicating for her to stop.

"Excuse me, My Lady," the towering Servant carefully picked up the small girl in a bridal carry, and after bending his knees, launched himself towards the sky. Despite his frame, the green-clad Servant seemed almost weightless as he arced towards a rooftop three stories high, Estelle firmly held close. He was not aware of her opinion regarding heights or sudden flight, but it was probably difficult to feel endangered in Lancer's arms.

With a soft thud, they landed on the roof, and Estelle was carefully lowered to her feet, "pardon my rudeness, but time is of critical importance when preparing an ambush."

Indeed, he was aware of a particular presence slowly approaching... doubtless a Servant. He immediately assumed spirit form, though there was every possibility the opposing Servant had noticed him already, anyway. That said, they wouldn't be aware of his exact location, and as long as Estelle remained undetected as well, a surprise attack could theoretically work.

It was best not to be so optimistic when your opponent was a fellow heroic spirit, however.
Hakuno


Silently, Hakuno followed her Servant into the store, witnessing everyone within submit to the small girls' charms pretty much instantly. No matter how many people found themselves compelled to dote and adore the goddess, Hakuno could only ever stare with blank bemusement. For a plain girl that actively strove to make herself look as forgettable as possible, seeing a beautiful girl being worshipped before her was rather surreal and alien.

In fact, the contrast was somewhat worrying, the more Hakuno pondered; while she had no real issue with Archer maintaining a materialised form, her tendency to attract attention with her appearance alone could prove detrimental to her own magecraft. She could make herself as visually memorable as a brock wall all she wanted, but if Hakuno was walking alongside a small goddess, every single person they passed by were sure as hell going to remember the girl lucky enough to accompany the true object of their affections. Never mind the possibility of an enemy master taking notice...

The brown-haired girl jumped slightly when she realised Archer was calling for her. Joining the Servant in the dressing room, Hakuno looked at the offered outfits curiously. It probably went without saying, but Hakuno had zero knowledge of fashion, and letting her choose the outfit was probably a mistake. Still, she got the feeling that Archer would press for a decision, so she tried to imagine what seemed to suit the small Servant best.

The first one... as nice as it would probably look, Archer seemed to be predisposed against it? Which made its' inclusion strange, but maybe it was best to err on the side of caution.

"Besides, it probably suits a taller girl more..." Hakuno muttered to herself, not realising she had spoken that part aloud. Yes, a tall girl, possibly with nice legs and a... well, more filled-out figure would suit that choice better. Therefore, the best thing to do was to point to the latter outfit, "that one, I think?"

@KoL

----------------------

Lancer


"...I should probably choose a closer location. Unfortunately, my choice of vantage point is limited to my abilities," Lancer answered modestly with a small smile. While he was not a big fan of ambushing an unsuspecting opponent, it was unfortunately just another facet of warfare. The unlucky Master to be targeted would just have to hope their Servant was one they could trust to defend them from a surprise attack.

Secretly, the bearded Servant hoped for that outcome as well; his misgivings on an ambush aside, it would indicate an opponent he could enjoy duelling against, at least for a bout. Perhaps he shared a little of Estelle's overwhelming confidence, after all.

"That said, I may have to assume my spiritual form to better hide myself, My Lady," the tall Servant continued conversationally. Despite his almost relaxed demeanour, he was on alert for an ambush aimed towards themselves, as well, keeping pace with the girl to ensure she could be defended from any attack.

"So I would ask that you exercise the most extreme caution," the advice was probably unnecessary, and downright obvious, but Lancer couldn't help but express his worry over his Master's well-being. He was a father in life too, after all.
Kishinami Hakuno


When preparing for a war between mages that utilised the spirits of fallen heroes as your primary weapon, there was a laundry list of things a competent magus must do to ensure they were fully fortified and ready to strike. Kishinami Hakuno would never dare presume she was 'competent', but the brown-haired girl had hoped she possessed common sense to have all her bases covered before summoning.

Staring at the storefront of some clothin franchise, Hakuno wondered if all her studies regarding the Holy Grail War were a lie.

"...Is this place okay?" Hakuno quietly asked her Servant, whom the young girl still believed to be a part of some elaborate joke at her expense. Hakuno had heard of Servants that possessed a 'Divinity' skill, and that they tended to be pretty darn strong as far as Servants went. That also translated to, in her opinion, a level of power Hakuno could never hope to wield.

So imagine the teenager's surprise when her Archer turned out be a full-blown Goddess. She really couldn't help but think she'd accidentally cheated somehow, and was probably trapped in a daze of awe and confusion ever since.

-----------------

Lancer


His Master was an interesting individual, to say the least. Her appearance and demeanour were the very picture of a carefree child with a large zest for life. Even the bearded warrior could recognise her as 'adorable'. And yet, her cheerful words spoke not of joyous events, but of defeating opponents in a deadly battle. It was almost unsettling, were Lancer not sadly used to such a thing. Children growing up in a time of war and chaos, often had to wield a blade before they could fully grasp of the concept of death. To think that even two thousand years later, things hadn't changed that much.

Still, Estelle was his Master, and despite her age, she was obviously capable. Her vast mana reserves allowed him to exert his power, and her cheery words hinted at mercy - while Lancer would not fault her for choosing to kill an opposing Master, allowing them the option to flee at least showed a level of compassion that made her worthy to serve.

Or overwhelming arrogance.

"A swift strike will no doubt devastate our opposition, My lady," the large Servant replied, absent-mindedly stroking at his long beard once more, "defeating an enemy this early will shake up the rest, and allow us momentum from the beginning. It's an excellent move."

Naturally, there was no doubt in Lancer's mind that he would no doubt win any battle for his lord. If he believed his Master to be ultimately righteous, then he would not fail again.
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