and the price of human languishing
It was a safehouse, but it certainly didn't feel safe.
And it was all in part to its vile occupant. Trash littered the floor. Though, the rats and flies seemed to stay away--a surprise for the gutterways that Macaron always resided in. Maybe it was the fact that Macaron never left food out. A craven image of a woman who devoured bone, pith, and seedling. Or those who knew her always had the brief thought that she ate the rats. Of course, that wasn't true in the slightest. But the thought always resided in the back of one's mind.
One's home was a reflection of one's self. Macaron's wasn't great. A swathe of animals formed her psyche. Beaver to dam any pathway of the house with a mixture of trash and knickknacks. Bear to mark the walls in territorial anger. Raccoon to wash everything in sight. Squirrel to hide things in the walls.
Her cabinets were filled with empty tin cans that she couldn't bear the thought of throwing out. It was too difficult to figure out whether she kept them from attachment, sloth, or a primitive desire to cut the sides of her mouth. Perhaps it was all three.
While she never used it, she always kept a mug in the cabinet--even if the bottom of the mug was anointed with circles of dull silver from years of stirring. One that she always washed, even if it was just because it hadn't been used.
She stared out the window, the destitute shade ensuring a one-way observation. People looked like small bugs from the fourth floor. Not quite ants--more like beetles. Perhaps that's why people liked penthouses so much. At least, that's what Macaron mused. They, like her, would find the joy in crushing and burning ants. It was juvenile joy that Macaron managed to acquire in adulthood, even if her languid self would never act it out beyond her thoughts.
And as she wasted away with petty and cruel delusions, a familiar face looked after her. One might find the humour in a thug wearing an apron. But the apron was a dull red--frayed fabric that seemed to be older than the man who wore it. Macaron had cut the cuter ones she had to ribbons. Something about the design angering her. And there he was, making some macaroni.
If she had good humour, she could suppose that it was fitting. She always lacked something to properly make macaroni. The "I" was the issue. The cheap noodles would always get stuck to the bottom--an impenetrable layer of starch within a pot that would sooner find itself embedded in drywall than being scraped out in a sink. Or sometimes the issue would be her impatience and carelessness--the willingness to choke down vaguely cheese-flavoured broth.
Well, what was macaroni without cheese?
From the refusal of eye contact, it seemed like cheese was something Hideji could do without. He was probably smart for that. There was no telling when her unprompted smile would turn into the grimace of a hannya mask.
The news of a letter was certainly unexpected. So much so that the only emotion that Macaron could feel was bewilderment. She never received letters. Not since her family's retained lawyer--the one that didn't die--gave her the pittance that carried her to adulthood. The few letters that came from the government were handled by either Hideji or--when she took care of her--Amaya.
"Why not?" Macaron replied as she approached to take it from his hands.
"Maybe it'll have a lock of hair to curse me in it or something."The thought of curses or danger didn't dissuade her.