I'm more inclined to think that motivation isn't something you gain or lose: it's something you create for yourself. But I see your point. Each hour that
Sengun sees no activity is another hour in which it's buried by the constant updating of the Casual forum. Commentary bomb incoming.
@Kojashi28: This feels hastily written, and suffers for it.
- Appearance: "Looks very clean cut and anime like" - This makes no sense. I don't like it. (I haven't banned the use of a picture outright. You can use one if you want, but it can't be the core focus of the Appearance section. It should be supplementary.)
- Personality: This entire section seems... off. Something about it just rubs me the wrong way.
- Talents: No explanation of how he has the ability to use a Warrior Skill.
- Starter: A Poochyena should only know Tackle and Howl at level 5. Also, you don't specify his ability. This is basic stuff, found on Bulbapedia or Serebii. Gives me the impression you rushed it without doing proper research. Not a good look.
- Inventory: P$10,000 is too much to be carrying on hand. I specify that characters should have a maximum of P$2000.
- Missed the Hometown entry entirely. Raises a red flag.
- Biography is too short for my tastes, and lacking detail in pretty much every aspect.
- - The character sheet doesn't specify what "Poké-Sports" are, or what it takes to become a professional. In addition, without more information on the subject, I get the impression the character became a pro overnight, which is never a good thing.
Recommendation: Slow down. I'm inclined to think this character was a rush job, especially since you asked about starter Pokémon before going back to reread a section. There's no hurry. Take your time, but I would be more inclined towards a complete rewrite if you'd like to try again.
@ToadRopes:
- Appearance: "face has that typical female-game-protagonist shape" - I'm not a fan of this descriptor, in a similar vein to the Appearance issue mentioned in my commentary on Kojashi's application.
- - If the trombone is your personal item that holds significance, that wasn't quite what I was asking for. I'm looking for items that are either worn on the character's person, or easily carried in the middle of a heated encounter. Consider something smaller.
- Bio: Fields of mathematics such as calculating move damage won't have any effect on your battling. We aren't directly referring to pieces of data such as base stats or the power of a chosen move: that is to say, they aren't going to be mentioned in-character at all.
@Krauxis:
- Appearance: "a wiry build that doesn't seem to fit with her rather generous chest". I'm not sure how these coexist. You may wish to go for one or the other.
- Starter: Issue with having Speed Boost as an ability. I specify in the Sengun Pokédex that some Pokémon that normally only have one Ability (such as Pikachu or Torchic) have their Hidden Ability available. Venipede already has two abilities to choose from: Poison Point or Swarm.
Otherwise, seems decent.
@PKMNB0Y: Commentary has already been covered and edited accordingly. Nothing further at this time.
@Rae Zer:
- Appearance: Might just be me, but I don't see a particularly significant personal item.
- Personality: "always kind to people and Pokémon despite his dislike for common trainers and their battling until they all blacked out" - I'm not sure how someone can think at both ends of this particular spectrum.
- - Same goes for the unreliable/reliable trait.
- Inventory: You only need one ponigiri kit, for the tools and recipes within. The ingredients can be restocked at any Poké Mart.
- - Suggestion: Take one kit instead of two, but give him a second package of ingredients.
- Bio: Might just be my limited knowledge on the subject, but I'm not sure how "heavy rocks" would crack the bones in the body of a reasonably well-trained individual, unless there was another source of pressure crushing them into his spine and/or ribcage.
