When Lillianna had brought up the Church of Iris, MacKensie had immediately remembered the wizard's persistance at the Adventurer's Guild. She should've guessed that this was the place she'd wanted to visit, but the frenchwoman was wrapped up in her own self-involved mission of trying to mentally get away from the madness for just a day. Lillianna's desire to repay the debt of honour to the ghost who'd helped them was admirable, which made MacKensie feel even worse.
In the quiet walk through the city streets, MacKensie felt the build-up of stress, tears and racing thoughts that had visited her in every quiet moment she'd had since her first day in this world. The build-up was slow, so she managed to take action before it hit the surface.
"Oh, these bags," she moaned as they got to the city gates, grabbing the attention of her friends as she slowed down and fussed with her grip.
"They are so cumbersome and I am wearing thin." It felt bad to lie, but she had to get away.
"I will take them back to the Mended Drum. I am so sorry I cannot come with you. Here; let me take your things back for you."She kept it short, took any bags they wanted to hand her and gave each of them a quick hug with a friendly (and pretentiously posh) air-kiss.
"I hope you find the answers you are looking for, Lillianna."And she was gone. Down the road, taking two corners to make sure she was alone, she sat down on a convenient street bench and burst into tears.
The trauma of her own terrifying death and radical change of destiny - the idea she'd never see anyone she ever knew ever again? These things were not even top of the list of what haunted the back of her mind anymore. Clive and Arthur - two men she didn't even know in any real sense - seemed to hang in the air over her, and knowing that it was probably the same for everyone else in the party, didn't make her feel any better. How painful and tragic it must've been for them to experience death yet again - to have been ripped from a second world in a matter of days. Lillianna had almost joined them too. Even with Zell almost killing himself to save her, had James made a single mistake, wasted a single second, she would've surely bled out.
And this led her thoughts from the traumas of the last few days, to the terrifying prospect of what was to come in the future. All any of them needed to do was be a little slow... a little late... make a single mistake... and it would be over for them. It might be over for all of them at once - their mistakes would affect the whole party. What was she thinking, flying around with her magical gauntlet like that!? Barely any practice at all and she was taking to the heights of the tops of trees, executing acrobatics off of instinct, relying on inhuman coordination and perception. What was she thinking, shooting that crossbow bolt right by Zell's ear in their first battle!? She could rely on her accuracy with a stationary target, sure, but what if he'd moved a muscle or even flinched?
She would have to be more careful. Anything beyond her shooting accuracy, she would have to be so very sure of her actions. And the grapplehook was too out of control. She wasn't sure she could bring herself to make much use of it anymore. She was also one of the ones who'd pushed the party to take the gold contract. Any deaths on this next mission would be on her conscience.
She cried, despaired and wallowed for maybe a halfhour. Then she wiped her eyes and went back to the Mended Drum.............
"Hiiii," was her overly cheery greeting from across the room. She was far enough away from Adam and James that she could beam a smile at them and head upstairs without them noticing anything was wrong.
After she put any shopping bags in the appropriate rooms, she went and washed her face, then sat in front of the mirror in her own room.
She tried out the new face cream she'd bought, and then spent an inordinate amount of time combing her hair while she mentally recovered and re-strengthened herself back to her usual upbeat and positive form.
"Stiff upper lip, Mac," she whispered at herself in the mirror.
"You are fine. You are strong." She gave herself a reassuring smile.
"You are a Trydant."