Smiral said
Eh, the only embarrassing moment I can think of that isn't trivial is that time I got and went to the mall to get Chick Fil A.And then I projectile vomited in the middle of the food court for no apparent reason.Too high to particularly care though.EDIT: wait no, I remembered another instance but that one also involved vomiting.

Tell it anyway

Post it, Smiral.

I was trying to remember some that didn't involve sex that would be safe to post. I got one.

I was about 20 or so, and my friends and I went to a big outdoor concert that Disturbed was headlining. At the time I was trying to lose some weight so I was taking these pills called Zantrex and sometimes they could cause uh...stomach upset. So we're all moshing and having a good ole time and suddenly I start to get the bubble guts. Oh shit. Run to the portapotties. Goddamnit Disturbed is taking the stage. I find an empty one and lock myself in. I'm dying. It's so hot and it smells like a litter box. A couple are in the portojohn next to me getting it on, I can hear the rhythmic thumping. So I'm stuck in there, stomach cramping and you can guess the rest. I can hear the song 'Down With the Sickness' playing and I was like, "Yes I am." :(

I was stuck in there most of their set. Finally get out on the last two songs and after the show my friends were looking for me. Had to tell them where I was. They laughed and made fun of me the rest of the day.

TL;DR I got to a big concert and get the shits and miss the headlining band while in the portapotty.

A friend of mine was like "You're trying hydrocodone today" and I was like "okay". Then we ate Cicis pizza. A lot of Cicis pizza. I got back to her house and immediately painted the walls with colorful pizza goodness.

Prescription drugs are bad, mkay.

I've had Cici's pizza, it wouldn't take hydro to make me throw it all back up.

idlehands said
I've had Cici's pizza, it wouldn't take hydro to make me throw it all back up.

oh I can eat the -shit- out of bullshit food

I'm an American

My worst was probably the first time I went out drinking with friends. I'd had a shit-tonne to drink before, and had never hit my limit, so I completely misjudged it, downed a wine-bottle-sized bottle of rum, puked in McDonald's, and stumbled home through what used to be the most dangerous street in Scotland. I then continued to be ill far into the small hours of the morning. The embarrassment was significantly worse than how awful I physically felt (although I did avoid a hangover, thank fuck.)
Srsly, I'm never misjudging that badly again. Shudder.

My fav so far is blitz taking his friend's barely-average, puke-covered sloppy seconds.

You people are far too tame to handle stories of my sex life, but I'll share some alcohol nonsense. I was hanging out at a friend's family gathering. I'm still convinced there was something else going on, but I ended up smoking some chop and drinking maybe five beers and then blacking out for several hours. Apparently while I was in this memory lapse the cops showed up and nearly took me and some others to jail (I also said some 'funny' things to the cops if stories are correct). After this encounter with the cops I also managed to lose my wallet and keys (found them the next day) and pass out for a bit on a set of workout equipment. I now have a rep with said friend's family for drinking too much at family occasions, when as far as I remember I drank what would barely give me a buzz normally.

mbl said
My fav so far is blitz taking his friend's barely-average, puke-covered sloppy seconds.You people are far too tame to handle stories of my sex life, but I'll share some alcohol nonsense. I was hanging out at a friend's family gathering. I'm still convinced there was something else going on, but I ended up smoking some chop and drinking maybe five beers and then blacking out for several hours. Apparently while I was in this memory lapse the cops showed up and nearly took me and some others to jail (I also said some 'funny' things to the cops if stories are correct). After this encounter with the cops I also managed to lose my wallet and keys (found them the next day) and pass out for a bit on a set of workout equipment. I now have a rep with said friend's family for drinking too much at family occasions, when as far as I remember I drank what would barely give me a buzz normally.

Most of my embarrassing stories deal with sexual situations. I didn't want to poison the minds of the kiddos in Spam.

you assholes can't bring up odd sex stories and not go through with telling them

I don't want to get in trouble >.>

Surely you can relay the gist of it without going into any actual detail

Sometimes it's all in the details. I'll edit the ones I told in PM

wut

How I ended up in the ER twice because of sexual activities gone awry.

1. Fooling around in the shower at a hotel and forgot to put down the bathmat. My husband was sitting on the ledge and goes to grab me, I slip and take a header into the opposite ledge, missing the faucet by an inch. End up with a chipped front tooth that has to be capped and a split lip, blood everywhere. This was in Denver, we were on vacation for our first anniversary and it was Labor Day weekend. No dentists were open and my husband was getting questioned by the cops while I was seeing the nurse in the ER. Everyone must have thought he beat me or something, it was pretty embarrassing having to explain to the nurse and the cops what really happened.

2. A few years later, having sex in a certain position with my husband, I'm not a dancer, nor a super flexible person, so when he does that I feel a twinge in my ribs. No big deal because it's feeling great lower down. Later that night I wake up with this sharp pain in my chest, I'm thinking 'holy shit a heart attack? wtf!' So he takes me to the ER and they run all kinds of tests, nothing. The doctor, who has like 4 interns with him, starts poking around and asks me if I had bent in an awkward position or picked up something heavy because it sounded like I had some pinched cartilage between my ribs. That's when I look him in the eye and tell him, "Yeah, my husband here had me bent like a pretzel earlier." The interns start tittering and making furious notes and the doctor I can tell is trying not to laugh. My husband's face was



And my face was red.

TL;DR It hurts so good.

idlehands said
Sometimes it's all in the details. I'll edit the ones I told in PM

There were PMs?
Aww shucks, I want to get on in the smut.

I'll tell things as I remember them, some are sex related, most are alcohol related, but a few are just me being stupid.

My Sophomore year in college is when I achieved heavy-weight drinking status. It used to be a 4 hour drive from my house to my school, so I left early morning with my family to move in a few days before classes. All I had for breakfast was a bagel from a gas station, no drinks. After moving in, I had lunch which consisted of half a glass of power-aid and nothing else (i dunno, I wasn't hungry). I was probably on this site when my friend called me and said she had "a really great idea". Me, her, and three other guys we knew all started "day drinking" at 2 PM. I was taking it easy until she brought out the Jerahmiah Weed Sweet-Tea-Vodka (I fucking love sweet tea!)

With being up since 4 AM, and a bagel and a half cup of power-aid being the only things in me other than booze, I was apparently fully gone by 3:30. From then until 9:00 is lost to me, but I pieced together the story from eyewitness accounts (everyone else was also pretty drunk but not on my god-level).

Apparently, after I got bored with the drinking games and the talking, I started going through my friend's kitchen, taking all the pots and pans and moving them throughout the apartment. When they decided to get dinner, apparently I developed a temper and would run away from them whenever they got me outside. They chased me around the building a few times then just ended up locking me in the bathroom while they ate.

When they came back, I had somehow gotten out, was wearing woman underwear on my head, and had re-organized most of the furniture in the apartment. At this point I started gaining slight consciousness. After force-feeding me eggs, I started puking all over my friend while continuously asking my friend to have sex with me (I do remember that, and at the time I thought it was a really hilarious thing for me to say).

At 9:30 I was escorted to my room and thus the first day of college was over.

Blitzkrieg said
There were PMs?Aww shucks, I want to get on in the smut.

Any time, bby. Just bring you and your avatar.

That's some heavy drinking, who knew you'd become an temperamental interior designer when wasted.

idlehands said
Any time, bby. Just bring you and your avatar. That's some heavy drinking, who knew you'd become an temperamental interior designer when wasted.

Oh god I almost died that night.

First time I ever puked.

Second and last time was the "Absinthe Incident."