caan weee staaart yeeeet...

*small child's voice*

kk, just remembered this. I'll get around to throwing up a CS sheet soon.

Prometheus said
caan weee staaart yeeeet... *small child's voice*

QFT

Oyyyy. *waves hands* No one's gonna even ask how I'm feeling? I'm hurt. *puts hand to heart*

Looks like I've got some stuff to look over, which I will do straight away, so I'll be editing this post to give feedback to those who have submitted. To anyone who still wants to submit something, hurry the fuck up. Since the GM is no longer incapacitated, she would like to start within the next day or so...so...yeah the sooner any last minute CS pops up, the better. But it will still be possible for people to join us even after the story had started, it just won't be easy for you.

Anywho, great to see people are excited to get this thing going!

For some reason the above post isn't being shown so here's another and I'll edit whichever soon

Now for the CS stuff!

Sorry if I rambled, I kind of did this in one sitting with me needing to eat dinner...so yeah....

@Rayn Night: I don't think "Leaderly" is a word, you probably mean "Leader" or "Takes Command" etc. Since he's sophisticated and dedicated, I find it a bit sudden to then say he doesn't act with honor. Blunt honesty and cruelty I can shrug and nod along with but is there a reason as to why he lacks honor? (Poor Eddard Stark, every man must have HONOR! I couldn't help myself...)

Since many of his spells deal with calling upon spirits, is it possible he's more of a monk (not the term I'm looking for but I can't think of the other word) or some sort of spiritual person? Anyhow, just some clarification needed and I think you're okay.

@Essence: Let's see here...

The idea that a liar can be honorable is a stretch, in my mind. I'm curious though, as to seeing it in action. So I'll let that slide because hey, charmers gonna charm.

I am a lil hesitant to have your character in possession of a shard at the start (but hey he got consequences prior to a lovely offer) but as long as you know he won't keep it in the end (at least at the start, I have NO idea how this will pan out, if the gems will even be fully restored, etc). I'll probably let any person "keep" a shard on them, should they find it and get it back, as they are representing their homeland, though shards won't work differently for different people. It won't give "more" luck to others so to say that Oliver (I'll either think of that Disney movie or Richard Hammond's cute lil car) "it seemed that no one else could use it with quite the proficiency that 'Live did" so that bit is kind of a bit...*waves hand a little* unnecessary I say.

He's also a bit young to know five kickass spells. I'd say knock it down to three, keep his signature one and probably two others but what he has so far is a bit much for a 25 year old chap who steals to get by (how much time can a thief have on his hands if he's always looking over his shoulder?).

Other than some small tweaks...you could be approved.

@Oblivion: Lazy and adventurous can kind of contradict each other, is there an instance where one would rule over the other...?

Some complex spells for someone so young, I'd say knock them down to three of your choosing?

Not much else concerns me, which is good. I think.

@Clumsywordsmith: Oh I had no idea I was even looking at a CS to be honest, this could have used some coding to break it up or a hider or something, it just seemed like a mess but hey, I'm nearly blind so maybe it's just me. ^^;

Now then...

Being a very visual person (and as a GM who makes graphics for her RPs) I'd hope you could find a picture of your character, a description is great but it pretty much comes in the RP itself so if you found a picture of at least his profile, that would be a big help to just get a sense of everything.

Though damn, nicely written piece when it came to their origin. Nice prose with the spells too.

Though just to clarify that my understanding is solid, his defensive mind (getting really lazy as I wrap these up, sorry) is mostly a mental trick to make his enemies think they're being controlled/pulled in odd ways?

His healing method, is it pretty much meditation? How does it heal or differ from someone doing it without magic intent?

I would then say that his first "offensive" skill may need to be held off until we make some more progress, like the others I don't think knowing more than three ish skills if you're 25 is fair. And with the final one, which I assume you should keep over the other, is that it provides internal clarity and sound-mind but what does it do about physical attacks? Its name suggests something chaotic and crazy like where he grew up and trained (which is badass) but you can give him a bit more grit if you'd like.

Just some thoughts.

@Everyone else: Okay so I think I have some people on the cusp of acceptance, two accepted. No one totally banished from this thread which is good (for now...). I need to tally up a quick cheat sheet of who is who and then I'll make my own roles and see what needs attention. I likely will be playing 2-3 roles. One of which will be the sort of scholar/neutral party who will be my tool to give information and guidance while the other(s) will be normal players who aren't much special.

Questions or stuff like that, say it now. *waves hand* I'm ready to get this up, like ya'll are.

No one cares how you're feeling. We only care about the level of awesomeness you can provide as GM and how sweet this game sounds. :P

No, seriously, how are you?

I knew I was being used! *cries and gets out a creative rape whistle*

,,,Well I'm almost done critiquing the CS pileup, so that's good news.

I was pretty much in bed all of Wed and yesterday I got my midterm back and then went out to celebrate so I'm much better. My face only hurts a little bit. *spins around in chair*

Genkai said
@Rayn Night: I don't think "Leaderly" is a word, you probably mean "Leader" or "Takes Command" etc. Since he's sophisticated and dedicated, I find it a bit sudden to then say he doesn't act with honor. Blunt honesty and cruelty I can shrug and nod along with but is there a reason as to why he lacks honor? (Poor Eddard Stark, every man must have HONOR! I couldn't help myself...)

Since many of his spells deal with calling upon spirits, is it possible he's more of a monk (not the term I'm looking for but I can't think of the other word) or some sort of spiritual person? Anyhow, just some clarification needed and I think you're okay.

Yes, simply putting leader is a much easier option xD. Now, to the more detailed and important info.

1. His lack of honor is more towards the actions he takes. He will do things that are considered to be dishonorable (Assassinating someone, poisoning someone, treating him like dirt and like a low life. Basically he does not limit himself by a code of honor, as anything to make his nation prosper is appreciated). Now, he is sophisticated in the way he speaks and interacts, speaking properly and formally, rarely curses or raises his voice at anyone unless necessary. Usually polite and firm in his sayings.

2. The spirits he has are souls of warriors that have served Rilvaugh's family for years. It would be more spirits that have been gathered by "necromancers in his family". No, they do not summon the dead or create n/cromancers, they are more people that manipulate the fine lines between life and death.

So the idea or label of "dishonor" stems more from outside actions (aside from honoring his homeland)? So it's more of a family connection or pact (of sorts) that he has with the summoning spirits? I think with the clarification, you'll be accepted. *nods*

Yes, the concept of dishonor here is more he is willing to do things that are normally very "cowardly" or "he takes the easy, quick way out". He does retain some type of honor for the people of his nation, although he does do very dishonorable things to accomplish his goals.

For the spirits, yes it would be a pact with the spirits, using them to bolster himself in exchange of a easier afterlife. You can say the spirits are always around him but they are never "present" around him until he summons them within him. They rest when not summoned. Eventually, Rilvaugh will gain the power to capture spirits and make a pact with them like the others. Both Rilvaugh and they spirits have to agree on the terms for it to work.

The idea that a liar can be honorable is a stretch, in my mind. I'm curious though, as to seeing it in action. So I'll let that slide because hey, charmers gonna charm.

The key is in the details of the wording: he lies when he's just talking, but when he makes an actual promise, he keeps it.

He's also a bit young to know five kickass spells. I'd say knock it down to three, keep his signature one and probably two others but what he has so far is a bit much for a 25 year old chap who steals to get by (how much time can a thief have on his hands if he's always looking over his shoulder?).

Yeah, I misunderstood the premise. I thought the magic came from the shards, so people with no shards had no magic, and the power of your magic was more dependent on your shards than on your training/experience.

I'll fix that up shortly.

[edit]Done![/edit]

@Rayn Night: Mmmmk. *nods nods*

@Essence: No no, they would enhance luck and good fortune but wouldn't directly give someone more power, just in the in-direct manner of say, having better luck in battle or finding a coin on the ground, or getting some free food from a passing merchant, etc.

So I think it's good now. ^^;

Hmm, I could always play him as a few years older -- simply because I envisioned the offensive and defensive spells to compliment one another, and to form (along with the healing spell) the core of the Bereaved's essential training. Some might be more inclined toward specializing in one specific branch from there, and so on. The final spell, as it were, is more of a passive effect, yes -- the actual invocation would be a sort of Deus Ex Machina that would in most normal circumstances involve the sacrifice of the caster himself.

The healing spell is not quite meditation -- more an ability that takes place while sleeping, when he has the capability to walk amongst the threads of his own dreams and those of others. Simply meditating would not be enough to reach this state, rather, you might see it more as a magical form of lucid dreaming.

As for a picture... Well, I'm bad with that. In fact, I tend to be a stickler for not finding portraits for my characters; imagery is evoked through artistry, and I very much enjoy moulding a character through words only, and allowing the reader to form their own impression as to appearances. If a picture is worth a thousand words, then how many pictures could I create with the same thousand words?

I'm still a bit...unsure if we're seeing eye to eye just yet, though it is 1:30 AM, I still feel a bit apprehensive. I'm trying to pinpoint why. I know I don't want people going to one far side of the spectrum with massive godmod spells and attributes but at the same time, you do have to prove yourself useful to the ragtag group of explorers and earn a spot as a useful member of the group. It just seems at his young age, to have such a grasp of mental ability to the extent you're aiming for is a bit...of a stretch. And their uses are somewhat limited and unconventional in the sense that the action happens where people can't see. (mind control) And it's a risk as a GM to let characters with such a wild card "spell" I know Rayn Night has a similar idea but they have limitations and a solid backstory to back theirs up. I do like your character's origin and backstory but I'm just concerned about the abilities they have and the age as well. I think even if the age was increased, I'd still be weary. Can't find a picture? Fine whatever, I get people have an image they can't quite pin point visually but it would have been cool of you to at least try. I mean anyone and everyone will write their appearance throughout the RP, I just figure it would help to have a reference to glance at when it comes to linking a character's name with a general appearance when it comes to writing and first meeting everyone.

hate to break it to you genk, but the optimal time to start this thing is yesterday. Would you mind posting up something IC to start off those of us who are already accepted? I'd like to get to writing for this, soon. TBH, When I submitted my character, my impression was that we'd be starting within a day or 3, and we're approaching the 2nd week, so...

Pleeeeeeze?

Hmm, I thought I'd written the limitation right in there -- that the untrained or weaker practitioners were at risk of finding themselves inadvertently absorbing too much of the victim's mind and thoughts, and gradually finding themselves going insane because of it. Perhaps the point I'm not making clear is that just because he knows these spells does not mean he is completely competent in using them to their fullest extent. Like another language -- there is a distinct difference between having a grasp of it and being fluent.

And I understand your hesitancy in regards to mind control -- I would be leery as well . But to clarify, this is not mind control, rather, it is manipulation on a very minor scale. The strike that goes awry, the arrow that just barely misses, so on and so forth. He cannot directly force anyone to do something -- he is still too much a novice for that.

Genkai: I just wanted to double check since it didn't look like you addressed it... I did update my character a little (which included another spell) about a week ago. I just wanted to make sure she was still alright.

@JustAlice: Nooo I guessed I missed it. But I checked and it looks good to me, I thought I already approved you! XD

@Clumsywordsmith: Let me get back to you. I'm about to head to class and I hate using computers at school because they're gross and uncomfortable. So I'll get home tonight and will be able to better reply/hash stuff out with you. >.<'

@Prometheus: I'm glad you're stoked and ready to go but as a GM, there's just one or two small things I need to settle among the others prior to starting, if you are eager, you can work on a kickass intro. I would like to get this going too, yesterday would have been great actually. I'm still stuck at uni right now and won't be back home for a couple of hours, I'm unsure if I can get an intro (which should be pretty long to include notices to all of the currently accepted roles plus the ones I need to post) up tonight but since I have nothing to do tomorrow save for taking out the trash, an intro ideally would be up tomorrow night at the latest.

@Everyone: I'm going to go back and check who has been officially accepted and who still needs to edit, if you have edited, tell me what you changed so I can take a look.

I've edited Noelle as according to your comments. I'd like to point out that two of her spells are supplementary, though, and were taught to her as a young child so she still remembers them. Also, I've changed 'Adventurous' to 'Curious', though I was planning on making the adventurous quality a major source of indecisiveness from her a sort of 'should-I-should-I-not' kind of thing but nevertheless, changed and I hope you like this version better ^^

Still here, being the Rayn I am.