Hidden 9 yrs ago Post by Alina13
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That's an hour too long xD
Hidden 9 yrs ago Post by RiverMaiden
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I'm a third of the way down with my IC post. Hopefully someone gets a kick out of it XD
Hidden 9 yrs ago Post by Alina13
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haha I think my character is pretty bad ass but he's gonna have to either be friends with everyone or just awkwardly stalk everyone xD
Hidden 9 yrs ago Post by RiverMaiden
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@Alina13
Don't worry! Mary will come to save the day!

...Or make it worse, but whatever works :D
Hidden 9 yrs ago Post by Lonewolf685
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@Alina13 Well since i'm here I'll give it a go.
First, everything with the spirit is fine. I question why most of the spirits seem to share Tsundere personalities, but since i'm among them it's only an observation, not a complaint.

Second, can you clarify his magic? Is he actually making his words come from another's mouth, or throwing it magically so it sounds like it is coming from somewhere? 10 mile range seems a bit much too, though I struggle to think where you could even use that range to the fullest since he'd likely not know what was going on from that distance.

Third, is the personality intentionally paradoxical? He claims to be cool and calm under pressure, greeting people in a smooth manner, yet is also at the same twitchy, paranoid, and stutters around people he meets.

Beyond the latter two he seems to be an interesting sort, but best wait for the other GMs to weigh in.
Hidden 9 yrs ago Post by RiverMaiden
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@Lonewolf685
Tia is more kuudere than tsundere, but I see your point. Maybe Spirits are just naturally cold to others? XD
Hidden 9 yrs ago Post by Lonewolf685
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Well they only come to the person who literally serenades them, so makes sense :3
Hidden 9 yrs ago Post by BurningCold
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Cloud isn't. It loves to help!
Hidden 9 yrs ago Post by Lonewolf685
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As does Rin.
Hidden 9 yrs ago Post by TheWendil
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My Spirits aren't Tsundere....
Hidden 9 yrs ago Post by Lonewolf685
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No, but you are, Windel-chan~
Hidden 9 yrs ago Post by TheWendil
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Nah. I'm more of a Yandere.

I'm watching you even now.
Hidden 9 yrs ago Post by TheWendil
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@Alina13

Much like what Lone said, his personality is conflicting. Is he super confident or is he extremely paranoid? Furthermore, his voice manipulation and air pressure don't seem to coincide with one another. He can keep one so I would recommend getting rid of the air pressure manipulation and keeping the voice mimicry.
Hidden 9 yrs ago Post by KoL
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@Alina13

Well, I'm at college now so I can't elaborate on my ideas too much. I'll give a proper review once I get back home, but most of what I think boils down to @Lonewolf685's comment, replying to it is half way to help us.

@TheWindel can day what they think as well of they want to.
Hidden 9 yrs ago Post by KoL
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@Alina13

OK, now that I'm free, I'll submit opinion on your Josiah.

- First, his personality is indeed paradoxical, mostly, how can he be calm and collected and paranoid at the same time? Both traits are kind of mutually exclusive, perhaps if you elaborate a bit further, we can understand him better.

- Second and most important, you need to clear his powers up, since they have no synergy between them/are too exaggerate. You should chose between the pressure manipulation and the sound manipulation, you can expand either one to compensate the loss, with say flight/a sonic shock wave, or whatever you can come up with, but make it more well cohesive. Also, breathing in any air pressure is different than breathing if there's no air, just mind this.
Hidden 9 yrs ago Post by RiverMaiden
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The Brunette is now airborne. I repeat, The Brunette is now airborne.
Hidden 9 yrs ago 9 yrs ago Post by Eklispe
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I did a thing. Now its here. Looks like fun and what better character for a music RP than a deaf one right? XD
Hidden 9 yrs ago Post by KoL
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@Eklispe

Hi there, since I'm here now, I'll leave a review of your character.

- The first and second paragraphs of his personality are conflicting in some points, like. He's eager to make friends, but also walls people off? That seems like a counter productive behavior that, while not impossible to consolidate *cough*Hedgehog Dilemma*cough*, would require more explanation as to not make it look like he's a mad man.

- I would suggest a more portable instrument, because something that big will likely cause you trouble sometime, but that's just a suggestion, you don't have to take it if you don't want, just be aware of my note.

- I didn't got how his weapon works, a clarification might be needed.

- As far as power goes, I think it's fair, but I don't see how the dampening power can escalate with time, it should be powerful the louder he sings.

- On the Spirit, the first power is mostly ok, but there's an inconsistency. A core should be a rigid center (otherwise it's just more goo, defeating the point of having a core), thus she shouldn't be capable of completely bypassing any place where her core doesn't fit.

- For her second power, I just want to say that she can only absorb things that count as Earth matter. That is, earth, sand, rock, minerals, metals, etc. She' not able to able absorb any other matter, specially organic matter, considering that she's a lump of mercury. By the way, increase her weight, if she's human sized and made of metal she should be much heavier than a person, at least 3 times.

As always, you should take into consideration anything that @TheWindel and @Lonewolf685 might have to add. I'm waiting for a reply.

See ya.
Hidden 9 yrs ago Post by Lonewolf685
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I'm going to concur with KoL on those points they made. Can't see anything to else to add to that.
Hidden 9 yrs ago Post by Eklispe
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Alright thanks for the quick review.

-I'm afraid it looks like I did a poor job of explaining this. He doesn't wall people off all the time, that would be silly. Rather think of how when some people get annoyed with someone or angry with them, they react negatively. Rather than being aggressive/violent or complaining, he would simply keep a cool air of politeness towards them in order to make them leave him alone. Like when you try to talk to someone and they only ever give mono-syllable answers and don't try to further the conversation.

-Noted

-Explaining things again. When its ability to bend activates it basically becomes a piece of play-dough. You can bend it with little apparent effort. Unlike play-dough you can't stretch it or really break it anymore than you could when its normal. When its not active then it functions like a normal metal stick you whack people with. Is that more clear?

-Subject to change but I'll put out my reasoning. I thought of it as a sort of noise that is kind of not that noticeable at first but the longer it goes on the more pervasive it becomes, until it becomes the only thing you can hear. Much like the itch that doesn't seem like much but you idly scratch it and it becomes worse and worse until its the only thing you can think about. If not then I'll make the revision to your suggestion.

-Ah yes, apologies, I added the core later in the creation and forgot to revise it. Oops :<

-Fair 'nough

Anything else for me to fix?
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