Gold. Black. A golden throne made sense, as only a regal toilet of such shade fits her dropping, but pooping was an art for a bird such as she! It took perfect aim and a lot of gusto to pull off a launch, and so she would pick the obsidian throne instead.

She twisted her neck to glance at her partner, another red robin, who nodded at her with the solemn face of a pastor.

With renewed determination, she flew up and performed a triple Lutz airborne before a gunk of white could be seen falling from the skies, straight onto Jaeger@Ashifili.

Her partner sang in victory and together they flew into the sunset morning sun.

Next to him, also stuck between branches threatening to give way for them to dive twenty feet down onto an empty, grassless patch, was a blonde@Skyswimsky whom the birds chose to spare, since her hair was deemed sub-par for the bird's dropping to stand out.

Well, monochrome would always remain classic.

Below them was another blonde@Zombehs, who would be stirring by now, next to a pile of crap obviously left behind by a camper recently: a net, a tent fabric, a few sticks taken from brooms, a long rope, a knife large enough to stab a wild turkey through, and a waxy stone.

Luna@Jin, Smackahoe@King Tai and MisterListertheSisterFister@Jerkchicken found themselves awakening to the sound of running water from a humble stream, which flowed in a gentle slope downwards on a hill.

If their eyes followed the direction of the flow, they would see the inklings of a woman bathing alone.

Should they decide not to interact with her and went the opposite direction, they would see silhouettes of houses on stilts, where irrigation from the stream provided them water supply drawable from man-made wells under each house.

A trio - @Blueflame@Naltorix@sakurasan - found themselves mounted on top of three bored-looking donkeys inching closer to a small settlement of houses on stilts. As they slowed to a stop, a frantic woman in tattered dark grey robes and dull mustard-coloured headscarf came tumbling at them.

She was clutching onto a dark blue scrap of cloth as her withered-by-years face twisted with fear and urgency. "FusionC! You and your friends have to help me! My husband is gone!"

Behind the old lady was a residential area, in which wooden houses with a fusion of brick stilts supporting them. Some villagers could be seen milling about, paying the woman no heed. One man was under his house; he tinkered with the pump that looked less than top shape, glanced at the three outsiders with little curiosity and much familiarity before he continued the repair at hand. He took care not to slip into the drain of water that freely rushed through the canal towards other homes.

>> Accept quest or get bearings in village first?

(IC now open.)

A raven-haired angel, having fallen out of heaven’s graces, descended upon the pitiful world. His countenance was one of elegance and generousity; his eyelashes as long as a girl’s. Silky strands of midnight caressed his face, and the branches of bondage refused to free him. A natural crucifixion, for a being too sinfully beautiful to remain within the Garden of Eden, and yet, too divinely irresistible to remain unfettered in this unhallowed landscape.

Truly, an extreme punishment for a nerd who just tried to get as much gaming time in before the server maintenance booted his tight, cute ass out.

Opening his eyes to blue skies and grassy plains, Jaeger felt an odd stickiness upon his head. It was lukewarm and viscous, and as he moved to touch it, the branches rustled below. He paused, looked around properly, and sighed. He definitely didn’t remember being here, nor did he remember feeling so…weak. With a total of one month’s time playing in Sword Fart Online, Jaeger was accustom to being a badass warrior, superhumanly strong and fast, but now? He almost felt like a normal human! What was go-

His Inventory was empty.

All the equipment that his beloved Schwertleite passed down to him…gone. All the crafting materials that he hoarded because he had no idea what to do with them…gone. Even that one leg of virtual turkey he was saving for tomorrow…gone!

Then what about…

He turned around violently, the branches rattling beneath him. Night blue eyes frantically flickered about, searching for the rest of his party, before, finally, they melted. Ah, whether in reality or in virtual reality, Schwertleite’s sleeping face was so cute~

Crack

And just like that, the fallen angel fell from another type of heaven, plummeting twenty feet onto the less desireable blond German player: Nein.

I need to pee.

That was Luna’s first thought. She cracked open one eye, and then the other. She lay motionless, squinting at the ceiling. “Shit.” This was not SFO—at least, not as she remembered it.

…did she remember?

Luna frowned, probing her brain; but it, too, threw up its hands in defeat. Nothing, nada, zilch, zero—it was there, but out of reach, entrenched in fog. She sat upright, a hand pressed to her temple. She needed a drink.

She crawled over to the stream, the grass stiff beneath her fingers, and peered intently at her reflection. “Water situation we’ve gotten into, eh?” She asked herself. Well, at least she had her hat. She stood, tipping the brim with her thumb. Wherever she was, it didn’t seem dangerous. She looked south of the stream.

Her jaw went slack. There, right there, au naturale, was a woman. “Damn. Damn. I could swing either way, but right now, I’m swinging her way,” she said, with an appreciative hum. She took an emboldened step forward. “Wha—”

Before falling flat on her face.



“Stupid—… Can’t even spawn right…” She muttered, dusting her cassock. She glared at the unconscious body before turning away with a sniff. “Well, I guess it’d be kind of creepy to just walk up to her. Hey, how you doin’? I was just pervin’ on you before, up on that hill; I mean, it was a nice thing to see, waking up without any recollection of your last life, you know? Okay, maybe not a last life—wait, is that an NPC or is that a real, true-to-life, alive, person?”

She trailed off. “Oh shit.” She opened her inventory, knowing but not wanting to. It was empty. She swallowed, hand trembling. Suddenly, she felt weak, lesser than a level one slime. What the fuck. She’d been powerful; people kissed her feet when she joined their party, and now—

She turned to her unconscious companion. Maybe, it was a good idea to wait after all.

-
@King Tai Decided that your character would be the body that my character tripped over. Hope that's a-okay.

Slumped against the great tree with his lolled to the side, the blonde seemed to be at peace as his chest rose almost imperceptibly.

At peace his ass though, as Nein jolted upwards with a startled expression. Wide eyes glanced around as he looked left and then right. His attention quickly settled on his right shoulder, or rather the distinct lack of his bonded companion where it was supposed to be. It didn’t make the situation any easier to deal with, only more understandable.

Nein had already noticed various things that pointed to the conclusion he had drawn such as his senses weren’t as sharp and he couldn’t sense the presence of creatures that must have inhabited the area. “Status!” The menu quickly appeared at his vocalization and he was able to confirm that, yes, he had infact been reset to level one somehow. For a moment disbelief warred with sheer anger at all that time down the drain, but he quickly calmed down and did the next rational thing.

Attempt to open a ticket with one of the GMs to solve what had to be a bug.

Sure he had stayed logged in right up to the scheduled maintenance time, but that in no way justified a hard reset of his character. He had worked hard damn it! Four damn advancements to get the Tamer class. Countless days spent running around one damn region to find his companion, and then a chain quest to actually obtain the partnership. Enough of that for now though, where was that ticket option…

“Options.” While the menu did appear, it was rather startling to see that practically every button was greyed out and inaccessible. Tapping them did nothing but cause a shrill beep to ring out, and after several moments Nein simply stopped and stared. Moments passed and as nothing changed Nein couldn’t help but chuckle before his expression did a 180° turn and he looked upwards. “You just had to fucking name it Sword Fart Online didn’t you?!? Well it’s real fuc-”

Shortly into his rant Nein stopped abruptly for various reasons. The ominous crack for one, the fact he actually noticed and recognized the two above him for another, and the fact that Ja had begun to fall for the last.

Bolting up on his feet, he just managed to catch the raven-haired brother of Schwertleite. The impact jarred his arms far more than he liked and Nein grimaced as he felt it run through his entire body. Still, he put on a smile as he looked down at Jaeger and said, “You can say, ‘My hero,’ now yo-” Stopping abruptly as he focused on the white splotch on his teammate’s head, Nein frowned as he asked, “Is that bird shit on you?”

Clearly, hanging around with trees was not one of Schwertleite's most favourite hobby. Thus, it came to no surprise that the girl woke up the entire forest with a big, typical and not elegant 'EEEEEEHHHHHHHHHH!?' Including a lot more, redundant, exclamation- and question-marks. It was only through luck that the molesting branches did not yield to the feather-light weight that every female self-proclaimed protagonist possessed, giving the apparent german girl some more time to analyze the situation she was in.

Right, she was grinding rare materials for the Randgris-Set, which recipe was even rarer. The boots, to be specific, which would have doubled her current jumping limit. And of course she had been stuck on the last drop for hours. Now, the server maintenance probably hit, which would most likely forced her to log out. But this? Was this...some special event? Hah! Leite was truly lucky. Though, the spawning location was still strange.

It took her only a few moments though before her wishful thinking slowly turned into grim realization. She felt... different, something was off. Really off. Taking a good look at herself it became apparent: Her equipment was missing. Instead, she was wearing some lowly peasant clothing that were way beyond her. Were the GMs harassing her?!

Well, they clearly messed with the wrong girl, doing something unwomanly as pointing her middle finger up to the sky she simply said. "Even in those I still look gorgeous!" Not even a second after though, as if she had just spoken some sort of spell, the blonde girl heard the sounds of wood cracking, sealing the deal for her impending fall.

Giving off the mandatory "Kyyyyaaaa!"-sound that was in the arsenal of every woman. Schwertleite fell down and cursed her great hair for not providing any Aerodynamics. No, she could only hope something would cushion her fall! Well, she could also try to do some acrobatic shit, but considering the low-level the girl had, this was out of question.

Instead of back-breaking pain, what Ja got instead was Nein’s noodle arms cushioning his twenty foot fall. Blinking at the young man’s words, the raven-haired boy tilted his head to the side and blandly replied, “I don’t know. You tell me.” If it was bird shit though, it’d probably disappear after a short while. While Sword Fart Online was realistic, it wasn’t THAT realistic, right? Same with how brutal injuries disappear after a few seconds, or how water particle effects weren’t quite as natural as they were in real life.

Before Jaeger could fully appreciate the cradle that was Nein’s slim, yet unreasonably strong arms, a distant ‘kyaa’ brought his attention upwards again. Most likely caused by his own unceremonious fall, another angel descended from the heavens, the radiant morning sun and open skies turning her flaxen hair into a saintly veil. With meteoric force, her firm ass smashed into his midsection, a powerful blow that knocked him from Nein’s embrace into the grassy plain.

The raven-haired youth let out a gasp of pain, the air knocked out of him, before he managed a weak smile at his adorable little sister. “G-good morning, dearest sister,” he said, “Are you hurt at all?”

After checking his character and see had nothing in gear or skills the answer on what to do next was resoundingly clear. It was time to grind extra hard and get stuff. Lister proceeded to follow the stream bank to that distant village while picking up rocks. Upon arriving to the village with the funky stilt houses he ran around in and out of houses until he found a quest NPC.

A cushion. Yes, a cushion. It wasn't a very soft one, but it probably took a lot of pain she would have felt upon making contact with the ground. Still, her ass hurt. Looking down upon her saviour, who spoke up to her, the soon-to-be-Hero was actually surprised, though changed into a hint of disappointment. "What are you doing here?" Oh right, her older brother also played up until maintenance, which would probably mean...

"Nein!" The blonde continued with a joyful smile as she looked up to the other person she had just ignored until now. Not really bothering to get off her brother, yet, the girl continued. "Are we stuck in some kind of event? I don't remember anything of that sort being scheduled." Taking another look at the two of them she now finally stood up. "And you guys still got your equipment! I call sexism!" Yeah, throwing around terms lightly like that was something Schwertleite was probably good at.

Smackahoe! Smackahoe! Smackahoe!

The vibrating sounds of cheering was heard echoing in the air as Smackahoe was viewed, nearly in slow motion delivering the haymaker, one hitter quitter, knuckle sandwich that would deem him champion of champions. Oh what riches he could gain from the gold and the beautiful women he would be catered daily from his fame.

With the crackling of his neck and the wide grin he displayed, The Manly Man Games came to an end until..... *thump* Smack could feel the abrupt jolt to his side, bringing his little dream to a close when his ears perked, hearing the calm and soothing sounds of stream water rolling and the sounds of stumbling and mumbling: “Stupid—… Can’t even spawn right…”

With a deep breath and a smirk, Smack stayed where he was, grinning in his relaxation but.... "That sound....is that just water or is someone peeing on me?" He suddenly opened his eyes, sitting up "HEY WHO'S PEEING ON ME!" looking around swiftly until noticing a woman...or just a super feminine male...wearing what looked to be a cassock. "Oh....uh....what's up?..." averting his eyes, checking the gauntlets he wore and the outfit he had on "SFO? nah...." he spoke out to himself for a moment.

"Man...just when I thought I won the tournament and gained new riches and bitches...." turning to the woman who was close next to him "Who are you? any idea where we are?" looking away once more, looking behind him at the house standing on stilts and looking the other direction to....no-tice....wait "Oh good god....butt nakedness?....... PAO? (Porn art online)" bringing his attention back to the clothed female once again trying to keep his jimmy deflated and taking a moment to try and check if he had any inventory.

Squinting at Jaeger’s boring response, Nein seemed to scrutinize the white gunk that clung to his friend’s hair before he nodded several times. “Seems lik-” Perhaps his arms were so soothing that it was hard to focus, but while Jaeger’s mind wandered Nein looked upward at the source of the unmistakeable voice. Indeed it seemed like Schwertleite had awoken, and cracked the branch with her declaration.

Now if he had his normal stats it would have been trivial for him to dodge aside even with Jaeger in his arms. As it was, Nein just sort of stumbled as he tried to move his body in a way that was no longer physically possible for it. Knocked on his ass as Ja was smashed right out of his arms, he winced more in response to the gasp of pain that his friend made. Unsurprisingly though, there wasn’t much of a missed beat in his greeting to Schwertleite.

Nein was busy brushing himself off so the sis-con could get his moment, and was slightly surprised at how quickly he had been addressed when he looked up. “Hi Schwert~” Smiling slightly at the sight of her perched on top of Ja, who probably didn’t mind, he shrugged in response. “Well the creator’s thought it’d be funny to tempt fate with the name Sword Fart Online, and I guess we’re just the suckers that are paying for it. Open the Options and you’ll see what I mean.”

At her complaint, he did open up his Status and take a better look at the equipment he had. Unsurprisingly, despite looking remarkably like his actual items, they were nothing but cosmetic in the end. No stats at all, but at least there also wasn’t some duration after which they began running around in underwear. “Hey it’s just cosmetic ok? Looks nice, but worth jack.” With a sigh, he walked over towards the pile of crap that was nearby and grabbed a few things that looked useful.

“Hey, which one of you wants a bowie knife?” Nein asked as he held the massive knife, still in its sheath, by the handle and waved it slowly. For himself, the net seemed to be in good enough condition that it could entangle someone or something, and a stick was good enough for a club. Rope was always useful and the three of them could probably think of something to do with the fabric. Tossing the knife backwards towards Ja and Schwert, he began to fold the fabric and then tie it up with the rope.

Accept the quest.
As he accepted the quest he began to follow the old woman. She stopped when we got to an old house please find my husband please as we began searching blueflame heard a notice.

TueurDoux could feel her eyelids slowly shutting as she struggled to keep herself awake. Boredom. Boredom would be the death of her.

She could feel the wind blow against her face as her silky snow white hair swept across her face, blurring out the vision of her right eye. TueurDoux quickly tucked the strands behind her ear and opened her eyes.

Squinting as she saw a moving object in the distance which grew closer, and closer, and closer until she was within reach. This woman is loud. TueurDoux tilted her head to the left until she heard that satisfying "crack" before she raised her head to look the woman straight in her eyes.

Turning her head to view Fusion C, TueurDoux narrowed her eyes. We're your friends apparently and that means we do this stuff for free? She looked over at blueflame once he accepted the quest.

"Wait. Do we even get anything out of it lady?" she said, one eyebrow lifted as her eyes wandered back over to the lady who, in TueurDoux's eyes, didn't look that well off.

But alas, she exhaled and scratched the back of her head. "Well whatever, i'm bored anyways."

>>TueurDoux has accepted the quest

@Blueflame@Naltorix@Pair of Hearts

INVENTORY UPDATE:
@Zombehs

@Skyswimsky@Ashifili

>>> Require post to mention choice of item due to trigger of Nein's offering. Item remaining: Broomless stick (2), Bowie knife (1), Flintstone (1).

@Jerkchicken

@King Tai@Jin@sakurasan
Empty.

---

---

@Jerkchicken
As he neared the village, the stream flow seemed to be ironically gentler and narrower - a complete opposite of geological common sense. By the time he reached the village, it was no more than a modest brook.

He was chased away by angry denizens of the houses, and when he reached the fourth house (with two men NPC glaring at him, and one woman ready to batter him with her rolling pin), MisterListerTheSisterFister is met with a stupefied man who was just getting out from under the house.

"Well, hello. I was just about to ask a favour from someone, or at least get backup. Could you go and get me one lock of nekh hair? You can usually find them outside the village, down the river. I would go and hunt them myself but I'm not good with fighting and they're dangerous! ... Anyway, if you do, I'll give you food and money in return."

>>> Accept quest?

◇ ◇ ◇ ◇ ◇ ◇ ◇

@sakurasan
Missing Spouse quest accepted!

◇ ◇ ◇ ◇ ◇ ◇ ◇

@Jin@King Tai

>>> Please interact further to get your next GM narration.

Luna grinned. “No idea whatsoever. Maybe we died and went to heaven.” She stuck out her hand. “My name’s Luna. Not Lunar, no R. In case you ever want to send me a private message.” She rocked on her heels. “This doesn’t look like any area I’ve seen, and I’ve been playing for a long time.” She jerked a thumb over her shoulder. “There’s a weird house thataway. I didn’t want to go by myself because that’s how you die first in horror movies. Not that this is one, but the logic would probably apply to real, actual life.”

She opened the menu, raising an eyebrow. The majority was greyed out; the logout button had a padlock on it. She scrolled down with a flick, face brightening, before hitting PARTY. “We can’t be friends, but we can be in a party. What kinda logic is that?” she said. “A-Add…” She swallowed a laugh. “Smackahoe.”

“Since we’re party members now,” she continued, oblivious to the possibility of her companion rejecting her offer. “I’ll let you have a say in how we do things. Should we check out the lady or the creepy house?” She ran a thumb along the brim of her hat. “If it’s a dumbfuck idea, I’m gonna decide for us, y’know?”

-
@King Tai

Ah, it sorta hurt, his dearest sister’s disappointment, but Jaeger smiled regardless, glad that she was safe and that she was happy to see Nein. That’s what was really important, anyways, getting the two of them to become friends, best friends, and then, finally, lovers. Nein, after all, was going to inherit his parent’s shop once he gets old enough, and having a skilled businessman as a husband will definitely allow Schwertleite to live a fulfilling life, free of hunger and drafty bedrooms!

That being said… “Yeah, that’s totally sexism! Don’t worry, sister dearest, I’ll be sure to e-mail the developers of this game about this bullshit after I l-”

Then Nein pointed out that the logout option was gone, and Ja, still on the ground, sighed heavily. Oh boy, this was going to be a problem right…but at the same time, suspension bridge effect! Nein and Schwertleite, trapped in a ‘die in the game, die in real life’ situation! With his sister’s natural charms as a beautiful and passionate individual, she’ll be able to bag Nein with utmost ease! After that, the raven-haired warrior will just have to ensure that the two of them survive until the end of this death game, and voila! Happy ending for all of them!

Picking himself off the ground as Nein began to show off the terrible loot that he had acquired, Jaeger brushed off a few dust particles from his dark coat, before catching the sheathed bowie knife. He presented it to his beloved sister, and said, “Here you go, Schwertleite! Your brother can make do with just a stick, but the Hero of the party should always have a bladed weapon, right?”

He didn’t really mind whatever junk Nein picked up after that. Being a Wild Card class meant a life of eternally hoarding anyways. Jaeger grabbed the broomless stick, waved it around a few times, and decided that this would be fine.

Rubbing his head in confusion, Smack listened to his new acquaintance as she explained a few things. Introducing herself, he gave her a nod "My heaven would've been with the riches and bitches I wanted." he held out his hand to shake her's "Nice to meet you. LunA...I'll remember not to think of the moon when pronouncing your name. I'm Smackahoe.....or you can just call me Smack....like the old school lang for heroin in the 60s or Smacking people."

Looking in the direction she pointed, where the weird house was sitting, he agreed to her logic "Hey...you won't hear any complaints from me. I'm not going there...I'm headed to where the butt naked lady is. "I've been around for a bit myself mostly in arenas but I don't recognize any of this as well." Bringing his attention back to Luna when she checked her menu, Smack tilted his head "Hm? no friends request...I guess this is more of the wham bam thank you tag partner, no strings attached kind of feature." Checking the menu as well.

Accepting the party invite from Luna, Smack felt it was better than being alone, hoping she wouldn't turn against him "To hell with that house, as before I said, let's check out the naked lady....she may be an NPC but I think we'll get a bit of entertainment...don't know if you're into dudes or gals or both but don't mind me. And as long as your ideas don't get us into some shit we can't get out of, then....we have a partnership. So..shall we head off then? See what more we can learn?"

(I was in haste when posting this. Sorry for not putting more into it.)

@Jin

Luna cackled. “Me and you, Smack… Me and you, we’re gonna get along just fine.” Her smile would have been reassuring if it not matched with a wicked glint. “I could swing either way,” she said. “Men, women—doesn’t matter if you’ve got that spark, you know? I, the moth, am drawn to any flame.” She accompanied her speech with exaggerated hand gestures, thumbs looping together to mimic a butterfly. “That’s why some people, while beautiful, are absolutely, nightmarishly boring.” She looked over her shoulder, sly. “You, Smack, have the spark.”

“I’m not the small-talk type-’o-gal,” she said, hopping down from the incline. “But if you want to talk, that’s fine by me. Just don’t expect me to be listening, unless it’s im-por-tant.” With great hypocrisy, she continued, brow furrowed: “Imagine, you’re doing something important, and your party member—a level 95 ranger—tells you that you have to see this, right now. And it’s… it’s a…” She inhaled. “A meme.” She whipped her head to Smack, stricken. “It’s impossibly ridiculous, isn’t it?”

Closer, now, to the naked woman, she lifted an arm, waving madly. “Hello?” She called. She tried again, standing tip-toed. “Hello? Hello!” Nothing. She turned, nudging Smack with her elbow. “You try. Maybe, maybe she’s not into fine women!”