Retsu logged off from DGO for the night, leaning into her seat in a cold sweat. She hated Deep Ground. She just wanted to be able to spend a night without having to worry about what some virtual hot-heads wanted to do. Retsu hated how what was essentially a competitive video game was not only so frivolously fought over, but controlled their lives. Retsu wondered if she could have become a better person if she didn't have DGO shaping her life.
"No... Probably not." Retsu sighed and left her room. Now that her business was down, Retsu hoped she could get back to Yoshino. Though honestly speaking, Retsu was tired. She just wanted to go home and sleep, but she had to check up on Yoshino and make sure she's alright. After seeing what happened to Moon Rider Retsu was fairly certain Yoshino was drained too. However when Retsu looked around the dance floor she didn't see Yoshino.
"Tsugumi-san?" Retsu started to look around some more, a bit of panic forming in her heart.
"Are you alright Retsu?"Yoshino's voice came from nearby and she gave a tired smile at the other girl. Quite frankly her client was beyond enraged at what had just happened but there was nothing she could do about it now. And Yoshino Tsugumi felt like she could pass out on her feet at any moment. Still, seeing the desperation on Retsu's face stirred something in her chest and she had to wonder why the other girl was getting herself worked up in a frenzy over her. Well whatever. That was an issue to handle for another time when she wasn't half-dead.
"We should be leaving now. It's getting late and I take it you want to discuss the future plans for the Strykers, right?" she said with a yawn.
Retsu turned sharply at the voice, and visibly relaxed when it was Yoshino. She had worried that something worse could have happened to her during Retsu's time in DGO. Knowing that the Erasers were acting against her, they may have already discovered who Dark Wraith and Moon Rider truly were. Maybe they still do, but haven't acted yet. Retsu tried not to worry about it. It seemed like Yoshino was just as tired as Retsu was and suggested leaving. Nodding her head Retsu motioned towards the door.
"To be quite honest, I had hoped that I wouldn't need to talk about Deep Ground at all today. It's unfortunate how... Wrong I was." Retsu said with some bitterness. But she didn't want to end this night on a sour note. While they'll inevitably have to talk about the future of the Strykers, Retsu had one last place to take Yoshino before the night's end. She called up the apartment's driver and told him to meet him and Yoshino at a different place than The Network.
"Alright, our ride should be here in about ten to twenty minutes. It's a bit too crowded around the Network, so we'll go somewhere with less people." Retsu started walking, leading Yoshino to what looked to be some sort of chapel.
"Hmm? Alright," Yoshino said with compliance. Truthfully she was too tired to even complain and if Retsu wanted to do something, she could. She was balancing annoyance, rage, and exhausting in one body and had to fight to keep her eyes peeled open at all. Seeing the chapel made her think that Retsu was going to go confess some sort of sin. Or go summon a demon. Whatever it was, she followed without question, patting down her dress and making a mental note to talk to that Kanbaru girl some more. Maybe she needed more friends....
Retsu walked into the chapel with Yoshino, explaining a bit why they're here.
"This chapel has been closed for a while now, though occasionally I stop by to clean it up. Every month or so. I'm not a religious person, but keeping it looking presentable keeps most wanderers out. It helps hide it's true nature." Retsu lead Yoshino through the backdoor, and behind the chapel was quite a
sight to behold. It was as if the church had led the two girls to a whole different world, with a vast forest around them, glowinga faint blue. Strange square pillars stood out from the ground, and occasionally in the distance Yoshino and Retsu could see glowing blue silhouettes, before vanishing into the night.
What Yoshino saw made her truly think she was sleeping and had entered some kind of dream world. It had to be because from her experience, no place on Earth could be this beautiful. Not in DGO and not in reality. She spent a good moment gaping at the sheer sight, shivering as the cold night air passed against her skin. Perhaps it was good judgement after all to leave her glasses behind lest she be blinded permanently by the grandiose environment all around.
"I want to ask you something, Tsugumi-san. Why do you fight?""Huh? You know why I fight Retsu. I fight to obtain my goals and nothing else. Why do you ask?" Yoshino said, tearing her gaze away from the iridescent scenery and onto the red-headed girl.
"And what are your goals?" Retsu said as she walked towards one of the glowing pillars.
"I've told you that as well Retsu," Yoshino said, getting a bit annoyed at having to repeat herself.
"The goal that I share with my client of course. To destroy Deep Ground Online and live in a world where its influence can no longer dictate the futures of those who play it," she continued, following after the other girl.
"Is there a reason why we're playing Twenty Questions?"As Retsu touched one of the pillars, the scene around them changed. It was day now, still the same place, but those silhouettes in the distance became people. Detailed people, with flesh, voices, even emotions. But they were still holograms. At least, they should be.
"When I was a child, I went to the chapel here. Here, they taught me that god did not control my actions. He did not decide my fate. Everything I do, everything I wanted, was always my choice. With these lessons, they tried to teach me that by wanting to do good deeds, I would be doing something that god would approve of." The people in the distance started to walk somewhere else, leaving behind a lone child. That child sat at a tree just watching the people leave.
"To me, good deeds were whatever made me happy. But in my naive foolishness, I didn't realize that sort of thinking could do the most harm.""How dramatic," Yoshino said, wondering why a place like this wasn't all over the news what with their realistic holograms. But she had a feeling Retsu wanted to keep the existence of this location a secret to everyone and that she must have been putting some trust in her to be showing her this. So Yoshino resolved to keep this place secret as well. And it wasn't like anyone would find much use here unless they wanted to blend memory and fantasy with that of reality.
Retsu turned to Yoshino and sighed.
"I didn't want to focus on Deep Ground today. I... I wanted to take our minds off 'work' and just have fun. Be happy. Because I thought that was more important than whatever was happening in Deep Ground. I should have paid more attention. When things started to get out of hand I thought maybe... Maybe it would just die down. But after logging in, I realized that I've been turning a blind eye to many things. The strife within the Strykers, treachery in my own Sweepers. I keep wanting to think Deep Ground is just a foolish game but I know it's more than that. And if I keep pretending it's just a game, I won't be able to achieve both our dreams." "Really? Because I've been treating Deep Ground seriously since day one Retsu," Yoshino said with just a hint of anger.
"Now you saw what my client saw. What she goes through all the time...you think today was bad? She's had to go petty squabbles like that for a long time Retsu. I thought you of all people could understand that. Deep Ground isn't a game so stop treating it like it is," she continued, huffing with more and more frustration.
"You think I didn't want a break? You think I didn't want a chance to escape it too? I did Retsu, I really did! But my duty to the Guild comes first and foremost above everything else. You can't even begin to imagine how much it hurts to know that!" she said, voice rising in pitch.
Retsu turned towards Yoshino as her anger built in her voice. Retsu was starting to get frustrated too, but she was trying to hold it back.
"Oh... But I do Tsugumi-san. I know just as bad, if not worse then you. Because I know Deep Ground isn't just a game. I've had people killed because of Deep Ground. I've had to fight battles both in the game and in real life just to get this far. I know that just as well as you Yoshino. That's why... That's why I wanted to take you out today. Because we're both going insane because of Deep Ground! We both have done horrible, foolish things for that game, and despite everything we've done we haven't even scratched the surface of our dreams." Retsu's voice was unsteady, wanting to shout but trying to control herself. She clenched her hands into fists and walked towards Yoshino with intent.
"For nearly three years I've plotted the fall of Deep Ground. I've earned my skill just so take it down. I've brought the Sweepers back from the brink to end Deep Ground. I've sacrificed so much just to see it fall, but I haven't been one step closer back then than I am now. I..."Retsu shook her fists and turned away from Yoshino. She was really starting to lose her composure now and needed some time. What she was about to say was something Retsu didn't want to admit. It was something she has always been trying to hide and forget for these last three years.
"I can't do this alone. I don't know where to even go from here. When I first allied with you I just thought it was for convenience. We had similar goals. You do your thing, I do my thing... One of us has to succeed at some point. Figured that at least if we ally with each other, we wouldn't get in each others way, and if one of us finishes we could just ride along with it. But today has taught me that won't work. I... I have to stop working behind your back. Try to talk with you. Stop hiding secrets... Learn more about you then just assume you'll do as a I say." "Really? You want to learn more about me? Well then maybe make an actual effort and stop working behind my back," Yoshino hissed with venom.
"You don't know how long I've been doing this, what I've needed to do to get this far. You don't know a thing about me Retsu Goroshi. Did you think I wouldn't catch on? That I wasn't aware you wanted to use me to just further your own goals with the Sweepers? Or did you think I was too stupid to even notice?"Retsu let her hands go and looked up. When she did, there was a flicker in the sky. For a few minutes it seemed like Retsu wasn't going to say anything. And then the holographic field all around them fell. The glowing blue forest vanished and in it's place, a drab and grey, overgrown yard was in it's place. Bare trees and stones stood where trees once stood. The Holographic towers, once tall and shining, now showed dents and dust.
"What was I thinking...? Do you really want to know that, Yoshino? What I really think about you?" Retsu's voice was low and monotonous.
"Yes Retsu. Because maybe that'll be the one honest thing you do tell me," Yoshino said. It was frustrating to deal with this lack of communication and she could admit maybe it wasn't the best way to proceed forward. Not if the both of them were going to continue being partners.
"Either tell me how you feel and I can judge you myself, or keep lying to me and become my enemy. Your move Retsu Goroshi.""I love you."Retsu turned to look at Yoshino. Her eyes were slightly teary.
"Everything I did... Working behind your back... Trying to figure out who Moon Rider really is... Even taking you out today... I did it because I love you. But I don't know anything about you. We're suppose to be partners but... I wanted something more." Wiping away a stray tear Retsu took a deep breath and looked to the skies. The moon wasn't even out.
"I wanted to take care of you. I saw your fight to destroy Deep Ground and... I wanted to give that to you. For us. So you wouldn't have to keep fighting and getting hurt. Hmph... So much good that did."In response to that was silence. Yoshino kept her eyes to the ground and her gaze away from Retsu. The only words she could form to the other girl were,
"Why? Why would you love someone like me? Someone who's selfish and apathetic and intolerable and too cold for anyone else?" She was merely repeating the words people had called her over the years, the labels of those who she had tried to lead both in the real world and in Deep Ground.
"... Why indeed. I'll admit, I thought it was stupid at first too... Love at first sight is such a joke. And to another girl too..." Retsu chuckled to herself. She allowed herself to fall back onto the ground and let herself get engulfed in the tall grass. Her silhouette made a clear outline in the ground.
"But I guess it's because we're... I see a lot of myself in you. And I hate myself, but seeing you it... It makes me think that maybe, just maybe, we're not as bad as we think we are. Seeing you doesn't make me think that I'm heartless, a murderer, manipulator, or a control freak. I see someone who just wants to fight for herself and her happiness. That innocence from so long ago, but instead of it become jaded, it just learned how to see it's values realistically. And day by day I see you more, and I stop seeing myself in you. I start seeing... You. And that despite our similarities, there's something about you that makes you special. Even better than me. I wanted to know what it was. What makes you so strong, and how I can be strong like you. I try to look like I'm better than you, that I'm the real leader, but the truth can't be further than that. I want to be able to stand on equal footing with you. I just... Need to know who you are." Retsu rambled a lot and knew that Yoshino might have not heard her since Retsu was speaking in a mumbling tone on the ground.
"What I'm trying to say is, I love you because you give me hope. As long as I'm with you, I know we could do better. Be better. Together.""How saccharine of you Retsu," Yoshino said quietly, not moving from her position above Retsu.
"But regardless of how you rationalize it, you're wrong. You're wrong and everyone else is right. Don't you get it? I'm apathetic. I don't care. I push people away because I'm too paranoid to let them in, to let them see the real me. That's because there is no real me!" she said, looking up for the first time to show tears welling in her eyes. Bitter, pathetic tears that trickled down her reddening face.
"You think I don't care about what happens to the Guild? To my Guild! I care every single day! You think I like lying to people and keeping them in the dark? I don't like it! I'm not as strong as you say I am so stop idolizing me! I'm just someone trying to survive and who's willing to do anything to get her way. Why would you ever love a person like that? My smile is a lie...my apathy is a lie. It keeps others from knowing how much it hurts to be me. Why would you ever want to be like me? To be like Moon Rider? To be like me is to be the loneliest person in the world!" she sobbed, clenching her fists and wanting to punch the ground out of frustration.
"No... You're wrong. You just said it yourself. You don't care, yet you care about your guild every single day. You say you're not strong, but you've held out for this long. You say you're too paranoid to let them see the real you, then what about right here? Aren't you showing me the real you, right now? With all your pain and loneliness?" Retsu stood up and walked back towards Yoshino. Retsu took her by the hand and held it up between them.
"If we can destroy Deep Ground, then we can turn ourselves into better people too, can't we? To show everyone we can be better than what they say we are, and not just by playing by their games and their rules!" Retsu said with passion. Sure, maybe she was being highly idealistic, almost disgustingly so. But the alternative, giving into despair and giving up, she's already done that.
"Our lives suck and we both are horrible people. There's no denying that. But I'm not going to live with this crap for the rest of my life. I want to change it Yoshino! I don't want my life to be controlled by people who think they can judge us, who only want to use us! Even if you're giving up, I'm not. I can't. Not after everything I've done. I've put so much hope in this, in you, that I can't... I can't lose..." Retsu became quiet and Yoshino's hand started to get wet. Retsu was crying too, her tears falling on her hand. Retsu had to wipe her face so she didn't keep making a mess.
"I can't lose you Yoshino. I don't want too. I don't care what sort of person you really are... I'll still love you for what you mean to me."Yoshino looked from Retsu's hands around her own then to Retsu's face. Then she sighed, sniffling, and then said,
"It doesn't look good if both of us are crying. We...really should straighten out before anyone walks in on us." Not that she expected anyone to even find this secluded little location but the thought never hurt. With her sleeve Yoshino wiped away her tears before giving another sigh.
"Look, I don't know where this puts us. I don't hate you Retsu, but I don't know if I can say I love you either. But I...I do want you by my side. Is that enough for you? Maybe when...if Deep Ground is ever destroyed, I can give you a proper answer. Until then, I'll keep wondering why you love someone like me."Retsu laughed. It was a small one. She also took out a handkerchief from her hat and handed it to Yoshino, using one for herself. For a while they just sat in silence again. She received a message from the chauffeur that he was here to pick them up now. Sighing Retsu stood up and started to walk away, but as per usual she had one last thing to say before she just upped and left.
"It's quite simple, Tsugumi-san. We have to keep wearing these masks. You continue to play as Moon Rider, and I play as Dark Wraith. That being said, let's not forget the girls who wear those mask." Taking off her hat Retsu let her hair down around her shoulders and SHAFT head tilt.
"And for you, I'll always be there for you Yoshino. Thick and thin, good times or bad... Until death do us part." At that exact moment, the church's bell rang, signalling midnight. Retsu looked forward and opened the doors to head back home.