While I have a large vocabulary, I tend to hold back on dumping every word I know into a single post. a few colorful words are fine, but expecting a big word to do all the work for you (or multiple big words) can make prose feel antiseptic.

"Amy had slept in her coat. It was wrinkled and smelled like an hour long workout. "

I would prefer that over...

"Amy's coat was disheveled and fetid."

While I have a large vocabulary, I tend to hold back on dumping every word I know into a single post. a few colorful words are fine, but expecting a big word to do all the work for you (or multiple big words) can make prose feel antiseptic.

"Amy had slept in her coat. It was wrinkled and smelled like an hour long workout. "

I would prefer that over...

"Amy's coat was disheveled and fetid."

Yeah using complicated words can totally betray you if you're just using the words to have a vocabulary.

To further describe why over-use of "big words" is bad, I think your former example sentence is better than the latter primarily because it actually describes how the clothes have the smell, whereas fetid without context can be any smell. I'd use fetid after describing the smell first, but it's not really properly used in the context of a gym setting (how bad can someone actually smell after exercising?).

I wouldn't go to thesaurus.com and just pick big words out of a pile without reading the definition first, basically. While disheveled and wrinkled mean similar things, they have completely different visual appearances.

So I'll give an example from darkest dungeon.

"You remember our venerable house, opulent and imperial"

Gotta be my favourite line from the opening narration, but it shows how simplicity in the choice of words will always be better than mountains of fluff.

I love that sentence. A notable thing is they were trying to imitate the writing style of lovecraft (maybe even The Yellow King by Robert W. Chambers) so word usage like OPULENT was probably a direct throwback to Lovecraft. I wouldn't be surprised if that game also used cyclopean, gibbous, or unutterable.

I didn't really know those words until I read a bit of Lovecraft and Chambers, so I don't know if you'd want to use them in the average sentence though. Nothing sucks more than using a uncommonly used word and someone having to pull out a dictionary.

We also have to take into account the writer’s personal style as well. Some writers are more minimalist whilst others are the opposite (my influences lean towards the latter). We shouldn’t “shame” vocabulary, detailed exposition, or elaborate introspection if it is done properly and within point of the author’s narrative. Criticizing another person for their style is a crap thing to do.

Criticizing another person for their style is a crap thing to do.

gutenberg.org/files/37134/37134-h/3713.. This is generally a good guidebook. There are some concrete rules that will determine whether or not your writing "reads" well and some of them by not following you won't make any sense (namely, concrete vs abstract definitions, you don't want readers to have to riddle out what your sentence meant when describing something). This is in the same way that while you could draw a human being in any way possible, it's not truly any way possible because then you'd just have a blob or someone who does not appear to be human.

I love the "15. Express co-ordinate ideas in similar form." part.

I'd use fetid after describing the smell first, but it's not really properly used in the context of a gym setting (how bad can someone actually smell after exercising?).

As someone who's exercised in a tiny dojo crammed full of people, I can tell you from first hand experience that things can get VERY smelly in an hour.

But you are correct, Fetid isn't the right word. I've seen that word used to describe things like the smell of corpses. A work out is fairly mild in comparison to something like that.

@pugbutter @NuttsnBolts I am of "the best words (often in the best order)" school of thought. I love fancy, flowery words and a poetic flair in their use. At the same time, I will also choose my words with an eye for overall tone, especially when employing a given character's point of view. My child characters are prone to thinking that mommy said this, and daddy always would do that, and more likely to have run-on sentences in their narration. Concepts are simplified, as is word choice. Wyth the moorcat, while probably not entirely a simple animal, will call any metal blade a knife, if not simply a sharp metal stick. He doesn't generally think in names: the girl he looks after is simply "his girl", and then other people are identified by characteristics and in their relationships to cat and child. The man his girl trusts, the funny-smelling lady, the bad men trying to hurt his girl, the bad children that made her cry. My adrenaline-junkie trickster gets excited, intense narrative, a minor noble in the Victorian/Edwardian Era will feel a bit more formal. When speaking for myself, I am all over the place, and I have a habit of absorbing mannerisms from those around me, so I'm constantly shifting, depending on who I'm interacting with and what I've been reading.

So in the end, words are very important, but "best" doesn't always mean "most precise or concise" but instead "the words that best create the effect I need". For the specific example of reducing a body to ashes vs. incinerating, I actually get a different impression. The incinerate is far hotter, and probably swifter. But reducing to ashes feels more threatening, even though incineration is more powerful. Bringing in the idea of unsophisticated perspectives, a child might just say "burned". Or even "set on fire".

@Gowi We've discussed this before, but I never feel the horse is completely dead. However I will respectfully disagree with your friend. While yes, in many cases multiple paragraphs are needed to cover everything, there are times when far less is significantly more. For example, particularly in 1x1 rp (and it's my instinct in groups, though I don't usually /get/ to, because of the way posting works and when people are around), if there feels like there should be a break for someone to answer a question, or respond to a statement, or react to an action -- particularly if the other character's response will change the path of the narrative -- I like to take a break and flip it off to the other player. Likewise I will tend to ask "okay, so this and this happens, would your character do A, B, or something else entirely" so that I am able to write beyond that point and stay true to the course of events. It's even /more/ fun in a conversation, because you don't have one person say ten things and then the second person reply to each of the ten things in turn. You say one or two, and then the other person responds and says one or two themselves, and so on. A shortcoming of forum rp is that all too often conversations end up feeling like a bunch parallel conversations happening at the same time between the same characters, because the first point is still being discussed, and the fourth, and seven through ten. There's almost always something more to say about anything, and it messes with narrative flow to have the early points keep going when later ones have already been brought up. It's doable, and I don't mind it too much, but I always notice it happening and it's far /far/ more often on forums than in verbal discourse.

@BrokenPromise It gets really fun when you start using analogies that have no place in whatever setting. I can't think of any examples offhand, but I know they happen.

I LOATHE it when you finally get into a roleplaying mood and then no one posts for two days or more until you're out of that mood.

Two days isn't exactly a marathon in waiting time.

If it was two weeks then maybe I'd understand but if after two days you are bored about a particular roleplay, then I'd call that a bit of a lame stretch. Not everyone has the privilege of living in front of a computer every waking hour and people shouldn't have to meet your standards when you're not the GM.

Ey he didn't say he was bored with the RP. You know sometimes you get in the mood and the post flows like water from a rock without any effort and you just get inspiration from everything.



Oh right complaining. Man when you seem to be the only one wants to do the RP everyone signed up for even including the GM and nothing happens without bumping it and no one even says they aren't interested or anything they just post like once a month. >.<

Here's the thing with criticism:

If you don't want it, don't read it. It's not hurting you for someone to waste their time typing it for you, and you might learn something - or you might not. Some people never learn, no matter how often or nicely you say it. Ignorance is bliss.

Sure, some people don't come here or anywhere else for criticism, or to make an effort to improve their writing. But when you inject yourself for good or ill into a community of writers, you're opening yourself up to the opinions of others, whether they voice them or secretly judge you. I personally spend a lot of time judging people in my head because if your writing is bad, it's not my job to fix it - I didn't come here for that. How many people have bailed on RP because the other person(s) were just terrible beyond repair? The answer is quite a few, even if none of them are around to speak up in this thread at the moment.

No one offers genuinely constructive criticism with the intention of being rude, so getting your scummy panties in a twist over the perceived 'tone' of their words is a waste of your time, which is fine, I'm certainly not here to police how anyone wastes their free time. But maybe trading in those 20 minutes of fuming indignantly for 5 minutes of actually absorbing the content of the criticism and deciding if it's worth making an effort to change something about your writing style could be beneficial for your future forays into escapism.

That feel when someone made an obvious editing out of a plot in their 1x1 int. check so they wouldn't roleplay with you for whatever reason and saying it was """"taken"""".

I think the person didn't like that I didn't want to play a damsel in distress.

works for me bruh

I recently decided to tutor a newbie with his writing. Bad decision.

There’s people who refuse criticism, like Macabre said, and then there’s this guy. He eagerly accepted my help at first, but from there on he’s done nothing but be uncooperative while trying to convince me that he’s cooperating. Like, I gave him some very specific tips on how to improve his writing, and advised him to practice with those tips. A while later, I asked him if he’d been practicing. He said something like “yes, and it helped a bit”, but when I asked him to demonstrate, it was very obvious that he didn’t read my advice at all. Like, dude, this isn’t high school homework. If you don’t feel like doing something, don’t lie and say that you did it.

I’ve tried to talk to him, to find out why he didn’t do it or what exactly he wants to learn, but he just talks circles around me and avoids telling me anything constructive, all the while maintaining that he wants to be taught. I feel like I’m talking to a cat, or maybe an alien who dropped out of the how-to-be-human academy. I’m done chasing him. If he wants my help, he can come and get it.

The opposite end is not an enjoyable experience either.

Being showered with criticism is not fun. Sure, things like fitting characters into roleplays, or actually using quotation marks for dialogue are very important. However, things get annoying when somebody harasses you to put that period inside the quotation marks, or how "fjord" is the correct spelling instead of "fiord".

Also, give people time to improve, and space for minor recurring errors. Everyone slips up once in a while.

There's no point correcting people if their mistakes don't affect storytelling or comprehension, and I find that telling someone once is enough; not willing to improve to the RP standard is a choice to not participate.

The opposite end is not an enjoyable experience either.

Being showered with criticism is not fun. Sure, things like fitting characters into roleplays, or actually using quotation marks for dialogue are very important. However, things get annoying when somebody harasses you to put that period inside the quotation marks, or how "fjord" is the correct spelling instead of "fiord".

Also, give people time to improve, and space for minor recurring errors. Everyone slips up once in a while.

There's no point correcting people if their mistakes don't affect storytelling or comprehension, and I find that telling someone once is enough; not willing to improve to the RP standard is a choice to not participate.

Sure, I'll complete the trio.

Asking for criticism and wanting your writing to really be dug into, only to be met with indifference, saying 'it's good, dw dude' or get wholly unhelpful comments that get taken back as soon as you ask the other guy to elaborate.

Whenever it feels like I'm doing something wrong and ask the people I'm roleplaying with for advice, they never give anything beyond very minor and specific nitpicks that they only bring up once I push them for it. Even then, half those nitpicks get taken back five minutes later.

I know I'm not anywhere near the level I want to be at, but if I don't know where I'm going wrong it becomes more of a far-fetched dream compared to a goal.

<Snipped quote by gcold>

Sure, I'll complete the trio.

Asking for criticism and wanting your writing to really be dug into, only to be met with indifference, saying 'it's good, dw dude' or get wholly unhelpful comments that get taken back as soon as you ask the other guy to elaborate.

Whenever it feels like I'm doing something wrong and ask the people I'm roleplaying with for advice, they never give anything beyond very minor and specific nitpicks that they only bring up once I push them for it. Even then, half those nitpicks get taken back five minutes later.

I know I'm not anywhere near the level I want to be at, but if I don't know where I'm going wrong it becomes more of a far-fetched dream compared to a goal.

I think this is also an issue of, "Asking your peers and expecting more of them than you expect of yourself."

Understanding who's a better writer than you are and differentiating that between who's actually on your level is key to finding individuals who can provide constructive criticism. Sometimes, your peers don't necessarily understand how to get you on a level higher than your current standard because they're also stuck on that level. If you push them for criticism, you're forcing them to look for anything and everything wrong with your writing, thus you get small nitpicks on minor grammatical errors.

The obvious issue is that you're looking in the wrong place for criticism. Don't ask your friends to critique you, ask people you know are miles better than you at what you're doing and are comfortable with providing critique. You'll learn some things from your peers, however, being stuck on the same level as your peers won't make you better. Mostly, it's up to you to challenge yourself and not up to anyone else to provide criticism, even if you ask for it. Sometimes they won't know what to look for, other times they'll have the same issues as you do in your writing that they can't see, and other times they just can't be arsed, even if you push them.

(Also, good criticism is a separate skill in and of itself that requires a high understanding of the skill it's examining. Not everyone has that skill and expecting most people, like your RP peers, to be able to provide good and constructive criticism is like asking one of your fellow students, with the same grade and level of comprehension, to tutor you in the subject you're trying to improve in.)

If you would like criticism, try and find it in places where you're fairly certain the individuals have the necessary tools to provide what you're asking for. Avoid putting people on the spot and expecting more than a, "Idk, I guess," out of them.

3 things to gripe about,and they're all related to a club that I'm a part of. I'm President senior officer of the club while the other three are just regular Senior Officers. If these sound like I'm being a little -----,then I apologize in advance,as it's been a long month for me.

1.One of the other senior officers-we'll call him Joe- here is trying to control the game. He's trying to single people out and trying to set up a tax system with his friend to take our money away and use it for 'group stuff'. With how he has behaved with money in the past we're sure he'll just take it all. Good thing is that Me and the rest of the party made a contingency plan that if him and his friend try to take all the wealth we'll kill their characters and split the wealth.

2.This also has to do with Joe. Me,Joe, and the other senior officers agreed that we'll do a democratic vote system-we suggest something and the majority wins. If we're at a draw,our advisor will be the deciding vote. Well, he's passed things himself and always tries to control how the club works;you catching a running theme now? The other senior officers are getting sick and tired of it and have vocally expressed how if he continues acting like a dictator they'll just outright leave.

3. This one has NOTHING to do with Joe. Before one of our new Senior Officers joined we had one that we'll call Jaeger. Well,Jaeger was a Senior who transferred to our school and he's the reason why I got into D&D. He's not here anymore as he moved across the country. Anyways, he was a dick. He openly made fun of the group and spun tales to all of us. I caught him making fun of one of the senior officers about his weight. When I tried my hand at DMing for the first time He decided to knock me down into the dirt about how crap it was and that I should never even DM. He's left a lot of scars here and I'm glad he moved away,though I'm in contact with him now as He has stolen $75 worth of stuff from our group the day he left and we're attempting to get him to return it.

so yeah those are what I've had to deal with in the last two weeks.

@The Mage have you tried kicking jaeger in the dick? repeatingly i might add.

@The Mage have you tried kicking jaeger in the dick? repeatingly i might add.

I've thought of it but I'd rather not get arrested for Assault :3 since he's gone I don't have to worry about doing such a thing anymore.

@The Mage meh call in a hitman, the deepweb has a few.