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Zeroth




新しい 預言者
Atarashī yogen-sha

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This RP is an AU [alternate universe] for the Naruto world created by Kishimoto. As such it will have a world custom built by yours truly, Buddha. This means that the history will be entirely different from what we know. This is because, in my humble opinion, the world for Naruto was perfect but the execution of it's story was very flawed.

What does this mean for you?

Well, it means that you might have to read through the world section to gain an understanding of what is going on in the story. The geography and such are still the same as are the villages, but their connections are changed and the location we play in will not focus on one of the larger villages. Never the less, I can assure you that these are weighted choices I made that weighed off pros and cons to me as a GM. If you are looking for a place to play where you can play a canon character and/or completely follow the canon storyline, word by word, then this is not the place to do it.

So what will we play?

We'll be playing as part of Amegakure - the small village where it's always raining. For this RP I'm looking for two small groups of four each - myself included - so that we can fill out two teams of one jounin and three genin. However, do not let this hold you back if you don't want to play a genin. There will be timeskips whenever there is the need, which means that during a timeskip, if you get the OK from the GM's, you can advance to chunin spots. As these are turbulent times, these wont always happen through chunin exams, but can also happen through promotion. After all.. there are troubled times ahead.

How will we progress?

Primarily story based. If you want to learn a new technique, ask a GM first, and then if you get the okay, you can write a training sequence or something similar to show in the IC how you learned it. When this comes up, I'll explain further, but we want everything written out as writers, and not just tacked onto the end of your CS because you felt like it.



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OOC Information

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In this header I would like to explain to you what you can expect from this roleplay. Read, and weep;

This roleplay is set in an AU [alternate universe] which means that (parts of) canon is no longer valid in this RP.
Use this to your advantage to create new clans and jutsu, and create interesting backstories.

This roleplay will be focused on character development, interaction, and progress. There will be plenty of fighting,
but for the most part you will need to be focused on developing your character and strengthening their bonds with their team.

I aim to represent the gritty reality of war. This is Naruto - but we will not thrive through plot-kai (oh, my character is a player character,
so they will never die) and we will not say that 'through the power of friendship we will always win.' That worked for Naruto. It worked
for him because he has a Kyuubi sealed within him and is the reincarnation of a Shinobi god. He's the prophesied child. Your character
is not.

The RP takes place during a war of sorts with a overarching plotline that will, gradually, introduce a plot that overarches more than your
character, more than Amegakure, and more than the war. Ultimately your choices will contribute to the outcome. And I don't mean that
in the way that I'm giving you choices but they all end the same - your choices will affect the outcome.

Your character can die, and I encourage you to seriously consider what effects wounds have on your character, or also mental health.
This takes place some time before Naruto's timeline, so technology isn't so refined and you probably won't be able to just pop into the
hospital to heal a broken arm. But also consider death. Death is a tremendous plot tool - if you want to make an impact... death is a tool.


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Rules

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Sadly previous experiences have taught me that sometimes it's better to have rules. I wish I didn't need to have these - they seem oppressive (haha, okay, not really, I'm totally fine being authoritarian) and it seems, to me, that having rules indicates that I don't trust my roleplayers to do 'the right thing.' I do trust you guys. But this is just a precaution.

OOC Rules

No godmodding, powerplaying or making shit up in the IC. The standard stuff.
No perfect characters (Mary Sue and Gary Stu).
GM team has final say. Always. Like a certain regime in a certain time period. Ahem.
One-lining not acceptable. Two lining isn't either. In fact just write two paragraphs.
Consistency is key. We understand posting a little less sometimes. There's limits, though.
RPG rules apply. Always.


IC Rules

Beware the gore; yes, it's allowed but don't overdo it. No blood showers.
As for sexual content, take it to PM's and show us a fade to black; make it implied.
Death is possible. For all characters. Including GM characters. We love death.
Love is also possible. Gay love, heterosexual love, alien love, whatever you want.
Feel free to use images to illustrate - however, please consider that a written description is also required.


Character Rules

Your character is a genin, or in rare cases, a chunin or jonin.
Be diverse and dynamic with creating your characters; don't be set in stone for what you want and be prepared to change your ideas
as we go, and acknowledge GM critique.
No tailed beasts for now. We will 'give them out' in the IC.
Kekkei Genkai are to be made unique. If they are Sharingan with 1 minor edit made into a new KG, then it's a no-go.
Same applies to hiden. If they are shadow control with 1 minor edit, then it's a no-no.
Please don't make elemental control kekkei genkai. Only try this if you can make it interesting. It's boring.


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Jutsu bans

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Because Naruto is a diverse world with diverse techniques, with some more balanced than others, we have chosen to make several rulesets for characters for each rank. This is to avoid situations with, for example, a chunin who has the rinnegan, fighting some chunin who barely has a single B rank technique. It's also to avoid broken jutsu, such as Flying Thunder God, being used to cheese fights. It might seem like a fun thing to give your characters, especially if they have a historical reason for having that jutsu. And I agree, it's a fun niché thing that makes it more interesting.

But looking at pro's and con's for these kind of jutsu, we have to decide that ultimately it's not worth it, because that means your jutsu will give you pleasure, but it will detract that of those that go up against your character, or those that wanted something similar but got denied. It's put in place to avoid bad situations where two people cannot reach an ultimatum about fights. Simple as that. We do not accept arguments about these things, they're set in stone.

If you feel like your character might have, for instance, an extra A-rank jutsu.. that's possible. We might accept that if you can justify it to us in a PM or in an OOC comment. For example, two A-rank jutsu that form a combo, but are otherwise not that useful, is perfectly acceptable. But if you justify it by saying 'Oh he's a prodigy, he was like Sasuke and is just super cool like that.' then we're gonna not accept that.

General bans refer to simply not being allowed to have this jutsu on any character, in or out of battle.
Combat bans refer to bans for combat only, meaning they are allowed outside of combat.
Limit jutsu refer to jutsu that are allowed, in and out of combat, but have limited usage.

Flying Thunder God Jutsu - general ban.
Body Flicker Technique - combat ban.
Body Replacement Technique - limit jutsu, 3 uses per battle.
Chimera Technique - general ban.

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Jutsu limits

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Note: N/A in front of a rank means 'no limit' within reason. You can use as many of these as you like although that doesn't mean you have to use every one of them. They also need to make sense. A character with an aptitude for high level lightning jutsu will probably have more of these N/A lightning jutsu than fire jutsu. Simple as that.

Genin
  • 0 A-rank.
  • 1 B-rank.
  • 2 C-rank.
  • 2 D-rank.
  • N/A E-rank.


Chuunin

  • 1 A-rank.
  • 3 B-rank.
  • 4 C-rank.
  • N/A D-rank.
  • N/A E-rank.


Jounin

  • 1 S-rank.
  • 3 A-rank.
  • 4 B-rank.
  • N/A C-rank.
  • N/A D-rank.
  • N/A E-rank.


Kage
- Never accepting applications for kage level characters. We'll ask you to make them if we need one.

  • N/A S-rank.
  • N/A B-rank.
  • N/A C-rank.
  • N/A D-rank.
  • N/A E-rank.


Note: Kage-level characters will not be judged on their jutsu lists or anything of the sort, they will be judged on identity: are they interesting, are they worthy of the kage-level stamp and do they serve a good, useful purpose? That's because once you reach jonin status, it becomes really quite easy to pass into kage-level areas, and beyond kage there are no ranks. That means the power levels within kage-level characters fluctuate heavily.
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The World
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Sengoku Jidai
Warring States Period

During Sengoku Jidai, as the name states, the nations of the world were in constant conflict with each other, and as a result hired Shinobi clans to fight their wars for them. At the center of these conflicts were often the Senju clan, who were famed for their skill in all ninja arts, and the Uchiha, who possessed a refined kekkei genkai that allowed them an advantage in combat that was feared throughout the world.

But it was not the Senju or the Uchiha that caused the Sengoku Jidai to end. It were the diplomatic Hyuga and the Sarutobi, both clans that were renowned for their prowess as well. The traditionalist Hyuga clan and the more progressive Sarutobi clan shared their seats of power with relative ease, finding that friendship between the clans bloomed quickly.

It was Eiji Hyuga that took the first position of Hokage, though it was well known that his companion, Oto Sarutobi was in part also hokage through his close relationship with Eiji. The two ruled Konohagakure, and other villages soon formed as they found that Konohagakure was growing too strong for them to stand against alone. Not that Konohagakure was going out and attacking people - quite the contrary. Any clan that could provide a benefit to Konohagakure was allowed entry, such as the Akimichi, the Yamanaka, and the Nara. Most clans found their way to a village eventually, and there was little reason to remain alone, wandering, after that.

The Uchiha and Senju both joined the Konohagakure village, but their numbers had dwindled due to their excessive fighting, and they would never quite recover to the level of the Hyuga and Sarutobi, instead taking their place as a regular clan, if not somewhat more prestigious due to their past prowess in battle.


Shinobi Godaikoku
Five Great Shinobi Countries

The period that followed the Sengoku Jidai was the period of the Shinobi Godaikoku, the Five Great Shinobi Countries. Following the large success of the shinobi villages, more started to appear in smaller locations, like the land of rain and the land of grass. However, as history had shown before, it was only the largest countries that could field the largest shinobi armies. So, it was Konohagakure, Iwagakure, Kirigakure, Kumogakure and Sunagakure that would lead this era.

Despite the existence of larger villages of shinobi, it should not be presumed that the countries were always at peace. There had been Great Shinobi Wars before and, as some say, they will continue to exist forever. As is the case here.

When Konohagakure was started, it was not too long after that Kumogakure was founded too. Kumogakure almost immediately went to war with Konohagakure to claim valuable land, causing the Daimyo in the land of fire some alarm. Never the less, he would soon be relieved to see that Konohagakure was fighting back.


Saisho no shinobi-sen
First Shinobi War

For some time there was a stalemate, with the front never changing position, only sliding back and forth a few meters every now and then. The bodies were piling up on both sides, and old practices were hard to get rid of - children barely aged 12 were sent into battle against foes that were far superior in age and experience. Rarely, if ever, did these children survive the battles, and if they did they were surely deeply scarred.

This period was also the period in which Amegakure was founded. It was this war that prove to be the first exercise of Amegakure proficiency and they did not disappoint. As more villages were springing up and throwing themselves into the war as allies or independent actors, Amegakure was at the midst of it, providing a battlegrounds of sorts.

The villagers that lived here were forced out of their homes and saw brutalities committed against them, which caused one righteous shinobi to step up and place his clan down in the village, securing himself a position of the Kage of Amegakure - although the village was little more than a house with shinobi in it at that time. But slowly their forces grew as they protected the village.

This does not mean, however, that Amegakure is to be seen as some sort of heroic village protecting the innocent. In retaliation for the attacks on Amegakure shinobi and villagers, there were retribution based attacks in which other villagers lost their lives also. The first kage was a brute of sorts with a noble heart but a twisted way of obtaining the goal of safety. It was no surprise that he died as he lived - on the battlefield.

When the war had ended, Amegakure was a husk of itself, and it would never quite recover from these losses. The next Kage made up for that fact by increasing the training regiment. This turned ineffective almost immediately as it was proven that most Amegakure shinobi could not keep up such a regiment after having seen the horrors of war first hand. Many mentally-unstable shinobi were produced in these times following the war.


Heiwa
Peace

The period following the war was similar for many of the shinobi nations - take as many missions as you can, consolidate power and compete with the other villages. Small skirmishes still occurred when mission objectives conflicted between nations, but overall things were more quiet. This was, in part, because more official and stagnant borders were drawn up between the five great shinobi villages, the discussions for which left out smaller nations such as Amegakure.

While the other nations hunted for great tailed beasts, Amegakure was left in the mud, clinging on to life coup after coup. During the peacetime they were faced with a lot of civil wars, of new kage's attempting to take over. It was a result of the loose creation they had faced: after all, they were never seen as an 'official' shinobi village, merely a band of shinobi that lived in the village and protected it.

This was ended when a man by the name of Iie Hizen took over in a bloody coup, killing all those who opposed him. A quarter of the village died, but after that, there were no more coup's, and Amegakure began settling in as a real village, taking missions from that moment on. Under Iie's leadership several institutions were formed in Amegakure:

  • Regyurā, regulars
    The run of the mill shinobi that performed everyday shinobi tasks. Genin, chunin and most (special-)jonin make up the regulars, under the command of the jonin commander. They operate under the Amegakure Shinobi code, and adhere to the Amegakure ninja way. Ultimately they are the same as most other shinobi forces. As for their uniform, the Amegakure regulars are allowed some leniency in their uniform. Cloaks, however, are advised due to the weather conditions in Amegakure.
  • Burakkuopusu, black ops
    The ANBU of Amegakure, black ops specialize in espionage and assassination. Contrary to other villages, the black ops are sometimes sent out on missions for monetary gain as the low number of shinobi in the village don't allow for any shinobi to be underutilized. As such, the black ops are part of the assassination squads that undertake missions as well. Their uniforms are a bit more strict and are recognizable mostly through their black clothing and an additional metal forehead protector that says 'Black Ops' on it, usually worn on a belt loop alongside the regular Amegakure forehead protector.
  • Bōdāgādo, border guards unit
    Due to the nature of Amegakure's position in the middle of three larger villages, they are forced to vehemently protect their borders at all costs. These units will go out and confront trespassers, ordering them to turn back and take the long way around Amegakure, and if they fail to do so, will engage and theoretically destroy the opponent. The border guards are typically lead by a borderguard-specific jonin, and then three regular shinobi, but can also consist of four borderguard shinobi.
  • Fukisokuna, irregulars
    These shinobi are anything that doesn't fall in any of the other categories. They are perhaps closely related to the Sannin rank - not really part of the armed forces, but at the same time definitely tied to Amegakure. There is no given title that the fukisokuna use, and most of them are titular, nicknames and such. Currently there are no fukisokuna, but perhaps in the future.
  • Minashigo-in koyō sābisu, Orphanage employment service
    Perhaps the most infamous of the Amegakure institutions, the orphanage employment service or otherwise known simply as 'the orphanage' is a service that deals with children abandoned by their parents or who lost their parents due to war. They come from all over - but mostly from Amegakure. This is due to the frequent usage of Amegakure lands to do battle in by other countries which causes displaced children to end up either in Amegakure or wandering into Amegakure - though, at times, the orphanage has been known to employ the Black Ops to exfiltrate orphans from other areas outside of its' borders. This has earned them a bit of a black mark because they are effectively taking orphans, which isn't so bad. But the process after it is somewhat of a grey area, because the children are then raised as shinobi and made to fight in the Amegakure forces. This has earned critique from other villages, but Amegakure has been quick to retort that they are merely taking care of the children that their wars have orphaned.


Many of these institutions go under different name in the day-to-day lives of the shinobi, as nobody would refer to a shinobi as a regular, or as an ANBU specialist as a black-ops. They are merely there in the upper echelons of the armed forces, used by commanders and kage alike.

The Heiwa period is where we currently are, but the period is soon to come to an end with the arrival of Shinobi who are unrivaled in terms of power.


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History of Amegakure
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As mentioned before, Amegakure was started as the result of a shinobi settling down with his clans in a local village that was under constant attack by the shinobi of the opposing countries that used this village as their battlefield. Whenever there was not a battle raging, forcing people into their homes, there would be scavengers taking supplies from the villagers. This ceased when the shinobi settled down, under the leadership of one Hikako. Though he settled there with his 'clan' they were not related through blood, more so than choice. Not only that, but it was apparent rather quickly that their track record wasn't spotless either. This was used by the other villages to denote the birthplace of Amegakure as a 'bandit infested village,' though for a set of bandits these shinobi were far too skilled.

This meant that, at first, they were not a prime target and were merely an obstacle in obtaining resources. But after the first fights between the clan of rag-tag shinobi and the armed forces it became evident that these were a little more than just bandits. Especially the leader, Hikako, was extremely proficient, having mastered the art of senbon and ninjutsu to the level of an expert.

Hikako maintained leadership until the weeks before the war ended, dying on the battlefield defending his squad against an oncoming attack of mixed Sunagakure and Konohagakure troops, which had enclosed them from two sides. Perhaps it would be heroic to say he saved their lives, but this was not the case. They all perished in the attack and the chain of command dictated that his younger brother took the position as kage.

But things went slightly different. The moment the message came in that Hikako was dead, a civil war broke out in the village, with a rather bloody coup taking place. Hikako's younger brother was seen as a somewhat inferior and weak leader and his combat skills were sub par to most other shinobi in the village. He was killed alongside some small number of loyalists, and a new kage was placed on top of the hierarchy. After that followed a bloody sequence of coups, with each kage spending a variety of time on that position before inevitably dying off. More on that will follow in a list of all the kages that Amegakure knew.

During this time, there was still a lot of war, which was ironic given that this time was commonly referred to as Heiwa - peace. Perhaps it is strange to say so, but any war that didn't involve all the great villages were simply were simply put not important enough to be considered a great war. And rightly so - there was nothing great about these war.

Amegakure was at the center of these wars quite frequently, having to defend their territory against encroaching forces that were attempting to annex the village. The last war was over twenty years ago, however, so it is unlikely that any of the current regular shinobi forces bar the jonin experienced these wars. Perhaps luckily so - war leaves its' scars on anyone, no matter how strong you are.

There were many kages in Amegakure during these times, many of whom were merely average. Some that stood out were the following;

Ikki
The shinobi that settled down in Amegakure with his band of shinobi, this man is some sort of legend among Amegakure shinobi, whether you like him or not. He was a man with a noble heart, but not quite the hero other villages put forth as their 'legendary shinobi.' Ikki was the living embodiment of 'the goals hallow the means' and as such he was at the head of many cruelties against the other shinobi villages. Perhaps this was wrong - but it's what gave them the edge a small village needed to survive.

He died defending his squad in a joint ambush by Sunagakure and Konohagakure. Perhaps it would be heroic to say that due to his efforts his squad made it out alive - but this would be a lie. Nobody returned from that ambush and, while Ikki's defense cost the Konoha- and Sunagakure hitsquad quite a few members, inevitably when Ikki fell the rest was doomed to death as well. Word of his death reached Amegakure a few days later, resulting in the first coup of Amegakure history. Two weeks later the first great shinobi war ended.

Ikki left behind a younger brother, who was swiftly killed in the coup. No other known relatives survived, as far as Amegakure intelligence services know.

Koji Motsuba
Koji Motsuba was the person that took over after Ikki. Following Ikki's death, and the arrival of that news, Koji figured it was time to get rid of the weaker younger brother of Ikki and take over for himself, to ensure that Amegakure would not fall under the weak leadership of this brother.

Luckily for Koji, he had a lot of support compared to the brother, resulting in merely a few deaths. But his reign would not stop there. He initiated a brutal training regime to prepare the rest of Amegakure for the second great shinobi war that he was sure would arrive one day. He wasn't wrong - he just miscalculated the period of time in which it would happen.

Perhaps his greatest miscalculation was using the war-torn children of the war, deeply scarred both physically and mentally by the pains they suffered during this war. During Koji's reign Amegakure underwent a surge in mental problems that only diminished once this extreme training regiment was replaced with a lesser regiment.

Koji was the leading figure in 90% of the total defensive wars that Amegakure faced, all of which took place during his twenty years as kage. A coup ultimately cost him his life, and his successor replaced the training regime. Things returned to normal.

Mao Susube
Mao Susube was a female assassination expert. It should come as no surprise, then, that she was at the head of the largest and most complex coup in Amegakure history - no small feat to accomplish. Her status as assassination also put her in relative comfort when it came to defense against other coups - she knew what to expect.

Her reign as kage was relatively normal, and it was under her time period that Amegakure opened it's borders slightly more and began accepting trade and commerce between the other villages and Amegakure. Controls were tightened in the shape of bureaucracy but ultimately, she provided a good boost to economics for Amegakure. Their industrial exports could now also be exported to other countries, after all.

This ended when an infiltrator used a trading wagon to bring in heaps of explosives and blew up a large section of the Amegakure industrial district. Following this attack, which was not claimed by anyone, she reverted her previous actions and closed the country again, not allowing anyone from the outside access without explicit approval from the kage herself. To this day it is unsure who committed the crime, but it is said that the upper echelons of the Amegakure shinobi forces know exactly who was behind it.

She died not long after that of health problems.

Iie Hizen
Iie Hizen was the leader that took over after a series of coups, putting an end to them with an iron fist and the help of the Black Ops squadrons. Using black ops, anyone with thoughts about revolutions were put to an end, with either re-conversion to the Amegakure ninja way, or forcible departure from this world. He ruled the longest of any kage in Amegakure, being the twelfth kage, and held office for over 30 years.

He was a hard shinobi, hardened by the many defensive wars he fought, and during his later period of rulership this became evident as he came down harder and harder on suspected revolutionary elements in Amegakure. Despite being at the head of many progressive things in Amegakure, he was also the cause of a lot of cruelty. This was never hidden either - he accepted this, and he embraced it, proclaiming that a hard rule was necessary for the people of Amegakure, who would otherwise devolve into more and more coups and bloodshed. Over time this became the accepted ideal. Rule hard, or perish.

He died two years ago, with the new kage taking his place soon after.

Shii Matsume


Shii Matsume, current Amekage


Shi Matsume is the current Amekage, who took over after Iie. During her 2 year seat on the position of kage, she has not accomplished that much yet. However, her mainstay focus has been on the protection of Amegakure borders, what with the war starting within her reign. She is known as a rather fierce shinobi, definitely a match for any other kage out there at the moment. More over, her personality matches Amegakure almost indefinitely, and she has allowed Amegakure to consume her - to essentially become a living breathing portrayal of Amegakure.
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Hidden 8 yrs ago 8 yrs ago Post by Aqua
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Aqua

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Hidden 8 yrs ago Post by Dion
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Dion THE ONE WHO IS CHEAP HACK ® / THE SHIT, A FART.

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@Neurovoid looks good so far!
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Caught my interest, seeing how I am a big Naruto fan. The AU's village has me more interested, maybe more so then the winter years one you had going a few months ago Buddha. I'll try and put something together as soon as I can.
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Dion THE ONE WHO IS CHEAP HACK ® / THE SHIT, A FART.

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@BladeSS4 The winter war wasn't my idea, I just went with it with a lack of better plot. You can blame Hillan for the stupid winter stuff.

This time, I actually came up with it (well, Asura did, and I made it better) so I definitely like this more.
Hidden 8 yrs ago 8 yrs ago Post by BladeSS4
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Here yeah go, my character. Still not very good at making a good backstory for a character so it might be a bit of a cliché. I hope it works though.


Hidden 8 yrs ago 8 yrs ago Post by Dion
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Dion THE ONE WHO IS CHEAP HACK ® / THE SHIT, A FART.

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As always, review in red. Keep in mind that not all my comments are dead serious and have a laugh. See it as constructive criticism.


I think there's still a few things you can fix in this CS.


Hidden 8 yrs ago 8 yrs ago Post by Dion
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Hidden 8 yrs ago 8 yrs ago Post by Spanner
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@Buddha

Since I've been craving for a Naruto RP since a while ago and you're searching for players, I could as well submit a character that I've been wanting to use since a while ago.

Hidden 8 yrs ago Post by Hillan
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Gonna be making a Jounin sheet, nerds.

Hidden 8 yrs ago 8 yrs ago Post by BladeSS4
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Alright I tried to fix most of what you had issues with. Let me know if this works now.

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Dion THE ONE WHO IS CHEAP HACK ® / THE SHIT, A FART.

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Gonna be making a Jounin sheet, nerds.


I already have two applications for a jonin spot so consider this unlikely given you've already said you didn't want a hands-on character, dumbass.
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@Buddha

Since I've been craving for a Naruto RP since a while ago and you're searching for players, I could as well submit a character that I've been wanting to use since a while ago.

Review in red



Please take a look at my criticism/review. Take it as constructive,


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<Snipped quote by Hillan>

I already have two applications for a jonin spot so consider this unlikely given you've already said you didn't want a hands-on character, dumbass.


I changed my god damn mind, bitchtits.

Hidden 8 yrs ago Post by Dion
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Dion THE ONE WHO IS CHEAP HACK ® / THE SHIT, A FART.

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@BladeSS4 It still doesn't really explain why her mother was allowed to stay. Also I don't really understand why you went for the Hozuki clan specifically since you don't really use their jutsu or anything. You don't have to edit it in but maybe you can give me an explanation here?
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Dion THE ONE WHO IS CHEAP HACK ® / THE SHIT, A FART.

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<Snipped quote by Buddha>

I changed my god damn mind, bitchtits.


Knowing your activity, neh.
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Hillan I'm a writer - Lying's what we do.

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<Snipped quote by Hillan>

Knowing your activity, neh.


Knowing how I'll fuck your face, yeh.

Edit: No homo.

Hidden 8 yrs ago 8 yrs ago Post by Spanner
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@Buddha

Since I've been craving for a Naruto RP since a while ago and you're searching for players, I could as well submit a character that I've been wanting to use since a while ago.

Review in red
Answer to clarify some stuff in blue, just cause it seems fitting


Please take a look at my criticism/review. Take it as constructive,I'll surely do so... I guess.


@Buddha Can you please clarify your opinions about the justifications/questions made as an answer to your corrections? It'll make the correction of the sheet considerably easier.
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Dion THE ONE WHO IS CHEAP HACK ® / THE SHIT, A FART.

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<Snipped quote by Spanner>

@Buddha Can you please clarify your opinions about the justifications/questions made as an answer to your corrections? It'll make the correction of the sheet considerably easier.


Alright, first off, some of my comments are not meant to be 100% serious. I don't really care about the callsign for instance, so that it's a mouthful doesn't really matter.

I picked the villages at random due to lack of info, relies mostly in the fact that Konoha was the village that gave Bijuus to Kiri in the past according to the cannon. I can either change the villages or twist ir to make him one of the reasons for the war, whatever you like the most.


True, but there's a reason they're at war. I could've clarified it but opted to do it in the IC, because otherwise I'd have to give away the main antagonist already and I'd prefer not to do that.

But in short; there's a war between Kirigakure and Konohagakure at the moment, however that only started some.. one year ago? So it's possible that he's from Kirigakure. However, them being allied after the first war seems unlikely to me. I'd also opt to change the villages (or just leave the alliance bit out? Whether you're allied or not, during peacetime you'd want to avoid killing shinobi of another village, especially in an exam). A single shinobi being the reason for a war seems a bit much, especially if he went rogue anyway.

A minor info gathering would let clear that it was done under personal grudge, and doing so when he was still a 15 year old boy makes it clear that he has the ability to reinforce the village. As for the time, it is supposed to be an act taken as soon as she became the kage, securing strong individuals loyal to her - a common practice in a place who has coups as a tradition.


There are plenty of strong shinobi in Amegakure though, and for a village that is relatively small and has been the underdog for a long time (and thus at risk of invasion) I'd say that taking in a wanted criminal is more of a reason to get invaded than a reason to strengthen herself. I see where you are coming from but I don't think the con's would outweigh the pro's in this case.

I'd rather say that it is like opening the fifth of the eight gates for a short time but only enhancing speed if i had to make an analogy... Still, it's pretty similar to body flicker in practice. I can probably change that if you want


Which is a bit too much. In practice, it's too much like body flicker. In fact, it's unknown currently how swift release is even different from body flicker;

How this nature differs from the common Body Flicker Technique, aside from speed difference, is unknown. It is possible that Swift-natured chakra is being applied to the Body Flicker, which is a general skill, to produce this effect.
Narutopedia


I'm not against him being really speedy, but there's something about instant movement that is cheesy in a fight.

Also, having a jonin going around zooming between enemies finishing them all off seems like it'd force the students to just kinda.. sit back and watch. Cool in theory, but for an RP, it's not that good.
Hidden 8 yrs ago Post by Spanner
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<Snipped quote by Spanner>

Alright, first off, some of my comments are not meant to be 100% serious. I don't really care about the callsign for instance, so that it's a mouthful doesn't really matter.

That was pretty clear tho? I wasn't really answering seriously, even felt tempted to insert a shush in the end.
<Snipped quote>

True, but there's a reason they're at war. I could've clarified it but opted to do it in the IC, because otherwise I'd have to give away the main antagonist already and I'd prefer not to do that.

But in short; there's a war between Kirigakure and Konohagakure at the moment, however that only started some.. one year ago? So it's possible that he's from Kirigakure. However, them being allied after the first war seems unlikely to me. I'd also opt to change the villages (or just leave the alliance bit out? Whether you're allied or not, during peacetime you'd want to avoid killing shinobi of another village, especially in an exam). A single shinobi being the reason for a war seems a bit much, especially if he went rogue anyway.

Rather than the reason, I thought about having him as one of the triggers to the war. Like, there was already a reason but he acted to give a justification to the start of the war. Franz Ferdinand's Shinobi version.

<Snipped quote>

There are plenty of strong shinobi in Amegakure though, and for a village that is relatively small and has been the underdog for a long time (and thus at risk of invasion) I'd say that taking in a wanted criminal is more of a reason to get invaded than a reason to strengthen herself. I see where you are coming from but I don't think the con's would outweigh the pro's in this case.

Fair enough. I'll go ahead and change this specific part to make him more suitable for the role.

<Snipped quote>

Which is a bit too much. In practice, it's too much like body flicker. In fact, it's unknown currently how swift release is even different from body flicker;

<Snipped quote by Narutopedia>

I'm not against him being really speedy, but there's something about instant movement that is cheesy in a fight.

Also, having a jonin going around zooming between enemies finishing them all off seems like it'd force the students to just kinda.. sit back and watch. Cool in theory, but for an RP, it's not that good.


Well, i Don't see him as being that active to start with. Going around killing weaklings with cowardly attacks hardly suits a battle addict like him - there's nk thrill on it. Still, I can take out this technique and make him an user of se form of chakra strengthening or some variation of the eight gates of wonder.
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