Wonderland.
It’s a word that incites visions of whimsical landscapes. Of a queen of hearts screaming, “OFF WITH THEIR HEADS!” and rather incompetent card soldiers. Of a child named Alice who stumbled into a world of wonder through a rabbit hole, a mysterious evaporating cat, and a tea party with rather wonky individuals.
But his tale was naught but a work of fiction inspired by stories shared between one Charles Dodgson and a now long-deceased princess of Wonderland, Alyce Heart. Stories that Dodgson distorted for his own entertainment. After all, they were ramblings of a place that couldn't possibly exist.
And yet, it does.
Nestled in a nook between worlds you thought were mere fairy tales, is Wonderland. It's a land filled with marvels you've only ever dreamt of. For generations, beneath what's become known as the White Rule, Wonderland experienced a time of peace and prosperity. It flourished and grew, becoming a hub of activity for those few who traversed its portals between worlds.
Until fourteen years ago.
At he height of Wonderland's prosperity, the White Queen ruled with an iron, yet gentle hand. Together, with her many supporters and greatest warrior mage--and most trusted friend--Hatter Madrail, they upheld the peace like none of the White Rule before them. Though tragedy had struck both, stripping them of their loving spouses, they were both left with beautiful children who they doted on, preparing them to one day take their places at court.
Elayra Heart, a curious, energetic girl with an appearance as fair as her mother's, the Queen.
Ghent Madrail, a fierce, yet kind boy with a natural instinct for magic--and a weakness for sweets.


When the children were two and three years of age, the greatest blight the worlds had ever seen reemerged:
The Red Sorceress.
A woman as ancient as Wonderland's uniting, she had long ago been weakened and locked away in a realm where she could do no more harm. But her dark desire to see Wonderland and the rest of the 'fairy tale' lands beneath her control could not be contained.
Backed by her own army of fierce creatures from the darkest depths of her prison, she broke free. Her terror rained down upon Wonderland. The streets ran with the blood of her victims. And her favorite method of executing those who opposed her? Why, beheading, of course.
Well. When she didn't rip their hearts out first.
Even with the powers of Queen Alyce Heart and Hatter Madrail, Wonderland fell to the Red Sorceress. With the palace--and the 'heart of magic'--under her command, she cast a curse upon the world. It ravaged the land, twisting nearly everything it touched, turning the world into a gruesome, bloodthirsty shadow of what it once was.
The dead were the lucky ones.
And thus began the Era of Crimson Destruction.


But some hope still remains. The Queen and Hatter weren't without plans of their own.
Near the eve of Wonderland's fall, the young heirs stole from the palace, protected by the Queen and Hatter's most trusted White Knight. His job? Take the children to the safety of Earth. Should the palace fall, he would train them there until they'd grown strong enough, then return and restore peace.
In theory, at least.
By an unlucky stroke of fate, the two children were separated, Ghent tumbling, lost and alone, to Earth. Before the Knight and Elayra could follow, the portals shut, trapping them apart. With their lives--and sanity--scarcely intact, the two were forced into hiding.
Now, nearly fourteen years later, the stars have at last aligned, activating the failsafe Hatter and the Queen had put into place so long ago. A failsafe that grants life to the portals for a short time to a single world: Earth.
This is their one chance to find Ghent and bring him back to Wonderland before the portals shut for good. Without him, the bloody nightmare the once grand world had become would never end. For he is boy of magic untouched by the Crimson Curse. More, he is one of the last remaining vinifcium--a race of great power--and heir to the greatest warrior mage to have graced Wonderland.
But he is a boy whose memories of Wonderland have been wiped into mere wisps of dreams, coerced into the fantasies of a 'confused, dazed child' by modern-day Earth. He is a boy who has grown up never knowing magic or the harsh cruelties his birthland has become.
But, as the Queen and Hatter had been warned, it is in the hands of these two teenage heirs that the fate of not only Wonderland, but every other connected world, rests.

> CottonTail Fire-Starter(s)—First Use: Page eleven, but named here. Nothing catches fire better or quicker, or burns longer than a CottonTail fire starter! They’re fluffy white balls that look more like fur than cotton, and are slightly smaller than your average cotton ball. Complete with an option to buy a handy-sized boxed kit that gave you a space for the fire starters and matches. “CottonTail” is the name of the company who made them. Well, makes, though the quality is questionable, what with being run by would-be zombies. They chose their name based off this first product of theirs, since the fire-starters resemble stubby rabbit tails. Which, well, they are, but don’t worry. The ‘rabbits’ aren’t harmed to get them. They shed them, like a sanake sheds its skin, only more often.

> Eatmay Cake—First Use: Page seven, passing mention. Carroll's inspiration for the "Eat Me" cake. One of the easiest magical confections for chefs to create. While eatmay cake does not make it's eater grow, it does create an almost anti-gravity effect for a short time. It was once a staple party favor in pre-Curse Wonderland.

> Forgen, the—First Use: Page one, post one. A term used for any animal or person born into the Curse after its initial impact. Meaning their age range is infancy to around 13. They're often described as being soulless by the omitten, though no one knows for sure. While their racial instincts (be it human or animal) appear to be present to some extent, and they do occasionally adapt to mimic some of the Forsakens' patterns (such as participating in making food or items), they're mostly run by the pure instincts that the Curse feeds on. While they'll protect their own Curse-ridden kind, they're wired and driven to destroy and kill. They can sense the omitten, who are, regrettably, their favored prey, the Curse targeting anything sentient that it hasn't infected. Since they were born infected, their bodies and minds have better adapted to its effects, making them smarter and faster than the Forsaken. It's unclear whether or not the Forgen would revert back to a normal state should the Curse be broken.

> Forsaken, the—First Use: Page six. All those initially affected by the Curse. All Forsaken are currently roughly thirteen years old or above. They are now scarcely even shadows of what they once were. Animals and even many plants became blood-thirsty and driven by only the most primeval of desires, while humans became almost zombie-like. Most human Forsaken still go about their typical day to an extent, but it's more muscle-memory than a conscious decision. Outside this form of auto-piolet, if the Curse in them senses an omitten nearby, or if the affected sees someone without the tell-tell signs of infections, it will embed the the desire to destroy the uneffected.

> Jumper(s)—First Use: Page three. Short for "World Jumper." People who used to hop between worlds, staying for various periods of time, with a central hub stationed in Wonderland before the portals sealed themselves. They had the ability to sniff out portals, and easily navigate through their magic. When the portals were closed, they were trapped wherever they were, making some of them insane while others managed to adapt.

> King's Curative—First Use: Page twelve. A healing potion said to be capable of curing anything but death itself. It's one of the rarest items in Wonderland, even before the Curse, because of its unusual ingredients and the amount of magic necessary to produce it. When made right, it's glittery, opaque pale pink—think strawberry milk—and smells like a mix of pine, grapefruit, and brine. While few others have managed to make it, it's easiest made by Spiritayians, since some of the ingredients are found only in their realm.

> Moondrop milk— First Use: Page four, but isn't named until page fifteen. A disinfectant with minor healing properties. Unlike the King's Curative, moondrop milk's healing only goes as far as to heal simple scrapes and staunch bleeding of fairly shallow wounds. It does not heal more than surface wounds, and doesn't prevent scarring. Deeper wounds are only forced to coagulate quicker, meaning it doesn't even form a scab, only clots minor bleeding. While the healing aspect won't work on major, significantly deep wounds, the disinfectant properties don't lessen. Moondrop milk is made from a special type of dew from flowers known as moondrops, mixed with the crushed shells of moonbeetles, which are often found together. When first mixed, it has a slight red tint to it from the taint of the Crimson Curse, but that fades over time into a thin milky white substance. Until it turns white, it can't be used. If used while the taint is still prominent, it would worsen the wound and cause a Curse-ridden infection only time can heal. While it can be quite the journey to procure the flowers and beetles, it isn't impossible, and can be made by anyone with the right know-how. Durst knows how to make this and has likewise taught Elayra.

> Omitten—First Use: Page four. A name often given to those who managed to avoid the effects of the Curse, excluding the partial block on magic. They are hunted by the Red Queen, and thus have been driven into hiding.

> OmniChrono—First Use: Page thirteen. See post (255) for description. Since the flow of time can shift in areas of Wonderland where the Spiritayum has a stronger hold on the land, following its own rules rather than what Time set for Wonderland itself, the OmniChrono (Chrono(s) for short) was created mainly for adventurers and any others who didn’t need a minute-by-minute rundown of time, but something that would continue working even if they passed through somewhere with wonky time-flow. But this time piece does more than tell time. While there are clocks out there in Wonderland that keep track of individual minutes, OmniChronos do what they need to with more accuracy than any typical clock. It also powers itself using the various elements that it taps into, making it capable of running indefinitely without having to change any batteries or winding it up. Back before the Curse, it was standard equipment for the knights—both your standard knight and White and Black Knights—of Heart palace.

> Rabbit Hole(s)—First Use: Page twelve. Not to be confused with your common, every day rabbit hole, Rabbit Holes are a series of tunnels creatures known as the White Rabbits dug. They’re tunnels that connect different places of Wonderland, and can quicken passage from one place to another due to the magic qualities of the White Rabbits. Before the Curse hit, the Rabbits would frequently change where each tunnel wound up, so sometimes entries would vanish and new ones appear, or old ones would lead to new places. However, it’s impossible to get lost in the vast maze of tunnels; the magic of the tunnels themselves prevents anyone from straying from the intended path of the Rabbit Hole.

> Safe Zones— First Use: Page ten. Known as Hollow Sanctums to those of the Betwixt within Hollow Forest, they are areas, typically clearings, where the emotions of the forest and the spirits cannot touch those traveling through. They offer a safe place to sleep and rest once the spirits become more active and rise to their full power with the setting sun.

> Spiritayum, the—First Use: Page four. Though technically a place, it's currently used more as just the term for what is basically Wonderland's spirit realm. Or, more accurately, a sort of resting place for Wonderland's spirits to wander through until they're ready to move on to whatever's next. Though there is a lot more to it than that, it is simply not necessary for you to know at the moment, dear reader.

> Spiritayian(s)— A Spiritayian is someone (or something) born to the Spiritayum, rather than the typical spirit of Wonderland's dead that has passed on.

> Daejinn—First Use: Page twelve. Cats born in the Spiritayum. The best creatures to liken them to is a mix of genies, demons, and cat siths, though only in powers and how they work, not actual race. Having more free rein among the physical realm, they make deals—or grant wishes, depending on how you look at it—with anyone who summons them. The older the daejinn, the stronger their powers, and the more they can do. But their service always comes at a price. A price determined by the task requested and the daejinn's mood. Believe me, these creatures are more dangerous than they sound, but, thankfully, there are only a two or three of them still left around. Though they do a pretty good job at making people think there are more of them.

> Deerdrin—First Use: Page one, post one. An animal dwelling in the Twisted Forest that resembles a deer with thick legs, massive antlers entwined together, and a furless pelt that’s often a dark base color with circular patches of black or brown. As normal as your common dear on Earth in those parts. The curse has twisted its once harmless nature, giving it usable claws, a mouth-full of sharp teeth, acidic green saliva, and a taste for human flesh as opposed to its previous herbivore diet.

> Katoka—First Use: Page four. “Nasty warrior cat people.” Higher-ranking beasts in the Sorceress’ army.

> Shadowmire—First Use: Page two. Beasts that are essentially recon groups for the Red Queen, and are the most disposable and easiest beaten of her ranks. They are large, panther-like cats, and have accordion-like bodies, stretches of thin, scaly skin folding between tufts of fur. They travel through shadows, where they are virtually untouchable until they emerge, and are always found in litters of six. Their ranking is visible by card suits. The leaders normally have an overall red color, with the mark of their suit in black, while the rest are reversed. Keep them angry, and you keep them stupid.

> Tichari— First Use: Page nine. Pronounced ty-CHAR-ee. Considered to be "ghost foxes," tichari are messengers of the Spiritayum (see the subsection above), and can be summoned by most Spiritayians. They are silvery blue foxes that travel in a streak of electric mist. Their fur crackles with blue and silver sparks, their eyes glow white, and their sparking mist rises from their fur like steam when they move slow enough to be even semi-visible. When they move, their electric aura leaves a slight afterimage of themselves, giving the illusion of a trail of the element following them.

> Terraflame— First Encountered: Page fifteen. Terraflames are elemental creatures with a fiery core surrounded and protected by a layer of rocks and earth. Pre-Curse, they would feed off of the negative emotions of humans and were even kept as pets. Post-Curse, any raw, negative emotions not tainted by the Curse attracts them, and they'll feed on emotions just as much as the flesh of those they target. Females are typically around the size of a Mastiff, while males are slightly larger and bulkier. Their eyes glow from their fiery core and their double tongues resemble two thorny vines that can extend out a great distance. The older the terraflame, typically the longer the tongues, and the thorns on the females' tongues are weaker and often break off--and grow back--while the males' are more difficult to snap off. The rest of their exact appearance differs depending on what types of stones create the overall geological makeup of where they're born--volcanoes. Specifically, a series of mostly inactive volcanoes piled atop and around each other known as Mount Crone. The rocks of their armor slowly forms around their fiery lifeforce the longer they remain in their volcanic homes until they're strong enough to join their parents out in the wild, collecting and adding rocks to their armor as they grow. Rocks/stones and dirt that reform when they're injured due to the natural, elemental magic of their core connecting with the rocks and stones they collect. However, this same magic can only handle so much bulk, thus limiting their size. Water is deadly to them, and they survive best in warm, dry climates.

> Toatunt— First Use: Page eleven, as jerky. Pronounced TOE-tuhnt. Carroll's inspiration for the frog footmen. They could once be caught and trained, but, well. Best not to now. Since they usually burrow underground, their bodies absorb nutrients directly from the soil while repelling unwanted waste. Thus, their meat is full of many of the things one's body needs to keep strong and healthy. As long as you can get past the earthy—and sometimes swampy, if not cooked or cured just right—flavor of it. As jerky, it is mainly an unnaturally vibrant red—stained by the Curse, but safe to eat, nonetheless—with spots of equally vivid orange that are sometimes raised, giving them a wart-like appearance.

> White Rabbits—First Mentioned: Page twelve. Not to be confused with your common white rabbit. White Rabbits are, well, giant white rabbits with mole-like claws and a stomach capable of digesting earth. They were considered creatures of magic itself. They were relatively docile, friendly beasts in and of themselves, but would happily fight to the death if something posed as a large enough threat. Alas, when the Crimson Curse hit, cutting them off from magic, they disappeared. It’s rumored that they went crazy and withered away, dying out somewhere in the tunnels. But no one knows for sure.

> Betwixt, the—First Use: Page ten. A realm between realms. It is where the spirits of the earthbound and certain Spiritayians (creatures born of the Spiritayum) dwell. It is here that vinifcium travel to when they try to communicate with any residing in the Spiritayum, making it a sort of "meeting room." Whether the entity the vinifcium is searching for meets them is another question entirely. A downside is that someone will always answer a vinifcium, even if it's not the entity they were seeking. Side note: the Betwixt takes on various appearances depending on where it is accessed.

> Gardale—First Mentioned: Page twelve. One of the few towns brave enough to settle near Hollow Forest. Not quite a city, it’s still fairly large. Being so near to the portal gateways of Harrow Hollow Hill, they often got a lot of traffic from Jumpers before the Curse, though not as much as the larger cities a bit further out. Its condition and the state of its residents are currently unknown. But it has a Rabbit Hole in it that, last Drust knew, lead to—or at least near—Mushroom Gorge.

> Harrow Hollow Hill—Introduced on page one. A single mountainous formation with a hollow center located in roughly the middle of Hollow Forest. It is protected by a magical barricade of trees, with only one possible entrance. Leading to the clearing where the old portal entrances could be found, it was once further protected by a gate that now serves only as a painful reminder of what once was.

> Heart Castle/Palace—Often referred to as both a castle and palace. So far, only mentioned in passing. Ghent and Elayra lived there when they were small, but neither really remembers the place. Located at the exact center of Wonderland within the royal city, it was once a grand, magnificent building. It is one of the oldest structures still standing, and had been ruled by the Heart family for as long as anyone could remember. Now, it belongs to the Red Queen, its current condition unknown.

Hollow Forest—Introduced on page one. A neighbor of the Twisted Forest, and is another measure of protection for Harrow Hollow Hill, its presence usually enough to make your average passerby steer clear. The trees here grow tall and thick, with vines crawling over the forest floor as if trying to strangle the vegetation. The trees drip crimson sap, and he colors--from the bark on the trees to the thick foliage above--look more vivid, more real than reality, and the ground is cast in "an unnerving patchwork of shadows and brilliant rays of sunlight." The moment anyone steps foot into this forest, cold emptiness and despair begins to nudge at them in the unnatural quiet saturating the woods. An icy phantom wind occasionally blows through the trees. For it's lore, click here.

> Mushroom Gorge—First Mentioned: Page twelve. Caervolus’ domain. Nothing further is currently known about the place in IC.

> Swallowhill Swamp— Mentioned in passing on page six. A place where it is always raining. It is riddled with mischievous hills that would once swallow unsuspecting travelers and randomly spit them out somewhere else in the swamp. Nowadays, they just like swallowing people. If they manage to dig their way out from the bowels of the earth is another matter entirely.

> Tulgun’s Marsh—Passing mention on page four. A place where Elayra and Drust were once forced to take shelter. The stench of the place alone is enough to turn even many of the bravest souls away, but it is a good place if you're running from something following your scent... so long as you have an iron stomach, or no sense of smell.

Twisted Forest—Introduced on page one. Elayra and Drust were staying near the edge of this forest before heading to Earth. Mist haunts the barren, blackened trees, every trunk hunched or twisted as if in pain from bearing the Curse for so long. It is a neighbor to Hollow Forest, ending in a distinctive line created by the trees. "The dry, decaying bark of trees of the Twisted Forest ended in a defined line, each bent over as if frozen trying to flee what lay inches past its boarder."

> Whispering Woods—Mentioned in passing on page one. A small woods just outside the royal city's bounds. It was once a lovely place where Elayra's and Ghent's parents would take them for picnics or to spend a couple days camping to get out of Heart Castle and break the usual day-to-day activities for a little while.

> Magic is not something you have. It something you access. It flows through every world, whether it is recognized or not, waiting for someone to call upon it.

> Not everyone is capable of accessing magic. Magic can be a finicky thing, and does not choose to work for everyone. While most people can use it for simple, day-to-day life, it is often still a struggle for them, and there are many who cannot even do the simplest of tasks. For others, though, such as races with a strong connection to magic, it is possible to do extraordinary things with magic. The stronger the innate connection to magic, the more powerful the caster. The strongest race with magic in Wonderland has been the vinifcium since the dawn of time.

> Once you access it the first time, you're golden. Well, sorta. The first time is always the hardest. It takes a great deal of concentration to find magic, but once it's been found, regardless of the world you discovered it, chances are you can access it anywhere. Your homeland, though, is most likely going to be the most welcoming.

> Focus words are a handy thing, but not necessary for everyone. Focus words are basically words intended to help someone command magic to do their bidding. In short, they’re pretty much spells. The majority of people need these to be capable of communicating with and thus using magic. More powerful people and races can outgrow this need, directing it instead with only thoughts.

> You need more than focus words to fully control magic. Focus words are just that; they help you focus on what you want, and are an easy way to tell magic what you want from it. But you need to direct it with your mind as much as your mouth. You need to show it exactly what you want it to do, otherwise it could decide to be more or less powerful than you want it to be, or even do something entirely different from what you wanted, focus word or no focus word.

> In case you haven't figured it out, magic is, in a way, alive. Though not exactly an entity, it is an existence that has displayed no small amount of personality and understanding. What it is, exactly, has mystified scholars of all worlds since the dawn of time.

> Age matters. No, not the age of the caster, but of the magic. The older the world's magic, the stronger it will be. On the other hand, it also gets a bit crankier. Older magic will be a bit more difficult for the average person to first access, while younger magic is often rather eager. Wonderland's magic is the most ancient and used of all the worlds, and Earth's is the youngest and least accessed.

> Magic can feed off of magic. It is possible for different types of magic to siphon the power others use, thus making itself stronger. There are two sides to this: the helpful, and the parasitic. On the helpful side, it allows those who can use magic to empower each other, allowing them to do greater things they could not do alone. In this case, it is always a choice, and must be allowed by all parties involved. On the parasitic side, however, it simply does it. Normally seen with curses and other, darker enchantments that have long since been forbidden in Wonderland, parasitic magic will feed on others’ magic whether they like it or not. Parasitic magic is like a virus. If not kept in check, it can grow to the point of having a life of its own. It also does not necessarily feed just off magic. It can also be empowered by various other forms of energy, such as negative emotions.

> While the magic of a world cannot be destroyed, it can be tainted, and people can be blocked from using it. It is this aspect that the Red Sorceress utilized with the Crimson Curse, which has made Wonderland’s magic reluctant, at best, to work for anyone residing there, and has blocked all but a select few from using it.

> Names hold a certain power. But only for beings with a strong link to magic, meaning your every-day human and lower-end magic users are likely safe, while sorcerers, beings of the Spiritayum, and other creatures connected to (but not necessarily created by) magic are left prone. Knowing the real name of someone with a strong connection to magic means another casting a spell can do more damage and from a greater distance, as well as creates the possibility of casting spells to control an individual. To counter this, most affected by this fact take on at least one alias.

> To enchant an item, one must store a bit of the world's magic inside of it. Enchanted items run rife in Wonderland... or they used to, at least. They're created by a talented magic user infusing some of the world's magic into an item. This magic must always be directed in what it is supposed to do--when enchanting a pack, for example, it must be imbued with magic with the intention of, say, increasing its internal capacity--in order for it to work. The only exception is a vinifcium weapon, which cannot have a specific order imbued into the magic. Which makes vinifcium weapons more unstable and dangerous to create, but perfectly sound once forged. All enchantments tend to wear off of the items over time, excluding vinifcium weapons, making it necessary to re-enchant them every so often. When they must be re-enchanted ranges from just a couple years to a good century, depending on the item's comparability with magic and the enchantment itself.

> More finicky than general world magic. First discovered by a powerful sorcerer—and later the first World Jumper—portals are a form of magic that very few have ever fully been capable of controlling.

> The magic of portals is linked to the general magic of the world, but is not directly a part of it. While portals have a connection to the magic of the world, making them function in rhythm with a world's magic, they exist on their own level, allowing them to have defenses unreliant upon the world's magic. If something goes awry with a world's general magic, the portals will close themselves so whatever is wrong in one world cannot spread to another.

> There is currently no one powerful enough to change the portals’ location. While where they are at in Wonderland is unchangeable, there was once the possibility of choosing where one opened up at on the other end. Alas, the secret to that died millennia ago. Now, they’re in fixed positions. When they’re open, that is.

> If a portal seals itself off then reopens, the portals in the world outside Wonderland change. This is another defensive measure. ALL the portals will switch up, though the number of them will remain the same. There is no way to predict where they will open until they’re open.

> Portals will switch locations if necessary. Portal magic is not without its brains. If something disastrous occurs in the location of one of the portals, rendering it unsafe or impossible to travel through, that single portal will move, commonly not far from its original position.

> Think of where you want to go or someone you want to find, and you’ll pop out the portal closest to that place or person. This can be a handy little trick, but you'd better have either a really good mental image or general connection to them available. And it means you could end up on the wrong continent, if there is not a portal closer to where you want to go.

> The pathway between Wonderland’s single hub portal and the many others in another world can be navigated. Something only the most experienced Jumpers have been capable of managing, it is possible for someone traveling through to direct exactly which portal they come out of, so long as they know where it is.

> I like the description of the apartment complex. Negatively positive. Or, uh, positively negative?

> Oh my gosh. The neighborhood gossip, combined with the crazy cat lady. That’s just wonderful, there! And so stinking true!

> Ooo, Axel. Unusual, yet normalish at the same time. Love it! And his description being compared to Finn. I also like his light-hearted personality.

> You do really well with personalities in general, from what I’ve seen! Frank, the random bookstore customer... You can tell that Elise is a caring, loving woman from the first paragraph you see her in. Wonderful!

> Another mention of the past with Wonderland. Creating connections wherever you go!

> One thing to keep an eye out for, is clarity. For example, it took me a minute to figure out that Miles was a person, and then that Ghent was greeting him. At first, I thought you were saying that something rested miles underneath an awning, and not that Miles, a middle-aged man, stood under the awning.

> Don’t be afraid to start new paragraphs! Dialogue is a good time to start a new one. Every time a new character speaks, or you switch from some mix with descriptions in it into dialogue, their dialogue goes in a new paragraph, which helps immediately tell that there’s a new speaker. The only exceptions I know and can think of right now are if a speaker’s words are interrupted by action, then continued (e.g. “‘You’ve got to be joking!’ Jake threw his hands in the air, and began to pace, Clair’s eyes following him. ‘There’s no way that’ll ever happen!’” It’s still obvious that Jake’s the one speaking, even though Clair was mentioned), or if you put who speaks and their actions prior to the dialogue itself (e.g. “Jake glared at Clair for a short moment, his thoughts reeling with one question after the other. ‘How could he let that happen? It’s his job to protect them! What was he thinking?’” The subject of the paragraph is Jake, and Clair is a passing mention, so again it’s clear that Jake’s the speaker, and what he says is connected with the narration statement of having questions, connecting narration to dialogue). Hope that made as much sense outside my head as it did inside...

> Last suggestion for now! When you’re dealing with multiple characters, especially of the same gender, I would suggest using their names a bit more instead of pronouns. Within reason, of course, and only for the sake of clarity when it would be otherwise unclear. Placing dialogue and separate actions of different characters in new paragraphs more would also help a with that as well. In all honestly, I probably overuse names. Heh.

- This is so spooky

- I'm glad I don't live there

- Earth looks really good compared to this. Ghent got off easy @- @

- Drust don't snap! ;; HANG ON

- The details *^*

- The references to the other fairy tales YES

- Those weapons may not fit in so well on Earth. *laugh*

- AWWh she remembers that they were friends T - T *feels*

- *imagines little Elayra and little Ghent* so adorable.

- I love all of this

- THIS IS SO GOOD

> Why does it not surprise me that the crazy cat lady/gossip drives a black Sadan?

> “... and William was William.” *Grins.*

> Again, your skill with personalities! <3 <3 <3

> I’m torn between thinking Mrs. Saxon deserved that, and that Ghent was a jerk. xD His reaction and how he played, her though! Fantastic!

> “... his meow sounded thick and warbled.” I like that description!

> Gosh, William. Why must you be such a cat?

> Wish I could answer my phone while running. I’d probably either fall on my face, or drop and break the phone. Or both. My money would be on both.

> ... I think I’m part Axel.

> Stolen by wolves. Give the kid a cookie for that theory!

> “Time had warped its appearance, but that didn't seem to bother William.” <-- Oooo. That. Such a good word, warped! Such a simple, yet powerful description overall that provides a strong imagery. Plus it sounds awesome. Odd question: can I add that line to my book of quotes? Attributing it to you, of course!

> Again, I’m torn between feeling sorry for Ghent’s misfortunes, and thinking he deserves them. I love how it’s one thing after the other. All for the gosh darn cat. Shows how much he wants/needs that money!

> I love that entire chase, including the open opportunity there! It was amusing and enjoyable to read.