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Hidden 7 yrs ago Post by rivaan
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K this is what's ready to post ^^ pls do final check so I can throw it in the character pile


Hidden 7 yrs ago Post by Sho Minazuki
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Looks okay to me. You can roll it in.
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Hidden 7 yrs ago Post by Sho Minazuki
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@rivaan I'm double posting for the mention, but please remember to join the discord channel.

Also considering your mage is heavily offense-focused, Hardened Shell is not a buff, it's a forcefield that is use more actively, in exchange for it needing to be used actively, it's a more perfect defense. Similar to Protect in Pokemon.
Hidden 7 yrs ago Post by rivaan
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@Sho Minazuki oki ^^ active defense it is! makes sense with her build too xD
Hidden 7 yrs ago 7 yrs ago Post by Sen
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I'm here with my edgy boy.
Forgive me for how rushed my formatting and stuff is lmao

EDIT: Changed skills around and made it a tad edgier.
EDIT 2: Rewrote some of the descriptions to be less terrible, fixed some things, actually finished the skills and stuff. Formatting is slightly better. Also made a less worse sketch.

Hidden 7 yrs ago 7 yrs ago Post by Hero
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If anything needs to be changed, please let me know.

Edit: In my delirium I forgot something. Added it.

Hidden 7 yrs ago 7 yrs ago Post by Sho Minazuki
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@Sen Looks okay to me. You can throw it in now.

@Hero I'll start with the combat stuff. Devout is an actual advanced White Mage class name, not a WHM SMN cross, could benefit from a different name here. Regarding Angelic Voice, I think a better trait may be... "Enhance curative and supportive spells by singing". Casting more quickly benefits an offensive mage more than a defensive one. Perhaps your class could be something like "Divine Songstress" instead? Just make your title your class.

Everything in Techniques belongs in Spellbook also, just for being magically-inclined. Techniques are almost entirely physical, or if they're a hybrid skill that has more basis in being a martial attack (eg. A sword slash with fire buff would be a Technique, but a spell that summons a sword to swing would actually be in Spellbook)

You can have multiple Limit Breaks in each level of it, not to mention they also apply to your stats (10/15/25 in strength/cost, respectively LB1/2/3), so be careful on using LB3. So you can be a little more specific about Limit Break 1, Summon, and describe how each would turn out.

Otherwise the spells look okay, and the Opportunity Skills are acceptable. Just regarding revival spells, there are a few rules regarding that. First, it can only be used very recently to when an ally gets incapacitated, and it will prevent them from taking a strike (I'll have stuff on this mechanic soon, but basically everyone has 3 strikes, they take all three and their character will be either killed or permanently unable to fight and be played).

Now the last part is lore side of things. Summoners are a class of faith in the gods they summon, and the human experimentation is more of a thing for Escain than Songdae. Songdae is also Korean as the base for the nation, so your family name doesn't suit it, however you can actually just change everything to Escain and edit around the Summoner thing (perhaps they were trying to make artificial summoners, or mechanical summoners to summon Alexander and so in this case, they'll have ties to the Alexander cult in Escain). If you change those then it should be fine.
Hidden 7 yrs ago 7 yrs ago Post by EnterTheHero
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Hidden 7 yrs ago 7 yrs ago Post by Taytay
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Hidden 7 yrs ago Post by Sho Minazuki
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@EnterTheHero Everything's fine, but probably add the formal name for your cross class. Otherwise looks fine to me.

@Queentze I actually have very little to say, there's not much that needs changing, and the dance mechanic is interesting. Fire Sword would actually count as a Technique, Iaido Cutter would count as a Speed/Dex skill, Asura's Riposte should apply when outnumbered by 2 or more instead (so 1 to 3 odds), and Wandering Swordsman's Challenge should apply to anyone else who uses a sword, not just other Samurai.

Otherwise it looks fine to me. No problems with backstories either.

You both are in soon as those changes are made.

Don't forget to join the discord either. There's a link on the first page and this page. If they don't work just PM me.
Hidden 7 yrs ago Post by EnterTheHero
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@Sho Minazuki Class name changed to Hellkite Dragoon, and Malik has been dropped into the Cahracter tab. Thanks for all your help!
Hidden 7 yrs ago Post by Taytay
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@Sho Minazuki I fixed those things, am I good to drop?
Hidden 7 yrs ago Post by Sho Minazuki
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@Queentze Yeah looks good, roll it in.
Hidden 7 yrs ago 7 yrs ago Post by Hero
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@Hero I'll start with the combat stuff. Devout is an actual advanced White Mage class name, not a WHM SMN cross, could benefit from a different name here. Regarding Angelic Voice, I think a better trait may be... "Enhance curative and supportive spells by singing". Casting more quickly benefits an offensive mage more than a defensive one. Perhaps your class could be something like "Divine Songstress" instead? Just make your title your class.

Everything in Techniques belongs in Spellbook also, just for being magically-inclined. Techniques are almost entirely physical, or if they're a hybrid skill that has more basis in being a martial attack (eg. A sword slash with fire buff would be a Technique, but a spell that summons a sword to swing would actually be in Spellbook)

You can have multiple Limit Breaks in each level of it, not to mention they also apply to your stats (10/15/25 in strength/cost, respectively LB1/2/3), so be careful on using LB3. So you can be a little more specific about Limit Break 1, Summon, and describe how each would turn out.

Otherwise the spells look okay, and the Opportunity Skills are acceptable. Just regarding revival spells, there are a few rules regarding that. First, it can only be used very recently to when an ally gets incapacitated, and it will prevent them from taking a strike (I'll have stuff on this mechanic soon, but basically everyone has 3 strikes, they take all three and their character will be either killed or permanently unable to fight and be played).

Now the last part is lore side of things. Summoners are a class of faith in the gods they summon, and the human experimentation is more of a thing for Escain than Songdae. Songdae is also Korean as the base for the nation, so your family name doesn't suit it, however you can actually just change everything to Escain and edit around the Summoner thing (perhaps they were trying to make artificial summoners, or mechanical summoners to summon Alexander and so in this case, they'll have ties to the Alexander cult in Escain). If you change those then it should be fine.


I know what a Devout is, just chose to use the name since it was fitting the whole religious theme and I wanted her strength to be White Magic, but changing it is whatever. I actually didn't want to do casting by singing but I guess it makes more sense that way so I'll edit Angelic Voice per your suggestion.

See, the Techniques had me confused because it was mentioned that Techniques are things that don't cost MP. So for example, 'Pray' has always been an ability that doesn't require MP, so anything that doesn't take up MP I put it there. That can just be moved down I suppose.

As for the last thing, I made everything all up since I only knew I wanted her to be from Songdae and had little references, I can just change it, no biggie.

EDIT: Actually, I forgot to ask, I left Summon ambiguous because I was a little confused again, are the deities limited to the ones in the country? And would there be a big difference between the parent summon and the children summon (i.e. Summoning Shiva vs Summoning Lakshmi)?
Hidden 7 yrs ago Post by Sho Minazuki
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@MysteryBroom Please post your CS here to be approved first?

@Hero I see I see, well I'll look at it again soon as you make the changes. As for summoning, Summoners in general aren't limited to any one, as long as they fulfill the requirements for the god, then they can summon them. In your case, the main gods of your country are the safest bet, most summoners are devoted to only one pantheon, or even a single god. It's really up to you, as long as it's explained properly.
Hidden 7 yrs ago 7 yrs ago Post by MysteryBroom
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@Sho Minazuki Hey sorry about that. Posting it here again for your approval. Hope I didn't cause that much of a problem :)
EDIT 1: Fixed the spells, class bonus, opportunity and limit breaks
EDIT 2: Redistributed my stats



Hidden 7 yrs ago Post by MysteryBroom
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@Sho Minazuki I wanted to create a very simple gunner-type dude that had was poor in magic abilities but makes up for it with utilities. Hope it's not too much :)
Hidden 7 yrs ago Post by Sho Minazuki
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Deadly Aim will simply ignore defense rather than reduce it on the target, same values. This means this particular bonus will only affect you.

Window to the Soul is... While a cool idea, the max for a Limit Break is 25, and there's no reason your character can break that limit, plus I have no idea where this move came from. There isn't sufficient evidence for it's existence so to speak, and it also seems to designed to kill you but also likely kill another character. While such a move is cool if played properly, the problem here before that is that there's no indication your character would've learned such a thing.

Shadow of the Mountain will initiate immediately once you escape the sights of your opponent, so maybe have a flashbang handy for such a time.

Otherwise this is a pretty interesting high utility type character. That said while all those tools and such don't feel like they'd be Spells, they're also not really techniques... So I guess I'll let you keep them in Spellbook.

So seems mostly fine. Show me again after some changes.
Hidden 7 yrs ago Post by Hero
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@Sho Minazuki Changed as requested, let me know what you think?
Hidden 7 yrs ago 7 yrs ago Post by MysteryBroom
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@Sho Minazuki Hey sorry about that. Posting it here again for your approval. Hope I didn't cause that much of a problem :)



Made the changes here. Lowered my LP spells and just added a couple of spells in the spellbook. Let me know what you think :)
EDIT 1: Just refer to the first CS post I made for the changes
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