Doctor Harleen Quinzel, PsyD, skipped down the poorly lit streets of night time gotham. Her light blonde hair was tied into two long pig tails, one died pink, the other blue, with a matching color scheme for her eyeliner. Her outfit was quite simple, just a black sports bra and black gym hipster shorts, a red skirt and red crop top hanging rattily over both. Her right arm was in a cast. She was humming a tune, and in her left arm a baseball bat occasionally ringed against a metal fence post. Tucked against her chest, held aloft by her cast, was a bucket of ice cream.
Her sneakers scuffed the pavement as she came to a stop outside an abandoned, wrecked townhouse. The entire thing was overgrown with vines and plants, the bricks crumbling to dust.
Harley smiled, hopped up the broken steps, and rapped her pale white knuckles on the door. It swung open a few moments later, a flower emerged from the door frame and sprayed Harley in the face. She coughed, waving away the poison. The door was still open, leading into the absolutely swamped interior of the building. Rolling her eyes and smirking, she put on a dumb founded face and began to walk like a zombie down the twisted corridors. Alluring music echoed down the hall, and a femine voice beautifully sang a siren's song. Flowers twisted and writhed in a mesmering dance. Harley stomped down the hallways, sticking her tongue out and crossing her eyes.
Eventually she came to a large lobby like room where a pool had been created out of the center desk. The entire area was flooded. Large plants, ginormous creations, curled up the walls and swayed in tune to the singing. Various civilians and two cops danced in a circle with dumb smiles on their faces, holding hands and giggling together. Harley, pretending to be under the effects still, wandered into the middle of the room.
There, sitting in the pool with her arms over the edge, sat Poison Ivy, the enchantingly beautiful green lady super villaines. She looked over at Harley and smiled, but Harley could tell she didn't recognize her.
"Well, hello there." Ivy purred. Vines crept up Harley's legs and wrapped her arms against her torso. "Aren't you just a cute little thing?" Harley was lifted and carried closer to the forest nymph. "I'd love too- HARLEY!?" Poison Ivy threw her arms into the air in surprise and Harley was hurled across the room at a speed high enough to kill or seriously injure most normal people. She hit the wall with a thud and bounced, rolling to the ground, groaning in pain and laughing in delight at the same time.
"Ohh, ohohoho...oh, man. That's too bad. I liked where that was goin'." Harley clutched her cast that carried her broken arm and scooped up the ice cream bucket that she had dropped. She left her bat on the ground, for now. With a smile she got up into a crouching position. Poison Ivy would be bright red if she could turn that color anymore, and she was covering her face with her hands.
"Ugh! You are unbelievable!" Ivy chastised, sinking under the water's surface. Harley chuckled and hopped over the precipice of the circlular desk Ivy had made into her pool and sunk into the water, clothes and all.
"Been tellin' ya for years, Pamela. Ya need glasses! You're short sighted." Harley pulled down the skin of her cheek to make her eye look bigger.
"I'm sorry. I didn't recognize you without- without the-" Ivy emerged from the water and pointed at Harley's head. Harley ran a finger through her pigtails and shrugged. "Without the little jinglies, I know. No hat. No mask, no suit."
Ivy's eyes widened and she gasped. "I can't believe it. You actually-!?"
"Yup. Me and Mistah J? We're through. For good this time." Harley cut the air with an invisible knife. Ivy rushed forward across the pool and gave Harley a big hug. "Oh, Harley! I'm so proud of you!" Harley laughed again and looked Ivy in the face as they pulled apart.
"What's up with ya, Ivy? Seem to be in a good mood today." She quirked her head to the side.
"Oh, yeah. I'm high right now." Ivy said, sinking back to her corner of the pool, eyes closed. "Sorry I'm not as bitter as usual." She joked. Harley seemed taken aback.
"Wow! You figured out how ta get yaself high? Ain't there a joke about God makin' a rock so big even he couldn't lift it or somethin'?" She looked tilted her head again.
"Oh, I don't know. Doesn't sound like a very good joke, though. But yes, I did. I tried it on myself, and a diluted version on these...people." She waved to them dismissively. "And on you. I could give you the strong version, if you'd like."
"Naw, naw, I'm good for now. Need a clear head, 'cause I've been doin' some thinkin'. What's up with these guys, anyway? Thought you hated people." Harley glanced around as a police officer held his partner of his head.
"I do. I thought I might like them more if they learned to appreciate nature as much as I do. But no, not really. They're still pretty annoying. None of them are even that attractive." She said flippantly.
"Oh, yeah, I get it. So that was special treatment just for me, then." Harley said, smugly sticking her chin up. Ivy closed her eyes again and face palmed. "Ugh. You yourself said I needed new glasses. Clearly I do. Besides, if I had known it was you I would have thrown you much harder. Because, you, you know...tend to Bounce. But enough about me- you and Joker. You really dumped his sorry ass?" Ivy asked, leaning forward.
"Uh huh."
"Oh, no, he didn't do that to your arm, did he?" Ivy asked, her face twinged with concern and pre-emptive anger.
"Naw, that was me. I got drunk and got into a car accident on the way over here. This cast is just some lady's dress she left out to dry." She admitted with a shrug.
"Oh, poor girl." High Poison Ivy leaned forward to see Harley's arm but then looked around. "Leave us, you oafs. Go home and forget this ever happened, and don't come to this part of town again. I wish not to see you anymore." The party-goers seemed disappointed but trotted obediently out the door.
"Yeah, you oafs! Get outta here! Ya bums!" Harley called after them before looking back at Ivy with a self-satisfied look. Ivy rolled her eyes and then travelled closer to Harley, removing the cast and holding her broken arm. Surprisingly, it doesn't look that bad, but it was definitely broken.
"Like ya said, I Bounce. SHIELD-o prolly got me on a list, somewhere. It ain't too bad- never is, with me." Harley bragged.
"That's objectively untrue."
"Whaddya mean?"
"Batgirl punched your lights out plenty of times."
"That's- that's different. She hits real hard. And many times ovah, not just once. I can only Bounce so many times." Harley defended herself.
"Right. So it's only not bad when you get drunk and fling yourself through your window because you're dumb enough to not where your seatbelt." Poison Ivy chastised, already commanding her plants to concoct a potion.
"Wha- I did not go flyin' out my window!" Harley protested.
"So what's that glass sticking out of your shoulder?" Ivy indicated the small shard of glass with her eyebrow.
"That's...that's uh...okay." Harley finally came clean with a sheepish look.
"You're tough, Harley. You Bounce back. But you're not invincible, and you need to stop acting like you are." Poison Ivy ran some liquid over the broken arm, and Harley grunted as she felt it snap partially back into place.
"Yeowch." She said, rolling her shoulder. "Well, gee, sorry grandma. I'll be more careful next time." She plucked the glass out of her shoulder. There was a trickle of blood but moments later it sealed itself up. Over her several year stint as a supervillain she had picked up a few tricks, aswell as naturally being born with an X-gene that activated upon an unfortunate plunge into a vat of "chemicals." The ability to Bounce, and make other things Bounce. Definitely the most fun superpower of them all. Poison Ivy also gave her a dangerous potion that would kill most people and terrify most other people away. A rare concoction that permanently granted Harley a substance in her body that could regenerate almost all wounds very quickly, and gave her additional durability and enhanced strength.
"Good." There was one final snap, and Harley's arm was as good as new.
"Whaddya doin' in here, Ivy? All by your lonesome? I know it's been a while since we last saw each other. Whaddya been up too?" Harley asked as Ivy slid back to her side of the pool.
"Oh, I don't know. No one ever listens to me except you. The world is still going to shit. Batman stopped my plans over and over again. I only barely escaped last time. I don't know, Quinn. I'm just not feeling it anymore. Feel like nothing's changed. I've been doing this whole supervillain shtick for a long time." Ivy shifted, casing her eyes downwards a tiny frog leapt up on her raised index finger.
"Aw c'mon, Ivy. You ain't a villain! You're a hero! You're tryna save the world! What's more heroic then that?" Harley asked, trying to reassure her friend.
"No, I'm a villain. I'm morally right, but the definition fits. I'm trying to uproot (Ha!) the world as these so called heroes know it. Some people need to die. Or at least I thought they did. Clearly nothing's gotten better. So I've...just been hanging out, I suppose." Poison Ivy said.
"What about you? Now that you've dumped the Joker?"
"Well...I dunno." Harley said with a shrug, her voice getting quiet. "I've been...I've been thinkin' about gettin' into the hero business." She admitted, her pale face flushing a little red. Pamela blinked, narrowing her eyes and raising an eyebrow.
"Huh. I...I never pegged you for the type."
"Y-you don't think it's stupid?"
"No, it's pretty stupid." Ivy responded bluntly. Harley laughed, but her face fell nonetheless. "But when have you ever let that stop you before?" Ivy added with a smirk.
"Aah..." Harley's face brightened and she smiled wide, thinking about that. "...ahaha. Ha-ha, hahahahaahahahaaah! Haha!" She laughed joyously, her giggle fit wracking her whole body in the way that it always did. Unlike her crueller male counter-part, Harley's laugh could actually brighten a room instead of bringing terror. Though, she could certainly do the latter, depending on what she was enjoying at the time.
"Oh, man. When ya right, ya right. Thanks, Pam. You always know what to say." Harley's heart swelled with confidence. "Okay. I'm gonna do it. I'm really gonna do it. I'm gonna show those bums out there what Harley Quinn can really be. Not some sidekick, not some boring two-bit criminal. They're gonna love me. There's gonna be Halloween outfits with my name on 'em! They're gonna give me a key to the city! By the time I'm done, Batman will be nothin' but a footnote on my heroic legacy! I'm gonna save the friggin' world and make a boat load of cash doin' it!" By the end of her speech she was standing and shouting, her fists clenched triumphantly in the air.
(Oh God, what have I done?) "Um, that's great Harls. But, uh...how? Most people think you're just the Joker's looney girlfriend." Ivy said, trying to reign in her friend. Unfortunately, it didn't seem to work. Harley put a hand to her chin, thought for a moment, then shrugged.
"Haven't thought that far ahead yet. I'll figure it out. I'm gonna put a crew together. Maybe I need to take a roadtrip outta Gotham to get some perspective, see what's out there. Maybe I'll start by icin' some jackass that has it comin'. Whatever I come up with, when I'm done, I'll come back here and help you outta your funk, too." Harley Quinn stepped out of the pool, soaking wet, her smile bigger and brighter than ever. She fetched her baseball bat and rested it on her shoulder, and placed a hand on her hip. Ivy couldn't help but giggle at the sight, Harley's enthusiasm was infectious.
"Well, all right. I look forward to it, Harleen. Good luck out there." She said. Harley nodded and began to strut out the door before she stopped and turn around.
"Oh. I brought ya some ice cream." She pointed at the tub sitting on the edge of the pool.
"Huh? Ice cream?" Ivy squinted at the tub like she just noticed it. "Is it vegan?" She asked.
"Wuh-" Harley was confused. "Whaddya mean? It's ice cream."
"But is it vegan?" Ivy asked again, seeming a little irritated.
"Well- I dunno. I didn't know there was such a thing as ice cream with meat innit."
"That's not- Is it made of cow milk?"
"Probably? What other type of milk is there?"
"Then it's not vegan. It comes from a cow. That's animal byproduct."
"Oh, come on, the cow's still alive! Ice cream shouldn't count!"
"Oh, really? How would you like it if I kept you in a cage and milked you all day long!?"
"..."
"Oh, for fuck-" Ivy stammered, momentarily flustered. "Look, there's almond milk, and coconut milk that can be used to make ice cream. That's vegan ice cream."
Harley laughed a dismissive bark. "Yeah right. Coconuts don't have boobs, they can't give milk."
"Oh my G- are you rea- it's ground up coconuts, it's a byproduct of the fruit!"
"Then it should be called coconut juice. Ya gonna drink apple milk? Orange milk? No."
Ivy clenched her fists under the water and sneered. "Just leave! Just go! And take your slave cream with you!" Ivy commanded with a straight armed point out the exit corridor.
"Alright, alright! I'm goin'! Yeesh!" Harley raised her free hand defensively and gathered up the ice cream, shuffling herself out the door. "Bye Ivy!"
Poison Ivy scoffed into her facepalm. "Bye, Harley." Then, she was gone, and Ivy was left to her lonely peace and quiet. Meanwhile, Harley, a new woman, skipped out of Ivy's place and took a big whiff of the smoggy Gotham night air.
"Okay, world. Wait 'till you get a load-a this." Then she turned and vanished into an alley, one of the many back passages she knew like the back of her hand.