“—and as you can see, Michael, the devastation here in Paris is immense. Great shards of rock have battered buildings, destroyed infrastructure and caused fires in scattered regions of the City of Light. But it’s hard not to feel some level of relief, as less than 20 kilometres away, the city of Versailles, birthplace of so many landmark treaties in the world’s history and a beacon of peace, lies in total ruin at the hands of thus far unknown invaders—”
“—the East coast of Terraria overcome by flooding as a meteoroid which struck the Pacific, led to a tsunami wave that battered the capital of Georgetown. Prime Minister David Byrne shared condolences for the lost, swore to rebuild, and pledged his Nation’s support to a growing global collaborative effort against the invading—”
“—much of the Western Coast of Mainland U.S.A hammered by waves, and seismic activity related to the actions of these alien invaders. So far there have been no reports as to what they want, but with no efforts made for diplomatic contact it remains hard not to fear the worst—”
A hand slaps at an alarm clock. A man who burns multiple candles at both ends wakes up yawning. He scratches himself and gets out of the bed that he barely staggered into the night before. He swings open the thick curtains, revealing the bright sky of a late afternoon.
That's me. The charming fella with the bedhead who's—— yeah, we'll wait for me to stop scratching myself...
...
...
...
You know what... we can't wait that long. I'm heading for the bathroom there now anyway.
"Aww shit... ahhhhhhh..."
It's not what you think. I'm just looking at the mess that greets me in the morning. And that was just seeing how furry my tongue was. I'm pretty sure I'm less than impressed... I generally am by this part of the morning.
Liquid can be heard pouring into water, a sigh of relief comes from the ensuite bathroom.
And yes... that's exactly what you think is happening now. I'm not doing this to sugarcoat anything. You're still getting the straight, down-the-line truth here. I just want to put some things into proper perspective.
A tap briefly runs, a few seconds later it stops and the man staggers out.
After all... This is when I'm about to find out the world is about to end.
After a haphazard attempt at making the bed he staggers out to the living room.
...Again...
The man walks out to the laundry and picks up a garbage bag. He starts picking up the score of beercans which lay scattered around the recliner in front of the television. He stuffs bread in the toaster and returns to the living room where he picks up the remote. He presses buttons, then slaps the side of the remote in frustration, before pushing one firmer as he aims it directly at the TV's red light.
See, I know we don't talk much. That's not really my way. I'm more a show, rather than tell kind of guy. You know me. The Vigilante. Didn't call myself that. I let others name me, then I just took it and ran. These things spread faster when you let them develop organically, I find. And I want this to spread. I want them to know. I want the people who should be scared of me, to have the time to get good and scared of me.
The red light goes out, signifying that the TV is off of standby and now just 'warming up'. The man walks to the kitchen and gets a plate ready.
But that doesn't need to be our relationship, does it? I mean, we barely have any relationship at all. So let's at least make a token effort at changing that now. It might help make sense of what's to come. So 'Hi. It's me. Izaa-- you know what, you know my name by now, and if you don't I probably don't want to give it to you.'
The television comes on and the footage is playing a BBC reporter covering some European city in utter turmoil. The man pays a few seconds attention, trying to ascertain where exactly he's looking at, and immediately recognizes Brandenburg in Germany from his travels. Several buildings are aflame and bystanders running in scattered directions. The man furrows his brow and opens the utensil drawer in preparation for his food. Flaming debris flowed down the Havel.
Here's something you might not know about me... I don't really believe in God. I was certainly raised to, though. Sorry Mum. Sorry Dad.
The man pops a coffee pod in a machine and places a cup underneath before pulling a lever down to start it. The television starts to capture more of the man's attention.
Well, that might not be the best way of putting it. 'Believe'.
His focus is complete, he starts to recognize that this might be the thing he's been anticipating. The television cuts to another city and a giant column of smoke.
'Believe' kind of suggests I don't think he (or she... or it, I guess...) even exists. But I have seen some crazy shit. Hell, some might even say I AM an example of some crazy shit.
He goes back to the remote and turns the volume on the television up.
I mean, just as the fact that I'm the exception to the rule and am impervious to the effects of magic, kind of in a weird way stands as evidence OF magic. The notion that it occurred BECAUSE I now have no destiny kind of stands in evidence that there is a grand plan. A destiny. God's will.
And there they are. Spaceships descending from the mothership. The man now moves with greater urgency. He runs to the bedroom to get changed — who knows when he'll have access to a clean change of clothes next?
But here’s the thing – once you’ve seen off the threat of a little girl with the power of a god, and sent her to bed without supper or Spongebob… that kind of affects your perspective on these things. So it's less "don't believe" and more "don't care".
The man rushes back now fully dressed, complete with black balaklava mask, downs the brewed coffee in a single gulp and snatches up the toast from the toaster as it pops.
If God wishes to take issue with that, there’s been ample opportunities to step forward and make a list of demands… preferably stepping in to save the world at the time so I wouldn’t have had to. That would have been nice. That’s the thing. Just because you create a thing, doesn’t mean you have to care about it. Case in evidence, that tank of sea monkeys I had when I was twelve.
The man carries massive sacks of sugar through the house towards his bedroom. Time and alien invasions wait for no man.
And that’s of course assuming I was created in the first place - an individual sea monkey. Hard to care so much when you don’t have stakes in creating each individual, isn’t it? After all, science would point that rather than being created, I’m the result of about six million years’ worth of evolution, or 4 billion years of it depending where you draw the starting line… microbes which found themselves hurtling through space on a lucky rock, procreating and mutating until we got to the present day.
The man walks through a closet and disappears in a flash. Reappearing on the other side of the world, in a different coloured closet. The man curses as it appears he didn’t wind up exactly where he hoped to be.
The product of random chance, self-evident of prior reproduction purely by its own existence.
The man snatches up a set of keys off the kitchen bench and drives to his preferred destination. Another house he has in Little Ulster, where he has equipment meant for this specific day. He throws the car about on deserted streets with reckless abandon, he swerves around abandoned cars and fallen concrete with little more than a grunt or glare.
But maybe that’s all wrong. Maybe I’m being overly cynical with the scientific take.
He starts to lean on the horn, both to clear space and also to distract. There’s a ground force of invaders spread out in places on the streets. He’d hit them with his car if he thought he could do it without being slowed down. They’re more solid than they look, he remembers. Strong, to a man. He accelerates as he senses he’s getting closer to his destination. He glances in the back seat and checks his grapple gun and a backpack are there, slid under the passenger seat.
For if I’m not merely the product of evolution and just another man, what am I?
He swerves into the driveway with little concern for onlookers. He’s burnt this place, he accepts it as fact, he’ll find another place in the area after resolving this… irritation. He runs inside the house and returns several seconds later with some kind of metallic devices over each hand. And a mat looped over his arm.
He jumps back in the car and throws the devices in the back. He checks the time and throws the car into gear. He just remembers he has another place to be. All of this chaos, and he seems to almost be going through a chore list.
Driving to a main road he pulls up fast, laying down a stretch of black rubber as he tries not to overshoot his destination. He quickly jumps out of the car and pulls his grapple gun out of the back seat. Looking around he finds another abandoned car and throws an elbow through the driver’s side window, before unlocking the car door and swinging it open.
I’ll tell you what I am…
He breathes deeply and waits as a smaller ship soars past overhead, before starting an audible count and aiming his grapple gun to the heavens.
He pulls the trigger and the hook sails. Just like before. A smaller ship gets entangled just as before. The line spools out rapidly.
The Vigilante throws the grapple gun in the abandoned car and slams the car door over the line. Just as before.
Instead of throwing himself clear of the vehicle, he knows just how much time he has on this occasion. He calmly paces back to his car and retrieves the metal gauntlets from the back seat.
The line on the grapple gun has reached its limit and it quickly snaps taut. The solid unexpected weight of the car drags the small single man craft out of the sky as it slams down to the surface of the world. Just as the man has seen happen before.
An alien invader staggers out of the smoking ruin which was once his own craft. He looks around for the culprit, but he seems to have fled his wrath.
Then he sees him. He hadn’t wanted to escape. He sought a more dramatic appearance. The man jumped down from a building top and landed with a heavy fist creating a smouldering crater in the street below.
I am the Vigilante. I am violence given human form.
And as the smoke clears, the alien can see the gleam of white teeth through a black balaklava. The human is SMILING at him. Leering.
And if I WAS created, I was created for this...
“—even from here in Hong Kong, we can see the billowing plumes of smoke rising from the horizon, where once stood China’s “Silicon Valley”, Shenzhen, once a monument to both China’s technological ingenuity and also, perhaps, their finest beacon to their ability to undertake rapid economic growth now lies in ruin. What was once the home to more skyscrapers over 200 metres tall than any other city on Earth, now rests in a crater less than 30 kilometres away. Attempts to get a comment from Chinese officials—”
“—the East coast of Terraria overcome by flooding as a meteoroid which struck the Pacific, led to a tsunami wave that battered the capital of Georgetown. Prime Minister David Byrne shared condolences for the lost, swore to rebuild, and pledged his Nation’s support to a growing global collaborative effort against the invading—”
“—Okinawa has been lost. First cratered, before it fell, reclaimed by surf, much like the ancient mythical Atlantis. But unlike in myth, the loss of life is palpable. The Governor of the Okinawa Prefecture, away from Naha on Government business, so far still unavailable for com—”
“—much of the Western Coast of Mainland U.S.A hammered by waves, and seismic activity related to the actions of these alien invaders. So far there have been no reports as to what they want, but with no efforts made for diplomatic contact it remains hard not to fear the worst—”
“—widespread property damage, and the ensuing panic—”
“—death toll—”
“—flaming debris—”
“—widespread wholesale slaughter—”
“—raining down flaming stone from above—”
“—chaos—”
“—pandemonium—”
A hand slaps at an alarm clock. A man who burns multiple candles at both ends wakes up yawning. He scratches himself and gets out of the bed that he barely staggered into the night before. He swings open the thick curtains, revealing the bright sky of a late afternoon.
That's me. The charming fella with the bedhead who's—— yeah, we'll wait for me to stop scratching myself...
...
...
...
You know what... we can't wait that long. I'm heading for the bathroom there now anyway.
"Aww shit... ahhhhhhh..."
It's not what you think. I'm just looking at the mess that greets me in the morning. And that was just seeing how furry my tongue was. I'm pretty sure I'm less than impressed... I generally am by this part of the morning.
Liquid can be heard pouring into water, a sigh of relief comes from the ensuite bathroom.
And yes... that's exactly what you think is happening now. I'm not doing this to sugarcoat anything. You're still getting the straight, down-the-line truth here. I just want to put some things into proper perspective.
A tap briefly runs, a few seconds later it stops and the man staggers out.
After all... This is when I'm about to find out the world is about to end.
After a haphazard attempt at making the bed he staggers out to the living room.
...Again...
The man walks out to the laundry and picks up a garbage bag. He starts picking up the score of beercans which lay scattered around the recliner in front of the television. He stuffs bread in the toaster and returns to the living room where he picks up the remote. He presses buttons, then slaps the side of the remote in frustration, before pushing one firmer as he aims it directly at the TV's red light.
See, I know we don't talk much. That's not really my way. I'm more a show, rather than tell kind of guy. You know me. The Vigilante. Didn't call myself that. I let others name me, then I just took it and ran. These things spread faster when you let them develop organically, I find. And I want this to spread. I want them to know. I want the people who should be scared of me, to have the time to get good and scared of me.
The red light goes out, signifying that the TV is off of standby and now just 'warming up'. The man walks to the kitchen and gets a plate ready.
But that doesn't need to be our relationship, does it? I mean, we barely have any relationship at all. So let's at least make a token effort at changing that now. It might help make sense of what's to come. So 'Hi. It's me. Izaa-- you know what, you know my name by now, and if you don't I probably don't want to give it to you.'
The television comes on and the footage is playing a BBC reporter covering some European city in utter turmoil. The man pays a few seconds attention, trying to ascertain where exactly he's looking at, and immediately recognizes Brandenburg in Germany from his travels. Several buildings are aflame and bystanders running in scattered directions. The man furrows his brow and opens the utensil drawer in preparation for his food. Flaming debris flowed down the Havel.
Here's something you might not know about me... I don't really believe in God. I was certainly raised to, though. Sorry Mum. Sorry Dad.
The man pops a coffee pod in a machine and places a cup underneath before pulling a lever down to start it. The television starts to capture more of the man's attention.
Well, that might not be the best way of putting it. 'Believe'.
His focus is complete, he starts to recognize that this might be the thing he's been anticipating. The television cuts to another city and a giant column of smoke.
'Believe' kind of suggests I don't think he (or she... or it, I guess...) even exists. But I have seen some crazy shit. Hell, some might even say I AM an example of some crazy shit.
He goes back to the remote and turns the volume on the television up.
I mean, just as the fact that I'm the exception to the rule and am impervious to the effects of magic, kind of in a weird way stands as evidence OF magic. The notion that it occurred BECAUSE I now have no destiny kind of stands in evidence that there is a grand plan. A destiny. God's will.
And there they are. Spaceships descending from the mothership. The man now moves with greater urgency. He runs to the bedroom to get changed — who knows when he'll have access to a clean change of clothes next?
But here’s the thing – once you’ve seen off the threat of a little girl with the power of a god, and sent her to bed without supper or Spongebob… that kind of affects your perspective on these things. So it's less "don't believe" and more "don't care".
The man rushes back now fully dressed, complete with black balaklava mask, downs the brewed coffee in a single gulp and snatches up the toast from the toaster as it pops.
If God wishes to take issue with that, there’s been ample opportunities to step forward and make a list of demands… preferably stepping in to save the world at the time so I wouldn’t have had to. That would have been nice. That’s the thing. Just because you create a thing, doesn’t mean you have to care about it. Case in evidence, that tank of sea monkeys I had when I was twelve.
The man carries massive sacks of sugar through the house towards his bedroom. Time and alien invasions wait for no man.
And that’s of course assuming I was created in the first place - an individual sea monkey. Hard to care so much when you don’t have stakes in creating each individual, isn’t it? After all, science would point that rather than being created, I’m the result of about six million years’ worth of evolution, or 4 billion years of it depending where you draw the starting line… microbes which found themselves hurtling through space on a lucky rock, procreating and mutating until we got to the present day.
The man walks through a closet and disappears in a flash. Reappearing on the other side of the world, in a different coloured closet. The man curses as it appears he didn’t wind up exactly where he hoped to be.
The product of random chance, self-evident of prior reproduction purely by its own existence.
The man snatches up a set of keys off the kitchen bench and drives to his preferred destination. Another house he has in Little Ulster, where he has equipment meant for this specific day. He throws the car about on deserted streets with reckless abandon, he swerves around abandoned cars and fallen concrete with little more than a grunt or glare.
But maybe that’s all wrong. Maybe I’m being overly cynical with the scientific take.
He starts to lean on the horn, both to clear space and also to distract. There’s a ground force of invaders spread out in places on the streets. He’d hit them with his car if he thought he could do it without being slowed down. They’re more solid than they look, he remembers. Strong, to a man. He accelerates as he senses he’s getting closer to his destination. He glances in the back seat and checks his grapple gun and a backpack are there, slid under the passenger seat.
For if I’m not merely the product of evolution and just another man, what am I?
He swerves into the driveway with little concern for onlookers. He’s burnt this place, he accepts it as fact, he’ll find another place in the area after resolving this… irritation. He runs inside the house and returns several seconds later with some kind of metallic devices over each hand. And a mat looped over his arm.
He jumps back in the car and throws the devices in the back. He checks the time and throws the car into gear. He just remembers he has another place to be. All of this chaos, and he seems to almost be going through a chore list.
Driving to a main road he pulls up fast, laying down a stretch of black rubber as he tries not to overshoot his destination. He quickly jumps out of the car and pulls his grapple gun out of the back seat. Looking around he finds another abandoned car and throws an elbow through the driver’s side window, before unlocking the car door and swinging it open.
I’ll tell you what I am…
He breathes deeply and waits as a smaller ship soars past overhead, before starting an audible count and aiming his grapple gun to the heavens.
He pulls the trigger and the hook sails. Just like before. A smaller ship gets entangled just as before. The line spools out rapidly.
The Vigilante throws the grapple gun in the abandoned car and slams the car door over the line. Just as before.
Instead of throwing himself clear of the vehicle, he knows just how much time he has on this occasion. He calmly paces back to his car and retrieves the metal gauntlets from the back seat.
The line on the grapple gun has reached its limit and it quickly snaps taut. The solid unexpected weight of the car drags the small single man craft out of the sky as it slams down to the surface of the world. Just as the man has seen happen before.
An alien invader staggers out of the smoking ruin which was once his own craft. He looks around for the culprit, but he seems to have fled his wrath.
Then he sees him. He hadn’t wanted to escape. He sought a more dramatic appearance. The man jumped down from a building top and landed with a heavy fist creating a smouldering crater in the street below.
I am the Vigilante. I am violence given human form.
And as the smoke clears, the alien can see the gleam of white teeth through a black balaklava. The human is SMILING at him. Leering.
And if I WAS created, I was created for this...