As the incandescent rage left Alja's body, the stress of One Thousand Shining Teeth struck. She though that she'd felt tired in the totem room. She thought that the dire bat had left her feeling drained. Even the spikes, she'd thought she was exhausted.
On the other side of the divide, Kelly thought about the two days and two nights she'd stayed up for an exam last year. Running miles in gym class, back in high school. The time when she thought she was being attacked--how she'd sprinted as fast as she could for minutes on end, collapsing on her hands and knees at her home's doorstep, barely able to breathe.
But she had never--never, in either world--felt as singularly weary as she did then.
She tottered, one knee buckling, and leaned against a stalagmite next to her. Don't you fall, she thought grimly to herself, battling to keep herself conscious. The battle isn't over. Don't you dare fucking fall.
A burst of guilt shredded through her as she saw Graves on the ground, needles of ice sticking from his body as he lay in the bloody snow. He's dead. He's dead. And it's all your fault. You didn't protect him. You didn't keep him safe. You failed.
She tried to walk towards him--tried to run--but all she could manage was a limp hobble. Above her, the demon was being pelted with an apocalyptic show of magic. Arrows that struck like bombs seared through the air. Priscilica's fire magic heated the air so warm she could watch the snow beneath the demon melt. Kalie's darkness blades that seared through the light lik gashes straight through reality itself.
Her knee buckled again, and she went down, barely keeping herself awake. She bit her upper lip hard enough to draw blood. Don't you fall. If you do one thing right in your entire life, Kelly--Alja-- she wasn't quite sure anymore, but grit her teeth regardless. She struggled to her feet and resumed her hobble towards the barely moving Graves, --let it be this one.
The blazing lights above her refracted through the needles of ice still present, spiraling her near-delirious mind into a dizzying kaleidoscope. All she could focus on was Graves. Her throat hurt. She must have been screaming, but couldn't quite remember. Her neck tensed as she struggled forwards, tendons standing out in high relief as she finally stood above Graves' prone, ice-needled body. This close, she caught the movement of breath. She'd never been one for religion, but still...she looked up, past the demon, past the dungeon, into a sky that wasn't there. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
Then, with a groan, Graves opened his eyes and stood, leaning against her. She nearly fell over right then and there, but sucked in a harsh breath. She would not fall. "Hell of a haymaker you got there."
She laughed lamely, but her breaths were wheezing too hard for her to get a word out before he continued, and some of his blood magic flowed into her. She felt...not well. Not at all. But well enough to stand straighter. As he bounded up towards the spire, he left one parting thought. I guess we'll get that drink after all. If we live. She threw him a lopsided salute as he left, watching him climb the earthen pillar as she moved backwards to a safer place.
Not bad for someone who looked dead, she thought. Then the world went black. She felt herself falling. And, just before she passed out, she felt only a bitter hate for herself.
When her eyes creaked open again, it was to Kazuki's rejuvenating music. She groaned, peeling herself from the rocks she'd fallen into. She felt better. More energetic. But Christ, she had a headache fit to split the earth. Then, the fight rushed back. Her half-crawl to Graves. Her fall. She jackknifed up into a standing position, wincing as her headache worsened. She nearly fell again, but caught herself this time, her eyes slamming shut as she forced herself to stay upright. Then, the aches began to slowly abate. Kazuki's music was doing work for her.
They're okay. They're okay.
She opened her eyes again, looking at the party. They were in a sorry state, the lot of them. But she didn't dwell. She couldn't dwell. She had something to do. It wasn't going to be pleasant. But since when had whether something was pleasant or not stopped Alja Frostguard from doing her job?
She took a cautious step forward. Towards the near-catatonic Luci.
I'm sorry he's dead.
No. Another step.
I'm sorry we took so long.
No. Another--smaller--step.
He didn't deserve this.
No. Even worse. One more step.
I...
Step. She looked down at herself.
Since when had whether something was pleasant or not stopped Alja Frostguard from doing her job?
But you aren't Alja Frostguard anymore, are you? she thought bitterly. Alja Frostguard doesn't fear anything. Never needed to fear anything more than time being wasted. She never feared death. Never knew it. You're not Alja. You're Kelly. Kelly Mackay. The loser. The friendless. The hermit. The fuckup. She suddenly remembered with perfect clarity what she'd thought in the spike room:
You finally have a chance to do something. Something that really means something.
And she'd fucked it up here too.
No more steps. She stopped.
She looked at Luci, screaming in tears with Leaves holding her. Alone.
She looked at the newly open exit; at the people there. So many people. Companionship. She turned towards them, hating herself for it.
You finally have a chance to do something. Something that really means something.
Kelly--Alja--heaved in a deep breath. Turned away from the light. Turned back to Luci and Leaves.
Step.
I'm sorry. For everything.
That sounded good.