Miles stayed silent as the fight raged, knowing the bunch involved just weren't worth losing his mind over. Instead, he sat finishing his coffee, twirling his keys on his finger. Soon Lilith and Carlisle rushed out, drats he couldn't help but think. He had so many things he wanted to say to her, to catch up on. Even though they would probably never be close again their childhood was so intertwined he at least wanted to have some knowledge of her life beyond what his lovesick bestie had told him. Yet, he let the pair be alone, a knowing smile spreading across his face. For all his denials there was nothing Miles was more certain of than Carlisle being head over heels for his ex-beau. Not that he minded, Lil and him were far in the past now, both of them had had partners since, he even jokingly gave his friend his blessing. All there was to do now was sit back and wait.
Time had passed and Carlisle returned to the interior of the manor, a dejected look on his face. Miles cocked his pierced eyebrow, had she rejected him? At least she was alone somewhere for them to talk. He headed to the verandah, clapping his friend on the shoulder and giving him a You good? glance before making the rest of the trip.
As he reached the verandah, Miles leaned against the doorway, crossing his arms. "Gee, Lilith. It's been a lifetime, hasn't it? If I didn’t know any better I would have thought you've been avoiding me this whole time," he greets her smoothly, resting a foot on the side of the doorway.
After Carlisle had walked away, Lilith had taken a moment to try and calm her nerves out on the veranda by herself. As soon as the young man had turned her back, Lilith had done the same, grabbing back onto the railing. She had only a brief moment to close her eyes and take a deep breath before she heard a familiar voice.
Gripping the railing harder now, the young woman watched as her knuckles turned white.
’Lily, darling,’ her guide, Gaea, spoke in her mind. ’Everything’s going to be just fine, I promise.’
’No, no, no,’ Lilith thought back in response, biting down hard on her bottom lip. ’The universe hates me, you all hate me. My brain is jello. I just want to go home, and now you send mehim?’
Blinking hard, Lilith tried to clear all of the thoughts from her mind before turning around to face the biggest skeleton in her closet.
”Miles,” she croaked, looking up at him, arms crossed across her chest as she leaned against the railing. ”I don’t mean to be rude, but I really don’t have time for this.”
Walking across the veranda, Lilith tried to slip past the much taller man and back into the dinning room with everyone else.
Miles didn't know what he was expecting. Her to laugh or cry. Want to reminisce over the times or even yell at him, but the last thing he expected was for her to just push him aside. He moved his feet over but remained on the edge of the doorway so Lily could walk past him but he was still there.
"Oh, come on, LiLi." He says gently as he readjusts himself against the doorframe. "I'm not here to rub anything in or throw myself at your feet- you've got Carlisle for that- I just… I don't know, Li. It's been 6 years since we've even shared a word, maybe it's possible I just wanted to see my childhood friend?
Sighing deeply, Lilith rolled her eyes, looking up at the taller man. ”Why?” she asked, her voice now sounding like a forced whisper. ”Why, Miles, on the day that the wards are falling, and Carlisle is trying to say whatever it is he’s saying. Why on the day where I’m having a mental breakdown? Just why point blank period.”
Truth to be told, as Lilith stood there in front of Miles, it took everything in her not to throw her arms around him. A hug from him would be exactly what she needed right now - familiar, comforting, & warm. She would love to hear his heartbeat, and have him bury his face in the top of her head once more - but things had changed.
”I… I don’t mean to sound harsh,” she continued, forcing a small laugh. ”It’s just… I’m not sure I have much to say.”
"Maybe it's because you've been mysteriously absent from wherever I've been, yet somehow my mother seems to know everything you do," he says, trying to not seem too accusatory. "She talks about you a lot, you know. Never where you are but a lot of what you've achieved. I guess you're the favourite child after all," In the heat of Lilith's emotional rollercoaster Miles remained remarkably calm. He was used to this, it felt natural slipping back into their old emotional roles. Even before they were lovers this scene was common, some things truly don't change.
"I know it's a bad time, Li, but I think it'll only be bad times from now on. Clans will attack, wards will break, there will always be excuses." He goes to say more but seeing the look on her face softened him. 6 years may have passed but he'd seen that look often for 8. He froze for a moment, hesitating on what to do. The impulsive side of him wanted to wrap his arms around her as if nothing had changed. As if they were still the 10 year olds who almost lived together, the 14 year olds who had lost a loved one… the young sweethearts on the football oval. Although the logical side of him knew it was far from what she'd want, or at least what she logically would want, Miles was never one to act off of logic.
He wrapped his arms around her, giving a sigh. There was something familiar and warm about the embrace, the same fond warmness that came from his childhood bedroom or his mother's cookies. A warmness he'd forgotten he had craved "I do miss you, Li. Not in a 'I want you back' kinda way, or even in a love kinda way at all. Honestly, I don't care who you date or whatever." Miles pauses to catch his words, it is rare that he gets flustered but he never really thought about what he'd say or really imagined getting this far. He takes a slow breath. "I just miss the girl I grew up with,"
Lilith stood there, trying to figure out how to respond. Was it weird for her to have stayed in contact with his mom? After all, Mary was the only mother that Lilith had had for years.
The young woman wanted to hop even further into defensive mode, and tell him that she hadn’t been keeping tabs on him. She had. She wanted to tell him that she didn’t care she did and that she hadn’t been avoiding him. But she couldn’t lie to him, even after all this time.
As Miles embraced her, Lilith’s initial reaction was to freeze up until he finished speaking. Even still, she slowly felt herself relax as she buried her face into his chest, wrapping her own arms around him.
Was it wrong to feel like this? It wasn’t like she still had feelings for Miles, after all. Sure, she had never managed to stop caring about him, but she didn’t love him, either. At least not anymore. Listening to his words, Lilith wondered if she was anything like what Miles used to know - and if she wasn’t… Well, who knew?
”I miss you too,” she replied, quiet tears now starting to run down her face. ”So much has changed and happened and all I ever wanted to do was call you -” her words rushing out of her mouth, Lilith forced herself to stop speaking as she tightened her grip on Miles even further. ”I’m sorry.”
Part of Miles fully expected Lilith to push him away, to scream at him about being absolute scum yet maybe it was clouded by the last words she’d ever dared spoke to him. As the tears streamed down her face he pulled her in closer, massaging the top of her head with his fingertips. He felt his shirt get painted with Lilith’s tears and was somewhat glad it wasn’t from something he had done for once. Although many years had passed this felt more like normalcy to Miles, comforting, familiar normalcy. The kind you get content in.
"Oh, LiLi,” he replies softly. He was unsure how to respond, part of him wanted to tell her to not be sorry but part of him found solace in those words- that admittance of purposeful absence. "I see you’ve gotten feistier,” he says with a chuckle, more just sound to fill the void than anything but a true comment nonetheless.
The pair stood in silence for a while, gripping on to one another. Something felt so addicting in her grip, so right but he was over her… right? It had been 6 years, she was a different person and he… well he was kinda still the same but still…
He shook his head, no time for those thoughts anymore, not knowing how much Carlisle loved her. Besides, he knew he could have a slew of lovers but a friendship like Lilith’s? That only came once a lifetime and he had already lost that once. "We have a lot of time to catch up on. How about we have lunch or something sometime soon? You can bring your new man if it makes either of you feel better,” he offers. Why did offering to extend the invite to Carlisle feel so sour on his lips? Perhaps it was assuming she probably did not accept Carlisle but Miles didn’t know, maybe Carlisle was into rejection?
Standing there in Miles’s arms, Lilith allowed herself to become vulnerable again for the first time in a long time. Sure that her mother would have something to say about old habits dying hard, she couldn’t help but let all of those old memories come flooding back. All of the days by the lake, or lunch at Huskers. How he used to make her laugh, and actually cared to read the things that she had created.
Pulling away from him, Lilith chuckled, whipping her eyes.
”Carlisle,” she questioned. As Miles spoke, Lilith paid more attention to his eyes than anything else. He was the stoic type - but his eyes never lied - nor did Lilith’s empathy. Something told her that while Miles was playing calm and cool, he might not have truly felt that way, but she couldn’t dwell on the thought.
”We’re just friends,” Lilith continued. ”I mean, we might be close but… we’re just friends.”
As Lilith pulled away Miles gave her a forced smile ”Want the sleeve too?” he half jokes, pulling his sleeve over his hand and holding it in her direction. What was one more wet patch in his now tear-stained shirt.
He knew she was searching him, as much as he tried to play up his pomp and joy Lilith had a knack for seeing deeper into him that always scared and fascinated him together. She knew, she had to know. Miles, he could read cues, but Lilith could read his whole soul through his eyes. At Lilith’s claims that her and Carlisle were just friends he raises an eyebrow quizzically. Carlisle was rejected then, it seemed. Either that or Lilith was trying to protect him. She was always trying to protect him.
”Li, it’s fine,” he says gently with a soft chuckle, ”That man talks about you more than my mother does, in a way it seems like a similar friendship we had before…” He peters off and remains silent for a moment. Their break up was always a sore spot for Miles, less so the actual end of the relationship and more of the awful things they had both said to each other at that time. He clears his throat and gives her one of his goofy smiles, ”You’re allowed to move on Li, he’s a good guy and really does care for you,”
Waving his shirt sleeve away, Lilith now leaned up on the other side of the door frame across from Miles. As she listened, more and more came to realization for her.
”Are you - how - what?” Eyebrows knit in both a newfound frustration and confusion, Lilith tried her best to articulate her words without cutting too deep into Miles. ”So you mean to tell me that even you know he’s… feeling whatever it is he’s feeling? How is it that everyone in this town knew before I did?” she questioned, throwing her head back in defeat. ”We’re just friends, Miles,” the young woman added, now making eye contact with him once more. ”And you mean to tell me that you two - you and CARLISLE of all people - are besties? What the actual fuck?”
Here she was getting more information from Miles on how Carlisle felt than she had ever learned from Carlisle herself. Something about that fact didn’t sit right with her. How much had Carlisle really told Miles? Hell, how much had Miles told Carlisle was really the question.
Taking a deep breath, Lilith rolled her eyes. ”Not that it’s a problem - it’s just… interesting. You’re both allowed to be friends with who you want, obviously. I just - what makes you think I haven’t moved on? Or at least tried,” she questioned, laughing dryly at his comment.
Miles let Lilith pick up the pieces of her mind as she connected that the men were close, well at least close enough to know such information before saying anything. ”I thought you knew? Damn bastard truly is rather private I suppose. We went to college together, Li. We dropped out together. I don’t know, I guess that stuff just bonds people like us. He never said anything but funnily enough it’s what he didn’t say that told me. I always wondered if it was obvious in the way he looks at you, that I didn’t know until today. But, I mean, you don’t have to like him back, I guess I just assumed,” he gives a shrug before simply tacking on a ”Sorry,”
He tried to search her in the way she had him but paying attention to her motions and facial expressions. Perhaps Carlisle’s affection was one sided after all. Maybe it wasn’t on her mind, or perhaps someone else was. Before he could question it Lilith started talking again, questioning words obviously taken in twisted context. Miles throws up his hands defensively, ”Relax, LiLi, I never meant you hadn’t. I just know what you’re like with being all over protective and all that- I just- it’s okay for you to admit it to me. I’m a big boy I can take- wait, what do mean tried?” Maybe Miles was overthinking, perhaps his self-centeredness was winning in making the scene seem more about him, or maybe the desires he just couldn’t shake were twisting his words out of context. Was she still into him? Surely not he decided, she couldn’t. Yet his question lingered in the air.
Lilith blinked once. Then twice.
Truth to be told, she hadn’t even realized what she had said until Miles had repeated it back to her. She knew exactly what she was feeling right now, and how she had felt for the last six years - she just hadn’t dared put words to the emotions. She remembered standing there in her bedroom, telling him that she’d wait forever as long as it meant that she got to be with him - she just never expected herself to actually mean it.
”Just, for lack of a better term,” she responded quickly. There was no way in hell that Lilith was about to take a neck dive into what this conversation could be with practically the whole Coven in the next room. ”Just… why do you care? Why do you care if he likes me, or if I like him, or if I’ve moved on,” she questioned, doing her best to keep the tone of her voice soft. ”I get that you two are friends, but like… I’m sorry, I’m not accusing. I just really don’t understand.”
Miles was taken aback by Lilith’s questioning, for all this time he was probing into her thoughts he was ignoring his own. He didn’t want to admit how he was feeling, not outright. He’d moved on. He’d thought he’d move on. The drinking, the partying, the one night stands, the very short lived romances. Were they solely in his nature? Or was he also running from a truth he couldn’t confess? It wasn’t the time for a confession… Miles wasn’t sure if it’d ever be time for one but if there was a right time it wouldn’t be with his best friend only one room over.
He looked to the ground, trying to do all he had within him to not turn the colour of beets. ”Gee, I don’t know, LiLi. I suppose,” he gives an exasperated sigh, kicking at the ground. ”I just… I care about both of you… ok?” He looks her in the eyes, swimming in their chocolate brown hue. ”Ok?” he echoes. Going silent for a moment. He didn’t know what to say. What was enough to make her trust him again but not enough to make her privy to how he really felt. ”I want you, both of you to be happy. Together or not, whether in love or life I just… I want good things for you, LiLi,”
Paying even more attention to his body language now, Lilith tried her best to ignore her empath abilities. Sometimes they were a blessing, and other times - such as these - they were most definitely a curse. Whatever Miles had to say, Lilith actually wanted to hear it, not just feel it. No matter how hard she tried to suppress it though, there was enough context there to tell her that Miles was being truthful, at least.
There was a long moment of silence as Lilith chose how to respond.
A simple sigh escaped her lips as she nodded her head. ”I get it,” she said, shrugging her shoulders in defeat. ”I want the same thing for you. That’s all I ever wanted, really - just for you to be happy.”
Miles gave Lilith a small smile, ”And the same right back at ya,” he replies before falling silent. He slowed his breathing, unable to think of what to see and do next. How long had they been out here? Probably too long. Nevermind, it was worth it. ” We, ah, we should go back… But come for dinner someday soon. I guess it will be nice to catch up without, y’know,” he stops himself, giving Lilith another smile, ”I’m sure mum would love to see you,” He then moves aside, allowing room for Lilith to leave through the door.
A dinner that Mary didn’t have to make sure Miles was out of the house for? That’d be a nice change. The thought almost made Lilith smile.
”Sounds like a decent plan,” she responded, slipping past him. ”Don’t want too many people asking questions anyway, hm?” she laughed.
There was a small, familiar urge that made her want to grab his hand as she walked through the doorway - and she nearly did.
Lilith just hoped that she was the only one to notice it.