Alex's eyes snapped up to meet her's, as if he hadn't been aware of her before. His expression was blank, but his eyes were filled with pain. "I didn't w-want to." His voice hiccuped a little, like it had when he was holding back tears as a child. "I just, I just don't think I c-can take it." He only barely had the presence of mind to put up a soundproof water bubble around them. He didn't want the students hearing him. "Nyx, I g-gave up on seeing you again. I ran away from home and lived on the streets. I've broken laws, hurt people, sometimes cruelly." He got to his feet and brought his voice under control. "I've changed. I've killed people Nyx. How can I just pretend everything is alright and look you in the eyes? How can I pretend you won't judge me for my sins, or run away? How do you expect me to smile when I see you, knowing that you'll hate what I've become? I closed my heart so I wouldn't die from the pain of what I did, and you came and broke a hole in that shell. How can I pretend I deserve your smile when I've become a monster?!" He slumped against the wall again, sliding down until his head was between his legs. "You can't save me Nyx, not again. You're twenty years too late."