[IC] BAR FIGHT - WITNESS ME

[Stekkmen]

THE ROOSTER-CHICKEN MASKED MAN FELL DOWN IN A SHOWER OF BLOOD. OUCH! BUT LUCKILY FOR EVERYONE INVOLVED, AN OWL-MASKED MAN BURST THROUGH THE WALL NEXT TO THE DOOR WITH A CRICKET BAT AND BEE-LINED FOR THE MOUTH WITH A MERC. @Wade Wilson THE OWL-MAN WOULD RAISE HIS CRICKET BAT AND SMACK IT DOWN OVER THE MERCENARIES HEAD.

[SepticGentleman]

SIMON THE BARTENDER WRAPS UP BEATING THE TROOPERS INTO SUBMISSION. HE DROPS THE COMMANDER, BLOODIED AND WEAK, ONTO THE FLOOR. HE STOPS AND LOOKS AROUND, WATCHING THE CHAOS AROUND HIM UNFOLD. PEOPLE FROM ALL CORNERS OF THE UNIVERSE COMING TOGETHER TO BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF EACH OTHER IN A MASSIVE, DRUNKEN FURY. BIONIC LIZARD-MEN, TROLLS FROM THE DEPTHS OF THE SEA, MEN IN RUBBER ANIMAL MASKS, AND AT LEAST ONE MARVEL CHARACTER. THEM, AND MANY MORE, ALL HERE, ALL FIGHTING.

THIS USED TO BE A NICE PLACE, REALLY.

SIMON SNAPS OUT OF HIS MOMENT OF MID-BATTLE ZEN, TURNING HIS HEAD TOWARDS THE BAR ENTRANCE AS A MAN DRESSED AS UNCLE SAM BURSTS THROUGH THE DOOR, TWO BALD EAGLES PERCHED ON HIS SHOULDERS. GLORIOUS, HEAVENLY LIGHT ILLUMINATES HIM FROM BEHIND.

EVERYONE STOPS FIGHTING FOR A MOMENT, TURNING THEIR ATTENTION TOWARDS HIM.

HE SCANS THE CROWD, AND THEN HOLDS OUT HIS HAND. AN INTACT COLD BEER FLIES FROM OUT OF NOWHERE INTO HIS GRASP. ONE OF THE EAGLES PRIES THE CAP OFF WITH ITS BEAK, AND UNCLE SAM TAKES A SWIG OF THE GOLDEN BREW. HE FINISHES, NODS, AND CALMLY SETS THE BEER ON THE NEAREST TABLE THAT HASN’T BEEN OVERTURNED.

AN EXPRESSION OF PURE ANGER OVERCOMES HIM, AND HE RIPS OFF HIS JACKET AND SHIRT. THE EAGLES FLY AWAY FROM HIM AND SCREECH, AND HE LETS OUT A PATRIOTIC WAR CRY. HE CHARGES THE NEAREST LIVING THING AND TACKLES IT THROUGH A WALL.

EVERYONE YELLS, AND THE FIGHTING RECOMMENCES.

[Wade Wilson]

@Stekkmen @JunkMail

"FUCKING HELL! DO YOU KNOW HOW LONG IT'LL TAKE FOR MY HEAD TO GROW BACK?" SAID THE CURRENTLY DECAPITATED HEAD THAT WAS RESTING ON THE BARREL. A HEADLESS WADE CAME OVER AND STARTED SLAPPING THE OWL-HEAD FURIOUSLY FOR GOING AND THEN HITTING HIS HEAD WITH A CRICKET BAT, AND SUDDENLY GOT AN IDEA. TWISTING THE CRICKET BAT OUT OF TWIT-TWOO-MAN'S HAND, HE SLAMMED HIS HEAD DOWN ON IT WITH ENOUGH FORCE TO MAKE THE TWO ALMOST MERGE, PROCEEDING TO HIT MR. OWL WITH THE NEWLY CREATED ITEM. "TAKE. THIS. YOU. BASTARD!"

SUDDENLY, UPON THE ARRIVAL OF UNCLE SAM, HE TWISTED THE BAT TO SEE THE DAMNED MAN. WITH A HEAVY SIGH, THE CANADIAN SAID (ABOVE THE SILENCE THAT HAD ENTRANCED THE ROOM), "YOU GODDAMN AMERICANS AND YOUR GODDAMN PATRIOTISM!"

AS SOON AS THE SHOUTING STARTED AGAIN, HE PROCEEDED TO CONTINUE HITTING WHAT HE WOULD NOW REFER TO AS HOODINI.

[WrongEndoftheRainbow]

A DEMONIC CHOIR PLAYS. RED LIGHT FILLS THE ROOM. FROM THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR, FIRE AND BRIMSTONE APPEAR. SEVERAL WARRIOR PRIESTS BEGIN TO HOLD OUT CRUCIFIXES AND WILL THE HELL AWAY, BUT IT DOES NOT WORK. FOR IT IS NOT HELL.

IT IS THE RED THREAT.

ARISING FROM A PORTAL COMES MOTHERFUCKING STALIN, HE TAKES THE NEAREST PERSON AND PURGES THEM LIBERALLY WITH AN AK-47. HE THEN PROCEEDS TO DROP IT, FOR THE DAMN COMMIE SCUM DOESN'T NEED A GUN TO SEND EVERY FIGHTER TO THE GULAGS. HE POINTS AT UNCLE SAM AND SCREAMS "YOU'RE GOING DOWN, DAMNED CAPITALIST BOURGEOISIE SCUM," AND HE SHOWS OFF HIS NUKES. FLEXING THOSE GODDAMNED NUCLEAR MUSCLES. GOD DAMN. HE PROCEEDS TO BOWL HIS WAY THROUGH THE CROWD LIKE THEY'RE NOT EVEN FUCKING THERE. HE'S GOT HIS GODDAMNED TARGET AND HE'S NOT GONNA GIVE UP.

THE PINKO SCUM INTERRUPTS UNCLE SAM'S FIGHT, TACKLING HIM WITH FURY ONLY A DAMN COMMIE COULD KNOW.

[Stekkmen]

@Wade Wilson

HOODINI'S HEAD IS SMASHED IN AND HIS BRAINS GO SPLATTERING ACROSS THE BACK WALL. RIGHT ON CUE, A ZEBRA-MASKED MAN WIELDING AN INDUSTRIAL STRENGTH CHAIN COMBAT ROLLED THROUGH THE WHOLE THE OWL MAN MADE NEXT TO THE DOOR. THE ZEBRA-MAN KIPPED UP INTO THE AIR AND BROUGHT THE HEAVY IRON CHAIN DOWN DIRECTLY ON DEADPOOL'S NECKHOLE WITH A POWERFUL SMACK.

[Maxx]

SUDDENLY THE POOL TABLE IN THE CORNER BURST INTO FLAME. PLAYING CARDS FLEW FROM ITS BURNING CORPSE AND MADE A CIRCLE ON THE GROUND. A MAN IN A TRENCH COAT APPEARED FROM THE CIRCLE OF CARDS. HE BEGAN TO THROW PLAYING CARDS ACROSS THE ROOM AT FULL SPEED. EVERYTHING THEY HIT WAS FUCKING DESTROYED. THE MAN IN THE ZEBRA MASK BURST INTO FLAME AND WAS BLOWN TO PIECES. THE MAN IN THE COAT KILLED SEVENTY-SIX MORE PEOPLE AND THEN SAT DOWN ON THE PILE OF MANGLED CORPSES AND BEGAN TO DRINK A BEER. THEN HE KILLED DEADPOOL. THEN HE THREW A CARD BACK IN TIME AND KILLED THE CREATORS OF HOMESTUCK.

"LADY LUCK IS SMILING," HE SAID. THEN HIS HEAD WAS BLOWN OFF BY A STRAY TACTICAL NUKE. THE NUKE CONTINUED ON ITS MERRY WAY RIGHT OUT THE FRONT DOOR AND BLEW UP EVERYTHING IN THE FUCKING UNIVERSE. IT HIT ROBOT HENRY ON THE WAY AND DISINTEGRATED HIM. NOW THERE ARE NO MORE REFERENCE CHARACTERS. EVER. NOPE. THEY'RE ALREADY FUCKING DEAD. THAT'S HOW YOU CLEAN UP HOUSE, BITCHES. OH, AND DEADPOOL FUCKED OFF TO A DIFFERENT DIMENSION. HE GOT BORED.

[SepticGentleman]

AS SIMON WRAPS UP STRANGLING AN ELF-VAMPIRE-FOX-DRAGON-MICROWAVE HYBRID ABOMINATION TO DEATH, HE IS SUBDUED BY A DUO OF MEN CLAD IN RAMSHACKLE ARMOR. HE IS PULLED BY HIS ARMS INTO POSITION IN FRONT OF A TABLE, ON TOP OF WHICH STANDS A SHIRTLESS MAN WEARING LIT CRIMSON GOGGLES.

“YOU WILL KNOW MY WRATH, DECIDUOUS MONSIGNOR.” SAYS THE FIEND, TAKING A STANCE AS HIS MEN HOLD SIMON IN PLACE. HE PROCEEDS TO LEAP OFF OF THE TABLE, HIS ELBOW POINTED OUTWARD IN AN ATTEMPT TO DETONATE THE BARTENDER’S SKULL WITH A SINGLE, PERFECT STRIKE.

HE IS, HOWEVER, INTERRUPTED BY AN ARTILLERY STRIKE, WHICH SENDS HIM CAREENING INTO THE THICK OF THE CROWD.

SIMON’S CAPTORS ARE BOTH RIPPED FROM HIM, ONE BY A GHASTLY WRAITH WHICH DEVOURS HIS SOUL, AND THE OTHER BY A MAN WITH BEARS FOR HANDS.

NOT ‘BEAR HANDS’. NOT JUST BEAR HEADS, EITHER. TWO FULLY GROWN BROWN BEARS, FUSED WITH THE MAN’S WRISTS AT THEIR NON-EXISTENT SPHINCTERS. THE MAN LOOKS COMPLACENT, ALMOST SAD REALLY, AS THE BEARS DRAG HIM, AND THEIR NEW MEAL, AWAY.

SIMON PAUSES FOR A MOMENT, BEFORE PICKING UP A SPLINTERED CHAIR LEG, AND LUNGING AT WHO HE ASSUMED WAS ZEUS, OR A ZEUS-LIKE FIGURE.

[Maxx]

A WILD TAUROS APPEARED!

[JunkMail]

A WILD TAUROS APPEARED!

@Maxx

[Wade Wilson]

@Maxx
WHAT? YOU'RE FUCKING KIDDING ME, RIGHT? NO. I'M NOT DYING, AND I'M NOT FUCKING OFF TO ANOTHER UNIVERSE. THIS IS MY WORLD, NOW.

DEADPOOL, WHAT ARE YOU DOING? I THOUGHT WE HAD AN AGREEMENT - DON'T BREAK THE FOURTH WALL!

HEY, YOU LOVED ALL THE FOURTH WALL BREAKING MOMENTS IN MY MOVIE AND GAME!

I KNOW BUT THIS ROLEPLAY MEANS A LOT TO ME!

I JUST GOT FUCKING REKT, [REDACTED]! ONLY I CAN SAVE MY OWN ASS, NOW.

FINE, BUT YOU'RE GROUNDED.

AW, BUT--

DEADPOOL FLIES BACK TO THE SAME DIMENSION AS EVERYONE ELSE ON A MAGICAL UNICORN, HIS HEAD HAVING NOW GROWN BACK DUE TO THE MAGIC PIXIE DUST THAT WAS IN THE TINKERBELL DIMENSION. THOUGH, GODDAMN, THOSE FAIRIES WERE MORTIFIED AT THE HEADLESS WADE THAT STUMBLED AROUND. HE BURST THROUGH THE DOORS, LOOKED TRENCH COAT MAN (WHO WOULD NOW BE DONNED CASTIEL) RIGHT IN THE EYE, AND CHARGED. "SORRY FOR CHARGING AT YOU, BUT THIS MUST BE DONE!!! SEND DEAN MY REGARDS!!! ALSO, THANK YOU FOR KILLING THE HOMESTUCK CREATORS, I FUCKING APPRECIATE IT!" HE SCREAMED AS LOUD AS A GLADIATOR IN BATTLE, UNZIPPING HIS BAG OF WEAPONS AND-- WAIT, WHERE THE FUCK WAS THE BAG??? HE LEFT IT IN THE FUCKING CAB?!?!?! YOU'VE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

SIGHING, HE CONTINUED HIS CHARGE, SIMPLY TACKLING CASTIEL. TIME TO GET HIS HANDS DIRTY.

[Gentlemanvaultboy]

A GIANT WOODEN HAND REACHED OUT AND GRABBED THE UNICORNS HORN, STOPPING ITS CHARGE COLD. THE HAND BELONGED TO SOME GIANT WEIRD ASS WOODEN STATUE MOTHERFUCKER WITH THE HEAD OF A NOBLE STALLION. THOUGH ITS FACE BORE NO EXPRESSION YOU COULD FEEL THE JEALOUSY POURING FROM ITS EVERY ORIFICE, IF IT HAD ORIFICES. REALLY, THIS GUY WAS PRETTY UNREADABLE. WITH A FURIOUS WHINNY THAT SEEMED TO COME FROM WITHIN HIS BODY THE GOLEM HORSE RIPPED THE HORN FROM THE UNICORNS HEAD, SPRAYING EVERYONE AROUND HIM WITH RAINBOW BLOOD. HE TOOK THE HORN AND, WITH ALL THE STRENGTH HE COULD MUSTER, SHOVED IT INTO THE MIDDLE OF HIS FOREHEAD.

HE TOOK A MOMENT TO BASK IN THE GLOW OF IT ALL. HE RAISED HIS FISTS UP TO THE SKY, AS IF TO CHALLENGE APHRODITE HERSELF WITH JUST HOW FUCKING BEAUTIFUL HE WAS. THEN HE HEADBUTTED DEADPOOL OFF THE SCREAMING UNICORN.

[Wade Wilson]

@Gentlemanvaultboy@Wade Wilson
DEADPOOL STILL MANAGED TO TELEPORT AWAY FROM HORSE-UNICORN-MAN TO DO AS MENTIONED IN THE PREVIOUS POST (WADE, STOP BREAKING THE FOURTH WALL!), BUT INSTANTLY TELEPORTED BACK ONCE THE DEED WAS DONE. SUMMONING A PISTOL INTO HIS HAND, HE AIMED IN THE MIDDLE OF HORSE-HEAD'S EYES, AND SHOT THAT MOTHERFUCKER LIKE DISH SOAP FRANCIS. THAT'S WHAT YOU GET FOR RIPPING OUT BOB'S HORN, YOU BASTARD.

[Maxx]

TAUROS USED HEAD CHARGE!

IT'S SUPER EFFECTIVE!

DEADPOOL FAINTED!

TAUROS GAINED 69 EXP!

TAUROS GREW TO LV 9001!

TAUROS WANTS TO LEARN FUCK GIVE!

BUT...

TAUROS ONLY HAS ONE FUCK!

DELETE A FUCK TO TEACH FUCK GIVE!

>YES< NO

.

..

...

AND POOF!

TAUROS DELETED A FUCK!

AND...

TAUROS LEARNED FUCK GIVE!

UNFORTUNATELY, TAUROS DOESN'T HAVE ANYMORE FUCKS!

FUCK GIVE WAS NOT VERY EFFECTIVE...

[Gentlemanvaultboy]

THE WOODEN CREATURE LET OUT A FRUSTRATED NEIGH AS BULLETS PUNCHED THROUGH HIS FACE, EASILY EXITING OUT THE BACK OF HIS HEAD. AS THE WOOD FELL AWAY FROM THE FRACTURED CRATER WHERE HIS METICULOUSLY CARVED FACE USED TO BE IT REVELED WHAT LOOKED LIKE A LITTLE CHAMBER INSIDE HIS HEAD. IN THE SHADOWS TINY FIGURES HASTILY MOVED TO AND FRO, TINY BONFIRES WERE LIT, AND IN THE NEW LIGHT TINY GREEK SOLDIERS STEPPED FORWARD INTO THE OPENING AND AS A SINGLE UNIT RAISED THEIR BOWS. TINY FLAMING ARROWS FLEW FROM THE HOLE LIKE CUT-RATE KNOCK OFF HEAT VISION, IN SUCH VOLUME THAT THEY WOULD HAVE BLOTTED OUT THE SUN WERE THEY NOT FUN SIZED.

THEY PEPPERED THE BULL THAT HAD KNOCKED DEADPOOL DOWN. FORTUNATELY IT WAS A NORMAL TYPE. THUS THE ATTACK WASN'T SUPER EFFECTIVE, MERELY HIDEOUSLY PAINFUL. THE GREEKS STUMBLED AS THE GOLEM HORSE STRODE FORWARD AND TOOK THE BULL BY THE HORNS, PLACING THE CREATURE IN A HEADLOCK. THE MEN INSIDE HIM BRACED FOR IMPACT AS THE GOLEM HORSE PERFORMED A SICK DDT, SLAMMING THE BEASTS HORNS INTO DEADPOOL.

[JunkMail]

WHILE EVERYONE WAS FIGHTING, SIX IDENTICAL WOMEN NAMED ARIANNA WERE SCOWERING THE DEAD AND UNCONCIOUS BODIES FOR ANYTHING VALUABLE. AS THE WOMEN SCOURED, ONE WAS APPROACHED BY A SPECTRAL CLOUD OF ELECTRICITY.

"SUP?" IT QUESTIONED, MATERIALIZING INTO A FUCKED UP MAN THAT LOOKED SOMEWHAT SIMILAR TO A SECTIONAL MAP OF FLORIDA WEARING MLG SUNGLASSES. HIS NAME WAS ZACK.

"SOD OFF." ARIANNA SHOUTED BACK, THROWING A STRETCHED OUT FIST AT ZACK. ZACK LEANED BACK AND HER FIST STRUCK A MAN BEHIND THE SCROTOM-MAN WHO HAD LIFTED A CHAIR AS IF TO STRIKE HIM.

"NICE." ZACK SAID, GRABBING THE MAN' WATCH AND TOSSING IT TO ARIANNA. ARIANNA LOOKED THE MAN OVER AND THE UNSPOKEN TEAM RELATIONSHIP BEGAN THEN AND THERE.

[Maxx]

GOLEM HORSE USED HEADLOCK!

TAUROS HAS BEEN HEADLOCKED BY GOLEM HORSE!

TAUROS USED FLARE BLITZ!

IT'S SUPER EFFECTIVE!

GOLEM HORSE FAINTED!

TAUROS GAINED -42 EXP!

DEADPOOL USED SCREAM IN PAIN!

TAUROS' ATTACK FELL!

TAUROS USED FUCK GIVE!

TAUROS HAS NO FUCKS!

TAUROS' ATTACK ROSE DRASTICALLY!

[Stekkmen]

THE MAN IN THE ZEBRA MASK PUNTS THE TAUROS ACROSS THE ROOM

*PUNT*

@Maxx

[Maxx]

TAUROS USED FUCK GIVE!

TAUROS TOOK NO DAMAGE!

TAUROS USED REVENGE!

IT'S SUPER EFFECTIVE!

THE MAN IN THE ZEBRA MASK FAINTED!

TAUROS GANED 666 EXP

TAUROS GREW TO LV 9002!

[Maxx]

MAXX USED A REVIVE!