A sweat-bead descended the back of the cat ninja/thief’s head when he turned mid-sprint to peer passed his bulbous bag at the amount of heroes chasing him. He wasn’t too surprised for he was warned that his thieving would bring about such a result. Not just any thief was selected for the job. No! Tac, who would claim to be the best, was selected for the job. Tac’s feet were a blur beneath him. He dashed through hedges, flowerbeds, and peered up at the heroes running along the walls encasing the garden, hoping to intercept him. Tac frowned in determination as he neared the wall Fox was on and removed from his back a small explosive that he quickly lobbed at it. The explosive erupted into a thick smokescreen that didn’t just draw the attention of everyone searching for him (if they weren’t following the Lumas), but it allowed him to disappear. Acrobatically, he ascended the wall, the pungent smell of the smoke not bothering him (for his face was covered up anyway). Tac landed on the other side of the wall and emerged from the smokescreen, darting down the Platform City streets. Those who were riding after him, if their mount couldn’t jump the 30 foot wall, then
detouring was going to cost a turn to catch up.
The ninja-thief was extraordinarily fast. Tac was designed to steal and run, which was what he always did. He was born to do nothing else. He surveyed those who were still chasing him and glanced up to see the three Lumas and Naija. He wasn’t ever going to escape if they kept chasing him. Tac frowned and as he ran through the streets, he hopped from the roof of a car, onto an overhang, and then from the overhang ran up a store wall to the roof. The cat ninja suddenly sprang from the roof toward Naija. His hand shot out like an arrow to snag her Valkyrie armor, and with zero effort, the armor was stripped from her, disappearing into his green sack.
The cat ninja reached for the neck of a street lamp, grasping it as he pulled himself to its perch. The fish was now without wings and at gravity’s mercy. The Lumas immediately braked, noticing the sudden danger and instead of pursuing the cat, they flew to Naija’s aid, sweeping under her to catch her. Tac had crossed to the next building parallel to the one he had jumped from and was running across the roof.
The loud growl of a motorcycle was heard in the street beneath the street lamp where Tac had once been. Cloud pulled up to the curb on his
Hardy Daytona. He was still wearing his black suit and shades, and he glanced over at Naija noticing that the Lumas were lowering her down to the street.
“Are you all right?” he shouted over the purr of his bike.
He quickly stole a glance at the buildings around him and frowned. If there were others who just so happened to still be on the cat’s trail, then good on them. Unless he rode around the city, the trail had gone cold for him, especially since the Lumas had lost Tac.
The restaurant was empty. It had been privately rented out by a villainous duo who sat before a banquet table long enough for eight to sit on either side. A feast occupied the head of the table where a large man sat, his massive bottom situated in two wooden chairs that groaned and creaked beneath his immense weight. Adjacent to him was a thinner man, resembling a familiar hero…actually…they both resembled two very familiar legendary heroes.
There were plates stacked in threes, the little chef known by all as Mama darted in and out of the kitchen, carrying food in exchange for dirty dishware. Her latest customer had been a
filthy rich one who managed to rent the place out so that he and his associate could dine in silence. The fat one’s appetite alone was trying to eat her restaurant out of business, but it would take more than one glutton to do such a thing.
The fat man was none other than Wario. His fat behind was on its way to needing a third seat as he sank his teeth into a large ham hock and dipped a bread roll into some mashed potatoes and gravy. Standing against the wall, a Koopa Troopa waiter was sweating bullets as he watched Wario ravenously gobble down every single one of Mama’s dishes. Mama seemed to be determined to put the man in a food coma, but Koopa Troopa was fearing that something else would happen. The man would either explode or…he didn’t know. The whole thing felt wrong.
Wario eased his head back. His jaws were divided by a massive chunk of ham that his powerful jaws ground away at. His throat was as thick as a tire, hanging over a white bib that read “Mama’s.” His yellow shirt had become a training bra for his man boobs. His purple suspender straps had popped long ago and his pants dipped beneath the protruding round, hairy girth of an overstuffed gut. The man had consumed so much food that his navel popped out, appearing like a button with an X on the front. Clutching the roll in his left hand and the bone of the once-ham hock in his right, Wario frowned in determination as he continued to chew away at the tough meat. Waluigi stood from his chair and bent over the table, resting a hand on the tabletop while his other hand was clenched and waving.
“Go Wario! If you beat Mama’s challenge, then we’ll get free food for a full year, wah! Thatsa’ steal!” Waluigi cheered.
The door to Mama’s restaurant burst open as a black cat ninja darted inside. Waluigi glanced over to Tac as he raced over to the banquet table and hopped on top of it. Wario managed to close his mouth about the ham, his cheeks bulging like balloons as streams of drool ran from his lips. He lowered his head to gaze at Tac as the ninja ran toward him and hopped onto his belly. Tac danced in a frantic circle, waving his Rayman-like hands about in panic. Wario raised his chin, a heavy and loud GULP was heard as he swallowed down the ham.
“You were followed?” Wario interpreted peering down at Tac. A large, dastardly grin expanded from beneath his jagged mustache.
“Good. Go deliver the stuff to King DD. I’ll handle these chumps.”Tac raised his paw in salute and sprang off Wario’s gut to the floor. Throwing down a smoke bomb, the ninja disappeared.
“They won’t know what they’ve gotten themselves into, wah,” Waluigi chuckled.
Wario popped the roll into his mouth and lowered his eyelids in a cool manner as he replied cockily (and with his mouth full):
“They gotta let me join. They won’t hava’ choice.”[In the case a hero actually managed to follow Tac to Mama’s, this is the dialog they’ll walk in on. Heroes who experienced the one turn delay will have to arrive on the second round. Not this one, the next GM post.]
Wario expelled a long, loud and disgusting belch that made the whole table and its dishware tremble. It was the most suitable welcome for the hero(es). He raised his meaty, white-gloved fists and laughed his most iconic, wicked laugh:
“Well, well, well, if it isn’t da heroes? I bet your lookin’ for somethin’…and I might know where it is.”Wario pinched the rightmost end of his stache and rolled it between his fingers.
“I wanna strike a deal with you guys. You let me join the team, and I’ll help ya save Mario.” He then frowned.
“And don’t try anythin’ stupid. I got this whole block rigged to explode.”Waluigi frowned at Wario, his eyes growing wide to hint at something more…Wario looked at him and then he remembered.
“Oh, right, and Waluigi has to be allowed ta’ join too (he said that nonchalantly).”Waluigi grinned wickedly at the heroes.
Wario rested his hands on the table and attempted to push back in his chairs. The chairs instead gave beneath his weight and the entire restaurant shook when the tub of lard struck the floor. A sweat-drop descended the side of Koopa Troopa’s head as he stared at Wario, wiggling around pathetically on the floor. He knew how that felt when he was stuck on his back, but this was a different story. The villain could only blame himself for being such a pig.
Waving his fists around, Wario roared in frustration,
“Help me up!”Waluigi quickly rushed over to Wario, stepped behind him, and hooked his hands beneath his smelly armpits.
“Lift…w-with…y-your…l-legs, wah…” Waluigi rasped, his twig-legs shaking. He looked over at Koopa Troopa.
“Help me you fool, wah!”Koopa Troopa jumped and ran over to help the fat man up. Wario kicked his feet until he was upright and all three gasped in relief. Waluigi and Koopa Troopa slumped to the floor panting, resting back against Wario’s love handles. The villain grasped the table and the table near lifted off the floor when he attempted to use it as support. Both Waluigi and Koopa Troopa sprang to their feet and sprawled across it to keep it down as Wario rose to his feet. Dragging a hand across his brow to clear it from sweat, Wario sighed in relief:
“Whew!”His wicked grin then confidently returned to his face.
“Did you think I was here, eating this little Mama’s food because it was delicious and not concoctin’ a plan?…” Mama darted out of the kitchen with a sub sandwich that was about as long and wide as Cloud’s Buster Sword. Wario held out his hands, palms up in mid-speech as Mama set the sandwich into them and swiftly disappeared back into the kitchen. The most unbelievable show of gluttony at its finest then happened before the heroes’ eyes. The sub sandwich was turned long-ways and Wario opened his mouth wide to receive it. The sandwich was passed into his mouth, sliding in with no resistance (did he even chew?!). The whole sandwich disappeared by the time Wario closed his mouth. His cheeks were inflated again, the crunching sound of vegetables being crushed between molars was heard along with the smacking of lips as Wario grunted,
“…oh yeah, she put extra garlic on this one….”Swallowing, Wario wiped his mouth with the back of a gloved hand before resting them both upon his large belly.
“This right here is a weapon. I’ve just been fuelin’ it. You guys better accept me on your team or I will have Platform City and all of its inhabitants smellin’ of garlic and shit for months! Smell it scrubs!”Waluigi rose off the table and grinned as he revealed a lighter.
“That’s one big napalm waitin’ to happen, wah!”
