[OOC] Mass Effect: Underworld

[data549]

Want to know how to get Cerberus's top agent after you? Owning a Cereal brand and changing the taste. :p

[Sundered Echo]

I see you've just read that book....

---

Rare, several things to mention for your history.

First of all, I suggest you proof read it a little. Catching minor spelling errors and odd phrasings, while not vital, will make your applications look better.

Secondly, you currently have all three of the big three allying to kill you for little reason other than you shouted about wanting to get big on Omega... That is not something that would happen. The big three almost never ally with each other for anything, much less taking out a little upstart merc team that, like every other gang and merc team on Omega, claims they want to make it big. Incidentally, when they do ally, they are an incredibly effective fighting force. The only reason Garrus survived that mess was because Shephard showed up. In short, that needs changing.

As a new group engaged in an Omega turf war, I suggest you pick one of the mercs and stick to them, as even one of the Big three is a pretty formidable fighting force.

Also, a better reason for why you gain numbers early on is needed. The people of Omega are notoriously self-interested, and don't go in for causes like standing up to the mercs en masse, especially since most of them are actually pretty happy with the mercs acting as police forces. I don't have much to suggest on that count, other than to say: be creative. I'm pretty easy going on ideas when they are well thought out and explained.

Finally, I recognise that you're probably not finished, but I remind you I'll need some kind of explanation as to how you have so many assets like businesses beyond Omega.

[sandman9913]

Before I forget, can I heavily imply that the company I am working on may or may not have laid the groundwork for what would later become Project Lazarus?

Edit: Evidently my wifi found it hilarious to have a massive heart attack. I'll see if I can post my NS today, if I can get it to work again. Hilariously enough, I'm almost finished.

Edit 2: Smoky Bear is on the mountain, repeat Smoky Bear is on the mountain. We are back online and ready to rock your socks off.

[Sundered Echo]

Here's hoping its something easily fixed.

As to your question, I've considered it, and presently I think I'll need to see what you've got before I can give a yea or nay. The short of it is, connections with Cerberus = bad.

[Rare]

Sorry about the misspelling, guess I needed to sleep rather than type more. I will fix those error as soon as I can.

[Sundered Echo]

Rare said
Sorry about the misspelling, guess I needed to sleep rather than type more. I will fix those error as soon as I can.

Haha, this I can relate too.

[DELETED324324]

done.

[sandman9913]

So, on the upside I've finished the Nationsheet. Downside, not the character sheets. I'll edit in the NS now for ya.

[gowia]

Okay, a basic history is done. I am done. I shall continue to add too and edit the history. This was just to get it finished enough to be accepted.

[Mosis Tosis]

Hey sep, I get that your organization doesn't have a name, what's the actual carrier/casino called? Every ship should have a name :D

[Sep]

I put it up there, The Lonely Spacer.

It just sounded nice in my head. Also somewhat Ironic and kinda relates to the whole casino/stripclub idea I've got going on.

If anyone wants to create some kind of relationship with me btw feel free. Whether it is that you regularly hire the ship, sponsor competitions.

I will need one slave trader for the Gladiator ring (He'd buy really good female stock to free and then hire), gun dealers to get ,my guards outfitted. Smugglers maybe to discover FTL routes(Depending on how ME tech works) and I will probably be in need of the drug guy.

Even if you just visit feel free to mention it as we likely have struck some kind of deal as you are all such powerful organisations, also do not forget my main guy is an information broker. Something else you could put to good use :P

[gowia]

Sep said
I put it up there, . It just sounded nice in my head. Also somewhat Ironic and kinda relates to the whole casino/stripclub idea I've got going on.If anyone wants to create some kind of relationship with me btw feel free. Whether it is that you regularly hire the ship, sponsor competitions.I will need one slave trader for the Gladiator ring (He'd buy really good female stock to free and then hire), gun dealers to get ,my guards outfitted. Smugglers maybe to discover FTL routes(Depending on how ME tech works) and I will probably be in need of the drug guy.Even if you just visit feel free to mention it as we likely have struck some kind of deal as you are all such powerful organisations, also do not forget my main guy is an information broker. Something else you could put to good use :P

For the FTL routes they are kind of limited as the speeds are slow compared to the size of the galaxy and so further distances are reached using huge stations known as Mass Relays. These make up the easiest way to travel and so routes are kind of set in stone for big journeys as they work by shooting you to another relay using a 'Mass Free Corridor'.

[Dervish]

Mosis Tosis said
Hey sep, I get that your organization doesn't have a name, what's the actual carrier/casino called? Every ship should have a name :D

The Bobsled.

Obviously.

[Zombiedude101]

Interested in this concept, I'll get back to you soon.

[DAWNSTAR]

Not sure if I'm too late for this but I am going to start working on a sheet.

[Sundered Echo]

I'm not barring anyone yet, the IC hasn't even started, though I probably will put a max number on sheets eventually.

[data549]

I'm tempted to either have a contract with one of my fellow players, but I can see the benefits of being neutral.

[Sundered Echo]

Many reviews equals large post....
Hiders for convenience.

Gowia

The present history seems less well written than the other histories you've done, and I don't think you'd have the funding of all of C-sec, though one or two divisions putting their funds with you is certainly possible.

Other than that minor clarification that must go on the sheet, accepted.

sandman9913

This sheet starts out fine but rapidly gets quite out of hand. I'll start from the beginning.

First up, and its incredibly minor, but facilities on Noveria are usually given a 'Peak [number]' designation when they are outside of Port Hanshan.

Next up, we have your base of operations and sponsor. Being on earth is technically fine, but you cannot be sponsored by the Systems Alliance. They may not have the very best security in the galaxy, but they most definitely monitor the research groups they fund pretty closely. They would not continue funding you for long without full disclosure, as, by funding you they are responsible for anything you do, and putting your main labs on Noveria is practically announcing to the galaxy that you're up to something dodgy. That aside, you should have enough income by far just from the public sales and private dealings. In short, Cut the Alliance funding.

Then we get to Assets, which is where things get ridiculous. The most glaring example being your desire to own a small battlefleet. 20 Frigates and 7 Cruisers is a generously sized taskgroup. It is both way beyond the scope of this RP and the believability of what a research corporation would own. What could they possibly need that kind of force for? The most you'll see from pirates is a frigate and some fighters, maybe two frigates if you're having a bad day, or a lone cruiser if you run into hegemony slavers. Please observe the fleets possessed by the other accepted organisations for more appropriate numbers, and remember, warships are expensive.

Unfortunately, that is not my only issue with your assets section at present. For holdings, you must be specific in what you have and where, but it is also a good idea to mention why you have it. I personally do not see the need to have more than one, maybe two, manufacturing centers. Having a great many of these makes me think you're less concerned about research and more converned with being a wholesale manufacturer and distributor of goods. Also, there is no way you can justify having your own dry-docks. If you were space based, then maybe I might be persuaded, but as a planetary based research corp, you do not need dry-docks and re-fitting yards. Such things are for military use, and you are not a military corporation.

Finally, it is important that within the Asset section you be very specific. This RP will contain PVP interaction, and any time such occurs specifics are required so you can keep track of losses and gains with 100% accuracy and no-one feels cheated in victory or defeat.

Enalais

My first issue is that you list your primary income source as information gathering, yet you are not an Information broker. With the type of organisation that you are, you will either need to explain this in detail or simply go with the funds generated by your regular contracts.

Something else I notice is that you say John 'will not stop until he has lead his company to victory.' Victory over what exactly? If you are referring to the other organisations in this RP, remember that not only are they not the only other people out there, but this RP is not about winning. As stated in rule 3, anyone out to win by being the last man standing will get a visit from Saren.
As well as this, his bio really tells me very little about him, and being as he is the leader I do need to know a bit more about who he is and how he operates.

Finally, for your other two characters, you list their bios as 'will be revealed in RP.' Thats a nice sentiment, and I can understand if you want to keep some secrets from the othe players, but if you do in fact have bio's planned for these characters, then I need to know them. PMing them to me is fine, but I will not accept them until I know their Bios.

One last note, is that I must say something similar to what I said to Rare. I advise you to proof read your sheet. While good sentence structure and phrasing is not a vital aspect for acceptance, it will make your sheets look better to any potential GMs, and often a simple proof read and quick edit is all it takes.

[sandman9913]

Okay, I can re-work all of that. I was on a no-sleep binge when I wrote it, so I'm more than a little surprised that there isn't more wrong with it. I'll fix it up right away.

[sandman9913]

Sep said
I put it up there, . It just sounded nice in my head. Also somewhat Ironic and kinda relates to the whole casino/stripclub idea I've got going on.If anyone wants to create some kind of relationship with me btw feel free. Whether it is that you regularly hire the ship, sponsor competitions.I will need one slave trader for the Gladiator ring (He'd buy really good female stock to free and then hire), gun dealers to get ,my guards outfitted. Smugglers maybe to discover FTL routes(Depending on how ME tech works) and I will probably be in need of the drug guy.Even if you just visit feel free to mention it as we likely have struck some kind of deal as you are all such powerful organisations, also do not forget my main guy is an information broker. Something else you could put to good use :P

On a side note, Elysium does make weapons, so it wouldn't be too far-fetched if they sold weapons or some form of military tech to the Lonely Spacer.

Edit: Worked on the sheet a bit.