Corrupt A Wish

[Antarctic Termite]

Granted. It's a very nicely crafted lampshade that makes the room around you look like a dimly lit forest, with shadows of branches thrown off into the distance. You decide to leave it on when you go to sleep. One night you wake up at 3AM and, for a fleeting moment, you see something snarling in the shadows. You wake up and live your life as normal, but never rid yourself of your lingering uncertainty and the fear of being hunted. You die at an old age in a different house on a different bed, but the eyes of your corpse are wide and staring, your mouth open to a scream.

I wish for the lower half of a horse.

[BrobyDDark]

Granted. Now you have the stomach and legs of a horse lying on your floor.

I wish I had something to do.

[Vanguardian]

You do, there is a horse ready to fuck in the room over. (What, you asked for something to do)

I wish to Deus Vult.

[BrobyDDark]

Granted. You deus vult into the vult deus and then never return.

I wish talk like a pirate day was everyday.

[Cerberov]

Granted. Everyone talks like Indonesian pirates.

I wish to smite all enemies of the God-Emperor of Mankind.

[Lucian]

Granted, but in so doing you inadvertently create an entirely new god-entity within the warp, Snufflepump, the Chaos God of smiting and genocide. With the addition of a new Chaos God, the scales tip in favour of chaos and the God-Emperor is consumed.

I wish nudity were more acceptable.

[BrobyDDark]

Granted. Now everyone is gentialess.

I wish disease did not exist

[Cerberov]

Granted.

Ecological disaster on a global scale.

I wish I wish upon a fish.

[BrobyDDark]

Granted. The fish is a huge dick so now you die no matter what you wish for.

I wish Michael Bay died.

[Lucian]

Granted, but so does everyone else in a massive nuclear explosion.

[Keyguyperson]

I wish that Lucian had wished for something.

[Derpestein]

Granted, he wishes for your slow painful death at the hands of the unspeakable horrors that lurk in your mind, that you sedate as you sleep...

I wish I had a beard.

[Keyguyperson]

Granted. Your facial hear is now invincible. No matter hopw hard you try, you cannot cut your multiple-meter long beard

I wish for some peace and quiet.

[RomanAria]

Granted, you go permanently deaf and blind.
I wish there were no idiots in the world.

[Keyguyperson]

Granted. Now the standards are different, and you are considered an idiot. Nobody loves you.

I wish that I had money.

[BrobyDDark]

Granted. You have 1 dollar in dogecoin.

I wish dogecoin wasn't a thing

[Cerberov]

Granted. Dogecoin has now been replaced by a more stupidly-named, less valuable virtual currency.

I wish I could do that thing in Japanese cartoons where you yell and get all strong.

[AlteredTundra]

Granted, but you are arrested disorderly conduct.

I wish I could fly.

[BrobyDDark]

Granted. You now have a one-way airplane ticket.

I wish for some chocolate.

[RomanAria]

Granted, you are now given The Chocolate Touch and everything you come into contact with turns into chocolate.
I wish I didn't have to wear stage makeup.