First off, I want to thank everyone for the feedback so far, I really appreciate it.
I like to reply to my feedback and talk about it, either to explain why I did something the way I did it or to ask additional feedback. Or just to express my gratitude.
@Ellri I'm glad you felt that way, interesting is something I tried to aim for. The idea behind the connection between power and corruption is one of the things I wanted to write about, I'm glad you picked up on that.
@mdk You're correct with the assumption that this story was mainly about the dialogue. I didn't use that MacGuffin deliberately, because I didn't even know about that (so thanks for the link), but if I had known about I probably would have used it deliberately. There is a lack of conflict and change, I know, that was on purpose. I merely wanted to explore the idea of ultimate power and the power of placebo's. I often thought during writing that it was too bad there was no bonus category for writing about power and have absolutely nothing exciting happen whatsoever. I probably would have won that...
Now, about the extraneous thoughts, I kinda understand what you mean by that (after I looked the term up real quick), but I don't understand the relation to the example you presented. If you could elaborate just a bit on that, that would be great. I see how I could have cut it in two sentences and the last comma was probably unneeded, but did that fall under the extraneous thought? Because to me it was simply describing Andy's uncommon attire, which came back during the conversation with Jack. So I don't really get what I did wrong there (aside from what I already mentioned).
I hope it wasn't as much as a comma-infestation as it was with the first labour, because I did try to do better with that this time.
Lastly, I'm really grateful for the positive points you mentioned, thanks.
@Alice About the spelling mistake, I looked it up. In Dutch grammar, it seems to be correct to abbreviate doctor with dr., so the nametag would be correct in Dutch and that what I based it on. I assume the rules are different where you live.
Do you want me to present you with an edited story to make it easier to read?
@PlatinumSkink I'm glad you like Andy, it is how I wanted to portray him. I used Eric to introduce Andy, I understand it was confusing that I didn't start with the main character.
And I know the story isn't exciting, it wasn't what I wanted with it. I'm glad you still thought it was an interesting read.
@Holmishire It's true, I wrote about power and nothing interesting happens whatsoever. I didn't intend for that in this story, I focussed mainly on dialogue. I wanted some people to talk about the idea of ultimate power, work with the connection between power and corruption and lastly venture into the realm of the power of placebo's. It's something I knew wouldn't give me much votes, but it's the only idea I could come up with for this. Plus, I didn't have time to make the story much longer then it was.
I agree I should have added a bit more to make the claims on the tablet believable. Perhaps how this ancient civilization managed to defeat an army larger than their own, something that could be explained in the article. If I would mention just that one thing, would that already be an improvement for the believability?
About the side-characters, Eric was only used to introduce Andy and start the initial discussion, that was all he needed to do in the story. Jack was mainly to develop Andy further and to have something fun to write, but that part could have been left out, that is true.
If I would have had the time, I could have worked with them again, bringing them back in some kind of aftermath or something. But that wasn't the case.
There is one thing you should tell me though, is C+ still a decent grade? I'm not familiar with that grade system, we don't use that in the Netherlands. I know A is the highest and F the lowest, but I'm not quite sure how I should view a C+