[OOC] Yoshua171 vs. Descartes NoW Rnd 1

[yoshua171]

So how high did we fly before he fell?

[Descartes]

Oh shit, you're right. You don't mind if I edited my post right? Because I already did.

[yoshua171]

No problem. So here's a question for you. When he changes form does he retain the damage done? If so, does it alter its size proportionally or what? This doesn't really influence my post much, if at all, but it might influence Jordan's behavior. Just something to think about.

I'm not asserting anything, just making sure you took it into account :)

[yoshua171]

One other note. You can essentially assume that the heat rises by 80 degrees (for his sword) and 10 degrees (the environment) per post. I forgot to mention it last post, but it did happen. So yeah.

[Descartes]

You seem to have ignored my attack. Also, the wound does change in proportion relative to his form.

[yoshua171]

Oops accidental on my part. I'll edit.

[yoshua171]

Edited, apologies on my missing that. I saw it the first time I read, but I waited awhile between reading and responding so I forgot.

[yoshua171]

Hi @Shienvien *waves*

[Shienvien]

Greetings! *raises hand in her typical greeting* Carry on; it's a long morning for me, so I'll take the liberty and enjoy the show.

[yoshua171]

^_^

You're quite welcome to it~

[yoshua171]

Well, I suppose that's one way to end it....

Well I don't know about you Des, but I did enjoy this battle.

You surprised me a few times, so well played on that account :)

[Descartes]

A lot of what I did was because I misread most of your character's bio; which I guess would be in character since my dude doesn't know your dude.

[yoshua171]

You played your character as if he knew nothing about mine, which is a good thing. It means you didn' metagame even once, not even on accident...which I find people doing far more often than I'd like.

The biggest mistake Jordan made would have to be not taking Raelis seriously and going all out from the very beginning. He waited too long.

[Skallagrim]

NoW Round 1- Descartes vs. Yoshua171.

1-Characters

The characters are named and clearly described in text giving the reader a vivid picture. Most readers could describe the characters accurately. Score: 4.00
The characters are named and described. Most readers would have some idea of what the characters looked like. Score: 3.00
The characters are named. The reader knows very little about the characters. Score: 2.00
It is hard to tell anything about the characters. Score: 1.00

Descartes: 3.20-
Yoshua: 3:60-

I understood the characters, there were glimpses of descriptions of each throughout that gave me a complete picture but both could have done better with this.

2-Introduction

First paragraph has a "grabber" or catchy beginning. Score: 4.00
First paragraph has a weak "grabber". Score: 3.00
A catchy beginning was attempted but was confusing rather than catchy. Score: 2.00
No attempt was made to catch the reader's attention in the first paragraph. Score: 1.00

Yosuha171: Your introduction was one paragraph that neither excited me as a reader nor compelled me to be interested in your character. 2.00

Descartes: Your introduction matched your opponent. You could have and should have elevated your writing. I have seen you write some very compelling posts before; I was disappointed in this introduction. 2.00

3-Action

Several action verbs (active voice) are used to describe what is happening in the fight. The fight seems exciting! Score: 4.00
Several action verbs are used to describe what is happening in the fight, but the word choice doesn't make the fightas exciting as it could be. Score: 3.00
A variety of verbs (passive voice) are used and describe the action accurately but not in a very exciting way. Score: 2.00
Little variety seen in the verbs that are used. The fight seems a little boring. Score: 1.00

Yoshua171: Well, although your paragraphs are tight, they convey a good amount of action. You manage to excite me as a reader, although it could have been better. While I do enjoy concise and tight writing, I want to be drawn into the fight more. Action is your way of doing so. 3.75

Descartes: Again, you wrote to your opponent, I know you are capable of excellent writing and would have liked to see more. However, what you did write conveyed a good deal of action to me, helped shape your character and defined him in a very short amount of time that was wonderful. 3.75.

4-Attack/Conflict

It is very easy for the reader to understand the attack the character uses and why it is a problem for the defender. Score: 4.00
It is fairly easy for the reader to understand the attack the character uses and why it is a problem for the defender. Score: 3.00
It is fairly easy for the reader to understand the attack the character uses against the defender, but it is not clear why it is a problem. Score: 2.00
It is not clear what attack the defender faces. Score: 1.00

Descartes: You seemed to be on the defensive immediately. Your attacks seemed scattered and haphazard, which may be attributable to character. I thought your efforts were well done, but just randomized and with no actual strategy to them. 2.90

Yoshua171: Well your attacks were precise, easy to understand and had a definite endgame in mind. You did well and utilized your powers to control your enemy nicely. 3.80

5-Defense/Resolution

The defense to the character's attack is easy to understand, and is logical. There are no loose ends. Score: 4.00
The defense to the character's attack is easy to understand, and is somewhat logical. Score: 3.00
The defense to the character's attack is a little hard to understand. Score: 2.00
No defense is attempted or it is impossible to understand. Score: 1.00

Descartes: I began rooting for your character at the end to get to his gear. I had hoped you’d find a way to evade and get there, and actually rooted for you to turn the fight around. You did a good job defensively trying to evade and escape, conveying the desperation your character was feeling. It was palpable. 3.70

Yoshua171: Well what can I say, you were never really in any danger. Your defenses allowed you to proceed with your offense very succinctly. Since you were never really in danger from your opponent, I cannot score higher. I hope to see a more challenging fight the next round. 2.50

6-Creativity

The fight contains many creative details and/or descriptions that contribute to the reader's enjoyment. The author has really used his imagination. Score: 4.00
The fight contains a few creative details and/or descriptions that contribute to the reader's enjoyment. The author has used his imagination. Score: 3.00
The fight contains a few creative details and/or descriptions, but they distract from the fight. The author has tried to use his imagination. Score: 2.00
There is little evidence of creativity in the fight. The author does not seem to have used much imagination
Score: 1.00

Well on this part, I can safely say that both parties scored 2.5. Little better than average but I was hoping to see a much more creative and innovative fight.

Final score:
Yoshua171: 18.05/ 24 (Winner by defeating his enemy)
Descartes: 18.05/24

[yoshua171]

Hmm. Thank you @Skallagrim this will help me improve in the future. I greatly appreciate feedback. Put Raelis' concluding post up and had him get teleported back to the Hall of Dreamers.