GAME: Crush A Wish

[Mardox]

Granted but it's because you were there through a time machine that ran out of fuel, thus leaving you stranded and now you are long dead of old age and a variety of other factors.

I wish I could fix all the world's problems with a wave of my hand.

[Duthguy]

Granted, but before you can wave your hands fall off and it won't work with prosthetics.

I wish to have Mardox's hands

[Mardox]

Granted, I get your hands and am able to type this and you now have my original hands pickled in a jar on your shelf.

I wish lobbyism wasn't legal.

[GodOfWar]

Granted. Lobbyism isn't legal, but instead mandatory to commit.

I wish I could post more often, devoid of all the work that has been dragging me down this past week.

[Rusalka]

Granted, but you are unemployed and your rent has been jacked up along with the rest of your bills and the IRS would like a word with you.

Oh and all your RPs are infested with bronies.

I wish I could go back in time and correct all the mistakes I have made, not to give myself a better life but those around me.

[ClocktowerEchos]

Granted but the time machine fucks up and you end up in the Mesolithic era where dinosaurs eat your face and flesh from your bones, leaving you a very, very bloody skeleton who felt all of until the very last moments. Since you're so far back, there is no humans, no one mourns your death and you are forgotten.

I wish I had sum dank MLG 1337 trickshot noscope-quickscope skillz

[Shorticus]

Granted, but you lose all gaming consoles except a computer that plays DOS games.

I wish for a tuna sandwich.

[Mardox]

Granted but you never specified how old a sandwich or if tuna was the only ingredient so you a rotting tuna sandwich with a topping of bird dropping.

I wish for improved GMing skills.

[Shorticus]

Granted. But now you only GM for jerkface nerds who only drop one-liners and want to kill the monsters.

I wish for improved player skills.

[Mardox]

Granted. You join my RPing group and eventually I have to leave due to IRL issues leaving you with those jerkface nerds that seem to have sacrificed what little RPing skill they have to improve your player skills. Since you realize the sacrifice they made, you stick around even though one of them gets promoted to GM and the RPs are of exceptionally poor quality.

I wish that Voldemort grew a nose.

[Duthguy]

Granted but he gets one by using a spell that literally lets him steal your nose.

I wish that Ares (my parents' new puppy) won't grow up to be a bad dog

[SleepingSilence]

Wish Granted, he grew up to be a bad cat instead.

I wish for a non-toxic and delicious chocolate chip cookie. :3

[ArenaSnow]

Granted, but it's smaller than the end of a pencil.

I wish that Bernie would just go a little further and win.

[Mardox]

Granted but the ridiculous notion that he'll die of old age while in office actually comes true and he dies of a heart attack just after being sworn in.

I wish I knew when World War Three was going to break out.

[SleepingSilence]

Granted. You've been told in your dream. Its now! And only your house was effected by a rather ineffective bomb by enemy forces but it still managed to take you all out in your sleep.

I wish the color red was now the color blue and vice versa.

[Shorticus]

Granted. You are now color blind.

I wish to make a good wish with good consequences for me.

[Wade Wilson]

Granted. Everyone around you receives a bad consequence in the form of grizzly and painful deaths, and you are left alone.

I wish I could fart rainbow dust.

[Mardox]

Granted but it's from a mixture of colorful drugs you are now addicted to.

I wish more people were interested in learning my ritual to summon Santa. (No, that is not a typo.)

[Make The Best]

granted. but now santa has the brain of a pea

I wish I could suck some juice from the toilet and get rlly rlly buff and suck boobs that give me muscles

[Vesuvius00]

Granted, but your wish was mistranslated and you are now a dog whose tongue is superglued to a toilet seat.

I wish for the opposite of the consequence the genie comes up with for my wish to come true.