“Mary-Anne Zima, was Mary-Anne O’Hara. She’s John O’Hara’s - Coach’s - younger sister. My mother… she’s your David's aunt.”
John having a sister wasn’t a surprise to Cece. Growing up, Cece remembered hearing snippets of conversations between the O’Hara and Cleary adults alluding to this fact. Judging by their tones and expressions when approaching the topic and the way they’d change the subject when John was around, it was obvious that whatever the woman had done was bad enough to get her basically exiled from existence. The mystery surrounding this obscure sister always piqued her interest whenever she was discussed, but never enough to actually pursue the story behind it. Her only real attempt at getting more details was when she’d brought the topic up to David during one of their many conversations about life while they were dating. It turned out that her boyfriend was just as out of the loop as she was, because the only insight he was able to provide was that his aunt was ‘living it up in New York’, that his father didn’t like to talk about her, and that the only reason he’d even told them about her was because they’d stumbled on some old O’Hara family photos while cleaning up the attic on Spring. Considering the limited knowledge she had on the subject, Mary being this mystery aunt was something Cece would never have pieced together or imagined in her wildest dreams. Mary Zima, aunt to David O’Hara… Making Mikhail Zima the cousin of David O’Hara.
Caitlin didn't know how long she stood in front of Mika, his latest revelation and its implications playing over and over inside her head in a loop. Finally, the redhead sank to the floor beside her ex, eyes fixated nowhere in particular. She was quiet for another moment, thinking of what to say next. Eventually, she settled on two questions:
"How long have you known about this? How did you even find out?"Mika’s response wasn’t immediate. After she asked her questions, he realized he had tears that had dropped down his face and had left a crusty trail, so he did his best to wipe them away. He half-expected another anger-filled series of words, especially given what was implied in what he revealed.
“Since I was ten,” he spoke flatly. Emotions were still high, but Mika didn’t want to waste anymore of Caitlin’s time.
“My mother would tell me stories about her childhood. She’d only mentioned snippets. I think remembering made her sad and she didn’t want me and the girls to see her homesick sadness.” He knew this wasn’t easy for her to hear. It wasn’t easy for him to say.
“I’ve known who my Scott Street family was even before I moved to Edenridge.” Mika said, looking forward again and then glancing down at his balled up fists on his legs.
“And why was this yet another thing that you had to keep from me?” she asked bitterly, feeling the anger from before start to bubble up again. She wanted to be sympathetic towards Mika-- she really did. He was on his knees, baring her soul out to her. But how could she even be sure this wasn’t just another secret in a list that seemed never-ending? Any time she felt she knew the real Mika, he always blindsided her with another revelation that proved that she had barely scratched the surface of who he was at all. She felt like nothing short of a fool.
“What’s the excuse for this one? Because the things related to The Bratva I can understand. You breaking up with me because of Cameron-- that’s pushing it, because I would’ve liked to have the courtesy of knowing that the relationship wasn’t ending because of something I did instead of being left to wonder for years whether I was just not good enough for you or something. But this secret… I don’t understand why you couldn’t trust me with it.”It’s not that he didn’t understand why she was so angry. He didn’t expect her to accept it, be happy that he told her the truth, and embrace him like they were in some fairy tale romance. This was real life and he had no delusions about that. But it was bigger than just her. She didn’t seem to understand, but maybe there was more to…everything. For so long, Mika kept his life a secret. Kept his upbringing, who he was, where he came from, and how it affected him to this very day a secret. Put up walls and reinforced them with as much protection as he felt necessary. The fears of Cameron or anyone else harming those close to him grew and grew until he sabotaged his own life without even considering that he didn’t need to.
“It’s not as simple as you’re making it out to be.” Mika spoke finally but kept his gaze at his legs, gripping the basketball shorts his hands rested on.
”It was never about trusting you or not trusting you. That day at the cemetery, I didn’t know you would be there. I didn’t intend on it becoming one of my most fondest memories. I went there to visit his grave. I wanted to...” A stinging emotion paralyzed Mika’s ability to speak as he struggled so desperately to find the words.
“...I don’t know what I wanted from going there. I didn’t know David. I joined the basketball team my sophomore year, but I didn’t get to meet him once. I guess maybe, I had hoped that going there that day, I could perhaps find some version of myself that I didn’t totally hate. A version that wasn’t just a Zima or a Gonzalez. A version of myself that could be…more than what I was told to be.” Biting his lip, he brought his gaze up once more.
“So you see, it had nothing to do with me not trusting you. I didn’t trust myself to admit that. Because if I did, that meant I believed I was worthy of being an O’Hara and I didn’t.” He felt his throat get tighter but Mika persisted.
“I still don’t.”As Caitlin listened to Mika explain the reasoning she couldn’t help but think back to the many conversations David and I had shared about the subject-- but it was the memory of their first deep conversation by the lake that stood out.
‘I know that, for a lot of us, college and the outside world-- that’s the real dream. Leave this hell hole behind and be the people we want to be, not the people we’re expected to be,’ she remembered Dave saying to her. He knew all about those high expectations, the underlying shame it could cause you when you struggled to meet them, and the level of vulnerability needed to express it to someone else.. As angry as Cece wanted to stay at Mika, she couldn’t do so any longer-- not when she knew how much it took for him to admit his truth, and when she herself could understand how crippling and detrimental other people’s forced expectations on oneself could be.
“I guess thinking you’re undeserving of your last name seems to be an O’Hara trait the younger male generation shared,” she mused as her demeanor softened significantly, looking over at Mika for the first time since he’d dropped the bomb on her.
“David never felt like he was worthy of it either, you know? The legacy of being Coach’s son weighed so heavily on his shoulders, and having to compete with the likes of Francis, Clay and my brother only made him feel like even more of a failure sometimes. He always put on a brave face and acted as if everything was fine to everyone else, but when he dropped the mask when he was with me, I could see how much of a toll it was taking on him. He didn’t hate himself, but he didn’t like that he was stuck in town watching his friends do something with their lives while he didn’t even have a direction for his own. It’s the curse of being a Foundling: feeling like you’ll never be enough to reach the expectations placed on you by those around you. And you might not have known him, but I promise you that Dave probably felt the exact same way you do.”Mika half-chuckled as it never dawned on him just how much of an O’Hara he really was. Or maybe it was that this was the first time he was thinking of himself as one without some deep feeling of guilt attached to it.
For so long - too long, it felt like - Mika had always carried this heavy burden of who to be, who his
true loyalty should be for. Family was everything to the Zimas and he always felt more Gonzalez than anything else, but when he got to know his mother’s family, he didn’t think that it would make him so happy, but it did. Coach was tough but always in a positive, encouraging, be-your-best-self kind of way. But to know he wasn’t alone in feeling undeserving of it lifted so much weight off of his shoulders. And for that one person to be David, the person that Mika wished he got to know even if it was casually. He just wished he could have known his cousin.
“What was he like?” Mika asked almost tenderly, his voice still so clearly high on emotion.
“Past everything that everyone said about him, what was David like?” Mika wanted to know…no, he
needed to know more about David. It may just be the missing piece he’s been longing for years. Or at least that’s what he believed at this very moment.
The Cleary girl offered Mika a soft smile, stood up and stretched out her hand towards him.
“Come on upstairs with me. Let me show you.”Curious but also partially confused, Mika stood up, and took Cece’s hand, letting her lead him out of the kitchen. As they ascended up the stairs, he saw they were getting closer and closer to her room. He started to remember the times he’d sneak over to her house when the coast was clear and it would just be the two of them for however many hours they’d be allowed to spend with each other. Those were the good old days when everything in Mika’s life was simpler and he could just be who he wanted to be.
The second story was something familiar to him. It was slightly different with updated pictures of the family and certain decorations, but it was mostly familiar. Mika smiled. It centered him as he looked around. That air of familiarity was a welcomed feeling.
And then they entered her room. Even though he was in her room a little less than twelve hours ago, it was nice to be able to enter it through normal means and not having to climb up that unstable trellis like it was Romeo and Juliet.
“What are we doing here, Cece?” For the first time ever in the time he’s known Cece, Mika actually didn’t know why he was in her room.
The redhead didn’t reply right away. Instead, she made a beeline for the same closet that had harbored her during her earlier storm hours previously, and came out with the item she’d so fiercely guarded for the last five years: her David memory box. Upon first impressions, it looked like an unassuming shoe box for some boots she’d bought years ago. But after she took a seat next to Mika and removed the lid, the contents inside were completely different. A green and white Celtics basketball jersey protected the rest of the items from view, its back proudly emblazoned with a player’s name and number:
O’HARA 23. Once carefully placed aside, more objects were revealed. Dried flower petals from the bouquets David had given Cece during their time together peppered the bottom of the bag, making a crunching sound whenever disturbed. A pack of envelopes and folded pieces of paper tied together with a ribbon could be seen in the corner of the box: special occasion cards and handwritten letters he had written to his beloved. Different knick knacks like movie tickets for films they had watched and dated wristband bracelets from his basketball games were also strewn about. But scattered all over the box were Cece’s most treasured pieces of all: glossy images that memorialized the best moments of her and David.
“The first words that comes to mind when I think of David are ‘charming clown’-- which is apparently another trait that’s heavy on the O’Hara men,” Cece started with a laugh, finishing around for and pulling out a selection of the best polaroid photos of David making funny faces at the camera and handing them over to Mika.
“He had the most easy going sense of humor, and he could make you laugh until your stomach hurt with the lame things he came up with. Add that to his charm and those ‘boy next door’ looks, and it’s no secret why so many girls swooned over him. I hated every time he showed up with another one. I always got so jealous…” she admitted, her cheeks slightly pink in embarrassment at the actions of her younger self.
Another photo from inside the box was pulled out; this one with Cece’s pony-tailed self in full pearl and emerald Clovers cheer gear with her arms wrapped around David’s waist, who wore his Celtics basketball uniform like a badge of honor. Although the candid image was taken a few hours before they shared their first kiss, the way the two tenderly looked and smiled at each other spoke volumes about their feelings.
“He was a good player, and he enjoyed playing ball okay, but he mostly did it to keep John happy and not let his friends down. Basketball was never really his passion. Finding that passion for something was one of the bigger struggles he was facing before he--” she paused, feeling a lump in her throat. No matter how long it had been, Cece still hated acknowledging that Dave really was gone.
“Before he passed. He’d been talking about taking up some classes at the technical college to become an electrician. He thought it was interesting enough, but he liked the job security it could provide the most. A steady job meant he had a way to provide for a family, which was something he really wanted to have before we ever got married and had kids like we always used to talk about. He never aspired to be perfect. He just wanted to be a good son, a good husband, a good father, and a good man above everything else.”A few more photos were handed to Mika, with Cece and David at the center in various stages of affection: hugging, kissing, smiling, making silly faces at the camera and at each other, with the deep love they shared for one another always on display.
“The David I knew was funny and kind. He was thoughtful, affectionate, respectful and sweet, and he showed me a love, protection and safety I had never experienced before. He made me feel like and proved to me time and time again that I was the most important thing in his world, just like he was to me, and that I was his most trusted confidante. But he wasn’t without his own demons aside from the obvious pressure he felt with being an O’Hara. In the vulnerability I am forever grateful to he entrusted me with, Dave worried about many things: his future, our future, Jamie’s state of mind and how it affected them as a family, whether he himself would fall prey to mental illness that could challenge him in the future like his sister’s… He had a lot of weight on his shoulders, but he always carried it so gracefully with that mischievous smile of his. We were incredibly happy together, and a part of me will always, always love him. There’s no filling the hole he left in my heart when I lost him, but the grief gets easier to manage as time goes on, and I carry him with me wherever I go,” she told Mika, pointing to the dainty ‘23’ tattoo on the inside of her left wrist that she had gotten as soon as she has turned eighteen.
That was a lot to digest. Mika still was processing everything that was said and what he was handed. Despite not knowing much about his cousin, Mika was starting to piece some things together. He was starting to understand the deeper meaning behind something that he heard that always didn’t make sense. Hearing Cece speak about David and what he was like, how he only did basketball to make his father happy - he didn’t realize just how much that mirrored what Mika did to make Ivan happy.
It was mind boggling, to say the least. It wasn’t just the cheeky sense of humor they shared or passionate drive or love for those closest to them (or even the devilish good looks) - but their desire to make others happy. The desire to protect their sister. David seemed to have the same protective instinct Mika had for
his sisters: Katie and Stacy, but also Ley. He wanted nothing more than to protect them from the horrors that was The Devil.
“I had no idea just how similar he and I were.” Mika spoke finally after a few minutes of silently processing everything.
“You know, I just thought that maybe it was a coincidence, you know. Hindsight and all, I figured it may have been some happy accident. I mean, us being together, me being O’Hara, and even being on the basketball team.. It’s just…a lot to take in.” That wasn’t just it. Mika knew this and he didn’t want to leave it unsaid.
“To think he suffered from the same things I did. Doing everything you could to make your incredibly difficult father happy--” Mika cursed internally.
“--Coach is nowhere as bad as Ivan, but he was hard on us. Hard, yet fair to us during practices. But…God, Cece, I…” As he struggled to find the words, Mika looked through the polaroids in his lap, going through them one by one. The ones of them together, of him, and just trying to figure out what he wanted -- no, what he
needed to say.
“Thank you.” That’s it. That’s what he wanted to say.
“Truly, I mean it from the bottom of my heart, Cece. This is the best thing anyone has ever given me. I feel like I have found that missing piece in my life that I’ve desperately been wanting. I thought it was lost when someone close to me passed away, but this…” Mika’s eyes fell to the pictures in his lap. It wasn’t just that, but everything the ginger next to him said about David and the parallels he clearly saw between them.
“This is it. And it’s because of you.”Smiling softly, Caitlin wrapped her arms around Mika and pulled him into a hug she could feel he needed. As a Foundling, she had the privilege of knowing and having clear records of her family history dating back to their settlement in Edenridge, so she couldn’t relate to her ex’s struggle to find a missing piece of his life because of a family he didn’t know. But she could understand the large sense of relief it could bring to know that someone else out there was facing the same struggles as you. It was a knowledge that made burdens lighter, more manageable, and easier to carry or even let go of-- a feeling that both David and Mika had given her.
“I’m glad I was able to help you,” she answered softly, resting her head on his shoulder like she had done many times before.
“And thank you for giving me the opportunity to show you who David really was. Everyone else in town was so quick to judge him, even his own so-called friends. You always gave him the benefit of the doubt, never taking what everyone else said for granted and searching for the truth to make your own conclusions instead. I will always be grateful for that. David wasn’t perfect: even in my bias I’ll be the first person to admit that. But he was perfect in my eyes, and it was his flaws that made him beautiful-- just like yours do, even if they’re really aggravating sometimes,” she joked with a small laugh.
As she wrapped her arms around him, Mika wanted to resist the gesture. He didn’t want to assume too much, but if she willingly did so, then he just went with it.
“I guess it's an O’Hara trait: we just can’t help but be difficult.” Mika laughed, nudging his ex playfully against her shoulder with his. This wasn’t like before, yet it was just like before-- when they had been together. Obviously time had made being this close again came with some tension, but Mika liked it. Actually, he more than liked it - it was something he thought he had lost the right to, but here he was, close to her again, in
her embrace.
Mika found himself looking deep into her eyes, becoming lost in the calming beauty of them. The storm outside didn’t matter, not when he fell back into old habits.
Don’t do it, Mika. It’s not the right time. He wanted to kiss her so bad, but did he have any right to? Somewhere inside, he still felt like he didn’t. Like right now wasn’t the right time, but the rest of him just wanted to chance it. If he was wrong, then that could be a bridge he would cross, but there was something about
this moment.
“Speaking of eyes. It’s been a long time since I’ve been able to stare into yours like this before…” He spoke low, moving his face closer to hers. He was just inches away and it just….happened. Without even realizing, for a short moment, his lips pressed against hers.
The moment his lips pressed against hers, Cece got the irrefutable confirmation that her feelings towards Mika had never gone away. Her heart still beat faster, the world stopped spinning around them and she still felt like she was floating on the highest of clouds in the sky. Even after so many months apart and the many tribulations they had faced to get to this point, it felt as if no time had passed between them. They were different people, with new outlooks on life and experiences that had served to help build them into better versions of themselves. But what they shared was still the same: a bond that went beyond anything either of them could explain. The world and the circumstances beyond their control had tried to tear them apart, yet they had found their way back to each other again.
If not love, then what else could it be?
The young woman tenderly pressed her forehead against Mika’s.
“I missed you,” she confessed, proving her point with a gentle kiss to his lips.
This was the moment. The moment when every wrong thing he ever did to her, every single word that he spoke that caused her any sort of pain would begin to be turned around. He always thought that he didn’t deserve to have that second chance, not when he interjected himself back into her life and not when he refused to be completely honest with her. But this moment right now, it all would change.
He smiled at her and kissed her again. It was just like hers: a gentle kiss.
“I’ve missed you too. I was worried…this wouldn’t happen again - that we wouldn’t get another chance.” Was he presuming too much already? No, Mika had to be confident that she wanted this as badly as he did.
“Cece… I promise. Whatever happens, I won’t hurt you. Ever!” As bold of a statement as that was, Mika meant it. He hadn’t meant anything more in his life. He wasn’t perfect and he knew, in enough time, if certain people knew what was happening, they’d hate him, but she didn’t and she was the only person whose opinion mattered.
The young woman didn’t respond right away. She took a second to think about Mika’s words, excusing herself momentarily to return her memory box back to safety as she did so. As much as she wanted to believe that things had changed and he wouldn’t hurt her, Cece needed to make sure her ex knew and could meet the expectations she had set for herself after their breakup. It would be pointless if they went back into things only to fall into the same old patterns and mistakes from before.
"If we go through with this, it can't be like last time," she warned him, shutting the closet door behind her and returning to Mika's side.
"I need you to be as open and honest as you've been with me tonight, all the time. You can't bottle up your feelings instead of truthfully talking to me, or hide things from me, or push me away with excuses about it being 'better if I don't know' or 'for my own safety'. I don't want any secrets, I don't want any lies, and I don't want to constantly be guessing what our relationship is or where it stands. That is the bare minimum I would expect from you."As he listened to everything she had to say, Mika came to two realizations. The first was, of course, how if this was indeed going to happen again, he couldn’t fall back into old habits. That was a hard ask as it was at face value. Mika professed he was a changed man. He may have said those exact words to Cece, but sometimes he did take a few steps back. It was never knowingly but he did it. He knew he couldn’t do that - least, not with Cece.
But the second was something he didn’t ever consider only because he didn’t think it was something that she had any issue with.
“I never knew you had any issue about our relationship…from before not having a label on it.” As he admitted that, a genuine shock in his voice, he spent a few moments just thinking about it. He knew the reason why he didn’t want to put a label on their relationship.
“That’s my fault,” Caitlin admitted, pursing her lips together in remorse.
“I never said anything because I was scared you’d shoot me down or push me away if I asked. And I had grown to cherish what we had so much… I figured it was best to leave things as they were rather than risk losing it all. But deep down, I always wanted it to be official. I’m really sorry I didn’t tell you about it sooner.”“I mean...” He took her hands as he was struggling to find the right words.
“It’s not that I didn’t know what we were, you know? I suppose, in hindsight, I still feared that Hyde would ruin what we had despite him being in prison at the time.” Saying it out loud for the first time, Mika realized it didn’t make any sense, but back then, back when he was still under that direct influence of The Devil, it did, which was weird. He was more afraid when Hyde wasn’t around than he was when he was lurking somewhere nearby (per Anya saying he knows).
As he thought about it for a few moments more, danger was everywhere. It wasn’t just in the Southside, either. Mika knew that, on some level, ghosts on all fronts were bound to come back and there was nothing he could do but stop making excuses.
He squeezed her hands and gazed deep into her eyes.
“I’m not a perfect man. No matter the steps forward I made tonight, there might be times I might step back, but I’m not going to do that alone. In the past, the main reason I did all of that-- why I pushed you away-- was because I thought you deserved better than me. That you wanted better than what I could give you, yet here we are again. Fate doesn’t want us apart and…” As his throat tightened, emotions became high like when he broke down in the kitchen. Unlike then, it was different. These emotions were of…something had buried long before he broke her heart.
“...And I don’t want us apart either. I won’t do it again. I promise, Cece. I won’t do any of it again.” This was no longer the boy who was so afraid of the Devil that spoke to her, but a man who was making his own luck with the woman who had his heart since he was sixteen.
The young woman removed her right hand from Mika’s grasp and placed it on his cheek, keeping her eyes locked on his.
“Mika, you’re everything I’ve ever wanted and more,” she told him, kissing the hand of Mika’s that was still in her grasp.
“After David passed, I thought I’d never feel that kind of way towards anyone else. I was lonely, and sad, and scared... My future wasn’t looking too bright. I was feeling so low and so ready to give up when you came into my life: when I least expected it and at the perfect time. You showed me a love that was selfless, gentle and kind, but also passionate, exciting, intense, and even breathtaking at times. You made me feel more alive than ever before, and every risk we took was worth every moment we shared. You gave me such hope for the future… And promise you: there’s nobody else in this world that I want in other than you.”Even before she finished, Mika put his left hand over Cece’s right that was on his cheek and his other hand mirrored hers as it gently caressed her cheek. He felt a few warm tears go down his face as they both said everything he wished they could have had the courage to say to each other before things between them became too complicated. Mika had always lacked the courage to speak from the heart. He lost Cece because of that and did and said words to her that hurt her beyond any reasonable scale. Somehow, though, she not only forgave him, but now, at this moment, she was willing to give him another chance. They had a restart and he knew he wasn’t going to mess it up.
Closing his eyes for three seconds, as he counted it down, Mika didn’t look, and he kissed her. It was the sort of kiss that said anything else he may want to say. A kiss that represented this second chance. It had the passion and intensity she spoke of, but it had a renewed earnesty Mika found himself in the possession of. His grip on her cheek tightened. He held it firm in his hand but it was with care. Mika didn’t ever want to be the reason she cried.
As it broke and he opened his eyes, his passion spoke before he could think.
“I should have said this so many times. I almost did today, but I was afraid.”Worry clouded Cece’s turquoise eyes for a moment.
“What did you want to say?” she asked him with concern.
“Caitlin Cleary…” He pushed his forehead against hers, lips quivering as he smiled.
“I love you so fucking much.”The redhead let out a watery laugh, wrapped her arms around Mika and pressed her lips against his, feeling her own tears of joy streaming down her face. It was a long time coming, but there were the three words and the confirmation she had dreamed about hearing for so long: he loved her just as much as she loved him.
They were in love with each other. They were finally--
finally-- going to be together.
“And I never stopped loving you,” she confessed with all the conviction in the world, emphasizing her words with another kiss.
“Not even if I tried. Not for a single second.”This was it. Mika knew it. He knew Cece did too. Both of them knew that
this was the moment. Like a match that set a fire under him, so did thunder clap outside in the distance and it was the timing of everything as he kissed her again, guiding her back onto her bed. As he did, whilst his heart beat like it was an animal in a cage, the truth of the matter was that the animal had been let free and it was as calm as it had ever been. It felt alive every time their lips touched.
He held himself propped over her, hands pressed against her bed, and he was looking down at her angelic face with perfectly angled jaws, hair so scarlet that it made every hair on his body tingle with a familiar (yet unfamiliar excitement and nervousness). It had been so long --
too long -- since the last time he saw her from this position. All that wasted time, being so wrong about the woman he couldn’t take his eyes off of. The ambiance of the storm was the perfect soundtrack for
this moment.
“Cece, in the interest of no secrets, I want you. Like…before.” His voice came so hoarse, yet he just was feeling a lot right now. Exhausting day or not, right now, he just wanted her in every way that was physically possible.
Cece’s reaction to his brazen words was immediate. Her freckled cheeks blushed scarlet, just like the first time they’d found themselves in this same position three years ago. With him hovering over her, staring at him with those blue eyes full of love and desire that so easily disarmed her, she had wanted so badly for him to claim her as his own. She was
desperate to be his again-- tonight and for the rest of her life.
With a breathtaking smile, Caitlin raised her head, gently pulled Mika close with a hand at the nape of his neck, and passionately locked her lips with his. If he wanted her, she was entirely his to be taken.