AndyC — Roleplayer Guild

“LexCorp stocks are at an all-time high since the Brainiac app was introduced to the public three months ago--”

“--survey of high school and college students in over fifty countries indicated that their grades improved drastically when using Brainiac as a study aide, and many are now not only calling for the app to be used in schools, but going so far as using it instead of traditional--”

“--profits nearly tripled compared to what they were before Brainiac was integrated into the company’s financial--”

“--debating the radical economic plan devised using Brainiac that may actually resolve the national debt within the next ten--”

“--taking a moment to consider the long-term effects of using this app.  We’ve had over a decade now to study what social media does to our mental health, our attention spans, our empathy.  While everyone is enamored with what we can do with Brainiac, are we overlooking what Brainiac can do to us?  Analysts say--”

“--lastly, seismic activities detected off the coast of Singapore this afternoon were revealed to be the work of Superman.  Experts believe the caped strongman was shifting tectonic plates to prevent a larger earthquake that would have endangered--”

”I’m just saying, I’ve never really considered beef bourguignon to be ‘Christmas’ food,” says Lois, before scooping up another forkful.  ”It is really good, though.”

”The best” I say, eagerly heaping another helping onto my plate.  ”Ma, you’ve really outdone yourself this time.”

”Oh, hush now, Clark,” she says as she takes off her apron and sits at the dinner table.  ”It’s the same old recipe I’ve been using since my Mama taught it to me.  And the same one she used since she got it off the TV.”

We share a chuckle that’s more a matter of tradition; she’s said that exact joke just about every time she’s made that meal.  Still, a little bit of familiarity, whether it’s a favorite dish or an old joke, can go a long way to make a new place feel more like home.

Ma’s new townhouse is certainly a lot smaller than the old farmhouse, which means a lot less room for her belongings.  Most of what she wasn’t able to fit into her new home was purchased in a big yard sale, and the rest is now sitting in a storage unit on the far end of town.  I know it’s all just stuff, nothing to get overly attached to, but it’s still a big change.

Then again, there have been a lot of big changes in the past three months.

Lois was nominated for a Pulitzer for her coverage of the Toyman crisis….and got the Daily Planet sued for the insinuation that LexCorp was connected to it.  As a result, she’s now off of superheroes and instead covering local crime stories.  For most people, tackling the heads of the city’s criminal syndicates would be a thrill, but for Lois Lane, it might as well be covering a neighborhood bake sale.  Superman coverage has instead been given to Ron Troupe, who’s a hell of a writer, but tends to lack the human element in his stories that Lois provides.

I’m still on sports with Lombard, which is…..interesting.  Steve’s not a bad guy, honestly; he’s just the kind who never really left high school. The kind who, for instance, might try to trick you into reading a note that says “Ice wallows perm” out loud in the middle of a meeting.  Or loudly brag about his romantic prowess, describing in unnecessary amounts of detail feats that I’m pretty sure are anatomically impossible-- and, given how much the female staff of the Planet laughs behind his back, seem unlikely at best.  Still, despite his corny machismo, the man’s a walking encyclopedia when it comes to statistics and sports history.  Plus, I still usually get to work with Jimmy when I get assigned to bigger games, so things could be worse.

Speaking of Jimmy, he’s been hooked on Brainiac ever since it was released, gorging himself on all the crazy things he can do when plugged into the app.  Every week he’s found a new hobby, and it isn’t long before he finds a way for Luthor’s artificial intelligence to make it even better.  That, of course, hasn’t stopped him from going out of his way to try and impress his new crush, a shy new intern named Linda Danvers.  I honestly don’t know how he finds enough time in the day-- and that’s coming from someone who usually can’t stand still for five minutes without having to stop some emergency on the other side of the world.

Thankfully, that particular part of my life has been relatively calm for the past three months-- ‘relatively’ being the operative word, of course.  There’s still some new crisis every day, whether it’s a natural disaster, the Intergang syndicate on the move, or some punk who gets his hands on an experimental power-suit and thinks he’s able to take me out.  However, all of those are things I’m usually able to wrap up in a few minutes.  No real threats have reared their ugly heads in Metropolis since my last encounter with Livewire.

That isn’t to say being Superman has become easy.  I still have to walk on eggshells when I go to work in countries like Russia, China, Khandaq, or anywhere else where a false move might accidentally trigger an international incident.  The usual suspects like G. Gordon Godfrey, when they’re not crowing about what a genius Lex Luthor is, are still telling their audiences how they should be afraid of me.  And after my encounter with the Silver Surfer a while back, there’s still the looming threat of his master, whoever he may be, coming to Earth.

And that’s not even going into what I found in the Arctic…..

”Something wrong?” Ma says, looking at Lois with concern.  Lois is staring into her stew, absently stirring the steaming chunks of meat, when she blinks and snaps out of her contemplation.

”Oh!  Sorry, it’s….it’s nothing,” she says.  ”I just got reminded of a story I’m working on.  Two weeks ago, Donnie Gillespie, one of the major soldiers for Intergang, starts working as an informant for the MPD.  Then, yesterday?  He sits down for a drink at this place called the Ace O’ Clubs, and halfway through his whiskey sour….he explodes.  Just….splat.  The cops can’t find a reason for it, no trace of bombs, no bullets, no nothing.  One second he’s sitting pretty, the next, from the waist up he looks like, well….”

Lois gestures to the bowl of steaming beef chunks, and Ma’s face blanches.

”.....oh, well, I didn’t realize it was--”

”Oh!  Oh my God, Martha, I’m sorry,” Lois blurts, embarrassed.  ”I wasn’t trying to imply anything, I just….I spend all my time around reporters and homicide detectives and, well, people from other planets, so it’s….kind of hard for me to dial it back down for the dinner table.  I didn’t mean to--”

”It’s okay, hun,” Ma says, and we spend the rest of the meal in awkward silence.

When Ma gets up to clean the dishes, Lois buries her face in her hands.

”Oh God, I’m blowing it,” she mutters to herself.

”You’re doing fine,” I reassure her quietly, ”She like you.”

”I just compared her favorite dish to a gory murder scene!”

”Well, okay, that probably didn’t help,” I admit, ”but she’ll come around, I promise.  Just--”

”Clark?  Hun?” Ma calls from the kitchen.  ”Did you bring an extra Christmas present?”

Lois and I share a concerned glance.

”No, just the one from each of us,” I say, slowly getting up from the table.  ”Why?”

”Well, there’s an extra one I found by the door, and it doesn’t have a name on--”

Before she’s finished the next word, I’m in the kitchen, the rush of air in my wake knocking over a chair and sending some loose paper flying.  I pluck the wrapped package from Ma’s hands as gently as I can, and a split-second later I’m a hundred yards back, in the vacant lot behind the row of townhouses.

”Clark!” Ma calls after me.

”Stay back!” I shout, in a mix of fear and anger.  ”We don’t know what this is.  I need to make sure it’s safe.”

For all I know, it could be a bomb.  Or a package full of some biological agent.  Or God knows what.  Who would target my Mom, though?  Has someone figured out my identity, decided to get to me by getting to her?  So far the only people who know the big secret are Ma, Lois, and Batman.  Could someone have gotten to him, made him talk?

I focus my vision, looking through the wrapping paper and packaging to scan the contents.

”It’s…...it’s a cell phone,” I say, confused, as I walk back towards the house.

”That’s strange,” she says.  ”Any word on where it’s from?”

”Let’s see…..”  I say, carefully peeling away the wrapping paper.

Sure enough, taped to the box is a small note, made out to one Martha Kent.  It’s clearly a mass-produced typed letter, with only the name at the top changed.

Dear Martha,

The holidays are a wonderful time of year, a time when all of mankind can take a moment to appreciate the things we have, connect with family and friends, and look out for those less fortunate than us.  Sadly, many do not have the means to connect with the world around them, and that is something we at LexCorp intend to fix.

As you may have heard, a few months ago, we announced the creation of Brainiac, a new program, an app that I believe has the potential to change the world for the better.  It is available for free on all compatible smart devices anywhere in the world.  However, there are many people who do not have a smart device of their own, and therefore would be unable to participate in the excitement to come.

To that end, I have taken it upon myself to make sure as many people as possible get to experience the technological revolution that Brainiac will provide.  We’ve taken the liberty of mailing a LexCorp L-8SE to every person in the civilized world who does not currently already own a smart device, along with a full year of unlimited service, completely free of charge.  This will also give you unlimited access to Brainiac, which I know you will find easy and even fun to use, and you may be surprised at the sheer number of ways it will improve your everyday life.

While I certainly hope you find this gift to be worth your while, it’s also important to remember that the holidays are not just about giving and receiving, but about looking ahead with hope for brighter days.  There’s a certain individual in the city where I live, who calls himself ‘The Man of Tomorrow.’  Personally, I look forward to the day when that title can be given to every man, woman, and child in the world.  And I hope those Men and Women of Tomorrow can expect you to join them soon.

Happy Holidays and best regards,

Lex Luthor

”Clark?” Lois says as she walks out into the back lot with me.  ”Are you okay?  That thing’s not going to blow up or fry our brains or something, right?”

I realize my hands are shaking.  Before the Toyman was destroyed, he mentioned a ‘great intelligence’ that Luthor had in his possession, so vast and so powerful that even a genius like Lex could only fall for the illusion of control over it.  Something ancient and alien…...and not only has Luthor turned it into a trinket for mass consumption…..

…..but now it shows up on my mother’s doorstep.

My blood boiling, I take the box with the LexCorp phone in one hand…..and I throw it into the air, as hard as I can.

A few seconds later, I see a small flash and puff of smoke as the air resistance incinerates it like a piece of space junk upon reentry.

”Everything all right, hun?” Ma asks.

”Yeah, it’s….it’s fine now,” I say, letting the anger pass.  ”It’s getting cold out here.  Let’s go back and have some dessert.”

Elsewhere

Attention.  Device L-8SE number 6AXC3-5OTR9-9UVQ2 has gone offline.

”And this is important…..why, exactly?”

The device was destroyed from extreme friction and heat.  2.332 picoseconds before its destruction, it was recorded traveling in excess of 61,740 kilometers per hour, and was at an altitude of 66,000 feet.

”Ah!  So the big one has taken the bait, and now we can hunker down and start reeling him in.  Who was our lucky soul who received that package?”

The device was sent to one Martha Kent, currently residing in Smallville, Kansas, United States.

”Ha!  Ahahahaha!  Ahahahaaaand the gifts just keep on giving!  You know, this isn’t the first gift I’ve received from that sleepy little hamlet in the middle of nowhere.  I’ve managed to get my hands on quite a few stocking stuffers from Smallville, believe you me.  Had to make a pretty big mess to get some of them.  But it was worth it, as, well, I’m sure you know.”

Affirmative.  Many of your innovations would not have been possible without the acquisition of xeno-technology first found in that location.

”Ahhh, yes, but there is one gift from Smallville that I haven’t opened just yet.  A gift that may very well prove to be even more valuable…..”

”.....the greatest gift of them all…...Happy Holidays, Brainiac.”

And to you, Mister Luthor.
AndyC Member

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