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Current Daylight Saving Times are a conspiracy to sell analgesics and coffee
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My milkshake brings all boys to the yard... good thing I planted mines.
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...Good lord, when was the las time I updated this?
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BERSERK LIVES
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1 year later... Still in denial. Also trying to set up a discord server.
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I run on GMT+1 Schedule.

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<Snipped quote by Lumiere>

But is he smart enough to know to hide in the first place? I kind of want to have him inadvertently get in.


Just walk up to the guards and dance a jig.
Sir Kay should have drawn his sword back then.
In the meantime, here's a queenly breakfast.
Queen Lamia - Cauldron Keep, Northern Yrdring


The sound of fabric shuffling awoke her from her deep sleep. Lazily, slowly, she began to stretch her spindly limbs in an effort to regain her bearings. Towering columns of smoke dominated the landscape that was revealed, as well as the cold sun who only brought moderate warmth to the land. Yet, inside the chambers of the Queen, the heat that permeated the rock of its surroundings made Cauldron Keep a place to rest, even if one could never rest for long, given how the black volcanic stone castle was sitting under an active volcano.

Some kings in the past had detested it, but for Queen Lamia? It was the perfect power base. Close to large gatherings of mana, with an ashen setting good for her children. Her eyes rested upon the maid who was now trying to brush her hair and offer some clothes to change from her nightgown from. Would she ever suspect that who she was serving found her almost as tasty as useful? The irony made her chuckle so slightly.

Several high pitched roars were heard, as reptilian creatures, larger than any bird took to fly over the hot air and fumes of the mountain, in energetic acrobatic displays. The young and small were always so full of vitality. Surprisingly the maid did not even flinch. She had grown up used to the creatures, and even under their roars she kept on getting her Queen ready.

When all was said and done, however, Queen Lamia's breakfast was rudely interrupted by a man who desired a hearing urgently. Normally this would have warranted a hefty punishment, but men who claimed to speak on behalf of the Gods were afforded courtesies that a lot of other folks would have found hard to receive. He stood in front of the throne room. Rude and with a sense of empowerment. Lamia did not break her stride as she walking elegantly and sat on the throne, now dressed in a regalia of red silk, pelts and gold. Her piercing golden eyes met that with the other man.

He was redder than some of the stones that lied in the belly of the volcano. His robes could barely contain his ... ponderous presence as his bald head shone in the light of the morning. His double chin wobbled ominously as meaty hands covered in rings pointed accusatory fingers at herself. He was being exceedingly rude.

"YOU SORCEROUS HARLOT. KNOW THAT YOUR TIME IS NIGH. THIS HUMBLE SERVANT KNOWS. REPENT AND CONFESS YOUR SINS." He denounced, in a booming voice.

Humble? Any more gold and he would be a crown. Lamia thought to herself, before mentally steeling herself. She felt cold and cramped. Restrained in such a small uncomfortable form. "So...Bishop Bard, is this about the tithes?"

"THESE TITHES WERE THE CONTRITION OF THE CROWN TOWARDS THE CHURCH, BUT THEY ARE A MERE PART OF IT! NO PIOUS MAN CAN STAND THIS FARCE ANY LONGER. A HEIRLESS QUEEN SHALL NEVER SIT ON THE THRONE! BE GONE WITH YOU! OR YOU WILL FACE THE WRATH OF THE GODS!"

Lamia rested her head on her hand, eyeing the furious display. Ferocious indeed. It was no secret the church had taken kindly she was playing with the big boys in what was otherwise a male-dominated society. She also knew that some of the extended family of the king, had taken this chance to erode her standing, in order to seize the crown themselves. An admirable goal, but they should have chosen their opponents more carefully.

"Will it help if I make the payment?" Lamia said with a dispassionate interest.

"IT WILL NOT SAVE YOUR STANDING, BUT IT WILL BE SEEN AS ACT OF CONTRITION." The portly man said. Without further prompt, the Queen stood up, her eyes fixated on the priest.

"All right, I will give your gold. Follow me to the vaults, Bishop. Brandt, escort us and close the door afterwards." The queen said, grabbing a torch and indicated where to make the descent. It was done in silence, among a corridor of black stones that sank deeper and deeper into the earth. Underneath the castle, a massive dome of a cave had been made a vault, a thick steel door covering its entrance.

Oddly enough there were no guards. The bishop did not notice even as the door closed after him. He saw the glitter of gold in the distance. He began to move pretty fast for a man his size would allow, the queen thought. She then started to discard her pieces of clothing silently. He also failed to notice that.

He was too engrossed counting the coins. Something fast and scaly tackled him. A dragonling, one of the most young, was inside the vault. A quick reveal showed there was an entrance on one of the walls near the ceiling. Impossible for a human, but not for a young beast.

"WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS!" The bishop seemed furious, as he eyed the darkness. The queen was gone, her clothes had been set aside. Her voice, however, coyly spoke from the shadows of the vault.

"Oh, technically because the gold is his. The young ones like to play with the glitter it seems... It calms them down."

It was then when the cleric put two and two together. "This...is no vault." The raging inferno of his voice "It's actually a lair..." He said, as he then eyed the exit. The darkness was encroaching him. He could not see a thing. Frighteningly, he invoked the gods for more light. And he immediately regretted it.

"Took you long enough to realize, you fool." said a booming monstrous voice, before a mouth full of sword-like teeth, black as a night, closed upon him.

Upon her exit, a few minutes after, the guard was awaiting. "Your Majesty?"

"Search and destroy every single of these insurgents. I want them reduced to cinders. Thyrax will assist you if need be. But I want people to know this is the kind of thing I do not forgive." She commanded her thrall firmly. And then she recalled something. "I will send Ulf and Carexes once they have finished the diplomatic mission in Wanderneir."

"Ulf? Pardon me your majesty, but isn't he unsuitable for diplomatic purposes?" He answered.

"Exactly. He should be making a mighty fool of himself at the court soon.". Queen Lamia grinned. She only needed a reason to do what she liked to do the most. Conquer and raze.

@Jojo@Eisenhorn@Lumiere

So, do you people want to skip to next morning in the city, or still want to linger in the swamp?
Name: Queen Lamia of Yrdring

Species: Dragon masquerading as Human

Gender: Female

Age: 1500+

Birthplace: The Giant's Dagger, Dragon Valley, north of the continent of Atria.

Current Location: Cauldron Keep, Kingdom of Yrdring (North of Wanderneir)

Physical Description: Lamia is massive and ancient. Dragons are fierce monsters that never stop growing, and her size demonstrates she is far from young. She can blot out the sun of a small town with her wingspan, and has more than enough physical force to crumble castles with her dragonfire and claws. She is a survivor, as her hide and scales are chipped with chinks and even scars from facing other dragons. However, her sheer scale and weight make her somewhat clumsy and a very big target, even when on the move. Thus, she uses sorcery to change and compress her form, usually taking the appearance of one of her thrall races. Since humans are the most common thralls she usually resemble a woman of striking features, with shiny golden eyes and cascading auburn hair.

Mental Description: Dragons are embodiments of pride and greed, and Lamia is no exception. Everything she does, and what she tries to accomplish, is to stoke her own vanity and ego. However, she is a wizened monster, as she has been brought to heel and close to death by the combined might of the unified kingdoms in the past. She knows that as puny as they are, the small races are not to be underestimated, and she changed the usual plunder and terror tactics of the average monster for intrigue, conspiracy and secrecy. Unusual for a dragon, she values blood links with her brood, and is one of the few members of her species to have assembled a semi-stable flock of a couple of young adults and several dragonlings.

She is a decent actress, and can feign empathy and concern pretty well when she wants to. She would be a capable ruler if not for her warped morals and greed.

Background Information (Optional): Lamia was born in another era. Where the lands had mighty empires, and only a far few reaches were out of place of the men, dwarves and elves. She was born in such place, a backward mountain among Mana spires. She grew tall and proud, and like a lot of young hot-headed dragons, she started a rampage as soon as she realized that a couple of warriors with sticks would not be able to stop her rampage.

She was shot out of the sky not a week after, when the different kingdoms showed an unite front. She managed to escape with her life, wounded and crippled, and vowed revenge upon her foes. Over the course of several centuries she avoided being seen or heard, and used that time to slowly but surely plot and hatch schemes to aggravate the fractures between the fighting kingdoms. While she wasn't the only culprit of the entire catastrophe, her touch served to aggravate it. Satisfied and vindicated, she then plundered the now still and dead ruins, and amassed her horde's worth of the treasures of the fallen. She then slept, lazy and proud upon her works. And the world kept spinning. She also raised several clutches of eggs, bringing forth upon the world more of her ilk, which quickly took advantage of the civilization's decline to set their own lairs.

But ... a dragon's appetite isn't sated for long. True, she had an horde. True, she was an elder member of her species. But her lair was located in the middle of nowhere. She wanted more. She bullied a few of her brood to do her bidding, and marched south. Appearing before the King of Yrdring, she presented herself as a sorceress of unmatched might who had brought even the proud dragons to heel. She amazed the court with her wonders, and even managed to gain the awe of the weak-willed heir. Some years later, and after a couple of "incidents", she seized the crown for herself, secretly turning all of Yrdring kingdom into unwitting thralls of the dragons, all while she spoke honeyed words to the masses and raised the kingdom's military power significantly with the goal of conquest of other kingdoms.

Although there's the matter that one of her children was recently felled...
I mean what kind of fantasy world would it be if there weren't crazy old people?


A teenage fantasy.
Long enough that there aren't even a lot of elves that were alive during it.


The ones who are alive are completely senile and have the habit to speak in songs. Also bothering adventurers with stupid quests for no reason.

Now tell me it's wrong, I dare ya
Was kinda drained.
Sir Kay


Kay gripped his reins as he focused on the road ahead, watching Gerard Voss ramble about Saker's Keep politics. Was this what they call town pride? While he had described formidable defenses, sir Kay thought that even that would not be able to fend off some of the enemies he once himself had faced. He absentmindedly patted the chestpiece of his armor.

When the other traveller greeted them, Sir Kay was quick to reach for his blade. Something was not right with the newcomer. It did feel out of place. He didn't look too human. Plus those linguistics... they were quite anticuated. Still he did not seem hostile, nor had any obvious hallmarks of evil, and had shown himself in a greeting. Was he ...actually a she? He didn't know.

"Bonsoir". He replied in the same kind of greeting. "There seems to be quite an influx of travellers in this swamp, mister Voss." He looked at his improptu travel partner. "I did not think slimes were that much of a fancy among the folk." He reiterated as he then eyed the new companion.

"Traveller, the road is treacherous. You should join us as well in reaching town. The numbers will offer safety from any undesirables." Kay added, urging the newcomer to come with them. "I am sir Kay of Stony Cross, by the way." He finished as he resumed his march.
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