Britney.Williams | |
---|
"A strong herbal tea with just a splash of bourbon."_______________________________________________ ................................................................... | Look, I get it—everybody’s all aboard the fuck Britney Express these days. All my homies hate Britney. Well I’m gonna go ahead, stand my ground, and date myself when I say, “Leave Britney alone!” Without Britney and her spooky knowledge I’d be dead. If you didn't do the things you did to those people they’d probably have been dead too. Think about it, without it they wouldn’t have any of those, uh, emo fields to protect the big snake dick from fucking with their brains. Sure, look, I’ll agree: the no consent part was way uncool, but it beats being dead. Britney, you’re part of the team, and even if you fumble every now and again know that I got your back. |
Drake.Blackmore | |
"Bro, you know it’s time for jagerbombs!"_______________________________________________ ................................................................... | It’s like nothing ever changed. Your like a brother to me, but like in that way where you’re both old enough to realize that each of you is kind of a cool person and not in that way where one of you gives the other one a wedgie so bad it rips your underwear. Which, to be clear, is something that has never happened to me, shut up, we’re talking about you, Drake. It’s so good to be around this guy. It feels like the best years of our life were frozen in place and comes unfrozen when we’re together. You were always so fun. Usually, anyway. Real, um, real damn shame about Jade. Look, bro, if you wanna track this fucker down and do some street justice I’m one hundred percent behind you all the way. You’re Michael Jordan, I’m Tom Brady. I know they didn’t play together and it was totally different sports, but what I’m trying to say is that we’re money. |
Alizée.Altieri | |
"A gin and tonic for the young lady with a fresh squeeze of lime. Huh? Oh yeah I totally put my heart and soul into this one ."_______________________________________________ ................................................................... | Okay, okay, okay, okay. Let’s just take a moment right now and lay down a couple of ground rules. As we already discussed earlier, ignoring consent is something ol’ Sullybobs here isn’t gonna be cool with. Alizée, girl, like I get you got this Void thingy attached to you and it needs to feed on life energy or something but…okay. I’ll admit. I don’t get it. I got a magical cup. Why don’t you just get a magical cup? Take that Void thing, stir it up real nice, find yourself a glass, and put it in that glass. Boom. Problem solved. At the very least if you’re gonna go about sucking strangers dry just dig through some forums and find the people looking for that kind of experience. They’re out there. Probably. I wouldn’t know. What I do know is that if you wanna play on this Coven, you gotta leave those normies alone. . |
Eksa.Thresh | |
”Guiness, obviously. Ow, ow, I’m joking! I’m joking. Some unpronounceable scotch with a splash of water to open it up, just the way grandpappy drank it."_______________________________________________ ................................................................... | Eksa, I want you to know before I say anything else that I am trying my best. You know I respect you, you know, as a bi woman, as a black woman, as a Scottish woman, as a credit to her industry whatever…whatever it is that you actually do there. It’s all a bit too complicated for me. But I’m sure you can explain it to me because you were always so kind and patient with my dumb American ass and I just gotta say how proud I was to share the field with someone as brave and as strong as you. If you ever need anything just give Sully here a call. Eksa, darling I guess what I’m trying to say is that I would always, always, always be there to give you a hand.
Fuck, no, I didn’t mean it like that! Eska! I swear! That one wasn’t on purpose this time! |
Linqian.Han | |
"Here’s my Bud Light buddy! Oh, right, you’re my Miller girl now. Sorry, Henikenen? Right yeah, fuck that shit, Pabst Blue Ribbon it is!"_______________________________________________ ................................................................... | Ayyyyy, alright, let’s go let’s go! I don’t care what the haters say, Linqian is one of the funnest gals in the Coven. I mean, she can absolutely go from zero to fuck you in no time flat. Some people say that’s a bad thing, I say that’s exciting. Keeps the dynamic fresh. You know, just try to keep the hair pulling and eye scratching to a minimum, it does kind of send a bad message to the new recruits. But they just don’t know you like I do. You know, get a couple drinks in and she just lets the fun social butterfly side out and everything’s cool. So glad you made it back. Sorry, uh, sorry I didn’t make it to the funeral. Work’s been, you know, um…anyway...how about a drink? |
Luca.Oliviera | |
"Luca’s turn! Someone get the beer bong, my mom’s gonna kill me if I ruin another varsity jacket. "_______________________________________________ ................................................................... | You know you’re fantastic, Luca. A positive attitude is the one thing I think that we can always use more of, and you got that shit in droves. Now I know that I kinda left you all high and dry after the battle with the Stygian Snake, but that doesn’t mean you can’t rely on Sully. If there’s anything, anything, anything ever casting a dark cloud over that sunny disposition just let me know and we’ll come up with a way to make it go away. Air hug, brother! By the way, do you know if Olivia is coming back? I figure you’d be the one to know. She’s a real sweetheart. |
Sloane.Faris | |
“Nothing? Really?"_______________________________________________ ................................................................... | Look, Sloane, I get it, you didn’t like how lightly I treated the situation but look, if you want Serious Sullivan you got Serious Sullivan right here: those people could not have done what they did if all they ever had was doom and gloom. Now, I’m not saying we gotta sugarcoat things, but a little bit of levity helps way more than a whole shitton of evidence saying that we’re screwed. Now I appreciate what you did for us but you gotta stop pretending like being a cheerleader is a bad thing. People need light to get through the dark. Now c’mon on, put your hand in and give me a “Go team!” just this one time. I won’t tell a soul. |
Tayla.Choi | |
"Can I mix it with what? Um, yeah, next round. Right now you look like you need a water."_______________________________________________ ................................................................... | Tayla you were hands down one of the wildest partiers in the good old days. Like you always amplified that bitch up to eleven and, honestly, I’m not gonna lie you even out partied me sometimes. Like, look, I don’t wanna get all afterschool special with you, but I heard about the shit you got into after I left and, I don’t know man, it just kind of broke my heart. You know obviously I’m happy you ended up getting your shit together, but I really wish you’d talked to one of us about it. We’re a family, you know. Me casa is our problems, or however it goes. Now you better bring that daughter around to meet Uncle Sully. You know I’m great with kids! |
Finn.Reid | |
"Motor oil. Just kidding, I know you like gasoline. Oh c’mon Bella, it’s a joke. We’re having fun! Bella! Bella c’mon!"_______________________________________________ ................................................................... | Look, Finn, buddy, I think I owe you a bit of an apology man. Back then I was under the impression that we were just playing around with all the robot jokes and the beep boops and, you know, I thought you were in on it. Having done a little growing and maturing of my own, I realize now that we may have taken things too far. Dude, I just want you to know that it doesn’t matter, you’re part of the team no matter what. So now that we buried that, I always wondered…you and Bella, like, you guys did right? Because I’ve seen some convincing documentaries on the internet about step siblings and… |
"Edict".Devola | |
”Vodka tonic but it’s actually just soda water, right? Go ahead, buddy. Don’t worry. It’s definitely not Everclear. "_______________________________________________ ................................................................... | Oh, mister wise guy here! Mister smooth operator here! Gotta say, bro, it was a pretty confusing time of my life and having you stir around my emotions like it's a martini didn’t really help. Honestly, I just think you’re kind of a creep and while I’ll still acknowledge that you were a valuable member of a team you definitely still give vibes of being the weirdo that chooses to wear the mascot costume because it lets him hang out with the cheerleaders. And like we all know you did it so dude, just do yourself a favor and admit it. It’s water under the bridge anyway, so stop pretending like you’re something you’re not. |
Kali.Mahendra | |
"What Greyson had? Okay man, but fair warning, it’s straight Everclear."_______________________________________________ ................................................................... | Kali, Kali, Kali…oh right, Kali. Yeah man, no I remembered you, of course I did, you were, uh, definitely there. Totally there. Hey look bud, I mean we can reminisce about all the good times we had together that I one hundred percent remember but really I wanna talk about you right now. Because you’re saying some stuff and doing some stuff that makes me think that maybe, right now, you just need someone to be a friend and listen to you. So, you know, if there’s anything you need to get off your chest, I’m your guy. Oh, yeah, cool, you’re with the FBI? Oh interesting. Okay, well, anyway, like I said, it was nice meeting you. . |
Simone.Le.Fay | |
"Alright, finally somebody is going to margaritaville. Frozen, I know. Soothes the throat."_______________________________________________ ................................................................... | Simone, you expanded my taste in music by like a thousand percent but I said it before and I’ll say it again, T-Pain has the best singing voice on this earth. Period. Don’t let the autotune blind you. I’ve seen footage, it is a fact! But if I’m being honest, it kind of felt like it didn’t matter what I thought. I’m not trying to start anything, like you’re entitled to your own opinion and allowed to do you own thing, but it felt like you never really wanted to be part of the group. Now I value what you did and I do think of you as family, but sometimes you gotta horse around with the others a bit to really build up that feeling of comradery. You know, crack a towel on someone’s ass or smack someone in the balls–metaphorically speaking. You know what I mean? You know what I mean. |
Clancy.Patrick | |
"Hey kid, want a soda?"_______________________________________________ ................................................................... | You say Ashely is family, kid? Well hell, the way I see it makes us family. Forget the soda. You want a beer? |
Jack.Hawthorne | |
"A dark ‘n’ stormy? Dude, nobody’s watching. You can drop the bit."_______________________________________________ ................................................................... | Look, Jackie Boy, I get it man. Magic’s real and all and that’s totally awesome but you know what’s also pretty powerful? Catching the rays of a beautiful sunshine, tossing a ball around with a couple of buddies, cracking open a few cold ones. What I’m trying to say man is you’re too focused. You need to diversify. I’mma break it to you right now, bro, because I think you’re one of those dudes who thinks jocks and nerds are different, but man, jocks and nerds are exactly the same: they hyperfocus on one thing and that alienates those around them. But that’s important man. You cover one side, I got the other. Still, like, I don’t know man, let’s go for a hike, maybe do a little fishing, and you can tell me about whatever the hell this The…Thel…The-Llama thing is? |
"Everleigh".Thorn | |
"Pick your poison. Arsenic? Ha ha, good one. No really, what do you want to drink?”
“What do you mean it’d be like Jonestown?"_______________________________________________ ................................................................... | Okay, Eve, this is getting a little too intense for my blood right now. Listen, I really dug the old peace, love, and understanding girl I used to party with. You always had some of the best bud. Honestly, I can even kinda gel with the whole fuck-the-man, fight-the-system style we’re working with these days but man, you’re kinda scaring the shit outta me right now. It feels like you drew a line and then just yeeted yourself a mile over it so like, what if maybe we were to redraw the line, stop it just short of complete and utter anarchy, maybe dial the extremism back down to just around “kinda passionate”, and like, set that as the new standard. Like, let’s at least have the protest first before we go off and start a purge, okay? |
Leon.Richoux | |
"Straight whiskey? Damn straight! Ruff ruff, that’s what these big dogs do!"_______________________________________________ ................................................................... | Leon, you are straight up just the coolest dude I know, man. Back in the day you were like my idol, my mentor even, guiding me at the gym, at school, and on the field. I feel like it’s because of cool people like you that I didn’t fall into the shortcomings of becoming that asshole, bully jock by showing me that you could both be popular, be on the team, and still be your own damn person. Now I know that it’s been a while since we really hung out, with you getting a little too busy to kick it with the old crew these days, but I ain’t mad. Yeah, no, I’m real happy for you, yeah, you know, cool to see the gym’s doing well, the boxing career is stellar. Yeah, it’s just, you know, for me like sports kinda just became whatever, right? You know, like I’m busy with other stuff now. But I am really glad you’re hanging around again, you know I love you, man.
Plus you got a hot mom, bro. Look, I don’t even swing that way, but for Lynette? Shiiiiiit, oui oui, mon ami, you might have to start calling me Pops. |
Stormy.Carson | |
"Another seltzer water for my DD! You do have my keys, right? What’re ya talking about? Who the heck did I give them to, then?"_______________________________________________ ................................................................... | Look, man, look, I get it, you’re in the right, you’re always in the right, there isn’t anybody I know who has never been more in the right almost all of the time besides you, Stormy. So know that when I say this, it comes out of a place of respect as your friend: you gotta accept that sometimes it’s okay for something to go wrong. Losing ain’t a bad thing; it’s motivation. It’s what keeps us hungry, keeps us feasting. Now I know you’re a beautiful, tough son of a bitch, but you will be beaten down sometimes. And when that happens, I’ll be right there for you to lean on because I know you’d do the same for me. But you gotta give Britney a break, okay? |
"Lyss".Burns | |
“See, like I said, you aren’t the only one capable of making zombies."_______________________________________________ ................................................................... | You know, I just gotta say it was really refreshing having someone come find me for once asking to join the Coven. Honestly, just nice to not have to give the spiel again. Look, now I could go on and on with praise for how you coached your little undead players or how you gave it 110% when it came to that final tussle with the big bad evil snake guy, but Lyss, I gotta bone to pick with you. I do. No, really, this is serious, dead serious. Look, it’s because of you that I gotta lie directly to my mom’s face, telling her that she makes the best meatloaf when you and I both fucking know that ain’t true. Compared to that final meal you made for all of us my mom’s meatloaf is like eating a damn hockey puck. I’m having dinner with her Sunday. I can’t keep up this charade. Please, give her some recipes, please. You need me to beg? I’ll beg. Name your price. Whatever. |
Anya.Baksh | |
"Anya. Anya! Anya, Anya, Anya! Where are you going? We’re getting blitzed! Anya! Hey, Anya!
Huh, maybe she didn’t hear me."_______________________________________________ ................................................................... | Anya you ever notice how weird it is that we didn’t hang out more? Like, if I didn’t know any better I would think that you didn’t even like being around me. Look, it’s cool if you don’t wanna party with the crowd or don’t enjoy getting shitfaced, but there’s nothing wrong with a little relaxation. You can’t always be about business and magic all of the time. I mean, look at me, I’m about neither of those things and I’m still making it in this world. Kinda. But what I do know is that nobody makes it without having a team behind their back. Like, you can be the star player, but if you don’t have a true squad watching your six it doesn’t matter how much of an ace you are. So come on, play with us. I’m sure you can have some fun. |
Adora.Phoenix-Prescott | |
"Right, I got my dudes, you got your bitches, and this puppy is full of Bud Light. We’re finally doing this: FLIP CUP CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH RIGHT NOW!"_______________________________________________ ................................................................... | I feel like you and I are cut from the same cloth, girl. But listen, you gotta take a second and be more considerate before you start running your mouth or you’re really no better than the bullies we tried to shut down. Still, I gotta respect the teamwork and hustle you displayed with Vanessa and Clementine, and I really appreciate you watching out for Lisa and bringing her out of her shell. Man, I still can’t believe she’s gone. If I’m being honest, I sometimes feel like it’s my fault that she died. If I had been in better positioning I could’ve been there to heal her with the Chalice. Like, that shit eats me up some nights. Still, we gotta keep pushing on for them, you know? |
Layla.Hyacinthus | |
"Hey, kiddo, how about we just start off with a nice protein shake?"_______________________________________________ ................................................................... | Look, Layla, now I appreciate anyone who wants to be part of the team, but you gotta understand that there’s nothing shameful about cheering from the sidelines. In fact, it’s the voices from the sideline that gives us on the field motivation to push on when we’re feeling defeated, no matter how quiet and small that voice might think it is. Now it might sound like what I’m saying is that I think you should stay out of the way, but that totally isn’t it. In fact, I have an idea—Stormy’s a good guy but he’s a little thickheaded and tends to get in too deep. Would you mind watching his six so old Sully here doesn’t have to keep running back and forth to heal his ass? |
Evelynn.Serenelight | |
"Hold on, hold on, I’m getting a message from the spirits. They’re saying…Long Island iced tea? H’okay, just be careful. They’re stronger than they taste."_______________________________________________ ................................................................... | Lynn, I just gotta give it up to you—you’re the unsung hero of the Coven. Everybody always wants to give it up to the main players for why the team is doing good, but I know that it’s the people coordinating things from the side that really shaped our victory. We couldn’t have done it without you. Plus, your indecisiveness gives me confidence when it comes to my own inability to make up my damn mind. Like, shit, Lynn can’t even pick an option and she can see the future, so it ain’t so bad if I waffle for a little bit longer, know what I mean? Anyway, I don’t need a fortune teller to tell me that there are bright things in store for us now that you’re back with the squad, buddy. Need me to top off that flask? |
Lila.Blackwood | |
"Oh sorry, didn’t see you there. Here bro, finish this for me? I shouldn't have gone one-for-one with everybody…"_______________________________________________ ................................................................... | Hey I don’t think my opinion here really matters or not but I just wanna say that I’m happy for you, Lila. Like obviously it’s not a one-to-one comparison, but as a gay dude who spent longer than he should’ve in the closet and still feels pressure to present as if they’re a straight man in certain company it’s nice knowing somebody who’s so open about this stuff. However, this doesn’t take back how I felt about all the bird shit there used to be on my truck back in the day. Like goddamn, that bitch was almost white after every meet-up. All those years of becoming a vet better have taught you how to put a diaper on those birds, Lila, or I’m gonna recruit you for scraping duties. Still, shit aside, I’m glad we got to you before the Snake’s cronies could back in the day. Good to have you back. |