John & Thea
Location: Vikena Estate's Billiard Room
âI appreciate it, really.â John nodded. Seeing how she was much more restrained, willing to admit her fault, and willing to talk, it gave him a little bit of hope.
âCan weâŚâ He gestured to the maid of the estate. Without John finishing his request, the maid stepped aside and let the two into the currently empty billiard room. Thea had taken one more glance at Charlotte before slowly following John into the room.
John waited for Thea to enter before closing the door, but stood right close by the door as he began.
âWell, health-wise, you look ok, so no need for a follow up for todayâs canceled appointment.â He said, glancing at her briefly. Aside from swollen eyes from crying, nothing seemed to be out of the ordinary, giving him a breeze of relief.
âUntil the next time you drink too much.ââMainly though,â He sighed, looked down on the floor for a brief second with his hand on the back of his head.
âWhile this might sound like something your mother would tell me to doâŚtrust me, I wanted this out of my own volition.â He said, hoping to clear out any misconception she would have about what comes next, but he knew he could only go so far. He was really banking on her sincerity, or that he thought she would, here.
âI notice youâve been drinking a lot recently. A lot more than what Iâm used to you doing.â He leaned onto the wall with his hand on his wrist.
âDo you want to talk a bit about it? Doesnât have to be now.âThea felt her jaw clench some as he made his assessment, unsure why she initially felt irritation about it. It was good she looked good health-wise, wasnât it? That irritation was quickly forgotten, however, as his next words hit her. Her gaze fell to the floor, finding it hard to make eye contact with him now and hadnât realized her arms moved to wrap around herself uncomfortably. She immediately thought of last night, of her drunken confession to Felix, then to today and the letter. She felt panic trying to sink its claws into her, but she tried to fight it off.
âI-I donât know what you mean, youâŚâ She began as she shifted uncomfortably, but trailed off as she realized something he said. He was asking this out of his own volition? Did he actually care about her wellbeing? The thought brought an odd feeling of warmth to her chest which only served to confuse her more. Could she actually speak to him about it? What if?
âIâll only end up scaring you off as wellâŚâ Her words came out as quiet as a mouse, betraying just how broken she felt as tears now slipped down her nose once more and hit the floor.
John kept silent. The droplet did not escape him, but he pretended he didnât see it. He let a moment pass, carefully choosing his words, considering and reconsidering. In the end, he shrugged his shoulders lightly.
âYeah I might be scaredâŚâ He replied.
âBut itâs whatever. Iâll stick around anyway.â In a way, it is true. His impulses would say Theaâs not scary to appease her, but people did scare him in many ways. Many ways. But what is important is that his feelings donât matter here.
âItâs not easy. I might not know how to help you specifically even, and you may not know it either.â John sighed.
âBut Iâd like to see you better. Not cause thatâs what your mother told me, but I believe youâre a nice person at the end of the day.â Not that he believed, but he knew. He had heard the stories. And he cared about it, more than he professionally should, and quite sadly more than the people around her who should have. Her goddamned brother, the duchess, hell even the prince.
His words caught Thea off guard and her eyes shot up to look at him, the shock there evident. Did he mean that? Would he actually stick around even if her problems scared him? Could she actually trust him? She studied him for a long moment, mind whirling as she went back and forth on what to say. What would she tell him? What
could she tell him?
âI donât know if I was ever a nice person, but sometimes IâŚâ She paused, trying to work out her words in order to express things properly.
âSometimes I truly miss who I was, the one who people turned to for comfort. The girl who everyone always saw as kind and sweet and loving. I miss herâŚâ She paused again, brows furrowing as she thought about this.
But I also hate her.â The truth in this confession felt like a weight being lifted off of her, but also like a stab to the gut.
âThat girl hid a lot behind those things and so Iâm glad sheâs dead and gone, but now I donât know who I am and no one else seems to either. Who am I supposed to be, John? Because no matter who I try to be, Iâm never good enough and Iâm tired.â Tears fell freely now and she no longer made an attempt to hide them. This was her, this was the girl who had been beaten down and broken for years and now didnât know how to pick up the pieces and put them back together.
âI donât know exactly.â John glanced away for a moment.
âBecause I feel like if I say something, it would just be the same kind of pressure that others have put you under.â âYou are subservient to us.â
âYou are a nobody.â
âThis is why nobody likes scientists like you. They think with a bit of knowledge, they can talk back to us.â
âYou said you miss being a kind, sweet and loving girl, but glad that part of you is past you. Youâre ok with getting rid of that, is it that youâre living someone elseâs image of you thenâŚâ John said, and he was about to open his lips to say something but quickly sealed it shut. âOr the image of your familyâ was what he was going to say. He observed this in her brother Leo too. Living to preserve the veneer and prestige of a dysfunctional family. But saying that might be too much.
Why was she glad that part of her was gone? Thea opened her mouth, but nothing came out for a moment as she thought about what would be proper to say. Then it hit her, even now she was thinking of what was
proper to say.
âItâs because that version of me was a lie. I chose to appear happy to keep others from worrying about me. I had to appear that way to keep my mother from having more stress. I had to act like everything was okay to protect Leo. I had to convince everyone I was fine so my father-â She cut herself off there, mouth quickly shutting as she took a deep breath to calm herself as she was getting worked up.
âAppearances mean everything to my family. Go fix your make up. Hide your crazy and act like a lady. Youâve got to keep it together even when youâre falling apart. These were things I was taught from little on, but how much can one take before they snap? This is what I was feeling underneath all of that.â She let out a sigh and looked down, ashamed of herself and who she was.
So now she was swinging to the exact opposite. He wasnât sure how much of her drinking was actually her being herself, or was it her trying to prove that to herself. Regardless, hearing her confession about her family, despite him already knowing this, only made him angry. Despite his initial positivity towards the duchess, the more he learned about her, her husband and her relationship with her two children, the more he could tolerate her behavior. This was abuse, and family images were no justification.
âI donât blame you snapping at all, really.â He replied.
âIt sucks being royalty.âHe crossed his arms and rubbed his cheek a little.
âYou know what, are you free later in the evening? Iâll take you out to a restaurant. None of that obnoxious medical stuff. Just the two of us, chilling, enjoying some good food.âHis next words hit Theaâs ears and she slowly looked back up to John, blinking a little in surprise.
âIâŚActually Iâd like that very much. Thank you.â She finally said, a small and genuine smile actually lighting up her face now. She hadnât realized it, but perhaps this was exactly what sheâd needed.
âAlright, sounds good~â John replied ecstatically. He was expecting a worse outcome to the talk, but it actually turned out pretty well.
âIâll be available around 8. From then, I canât tell you what to do, but try to avoid reading the news or public gatherings. I went to one this morning, andâŚwellâŚâ He burst out a chuckle and a headshake as he remembered what happened.
âThey arenât the best people, let's just say. Iâm pretty sure you have better people you want to hang out with as well.â He leaned his head in a gesture towards the door. Charlotteâs a good person. You can tell a lot about her from her worst moments.
âWell, I have someone I need to meet in a bit, so I better get going.â John checked his pocket watch, before looking back at Thea.
âThanks for hearing me out today.âTheaâs brow furrowed a little, but the smile remained as she looked at him questioningly.
âWell youâre going to have to tell me about what happened at dinner tonight because now Iâm far too curious. I promise Iâll be ready by 8.â She began moving back towards the door, but paused when she was next to him. Before he could protest, Thea threw her arms around him in a hug.
âNo, thank you John. Thank you for actually caring and helping me, even though Iâm often a bitch.â Just as quickly as she hugged him, she let go and gave him one more smile before heading back out to where Charlotte was.
He was a bit taken aback by the hug, but gave her a bright comforting smile. It felt good helping someone.
âYouâre very welcomeâŚâ He left that along with a pat in the arm as she went. Heâd follow her to Charlotte, but to excuse himself and make his departure from the Vikena estate.