LadyAnnaLee — Roleplayer Guild

Darin did not sleep as well as she would have liked. It was hot and she was still unsure about what was going on in her brain and how to make it shut up. She was also worried about what would happen if that one woman told Ridahne about what she had seen. Then again, Ridahne didn’t come storming in, so Darin could only assume that the warrior had not found out about the farmer’s knuckles. The human’s sleep was restless until she finally gave up right as the dawning started. This was the second night in a row that her own self-doubts and the heat had kept her up. Though it wasn’t completely the heat’s fault. The night they had been with Hadian had been just as hot. The only real difference was that she hadn’t been sleeping near Ridahne.

Darin slowly walked back to her assigned room with hay in her hair and bags under her eyes as she thought about that. For the past year and a half, it had been her and Ridahne against anything that came against them. Now that they had made it to Tasen Ajoran was here and Ridahne wasn’t spending her time with Darin. Was Darin jealous? She thought she might be, and she was mad at herself for that. It wasn’t far to Ajoran. More importantly, it wasn’t fair to Ridahne. The human had known this day was coming, the day that the two lovers were reunited. She hadn’t wanted Ajoran to reject Ridahne. She wanted to be happy for them. She was happy for them. It was just that she felt like an outsider … like an awkward guest … like … like … like. Like being back home.

Darin stopped as she let out a sound of half realization half shock and all dismay. That was exactly it. Back home her only real support had been Thomas and Milla. They had both been her friends. There was no other word for it. They still weren’t close friends and while Darin could and would rely on them, they had other friends besides her. They had duties that Darin understood couldn’t be ignored. They had each other, just like Ridahne and Ajoran had each other and others and jobs to do. There were other similarities. There were the elders and the Sols, both groups wanting Darin to be someone or to do something that she wasn’t sure she wanted to be or even could do. Both groups looked at her with expectations in their eyes and questions in their voices that she wasn’t sure she could meet, that she might not want to answer. And here, like there, she felt alone as she went about her work and day, part of the group, but removed by factors not entirely in her control.

She was supposed to talk to Ridahne about this. Darin knew she was supposed to talk to Ridahne about things like this instead of bottling it away and running to hide, but what was she supposed to say? How could she take Ridahne away from her fiancé to tell the warrior that Darin felt jealous of the man? How could she tell Ridahne that she felt like she was drowning in her desert home when her friend was so excited to be back? How could Darin do that? How could she be selfish like that? She had had Ridahne to herself for a year and a half. Ajoran hadn’t even seen her for just about two years and hadn’t even known that she was coming back to him?

Darin forced herself to resume her walk before she started hitting the wall again. She just needed sleep, and maybe a bath, and maybe some food. And, she thought as yet another person ducked their head towards her and called her Astra-Sol, she needed people to stop calling her Astra-Sol. Logically she knew it was a sign of respect. Logically she knew they meant know harm. It just she wasn’t a Sol, an Azurei matriarch. She was The Seed-Bearer of Astra, a caretaker to be for all of Astra. Except she didn’t think she wanted people to call her Seed-Bearer either. She got to her assigned room and fell face down on the bed. She’d try for more sleep before true dawn came and then go look for Ridahne. She wasn’t sure what she was going to say, but she had promised not to run, and she would do her best to keep that promise.
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