In their pristine, white mansion, a haven of safety and serenity, but also completely minimal in design (aside for the man of the house’s closet and gym), Danny Belmonte, shooting guard #7 of the Boston Celtics, had blasting out of his bluetooth speakers
Here We Go by Lightmuzik. He had been up for hours now, seeing how he had a regime he couldn’t break even if this was supposed to be a day of relaxation.
He was in the kitchen almost done making breakfast for himself and his wife. A nice, hearty breakfast. Omelets, English muffins topped with raw honey and a pinch of ground chia, and plenty of blueberries. In his activewear, he swayed around the kitchen, grabbing their filled plates and bopping to the dining room table. Regardless of what he and Jillian were going through, he wanted to remind her that he still loved her and would always be there for her, in whatever way she needed him. That’s what they promised in highschool and he was someone who never broke his promises. If he said he’d always be there for someone, through thick and thin, that’s exactly what he’d do. Be there.
For a good while now, he had been battling creeping thoughts of his own happiness and debating if he was where he wanted to be. The more he and Jill climbed, the more it felt like they weren’t where they needed to be. Everything went according to their design and yet, as perfect as it all seemed, he knew deep down, he couldn’t love Jill in the way she deserved. He loved her. Of course, he loved her. But that love was of a man who watched his best friend blossom into a beautiful and strong woman. That love wasn’t passionate. That love was simple. Easy. It was safe. That love wasn’t the kind that made him want to run back home. That love was that of friends not lovers. And they’ve been married for a few years and nothing’s changed. If anything, the one thing that has changed was they couldn’t pretend anymore and their life was made for pretending.
Today he had more bounce in his step and that was likely because they were going back home. Something they didn’t do often even if they lived only an hour away. In the calm of the morning, in the privacy of their humble abode, Danny and Jill could be their most authentic selves, putting the masks down, talking about anything and everything that was forcing them to lose sleep. Danny had noticed lately that Jill had been distracted. Just like she planned, she went from BC to Harvard Law. Just like she planned, no one asked when they’d have children. Jill had a way of shutting others down the moment they even asked too personal of questions. Just like she planned, no one tried to unravel their secrets, like the arrangement of them having an open relationship to satiate their urges, so long as it was kept locked tight.
It helped that she was friends with Kylee Grimm and no one wanted to make that girl their enemy. To this day, Kylee scared him. He couldn’t tell if she was heartless or she actually cared which is why she was ruthless. Regardless, Jillian Belmonte always had a solution for all their problems. Recently though? She could barely keep her thoughts straight. She was scattered and lost in the depths of her mind. Danny wanted to know what was up and if they were on the same wavelength, they just hadn’t discussed it yet. Quietly, he poured orange juice for both of them and then proceeded to make Jill’s morning coffee. Just how she liked it. Briefly, he glanced at his wrist watch, expecting her soon and finished setting the table. Soon she’d be here and soon they’d get to talk. He eagerly waited for his wife to exit the bedroom, all dolled up and ready to conquer her day. He eagerly waited for Jill.
The wait wouldn’t be long given the smells that were wafting through the halls and up through the second level. The aroma and honey and blueberries were already mingling in while Jillian was touching up her hair. She prided herself on her looks. She wasn’t going full Elle Woods during her law degree, but she would make Reese Witherspoon turn around and give her a knowing nod as if her life depended on it. It was down to a science at this point, and the routine never wavered while she was in her palace in the Boston suburbs. Some carefully brushed shadow, one thick run of liner, smudged into the lid, the big mascara, the ruby red lipstick, her skin already perfect, the porcelain untarnished, she made it look effortless. Her hair had already been brushed to a fine wave, her light white cotton top was a perfect fit for the warm weather, and her butt looked damn good in those jean shorts. It was a shame she had nowhere in particular to go today, but that would certainly not be the case in an hour or so. Olivia would have something. Or Kylee. There would be somewhere to be, someone to impress. Even on the slim chance that it was an actual day off though, she could at least look good for her husband.
The off-season was one of her favorite times of the year, since it meant she would have Danny all to herself. The road trips for basketball business were kept to a minimum and all the places she wanted to go were on the docket. Not many law school students got to take breaks by going to the Maldives or Ireland or Italy. But even still, there was something about their respective schedules that did allow them to focus on what they needed to do. Danny’s NBA career was on the upswing and she was breezing through Harvard. They were a true power couple on the rise, with brighter things on the horizon.
So why wasn’t she happier about it?
This is all she ever wanted, right? Sure, was Danny on her radar as that potential Prince Charming in high school? Not really. Not until junior year did he officially cross out of the friend zone and into something much more. She followed in Allison’s high-school footsteps heel for heel, controlling the Clovers and the control of information with a bit of help from her friends. She was top of her class at BC. She was on the fast track to the state house and beyond. But there was still a hollowness to it. Maybe the long lonely nights from the fall to the winter were getting to her more than she let on. It did seem like she took greater joy in telling her girls about her latest triumphs than her husband. Even on her wedding day, which was a lovely occasion back home that started at the lake and ended in a reception room filled with catering from every business in Edenridge (even if the Belmontes insisted Italian had to be front and center), it felt like it should have been something more than it was. Like Danny never truly left that zone, with the memories of being kids keeping something in check. Those feelings had been growing during her time in Belmont. Maybe that name just had connotations she didn’t take into account when she picked the place out. Jillian was increasingly distracting herself with her friends’ business. Olivia and Kylee were in constant contact updating her about things. Same with Lanie, and Allison, although they weren’t as frequent. Hell, even Mei was keeping her abreast of her latest developments with Devi… So why didn’t it feel like she had the same passion that they did?
All those thoughts stayed in the mirror though as Jillian gave one last kiss to herself before sauntering down the stairs where the breakfast awaited. As she blesses the dining room upon arrival, she got a glimpse of Danny in full and had a smile plastered on her face.
“Mmmmm, morning Danny. Everything smells just right. What did I do to deserve such a breakfast… and such a man?” She was really laying it on thick today.
Stoic as can be, learned behavior from his father, now that he was no longer alone, Danny finished setting the table, which included their espresso shots, orange juice, and water, turned the music off so there was nothing but silence surrounding them and pulled out Jillian’s throne,
“Only the best for my Queen.” He volleyed back, knowing this dance all too well. These kinds of sweet nothings and pleasantries were not a sign of happiness for Jillian and Danilo. No. Even if they didn’t say anything, they knew each other long enough to feel that their chosen partner had a lot on their mind. That they weren’t happy.
After she took her seat, he kissed her cheek and whispered into her ear,
“You look beautiful.” As always, he complimented her, which she didn’t need to hear but it was a habitual routine of theirs. It was his way of outwardly showing he cared. They didn’t have any prying eyes but the more he did it, the more it would become true, right? She was very much beautiful to him and she deserved the world, and Danny had promised himself, since the beginning, he would show that every day. However, he also knew that he wasn’t the one that should be giving her this treatment. He knew these words and these actions all felt empty because she didn’t want them from him. A coffee can be made the same by two people but the one made by the person you loved tasted ten times better because that was a necessary ingredient to life. Love.
Both Jillian and Danny loved each other but not in the way that set their hearts ablaze. He loved her, but not enough to make her dream and think of him and that was the same for him. He loved Jillian but he knew, deep down, that he settled because it was the perfect life, the ideal painting, everything he could and should ever dream of. She was the perfect choice. The perfect partner. The perfect wife. Jillian O’Brien was perfect and to the outside world, she was perfect for him. Once he was done pushing her in, like any gentleman would, he went to his seat, across from her. Grabbing his table napkin, he flapped it open and laid it on his lap.
With his knife and fork, he cut a piece of omelet and tasted his cooking. Somewhere from highschool and now, he learned how to not burn a kitchen down and maybe it’s because Jill pushed him to greatness and made him want to be better, or maybe after the loss of his mother, he wished he had learned sooner. Regardless of how he learned to cook, a small smile did creep on his face. It wasn’t half bad. He was getting better.
“So,” he finally started.
“I checked your calendar and it looks like you’re free today…” he took a moment to take another bite, chewing in silence.
“I was thinking we could do something together.” As Jillian tucked into the sumptuous breakfast bounty laid out before her, she nodded.
“Mmhmmm, yes, I don’t have any meetings on the docket at LLC today,” the redhead confirmed as she enjoyed some of the fluffy omelet. It was certainly a better job than some of Danny’s previous attempts. Thankfully their downstairs bathroom had the ability to digest what she couldn’t from back then.
“I think they’re finally starting to let up a little bit.”She did like those days when it was just the two of them. As helpful as having Maya and Kendall around the house was for cleaning and cooking, they couldn’t talk to Jillian the way Danilo could. Although talking wasn’t coming very often lately. Sure, they talked about the things in front of them, but it was so different from the conversations they had when they were teenagers, or even kids. Just able to meander in each other’s company, without a care for what the other would think or what the topic’s importance was. Everything now was tight and almost functional. A byproduct of their respective paths, but it was difficult to bear without the presence of the Belmonte man for the majority of the year. Especially the cold New England winters. More often than not, if he had a game, by the time he was done with the press and the cooldown rituals and back home, Jillian was in bed. The 8 am classes required her full attention, and while her makeup game was practiced as Danny’s jump shot, it still took time. So a rare day like this could be exactly what they need to make sure there was still a spark of something there.
Or determine if it was extinguished for good. Sure, they would always be friends. Danny had done nothing to convince Jillian that anything would change that. The worst thing she could think of would be sleeping with her sister, but Grace actually held to her word as far as she knew. Danny was never touched. Instead, Jill got that honor in senior year.
However, maybe it was because Danny was basically the only man Jillian had ever known that made the ennui more present. Was she missing out on something? Olivia had been around with a few men before settling on Quinton Woods as her partner. The two were planning another rendezvous to Paris in the fall to celebrate their two years of marriage. Of course, having to choose between Olivia and Mei in regards to who she sided with in regards to Q and his previous relationship with Miss Midnight left a sour taste in both Jill and Mei’s mouths.
And it was that taste that she thought about during those lonely nights in her bed, trying to drift asleep to the sounds of Danny’s exploits lighting up ESPN Sportscenter’s nightly recaps. There were times when there were thoughts in her head, thoughts that she had shared before under the unbreakable pacts of slumber parties with the girls that would eventually team with her on the Clovers and beyond. Thoughts that she even expressed physically a couple of times. Kat was a willing partner, as was Mei, but the second Danny confirmed things, those thoughts had been quelled. Recently, they were back. The loneliness was the subject of a few conversations with Olivia, Kylee and Allison lately. This could be a chance to remedy that. Or at least take something off the full buffet plate her mind had been the past few months.
Speaking of the plate, a bite of muffin was next, washed down with some water.
“I would love to have a day together, just you and me. Did you have something particular in mind that you wanted to do?”His question was a test and it looked like Jill had failed it, clearly having forgotten about the importance of this day. They had plans and it was on the door of their fridge being held by a magnet, in the form of an invite and a picture of Beau smiling like he had just written a bestseller book.
“Yeah, I do, but the likelihood of us having me and you time is very unlikely, Jillian.” He said matter-of-factly. Grabbing a couple of blueberries, he tossed them one by one in the air and started catching them in his mouth. Once the mild distraction came and went, Danilo never having grown out of his childish tendencies, he focused on his wife, once again giving her his undivided attention (which wasn’t really all his attention, his mind as of late rarely on her),
“You really don’t remember, do you?” His expression was perplexed, as if this was surprising news, but it immediately shifted to acceptance and a shrug, like he should’ve known better,
“I guess that’s to be expected since you’ve been a busy girl chasing a feeling but that’s why I made sure to get your schedule adjusted so you had today open. There’s no way I’d miss this for the world.” It was a rare instance when confusion appeared on the face of Jillian O'Brien, but when it did, it was tough to hide. She was used to seeing it on Danny, but those remarks combined with the face brought it out of her. She stopped eating for a moment as she tried to think about what she could have possibly missed. Was Nat back in for a visit? The Belmonte family had plenty of events to keep track of, and even Jill had trouble keeping up. There wasn't much for the O'Brien household to keep tabs on with everyone fanning out after her father's death. No, it couldn't be a familial event.
As she struggled to come up with the answer, finally it dawned on her. Allison had mentioned a big event some time this month. A big gala that the community was coming together for. But what would Allison be worked up enough about to…
"Oh… OHHHHHhhh. Oh right! Beau's retirement party! Wow. I totally forgot about that…"It made sense for Allison to want to give the man a proper send off. It could be argued that if Beau hadn't broken up the party on Carlisle Street that night, Allison would have ended up in the hospital. Or worse. In all honesty, Beau did a lot for his adopted community. Jillian didn't discuss much with the former English teacher and now cafe owner, but he was always willing to listen. Still, his retirement didn't really register on her mind. That's what happens when a person is hyper-focused on something else.
"I didn't know if you wanted to head back to Eden tonight or not. I mean, I am definitely able and willing to go! I'll have to pick out a better outfit than this, obviously, but yes, totally. We can do that. We can have a date night another time." Danny nodded at his wife, both coming to an agreement of their duty and making an appearance in Eden which had become less and less each year. He had barely touched his food, which wasn’t something he usually did; always keeping up with his health and wellness, making sure he stood in tip top shape for his career. He couldn’t help but search Jill’s expression and see if she really did want to go or if this was all just her forcing herself because he wanted to. He could keep the conversation going. He could ask her if she was sure and bring up the elephant in the room. The clear tension between them because of their lack of lust for one another. He could do a lot of things. He could be happy. Instead he chose to keep things as they were and asserted,
“It’s decided then. We’ll head there tonight.” Putting his fork down, he grabbed his phone and began texting a few people, his attention having already left the dining room to think of better things. As he texted Mikhail, his co-captain and dear old friend, to see if he wanted to meet up at some point, he firmly suggested,
“You should wear your tiny black dress. It looks hot on you. You gotta’ remind everyone why you reigned supreme. But also,” he stopped typing for a moment to lock eyes with his wife.
“Black suits you,” he smirked.
“You don’t wear it enough.”A wry smile cracked Jill’s facade as she chuckled softly. The ginger goddess was not exactly known for her blackened wardrobe, but she had worn it well in previous eras. For a time in sophomore year after her dad passed away, she draped herself in enough dark shades that Mei even told her she had to lighten up a bit. No one could mourn forever, even for someone as integral to the community as Shane O’Brien. But the Celtics (the NBA ones) made black and green look damn good together.
“Well, between all the red for Harvard and the green for the Celtics, black hasn’t had many chances to get in there,” Jill admitted.
“But if the Bruins can make it work, I suppose I can as well. But I don’t want Beau to think I’m there for a funeral. It’s his retirement party, right? It should be a celebration.”A celebration that had slipped her mind completely. Was Danny right? Did Jillian lose touch with her Edenridge roots already? She hadn’t been in Boston that long. Sure, BC was a wild ride, a chance for her to prove herself to the greater Massachusetts area that she was more than just a pretty face and a worthy cheerleading captain. But just because one rises from the mud to be put on a pedestal doesn’t mean she can completely forget what shaped her?
“The right accessories could make it pop though. Maybe that emerald necklace to show that I still have the heart of a Celtic? I’m starting to get some ideas. If Olivia is going tonight, I can coordinate with her and Kylee to make sure the outfits are on point. Show that the queens are still in control of things?”“Is Jillian Belmonte asking for my permission or telling me how things are going to go tonight? If you go green, we know I have several ties to match.” After pocketing his phone, he checked his wrist watch, a clear sign he was about to dismiss himself from the table. Ready to go off and focus on his strict schedule, leaving his wife to her own solitude, Danny thought of the hour drive they had ahead of them and all the catching up he’d need to do. Standing up, while wiping his fingers on his napkin, he chuckled to himself,
“I think tonight I’ll try to fit a game in with Mikhail. It’s been awhile since he and I shot hoops together. Bet I still can kick his ass though.” Tossing his napkin on his plate of unfinished food, he cracked his neck, and gave the beautiful redhead a genuine suggestion,
“You should try to meet up with some old friends too. Who knows! Maybe it’ll give you a moment to breathe, from all that studying...” His voice trailed off once more and his gaze was back on his phone, which was now out of his pants’ pocket. As he scanned through sports alerts and social media notifications, he started to clean the table, disengaging and truly believing he did enough to be present and attentive for his dearly beloved. At this point, the two lovers were completely disconnected even if they were great at playing pretend.
An eyebrow was raised from the other end of the table at the question that responded to her rhetorical statement. There was no asking. Danny knew that. Jillian was in control of the relationship from the second the childhood friends made it official. It seemed like that was the way things should work, but it was more of a drain on the Head Clover than she let on. She was managing so many things at Harvard, at home, with Liv and Kylee, and she had been doing so for so long. While Jill was thankful for the support she had through high school with Allison setting such a sterling example, Lanie and Olivia being her right and left-hand women, Kylee being the digger, now it seemed like those avenues were blocked off and everything was on her. Danny was supposed to step up in Boston, but aside from the breakfasts he seemed more distant than ever. Even now, in regards to the party, he was talking about what he was going to do with other people, not even interested in her. Jill should be offended…
But was she? It was tough to tell. Maybe too much of Danilo Belmonte was a bad thing after all. Or too little in her case. They were almost less than friends. More like roommates. She saw him less these days than she did her neighbor at BC that first year, and she was certain he flunked out because he was conducting “chemical studies” in his room way too much. It was sad in a way, but she also couldn’t feel the same things she thought she felt in all those conversations when they were kids. They were supposed to conquer the Bay State, but instead it was more like they were splitting the path to other kingdoms. Hell, she was certain she heard Danny mentioned in trade rumors through the grapevine.
“Well, like I said…” Jill started, an air of annoyance in her voice.
“I know Liv and Lanie will likely be there, Kylee is probably there, most of the people I want to talk to at the party I talk to on a regular basis…” She was trying to think if there was anyone else who would have her attention.
“I don’t know. I’ll figure something out. I hope Grace is still off on one of her ‘art tours’ or something. I’d prefer not to rehash things there. I don’t know. I’ll probably find someone to talk to. Maybe Allison is there with some of the older Clovers.”“Don’t sound so hesitant, babe,” Danny chuckled, amused at how uncertain Jill sounded.
“You’re a socialite and a top dog at what you do. Finding someone to talk to is easy for you. And hey! Maybe you’ll meet up with that crazy ass goth chick you vibed with in highschool.” As he brought his dishes to the sink, he tried to bring a name to a face but couldn’t recollect.
Anyways, it didn’t matter.
He had plans and Jill was bright enough to figure out her own. They didn’t need each other to enjoy their hometown. Danny had better things to do and other people to catch up with that weren't his wife. He loved Jill but at this point in their relationship she was less than interesting to him. Same-o, same-o. Unchanging and always there. Rarely wanted to change things up. And usually so stressed. Uncool and totally not his vibe a lot of the time. Once he cleaned up his area, he made his way to his wife and put his arms on her shoulders, gently massaging her,
“Seriously. You need this. Stop thinking about school and use this opportunity to chill. Okay?” He leaned down and kissed the top of her beautiful red hair before his gears went to something better. Himself.
“Now!” He exclaimed, squeezing her shoulders with a bit of force.
“I have to make a call but before I go, are you done? I can clean up so you can focus on taking a nice scented bath and do all the things you girlies like to do. Shave… self care… whatever.”Whatever. That unprofessional word certainly summed things up in their relationship. Danny didn’t really care what Jill did. Each member of the household was so laser-focused on their own path, their own way forward, the other person could do… whatever.
It was so frustrating for Jill. Every time Olivia and Q gushed about their plans it was always as a tandem. As much as Jill tried to loop her right-hand woman into what she was doing, Q always came in at some point. The synergy there was not present in this house. The redhead could feel it in her shoulders as they tensed under Danny’s touch. It wasn’t an embrace, it was a death grip.
And it was keeping her locked in place until Danilo released her. It dawned on her that maybe Belmont, as well as the last name that was just one letter off, were both one and the same thing. An empty boxcar, keeping her locked in this railway to her goals, but leaving her with nothing in between to hold on to. Did it matter the destination if the journey left nothing to be desired? Maybe that was something she could talk to someone about tonight. But who could she trust? Olivia would tell Quinton. Allison would tell other members of the squad. Kylie? It was possible she could tell everyone. There was a lot to think about.
“A bath sounds nice,” Jill confirmed as sweetly as she could.
“I can relax a little bit and fully picture the ensemble for tonight. I’ll be ready for showtime… and for Beautime.” With that, she cleaned the rest of her plate and left Danny to the dishes.
Alone again.
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