OwO

Expedition to Isekai

According to

______________________

Inaba Rin Identity Rin and her family are the closest thing Kuroshio has to local legends. Proprietors of the local junkyard, everyone in town relies on the Inabas. They can fix anything. Pipes burst in the middle of winter? Car broke down? Your dog is missing? Portal popped up and someone needs to cordon off the area and evacuate? One of the Inabas is one call away. The youngest of the Inabas is no exception. Though, she is a little offbeat compared to her family. While the others were content with merely fixing things that broke, Rin had greater schemes. She fixed problems. Having trouble getting around town? She'd slap an engine onto your bicycle. Bored to death? She'd make fortresses out of cardboard and weapons out of pool noodles so children could reenact 12th century castle sieges. Such was the way of the youngest Inaba. If someone had a mild inconvenience, she'd overdo a solution. Of course, she isn't the most deft person alive. Being raised in a junkyard with broken appliances, unwanted treasures, and scraps for toys does that to a young child. If something doesn't interest her, she's chronically aloof. If something does? She's infected by build-o-mania and does the work of three people. Notably, Rin is quite tall for her demographic at 5'7". Though, she's still a runt compared the men in her family (and freakishly, her mother--the largest of the family). She's also built like bamboo shoots. Peculiarity • Simply put, Rin makes things. She's a renaissance woman when it comes to inventing and tinkering. • Her tools are her lifeline. Her bag is filled to the brim with doohickeys. When they aren't with her, she becomes immensely stressed. • Rin is the head of the Kuroshio Aeronautics Society. The group consists of one member (Rin) who reenacts the Wright brothers.

Expedition to Isekai [Short-Term Dungeon Delving]

what i got

According to

______________________

Inaba Rin Identity Rin and her family are the closest thing Kuroshio has to local legends. Proprietors of the local junkyard, everyone in town relies on the Inabas. They can fix anything. Pipes burst in the middle of winter? Car broke down? Your dog is missing? Portal popped up and someone needs to cordon off the area and evacuate? One of the Inabas is one call away. The youngest of the Inabas is no exception. Though, she is a little offbeat compared to her family. While the others were content with merely fixing things that broke, Rin had greater schemes. She fixed problems. Having trouble getting around town? She'd slap an engine onto your bicycle. Bored to death? She'd make fortresses out of cardboard and weapons out of pool noodles so children could reenact 12th century castle sieges. Such was the way of the youngest Inaba. If someone had a mild inconvenience, she'd overdo a solution. Of course, she isn't the most deft person alive. Being raised in a junkyard with broken appliances, unwanted treasures, and scraps for toys does that to a young child. If something doesn't interest her, she's chronically aloof. If something does? She's infected by build-o-mania and does the work of three people. Notably, Rin is quite tall for her demographic at 5'7". Though, she's still a runt compared the men in her family (and freakishly, her mother--the largest of the family). She's also built like bamboo shoots. Peculiarity • Simply put, Rin makes things. She's a renaissance woman when it comes to inventing and tinkering. • Her tools are her lifeline. Her bag is filled to the brim with doohickeys. When they aren't with her, she becomes immensely stressed. • Rin is the head of the Kuroshio Aeronautics Society. The group consists of one member (Rin) who reenacts the Wright brothers.

Sleepless Nights\\ Iron Cages

@ERode@Abstract Proxy@PerfectThought@Vertigo

IC is up. Main goal is to introduce your characters, establish anything beforehand, and ask questions about the job you're about to perform.

Sleepless Nights\\ Iron Cages

"I don't want to touch it."

"It's not nearly the worst thing you've touched this month."

"Worse than anything I've touched this year."

"I've literally seen you eat worse this morning."

"That was different."

---

At times, Mel's office felt more like an orphanage than a cleaner's base of operations. It wasn't uncommon to see children cleaning the windows or adjusting the letterboards. Mel always said it was charity without guilt; an attempt at making the 10th an ounce better than it normally was. While other offices used phosphor screens to display information, Mel always kept things more physical. She always said that phosphor made her eyes hurt.

Jobs were tracked on the letterboards using codes and ledger books. Usually, the codes were pretty simple to follow. "EXT 800cr" meant it was an extermination with a reward of 800 credits. There wasn't really any need to partition out jobs to cleaners; the steady flow of operations made first-come first-serve viable enough. Taking a job was as easy as signing a name and recording everyone's share in the ledger.

But "SEE MEL" on one of the boards was new. Same with not having a reward listed nor having any information in the ledger.

Mel's office--her private office within the overarching base--was the same as ever. Despite being the largest room in the building, the majority of space had been enveloped with tables, shelves, and most of all, books. Together, they formed a series of labyrinthine passages that forced eyes towards the ground.

Mel was the same as ever behind her desk. She was always busy. Always another phone call to make, always another book to read. Any attempt at getting her attention was always met with raised finger; a signal to wait for just a moment.

Various cleaners came to see Mel about what the job meant. The majority, of course, were met with her finger. Many couldn't stomach the wait and decided to take a simpler job. When Mel finally placed her phone back on the receiver, she gave a look over all of the remaining cleaners. After some brief thoughts, she shooed off some of those who still remained: those known for collateral damage, the inexperienced, the overly greedy. Soon, only four were left. Finally, Mel addressed them.

"Hello lovelies."

Her voice was as raspy as ever. Even though she flashed a smile, Mel wasn't the most expressive person. Her grin always felt like it was someone imitating what they thought a smile was.

"So," Mel began, "there's a rather curious rumour that found its way to me. A relic was apparently spotted at the abandoned theatre at Littown. Of course, rumours are just rumours. Normally, I'd either ignore such a thing or file it for the crown to deal with. But what we're dealing with, beyond a relic, is a book. I'd rather not let a book be to shreds and turned into some mâché. That means I need to get that book before the crown does, hence the vague secrecy."

Mel was always good at showing disgust. Especially when it came to people destroying books. It was one of the few emotions she could actually show.

"400kr per if you check it out. An addition 1600kr if you manage to actually find the book."

2000kr per person was a considerable. For a grade II cleaner, that was about ten jobs worth. For a regular civilian? About half a year's worth of wages.

"But do ask any questions."

Persona ~ Alone at Sea (PERSONA WITH A BOAT 𓊝)

---

Maive was happy that Imogen took her hand. Anger was painful and scary. As was the guilt that came alongside. It was always something that Maive tried to avoid. She was just glad that everything seemed to resolve in some sort of catharsis. As for Sofia's reaction, Maive did indeed have the best hugs in Europe.

That's what her parents said, at least. Usually moments before they had to take a few minutes to catch their breath. She always wondered why they did that.

The two squads managed to reconvene at the coconut trees. Maive was glad that everyone was back together. Though, she was also a little glad that not everyone saw her crying fit. It was a moment of weakness, that was for sure. Unfortunately, her eyes still looked like confectioneries.

Maive took a backseat to the more adventurous members of the group. Honestly, she was tuckered out from her fit of crying. A less emotionally exhausted Maive would have been aware enough to worry about the vanishing soundscape. Unfortunately, this was a Maive that had just gone through a torrent of emotion. She'd need a moment to recover. A nice seat made from dirt and trunk found itself home to Maive. She'd take a little rest before the group decided to gallivant (though that word was probably the exact opposite for anyone who wasn't named Verity) further.

Decibitus

Lucian

---

~1435 | PARIS | FASHION SHOW VENUE

---

Being called "cheese boy" didn't really phase Lucian. He was too busy eating cheese to properly parse out what Vera said. It could have just as easily been "cheese, boy" which was an equally ambiguous statement. So, Lucian did what he did best: he shot Vera one of his patented magazine cover smiles as if she were his photographer. It was, of course, the exact wrong meaning of "cheese boy."

Quite a problem occurred directly after.

His wrist had been grasped; he was dragged away from his earthly delights. In one last panicked hurrah, he grabbed as many cheese cubes as he could with his open hand and shoved them into his pockets. He wouldn't be taken away from them that easily.

What a surprise when his brain cells finally eventually caught up to his current predicament. A familiar face. A desolate corner. A pocket full of cheese.

"I'm dead?" Lucian instantly responded in a puzzled tone. For someone who had the mind of a sieve, simple facts often escaped him. It also didn't help that Lucian's death had occurred during a blackout. No pain, no suffering; it was just waking up in a strange place after binge drinking.

He looked around with a confused expression. There was an odd glance here and there, but it wasn't like the old days when all eyes were on the unpredictable accidentally-a-diva model that took up swathes of gossip articles. He still had to be invisible, right? Even if Lucian wasn't the best at controlling his innate reaper abilities, he still had the instinctual ability to be invisible.

"You can see me, Celeste?" He followed up his first question with another.

Uncharacteristically, Lucian was able to remember a name after so long (or short; he didn't really keep track of time even before his death). Simply put, models knew models. It was like some secret society like the Freemasons. Except, you know, it was full of attractive people. Without a reminder of their past, though, he'd just skirt around any specifics.

He really didn't know what to say. However, in true Lucian fashion, he knew that someone else might.

"Manage-" He paused. She wasn't there for him anymore. Next best person. "Vera?" He spoke out loud with the expectation that she was already in ear shot.

Sleepless Nights\\ Iron Cages

@Vertigo I love Emma. You can put her and her friend(s?) in the character tab.

Also yea, IC probably some time Sunday (within 28 or so hours) since I need to finish some last coursework.

Sleepless Nights\\ Iron Cages

<Snipped quote by OwO>

I'm sorry. Could you possibly provide an example so I can sort the issue out? Rereading my text I'm not really sure what you're referring to, but that might just be because I understand what I'm on about haha.

@PerfectThought

I don't really police writing (god knows how much schlock I've sent erode over the years), but here's my honest thoughts. A lot of it is subjective and whatever since my personal take is readability first (I'm not going to submit collaborative writing to my spirit of James Joyce antics).

RPG doesn't let me annotate things, so you'll have to deal with me speaking in generalities and highlighting specific things deep at 4AM.

Paragraph length is pretty huge. One of the things to keep in mind is that line length is about 1.5x the length of a book. Because of the length, it's even easier to lose one's place in vertically dense paragraphs. I'm not really one for being a stickler for convention. I'm a firm believer of putting prescriptivists in their place. However, when they say that paragraphs should be ~150 words max, this is for readability reasons.

For a quick primer, compare these two for their readability:

Example 1

Identity: Tomtabeg is one of the many children of a fairly wealthy merchant and trader. And as the 6th in line to inherit the family business he was always put on the back burner. He began life being trained into the role of a doctor-surgeon, a profession of enough class to suit his family's status but nothing that might threaten his sibling's firm positions as business mogul heirs and heiresses. However, he paid no mind to this, as he was perfectly happy flying under the family radar and spending his time getting into minor trouble and being an overall daredevil and speed freak. He found himself in the business of Cleaning more as a hobby than as a means to sustain his life. Given he has access to pretty major funds anyway. However, apart from an extensive suite of cybernetics and enhancements, he lives a seedy life. Preferring instead to live the life of a minor criminal than the boring luxury of a merchant's son. By his teen years, he was already extensively modified, both cosmetically and functionally. He naturally picked up the habit of the usage of many different 'mind-altering substances' and a fair few body-altering substances as well. He lives a hedonistic life of savage violence, white-knuckle action, and drug-fueled partying. One might find him somewhat entitled, given he was gifted with so many advantages in life and chose to blow them all on drugs, crime, and action; but he considers it to be a simple matter of rebellion and rejection from the lifestyle the was pre-determined he was meant to live.

Example 2

Identity: Tomtabeg is one of the many children of a fairly wealthy merchant and trader. And as the 6th in line to inherit the family business he was always put on the back burner. He began life being trained into the role of a doctor-surgeon, a profession of enough class to suit his family's status but nothing that might threaten his sibling's firm positions as business mogul heirs and heiresses. However, he paid no mind to this, as he was perfectly happy flying under the family radar and spending his time getting into minor trouble and being an overall daredevil and speed freak.

He found himself in the business of Cleaning more as a hobby than as a means to sustain his life. Given he has access to pretty major funds anyway. However, apart from an extensive suite of cybernetics and enhancements, he lives a seedy life. Preferring instead to live the life of a minor criminal than the boring luxury of a merchant's son.

By his teen years, he was already extensively modified, both cosmetically and functionally. He naturally picked up the habit of the usage of many different 'mind-altering substances' and a fair few body-altering substances as well. He lives a hedonistic life of savage violence, white-knuckle action, and drug-fueled partying. One might find him somewhat entitled, given he was gifted with so many advantages in life and chose to blow them all on drugs, crime, and action; but he considers it to be a simple matter of rebellion and rejection from the lifestyle the was pre-determined he was meant to live.

It's not perfect since I'm pretty much just adding in line breaks to something I didn't write, but using bold and adding linebreaks makes things much easier to read. I didn't really bring this up initially because it comes up less often in posts.

When I say fragments and the like, I mean in a way that the sentence construction makes things difficult to read. Some sentences feel like incomplete thoughts, some are written in a way that make them feel bloated. I'm just going to go down sentences line by line.

Example 3

Tomtabeg is one of the many children of a fairly wealthy merchant and trader.
This is fine; calling him a merchant and trader is a bit strange. Generally, if there's something to inherit, you'd phrase it in a way to denote it. Something like head of a company/corporation/conglomerate/chaebol. But it is also a weird anachronistic world where crown-magistrate is a position.

And as the 6th in line to inherit the family business he was always put on the back burner.
A weird way to phrase it. Probably remove the preposition (And) and add a comma to denote the dependent clause.

He began life being trained into the role of a doctor-surgeon, a profession of enough class to suit his family's status but nothing that might threaten his sibling's firm positions as business mogul heirs and heiresses.
This is an pretty long sentence that is meant to convey information, but gets pretty lost.

However, he paid no mind to this, as he was perfectly happy flying under the family radar and spending his time getting into minor trouble and being an overall daredevil and speed freak.
Another long sentence. When you compound long sentences after each other, they kind of get difficult to track as there's so much going on. Splitting it into two would make it a bit more readable.

He found himself in the business of Cleaning more as a hobby than as a means to sustain his life.
This one's fine. I don't like capitalizing cleaning because it just looks wrong to me, but it's whatever in the scheme of things.

Given he has access to pretty major funds anyway.
I'm pretty sure this is a fragment (I think it's a dependent clause; I'm not the most accurate at identifying them)

However, apart from an extensive suite of cybernetics and enhancements, he lives a seedy life.
This is probably fine. I preposition > dependent clause > independent clause sometimes and I've never actually checked if it's correct to do that.

Preferring instead to live the life of a minor criminal than the boring luxury of a merchant's son.
I think this is pretty weird construction. I think it's a dependent clause.

By his teen years, he was already extensively modified, both cosmetically and functionally.
This one's a comma splice, pretty sure.

He naturally picked up the habit of the usage of many different 'mind-altering substances' and a fair few body-altering substances as well.
You can shorten this a lot (see below). Also, it's pretty weird to scare quote mind-altering substances. It signifies that they weren't actually mind-altering substances.

He naturally picked up the habit of taking as many different mind-altering and body-altering substances as he could stomach.

He lives a hedonistic life of savage violence, white-knuckle action, and drug-fueled partying.
This one's really good. I like this line. It's like it punches me in the face with exactly what he is as a man (which is a very good thing).

One might find him somewhat entitled, given he was gifted with so many advantages in life and chose to blow them all on drugs, crime, and action; but he considers it to be a simple matter of rebellion and rejection from the lifestyle the was pre-determined he was meant to live.
This one is also kind of weird. It has a comma splice and restates some stuff. Making some changes smooths it out. Compare it to:

One might find him entitled given that he was gifted with so many advantages and still blew it all on drugs, crime, and action. Nid, however, considers his lifestyle to be a simple matter of rebellion from his predetermined upbringing.

Also this came up when I was doing a post audit: "its" is the possessive, "it's" is a contraction for it is. It's a curse when you learn this because you start reading stuff as "the earth and it is people" and the like.

---

This post got out of hand pretty quick. I'm not the best at identifying and rationalizing things beyond "it looks strange to me" so it probably has a few mistakes in my critique (plus I wrote it deep in the AM while watching my friends play Dork and Dorker).

Sleepless Nights\\ Iron Cages

So when IC?

@ERode

Probably Sunday since I have courses to finish this week.

Sleepless Nights\\ Iron Cages

@PerfectThought He's fine to put in the CS tab. Just be mindful of your writing since there's fragments and such that actually make it a bit difficult for me to parse things out.