They’d agreed to wait. It only made the most sense. Things were hectic all over and for Jean to drop everything into one endeavor perhaps wasn’t the smartest. She wondered if Scott thought that maybe her feelings would cool, but for days on end they consumed her.
It’s true that it wasn’t her priority. When she had a bit of time she took a bit of an evening flight, dressing in dark clothing and using her telekenesis to roam about while Nathan slept and Scott worked. She was plagued with constant pangs in her heart and visions of one thing or another going wrong at the apartment, but she was only planning on being gone for an hour. She promised herself that much. It was an interesting experience: she had never used her powers for such a long period of time on such a relatively large object, and once she got the hang of it she was zooming about. It had taken her 5 minutes to return from the neighborhood that it took her 15 to reach at first. The biggest difficulty was navigation: she hadn’t been outside much at all at night, let alone at this elevation. She kept her phone on her and powered off, just in case, and put LED lights they had for power outages by her window, set to green and gold, so she’d know exactly where to fly in when she came back.
She hadn’t been flying errantly. While getting a lay of the land was part of the purpose, she also kept her mind out for the green skinned boy. She’d probed rather deeply last time, getting full scenes of his memories that had given him the burning feelings that would cause one to take a gun to an elementary school. While it wasn’t something she liked to do, as usual fearing potential negative effects, it gave her more than enough of a flavor of how he thought, which she hoped would allow her to detect him. Baltimore wasn’t exactly the most idyllic city, and the only place she could think to find who she was looking for was in the worst areas. And with her mind opened, she more keenly felt their bitterness, anger, their fractured minds, the cries of bliss from transient pleasures like alcohol or drugs. She’d intended to stay out searching for half an hour, but had to leave after half that. It was too much for her. It always had been. Those pushed to the dregs of society, those on the bus commute, to walking the streets: everyone was struggling in their own ways constantly. Suicidal thoughts, fantasies of violence and destruction, deep cries of agony behind smiling faces, a weight of heavy anxiety. She managed through her day to day because she’d gotten rather good at shutting it off, turning it into background noise. She hadn’t opened it in a long time, for good reason.
Was it selfish of her to only be trying to help one person? She knew that if she did everything she could for everyone in front of her, she’d break down. She’d done it before, at school she’d tried to push together two people who had silent crushes on one another, but it fell apart. Perhaps it would have gone that way eventually had it happened at all, but Jean still felt guilty and responsible for a role she took that none could ever have guessed at. Wasn’t being a superhero just tackling the loudest, largest problems? Mercifully, she hadn’t crossed paths with anything particularly troubling tonight. She wouldn’t be sure what she’d do if she did, not until she got to that point. She hadn’t really been in a fight before. But she’d have to take it all in stride. Seeing those two lights as she returned home, she wanted to believe in the power of symbols. Finding Nathan to be perfectly alright, she tried to get some rest, but any sleep she found was rather light.
-----
Hopping up the stairs, Jean returned from another day at work, eager to see Scott again. Their disparate schedules was a rough concession, but it made those daily moments all the more of a treasure. A bag bounced at her side, excitement uncontainable as she entered.
Scott popped his head out of the kitchen. “Hey! Hey, what’ve you got there?”
Putting down her things, a bit of apprehension came to her. “Don’t be mad.”
Scaott gave a light smile and a shake of his head as he returned to the kitchen, the smell of his pot of chili emanating through the house. “I can’t get mad at you, not for anything superhero related at least.”
Jean had just turned the corner, mouth agape. “How did you-”
She was interrupted by a soft kiss on the lips, Scott slipping the paper bag out of her hands. “I just knew!” Taking a peek inside, he observed, “Green and gold, huh?”
“I thought that X-genes are just a part of the evolutionary process, so green is a tie to nature. I thought about red because, well, Firebird, but I don’t want to be thought of as aggressive. Gold can be seen as representing compassion and optimism, and that’s really want I want to inspir-oh!” Jean shuffled through the bag of fabric, pulling out a piece of construction paper. “I was thinking about how to hide my identity and came up with this with the kids in class, what do you think?” Putting the piece of paper over her face, she looked through the two big eye holes. The page sat on her nose with two large triangle flaps pointing upward.
“Made with?” Scott raised an eyebrow.
She dropped the page. “Some of them have been excited about superheroes being real, and a lot of them have been anxious. So I thought it would be fun to try and have them think about being heroes themselves. We just used construction paper to make masks.”
“...You exploited child labor?”
“No!” Jean and Scott broke into laughter for a good few seconds. Wiping at her eyes, Jean looked over to see Nathan looking up at them from the other side of his barrier, a clear longing to be with them on his face.
A little while later, they sat at the table, Jean with her laptop, the TV in the other room on and playing Channel 5, all of them with food. They mask was set nearby, Jean stealing glances at it and starting to admit to herself that her design sense wasn’t the strongest.
“I think a mask is a good idea, I just don’t know if you should reveal so much of your face. And how were you going to conceal your voice? If one of your students or their parents or anyone recognizes you then it’ll be a sh...poopstorm.” Scott stole a glance at Nathan, using his finger to wipe some of the food that spilled onto his chin.
“You also don’t really like it,” Jean said knowingly.
Scott admitted, “It might look better when you actually get around to making it properly. Where are you going to get a sewing machine?”
Jean hadn’t made a costume in a while, but it wasn’t as though she lacked experience. “I bet one of the other teachers has one, if I say it’s for Halloween they might lend it out.” Scott dwelled on that, Jean catching a few of his reasonable misgivings. Would they want to see the finished product? Even if they just saw green and gold fabric, if a red haired hero wearing it popped up out of the blue, mask or not… “I’ll figure it out. For the voice though...I haven’t thought about it yet, augh.” She bowed her head, taking a bite of chili and listening to the TV a bit in the lull of conversation.
“- that could have been avoided if law enforcement were properly equipped to fight back against these powered individuals. If we could rely on our civil servants instead of vigilantes and the odd mutant with a conscience.”
Freezing mid bite, Jean blinked, stunned like she’d just received a slap. She turned to Scott, who’d similarly stopped with a spoonful in front of his mouth before dropping it back into his bowl. They didn’t need to exchange a word, both of them standing and moving to the living room to get a better look at the TV. They watched the young CEO of Stark Industries parading about the stage decorated with metal men in various colors with weapons out and visible on many of them. The name said it all: War Machine. Jean leaned back in her seat, a trembling hand over her face. Scott gripped the arm of the couch, veins bulging from his hand.
“He- he did not just-”
“Can’t take the mask off if there wasn’t one in the first place!” Scott leaned forward, heel bouncing on the ground. A few feet away Nathan let out a low whine.
“People are saying the police need to be de-funded and he calls it War Machine! He said law enforcement, didn’t he?” She paused as he did. And the crowd continued to clap and cheer. That was the worst part. She felt her insides crashing down, each clap like a sledgehammer to an old mansion. It made her sick. Disgusted even.
It took a minute or so for them to gather themselves. “Jean, I’m sorry for ever doubting you.” He put a hand on her back, stroking it softly. “If you weren’t going out there, after seeing that I’d be the one figuring something out.”
Jean’s breath was starting to steady, but each deep breath still shook her. Looking back at the screen as Tony introduced his War Machine pilots, she caught the suit or armor sitting as a centerpiece. “I’m so glad I didn’t go red and gold, ugh.” Scott managed a smile, pressing his forehead against Jean’s shoulder. “The ‘odd mutant with a conscience’, oh what I wouldn’t do to give him a piece of my mind.” She clutched at the air before storming from the couch, giving Nathan a reassuring kiss on the forehead and snatching another bite of food. Taking him in her arms, she floated his high chair and their bowls of food back to the living room, Scott watching with awe and trepidation.
“So what, they’re going to put a War Machine in every major city in the US? I have to buy half my school supplies for my one class but the BPD are going to get a shiny new toy to crash through the Basilica.”
“Or we’ll just get fresh take on the Gun Trace Task Force. Dear god if someone takes a joy ride in that thing...who thought this was a good idea? A whole room of the smartest minds in the countr-”
Scott stopped dead as the next exposition began, a mammoth in red and purple emerging: a bona fide mech straight out of the pages of science fiction. Its face and shape were roughly human, yet it displayed no humanity whatsoever. Bolivar’s Tasks words didn’t carry any either. ‘Human problem’, ‘DNA scan’, ‘mutant gene’, ‘registration’. Each of these words and phrases sucked all the air out of the room. She and Scott went deathly quiet. Hand trembling, Scott turned off the TV. Their bowls were placed down, the contents destined to grow cold. They didn’t have much appetite any more. Jean stood for a moment, picking Nathan up. With a flash of her mind, the paper mask on the table fluttered into the trash can and she sat back down. Scott wrapped his arm around the two of them. She looked into his sunglasses before leaning in, pressing her head against his chest, feeling his warmth, so needed right now to stave away the cold fears gripping their hearts. She gently stroked Nathan’s back, holding him close. She knew she and Scott were thinking the same thing. If Trask’s Sentinels rolled out, there would be no hiding. So Jean wasn’t going to hide, come hell or high water.