Rabidporcupine

Feast Fantasy

@AwesomeZero5
Nah no worries in that area, I reckon it's safe to say we're kind of used to slower replies here!

Feast Fantasy

@AwesomeZero5
Eyo! Doing alright here, what's up on your end?

《 H. E. R. O. 》

Joseph

@LilSwifty@DClassified

"Now, I know what you might be thinking." Joseph said to the still very much unconscious reptilian man slung across his shoulder. "You're probably thinking something like 'No way man, I don't wanna go to prison, it's all boring and cold and shit!' But you don't need to worry about that. I hear prison's actually pretty nice this time of year. Not that I know for certain though, because the only time I've been to prison, I was being held illegally, and it was basically one big rat king of human rights violations. Compared to that, this'll be a walk in the park!"

It might have been strange that Joseph took the criminal to a normal prison rather than Coldwater, but honestly, from the stuff he'd heard, both in and out of his own dreams, he felt like he shouldn't condemn anyone to something like that. At least here the most unpleasant thing he'd have to deal with would be the three canine cops.

Speaking of whom...

"Hey Copberus." Joseph called to the three, who were already in the lobby for whatever reason. "Got a guy for you. Tried to rob a cornerstore, out by... Brookside, somewhere... Anyway yeah, I'm sure you'll figure it out. The investigation's your job, I'm just here to pawn the guy off to you. Think fast!"

As he chucked the guy to Officer Bulldog, because out of the three he looked like the one who could probably take it without being knocked over, he turned to see a... kind of familiar figure entering the precinct.

"Oh, hey... I wanna say Tarzan?" He greeted Samson, who to be fair, hadn't had an interaction with Joseph in a little while now. Maybe the point where he was delirious in the helicopter flying back from Mexico, but with his mind the way it was at the time, he didn't really think that counted. "Anyway, my rapidly dilapidating memories aside, whats up? Don't say Tom, that's my joke and I'll have to arrest you if you try to steal it. WHICH, speaking of, is why I'm here myself, as I was just passing by to drop this guy off after he decided to rob a cornerstore and got beaten up by the Cashier. After that, I can return home to rest in peace and-, shit, I left the groceries at the sto-"

And at that very moment, he heard a small, high-pitched whine in the back of his head, and looked dpwm to see the rune in his pocket activating.

"Oh wow, nice timing..." He mumbled to himself, before sliding his hand over the runes. "Well if it isn't my good friend Cashier, to think you were that desperate to see me again... Well I'm sorry to say, but I'm afraid there's only room in my heart for one, and that spots already been taken by one particularly unfortunate colleague of mine. Very flattered though, honestly."

《 H. E. R. O. 》

Joseph

@LilSwifty

Joseph watched as the cashier took down the would-be thief with surprising ease, and slowly slid the rune he'd been discreetly pulling out back into his pocket. She actually did better than he'd expected, even managing to blow the smoke through the fabric of the balaclava to reach his mouth, while also flustering the poor idiot too much for him to react properly. All in all, he was pretty impressed.

He looked behind him when she referred to a 'Piss Breath' while looking in his direction, but it didn't look like anyone was there. Oh well, he supposed everyone had their little quirks, although whether or not hallucinations could be considered little probably differed from person to person.

Because she definitely couldn't have been referring to him. Nope.

"Well, I've gotta say, that wasn't half bad..." He said, leaning down to take the balaclava off the man, revealing a lizard-like face that, in all honesty, probably shouldn't have been able to fit under the balaclava the way it did. "Huh, I don't think I've heard of this guy. Oh well, I'm sure something'll come out of it later when I've brought him in."

After inspecting the lizard-man and removing any other weapons he had on him, including a pair of honest to god gunchucks, he stashed them in his shopping bag and turned back to the cashier.

"Hey Cashier, nice job." He said, before pulling a new runic array out of his pocket and handing it to her, pointing specifically to the rune in the center. "If you can't find a new job somewhere else, press a drop of your own blood into this symbol here in the center, and it'll let us talk without having to worry about phone numbers or anything like that. I'll talk to Powers when he gets back from France. I reckon he'll be interested in someone with... I'm guessing some kind of wind manipulation?"

He shrugged.

"Oh well, whatever. If you're ever interested in a job at HERO, use the rune and I'll organize a meeting. Or just go to the Lucky Cow at some point and ask for Joseph if you wanna do it the boring old fashioned way. Old man there knows me by name, so he'll be able to give you my number."

And with that, he grabbed the unconscious lizard man and slung him over his shoulder, put the milk, bread and eggs in his shopping bag with the mans guns, and left to take him to the station, not quite managing a grin, but the small smirk spoke volumes to how he was feeling.

After all, he'd heard rumors about there possibly being a recruitment bonus for anyone who brought new heroes in to HERO, and he was itching for some more money to not pay rent with...

《 H. E. R. O. 》

Joseph

@LilSwifty

"Well, aren't you just the most pleasant person I've ever had the joy of interacting with..." Joseph said tiredly as he endured the waves of emotional abuse the winged cashier had decided to subject him to. "You treat all your customers like this, or am I some kind of special case?"

Without waiting for an answer, he shrugged.

"Well, whatever. Luckily for you, everywhere else was sold out, so this dump is all I've really got."

Luckily for everyone involved, he decided not to get a drink today. He already had a good stash back home, not to mention that he had just noticed the prices of what he was buying and-

"Jesus. The hell kinda daylight robbery is this?" He asked, an actual frown beginning to appear on his face. "Hey Cashier, next time you see your boss, tell them they're a dipshit for me, won't you?"

However, before he could pay, he realised he'd also been asked to get bread, and while he was... hesitant... to get it here, the Hag had promised that if he didn't come back with all everything she'd asked for, she was gonna actually start acting on his lack of rent payments.

"Hang on, I've gotta get bread." He said, trudging over to a shelf he'd noticed while entering, just out of view of the door.

Coincidentally, it was right at this moment that a new customer entered the shop, although this status was somewhat questionable considering the balaclava and pistol combo they had going on.

"Open the register." The robber said with a slight growl to his voice, pointing his gun at the winged girl as if he wasn't even afraid of her potential superpowers. Meanwhile, Joseph sent the cashier a look that, while still clearly tired, seemed to ask the question 'Do you wanna take care of this, or should I?'

《 H. E. R. O. 》

Joseph

@Hitman@LilSwifty

Ok, Joseph supposed it was about time to admit it. He had no idea where he was. Seriously, how the hell did he manage to get lost? He'd been here in the city nearly ten months now! That should be enough time to get used to the place! Hell, he couldn't have even been far from home! He'd left maybe fifteen minutes ago! This is why he didn't like getting up in the mornings!

"Fine, whatever, let's just get back to it. Gotta go shopping for breakfast stuff at one in the goddamn afternoon... Because the feckin' Hag couldn't just send out a robot to do it, right?!"

It was times like this that he wished he had a phone that could actually use google maps. Although this was Brookside, so who could say whether or not satellites even reached here. Hell, he was surprised they got clean water after some of the places he'd seen there.

He was briefly distracted when he saw a surprisingly non-shit car parked in a nearby alley, and decided to keep walking before the scavengers converged on it and picked it clean. But then he saw one of the shops that made up that alley, and realised that it was probably the kind of shop he was meant to be looking for. Even if it did look kind of shit.

"Heeey." He said, walking into the shop. For a brief, solitary moment, he thought he was about to end up in a fight, but then he remembered he was in Brookside, and Seraph was too much of a stuck up shitbag to come to a shithole like Brookside, let alone the matryoshka-esque shithole that was this store within the shithole that was Brookside. "You got any milk or eggs n' shit here?"

More importantly, would they look as bad as this place when he found them? Because if so, he'd better try and look for a normal shop before he somehow managed to get himself involved in some kind of stupid, miserable, plot-furthering shenanigans...

《 H. E. R. O. 》

Joseph

@Jumbus@KiwiTime@datadogie

“Oh shit.” Joseph said, his eyes widening in worry for a second as he spun away from the retreating villain to Starbright, Ava and the others. “Is something wrong, Abba? Are you hur-”

However, his face went blank when all he saw was an Ava that, while definitely somewhat bruised and battered, just seemed more grumpy than anything bad.

“Ah, what the hell Jojo, I thought she was actually hurt.” He said, before walking over to Ava. “Hey Avdol, are you ok? I know you're probably upset she got away, but don't worry. You did a good job. And if you need someone to chomp on, you could always go for Jojo. Not me Jojo though, that one.”

He gave the mutant girl what he hoped was an encouraging pat on the head, before wandering off to try and find some plants to shoot.

Just Another Hero

Yo I was joking before, I might give it a shot.

《 H. E. R. O. 》

Joseph and Brie

@Jumbus@KiwiTime@Scarifar@datadogie

Brie stepped outside the bar, groaning inwardly at the bright sunlight. It was far too early to be awake, especially in her state. Most people would see the dingy alley she had stepped into and fear for their safety, but Brie simply glared at the patrons who were stumbling into the bar for their first drink. She sipped on her coffee, contemplating how best to make her way over to New Athens. Normally she could gather a decent amount of speed while running, enough at least to get over there fairly quickly, but there was no way she was doing that today. Tapping in a number, she waited impatiently for the call to go through. "I need a lift." She pronounced suddenly, without even a 'hi' or 'how you doing?'. "Can you get to Brookside?"

”Huuuuuuh?” Joseph grumbled into the phone. ”The hell is that, telling me to come get you without so much as a ‘Hey Joseph my dear, badass pal, you up?’ How the hell am I meant to get my beauty sleep when everyone keeps trying to wake me up? It’s only…”

He glanced up to look at the cheap, digital clock, which told him that it was in fact the early hour of nearly 12:30.

”Motherfu-... Fine…” He sighed, getting off the cheap hammock he called a bed to try and find a shirt that didn’t bear the scent of whiskey. Unfortunately, all three did, so he decided to just settle with the one that stank the least, chucked on his jacket, some jeans and his helmet. ”Hag! I’m heading out!”

“Don’t come back until you can afford rent!” The old hag in question shouted back from somewhere in her workshop, and he promptly sped off on his moped to get the young hag who’d called him out.

It only took a few minutes for him to reach the bar, sending Brie a lazy wave as he slowly drove up to the sidewalk.

”Heeey.” He said, chucking her a spare helmet. ”So I guess we got called out or something?”

Brie managed to catch the helmet just before it hit her square in the face, eyebrows raised at the moped Joseph had arrived on. “That’s your ride? Looks like a gentle breeze would topple it over.” She continued to eye it warily for a moment, before shrugging her shoulders and hopping onto the back. There were worse way to die, she supposed.

“Mm yeah, something about Ambleweeds. Not sure why HERO insists on sending those alerts so early in the morning.” She continued, ignoring the fact that it was about noon at this point. “Powers is going to kill me if I don’t get more credits this month, so figured they’d be an easy job.”

”I’m sorry, did you just say we’re out here because of a few ambleweeds? Joseph asked incredulously. ”Why the hell did we get a big alert for that?”

As he drove, he started looking at his phone to find the closest group. When he was what it was, he smiled to himself. Today might not be so annoying after all…

Well, not for him, at least.

“Hey, guess who just so happens to be not too far from us at this very moment?” He asked Brie, before shaking his head and shoving his phone back into his pocket. “Actually no, don’t. It’ll be funner as a surprise. But in the interest of keeping to my personal motto of ‘Always be prepared’, if you have any jokes about light, get them ready now.”

He paused for a moment, before adding something that was probably more important.

“Also hold on.”

And then he pushed the moped to it’s top speed, which thanks to some tinkering from his horrifying landlady, was far beyond what a vehicle of it’s type should normally be capable of. Hell, maybe more than a motorcycle should be capable of.

Brie frowned as she tried to figure out where he was taking them, “Aw come on...do we really have to…” She groaned as it dawned on her where he was going. It was her fault really...she should have known better.

“Didn’t know you were such a fan of his.” Brianna said with a smirk, holding onto the back of the Moped to stop herself from flying off, “You know that you’ll probably have to line up behind all the other teenage girls, right?”

“I mean, we don’t have to do anything. We could just turn around and go back to the bar if you’re really that opposed to it.” He said, before his voice turned deadly serious. “But the thing is that I heard there’s a camera crew there, so everything we say goes out to the world. Considering that, I’d say it’s our duty to go there and send out the rallying cry for all the people who think they’re making fun of the idiot alone. We’re not just doing this for fun, we’re doing this for a cause!”

He took a hand off the handlebars to place it over his chest as he said this, before quickly putting it down to stop the scooter from swerving around, giving a quick shrug.

“Besides, I wanna get his autograph so I can forge his signature. Big celebrity like him gives me a lotta options, you know?”
Finally, after about ten minutes, he caught sight of… Well, no ambleweeds, but they were fighting something that looked kind of familiar…

“Hey everyone, I made it.” He called out to the group. “Please, please, hold your applause, I’m just here to do my job, which is apparently playing taxi for this alcoholic here.”

He jerked a thumb over his shoulder at Brie as he parked, before looking over at their opponent.

“So, it’s you again...” He said, deciding not to clarify whether or not he actually knew who she was. “Listen, I know he’s a big celebrity so he’d probably be too worried about his PR to outright say no to you, but I don’t think he’s into robots, right… Joestar?”

Ignoring the fact that he’d just casually said something he was absolutely not meant to say, he looked back to Skylar once more.

“Besides, are you sure you want someone like him? Have you not heard all the gross rumours about this weirdo?”

《 H. E. R. O. 》

Joseph Moore

Name
Joseph Moore

Hero Name
Rune

Nicknames
Dogma (Former)
Dogman (Former)
Doodle
The Struggler
Lazy Bastard

Gender
Male

Age
22

Date of Birth
December 26th

Physique
Not much to say really. About 6'4" in height, short brown-grey hair, seemingly permanent stubble, eyes that can charitably be compared to a dead fish most of the time. Lean but fairly muscular, not that anyone ever gets to see it.

Blood Type
O-

Occupation
Hero

Side
Hero

Affiliation
H.E.R.O

Tier
D-tier at the moment, and hopefully it'll stay that way.

Personality
Joseph is someone who most people would probably find fairly unpleasant when they first meet. If he decides something isn't particularly important or exciting, he's more likely to just lie around with that same old dumb expression on his face while he waits for someone else do it. He can often be heard grumbling about small things that have happened throughout the day, and it's not rare for him to find the exact wrong thing to say to someone. He should under no circumstances be trusted with large amounts of money, as he will see some random knickknack, mention how he can't see any use for it whatsoever, and promptly purchase twenty. If not that, it's probably wasted on alcohol. Many of these negative traits can be traced back to the crushing guilt and regret that comes from his failures during the leftover attack on Granborough. For example, a large part of his laziness comes from an aversion to the idea that people can safely rely on him, believing his more effective powers are too risky to use unless there's no other choice.

However, despite what he thinks about himself, he will always find some way to appear right when you need him. If you ever need someone to talk to, he'll find a comfortable spot to lie and listen to whatever you have to say. If your or anyone else's lives are in danger, he won't retreat even if it means risking his own. And if you ever think you aren't worth it, ever think you'd rather just let yourself die than drag everyone else down with you, he'll be there to call you an idiot for thinking that way.

Backstory

Hidden because longish

Joseph has been fighting for almost as long as he can remember. Discovering his powers at a young age, he was quickly swept up by another powered child, Hannah Washburne, who promptly pressed him into service upon learning that he was also like her. Instead of the life of peaceful, quiet life he had hoped for, he spent his childhood hunting leftovers in the forests and mountains surrounding their small town with a girl who was already loud and terrifying without her powers, which increased her physical capabilities as she grew angrier. By the time they were fourteen, there were three things he understood well. The first was how to fight leftovers of almost any kind, using creative combinations of his runes along with various forms of conventional weaponry or even every day objects to take them down effectively even when Hannah wasn't around to simply push a tree onto it. The second was that Hannah was most likely the scariest being he had and would ever encounter, leftovers and villains be damned. The third was that, no matter how scary she may be, there wasn't anyone else he'd rather have to watch his back.

However, around that time, the pair began to notice what seemed to be cult-like activity popping up around town, and quickly changed their activities, alternating between their usual hunting over leftovers and doing what they could to investigate and possibly disrupt said cult. It was during one of these missions where they encountered Eleanor Finch, a shy but excitable girl who had been a classmate of the pair since kindergarten but had rarely interacted with them, and her cousin Kyle, a sporty boy who was the type to try and cheer other people up even when he was sad or scared himself. This was currently in full effect, as the pair had stumbled upon the cults activities and been captured, where the cultists apparently intended to sacrifice them to draw in nearby leftovers, which seemed to be the object of their worship. It also turns out they had powers of their own, although theirs had only recently manifested, with Eleanor being able to give life to small inanimate objects such as dolls and have them help her with whatever she needed, and Kyle having the ability to create forcefields, which he could shape and manipulate even while projected to a certain degree.

Despite some initial grumbling from Hannah, it wasn't long before the two were absorbed into the group, and the four continued to do the jobs Joseph and Hannah had previously done before. Another boy, Louis King, occasionally lent his support by helping the four formulate their plans, although he never quite ended up joining the group properly both due to his lack of powers and the fact that Hannah, unlike with Eleanor and Kyle, never actually ended up trusting him. However, the five of them seemed to be making good progress in preventing the cult from performing any further sacrifices or similar activities against the townsfolk. This all came to a head when they were seventeen. An absolutely enormous horde of leftovers was spotted emerging from the mountains just half an hour out from the town, and it was clear that they were heading directly for the town itself, not just passing by. There was little time to evacuate, so the four teenagers knew what they had to do, no matter how suicidal it seemed. Scared for what must have been the first time in years, Joseph made the reluctant decision to use a runic array that, while he hadn't fully tested, was their best bet to carry them through the siege. This was encouraged by Louis, who knew how skilled Joseph was at creating his runes, and told him he was sure this one would function just as he thought it would. Despite some initial nervousness from Kyle and Eleanor, they both eventually agreed, reasoning that it might be their best option. Their powers had grown considerably from the early days, sure, but with this many enemies, they would need ever advantage they could get. Hannah on the other hand had trusted Joseph's abilities from the beginning, and was the first to accept his plan. And so, with their plan in place, the four unofficial heroes of Granborough set out to meet the approaching horde.

It was a disaster.

By the end of the day, the town had been all but wiped out, with over three quarters of the population dead. Hannah had disappeared, Kyle was left without an arm, Eleanor was in a comatose state, and the cult had brought about the creation of what they called their 'goddess of destruction', Calamity. All because of Joseph's runes. Hannah's distrust of Louis had been well placed, as he had been manipulating Joseph from the start. It turns out that he was, in fact, the leader of the cult, who believed that normal people were too lazy, relying on those with powers to solve all their problems and keep the world in the same boring state as it's always been. Instead, those with powers should create a new world, and Calamity would be the one to do it. Kyle, who had always believed Joseph to be smarter than the rest of them, was enraged at him, thinking he should have been clever enough to figure out the mans manipulations. Even if Kyle hadn't thought that, Joseph also blamed himself, because if he had just looked for another way, or decided to use a different rune that he knew for sure would be safe, he could have avoided all of this.

And so, after ensuring that Kyle, Eleanor and the townsfolk would all be relocated safely, he left. Abandoning his old life and identity, he wandered across the country, surviving off odd jobs. During this time, he outright refused to use any but his most basic runic arrays, for fear that there may have been some horrible side effect he hadn't considered like the rune he used in the siege. However, eventually he realised that he couldn't keep wandering forever, and has finally settled in the city of Castleburg nearly four years later. He managed to find an old storage shed he could convince the owner of to rent out to him as a cheap apartment, but he still needed a job to actually pay that rent. So, begrudgingly, he has taken a job doing the only thing he knows how.

Hero work.

Power
Runecrafting
Joseph is able to write runes that apply various effects to whatever they're on. For example, he can take a piece of paper and write a few runes that could make it hard as metal, or write some on various spots on a large boulder to make it as light as styrofoam. The more runes he writes, the more complex the effects. However, at the same time, they must be incredibly precise, as even a single misdrawn rune or incompatible combination could cause the entire array to become unstable, which tends to make the results rather 'explosive' when he tries to activate them. As such, finding the right combination of runes to produce a certain effect can take weeks of research and experimentation, if not months. Furthermore, if he needs to create new runes on the battlefield, he must take *absolute* care to ensure that it is done properly and perfectly, or else he risks critically injuring both himself and everyone around him when they are used. However, if actually properly applied, his runes could conceivably take him all the way to A-tier, if not S-tier.

Not that he'd ever let it come to that, of course...

OTHER
Joseph enjoys offering people sage advice, which is only ever asked for maybe a fifth of the time he provides it. This advice is often very, very stupid. However, should people follow it, they might find that it does end up solving whatever problem he said it would, just usually in a strange, twisted, and roundabout way.

He'll rarely actually remember a persons name, instead either giving them a nickname or something that sounds close to their name, but slowly devolves further and further from the right one each time he says it.

Misc NPC Pics

Hannah Washburne

Kyle Finch

Elizabeth Warden/Liz/The Hag

Joseph Relationships

"Alright, let's start from the top..."

---

Name of Person
Director Flowers (Powers)

Relationship Status
Basically Father and Son

Quick Quote
"People don't think it's racist when I call him Colonel Fury do they?"

Relationship Description
Like I just said, even if we're technically just employer and employee, we're basically like father and son. He tells me to do something, I probably do it, he decides I didn't do it the way he wanted me to, and then yells at me to get out of his office. Just like my real dad.

That being said, Dad never left me unconscious in the ruins of a Hooters with a broken arm, broken leg, and second degree burns all over my body, let alone it's shitty knockoff.

---

Name of Person
Number 2? I don't think she actually has a name. (Christina Lavender)

Relationship Status
Aloof stepmother and son maybe?

Quick Quote
"So... not exactly proud of that one, but I don't think I've ever actually met her, so you know. Gotta do the best with what I've got."

Relationship Description
I don't remember meeting her. Just like mother. Maybe some day.

---

Name of Person
Blade (Blade)

Relationship Status
I've heard of him once or twice.

Quick Quote
"Metal arms are super overused, you unoriginal prick!"

Relationship Description
I was excited until I found out it wasn't actually Wesley Snipes.

---

Name of Person
The Wings of Law (The Wings of Law)

Relationship Status
Douchebags from what I've seen so far.

Quick Quote
"Basically Gilderoy Lockhart if there were twenty of him."

Relationship Description
They're just kind of assholes if I'm being honest. The most personable one I met was the one at the waterpark who tried to kick us all out of the pool because I'm pretty sure she was hiding excalibur in it or something. Then she started hitting on Blaine, which was weird because they're both the same author.

---

Name of Person
Blaine (Blake)

Relationship Status
Alcoholic partner in not-crime.

Quick Quote
"Stupid jerk won't let me in the 'Cell Club'... Sometimes I wanna get arrested to, you know?"

Relationship Description
One of the four horsemen of the alcopocalypse. We go drink and things go wrong. It'd be funnier if I didn't always end up injured in the ditch.

---

Name of Person
Joestar (Starbright)

Relationship Status
Who?

Quick Quote
"Nah, I'm just fucking with you. I know who he is, I just wish I didn't."

Relationship Description
I don't think he knows who I am, which is preferable because I'd prefer not to ruin my reputation by being seen around him without insulting him.

---

Name of Person
Dollop (Doppel)

Relationship Status
Who?

Quick Quote
"No, not fucking around this time, I seriously don't know who this guy is."

Relationship Description
Honestly, I don't even know if I got his name right. I'd ask someone to introduce me, but I also don't know if I'd actually care.

---

"Ok, who's next. Ah, christ, I thought I'd gotten further into these..."

---

Name of Person
Pain (Zane)

Relationship Status
Not really a fan if I'm being honest...

Quick Quote
"Stop trying to step on my schtick you shady kiss-ass!"

Relationship Description
Like I just said, he's a kiss-ass. Apparently he has a scary brutal side or something but I haven't seen it. The most brutal thing I've seen him do is completely deconstruct my attempt to get some interactions with new people, while simultaneously sucking up to Fury so hard he could practically lick the insides of his small intestine.

---

Name of Person
Fanta (Skylar)

Relationship Status
Enemies maybe?

Quick Quote
"Apparently she isn't a robot, so let's put another tally on the 'disappoint Joseph' list."

Relationship Description
I think we're fighting, but I also don't know who she is. I do know that she sucks at using her staff enough that she couldn't even manage to hit a very very drunk man as he stumbled around a bar, so I'm not particularly worried.

---

Name of Person
I wanna say... Logan? (Jade)

Relationship Status
Well, I think she probably counts as a co-worker.

Quick Quote
"She's also kind of a suck up, but she's a little funner to be around than the shadow douche."

Relationship Description
We work together, but it's pretty rare for us to actually, you know, work together. I don't interact much with her outside of that either, because most of her screentime as far as I've seen happens when the others have ditched me to go hang out in prison.

---

Name of Person
Casper (Jasper)

Relationship Status
I'm pretty sure he's my disciple.

Quick Quote
"Sure, he may not be the best communicator, but that's why I'm here to teach him. It's time for to become the hero this city needs and deserves, Advice Joseph!"

Relationship Description
He comes to me for advice, I give him awesome advice, he tries to find a polite way to tell me he thinks the advice is shit. I'm basically like the older sibling he never had.

---

Name of Person
Evangelion (Ava)

Relationship Status
Kind of like a worried uncle, I guess?

Quick Quote
"You know Land Before Time 2? You remember how the gang were with Chomper? Like that."

Relationship Description
Yeah sure, she's pretty tough, but at the same time, she has the intelligence of a four year old, so I feel like I need to keep an eye on her. She's actually pretty friendly, so I'd hate to see her get hurt over something stupid.

---

Name of Person
Magento (Marcus)

Relationship Status
AVP's dad I guess?

Quick Quote
"He's kinda hard to look at when the light catches his colour scheme."

Relationship Description
We... Well, we haven't really talked much, so I haven't managed to get the best read on him, but he seems to take decent care of the monster brat, so he can't be all that bad.

---

Name of Person
Patricide (Patricia)

Relationship Status
Eventual second disciple, calling it now

Quick Quote
"Kid needs someone to talk to. Advice Joseph 2, Protective Boogaloo. Out this boxing day."

Relationship Description
So far, I don't think we've had a conversation where she hasn't called me an idiot. Which is fair, I guess, but it doesn't mean I'm not gonna try to change the little shits mind and make her see how cool I really am! That, or I'll just settle for getting revenge.

---

Name of Person
Jay (Jamie)

Relationship Status
I... I'm not fully sure...

Quick Quote
"She may actually be the biggest idiot I've ever met, and I've met quite a few. I'm... worried about her, I guess."

Relationship Description
The second horseman... I've gotta keep this idiot from accidentally killing herself at all costs. That's all I'm gonna say.

---

Name of Person
Status (Brie)

Relationship Status
Drinking Associate

Quick Quote
"She's not so bad when we're drinking together, but otherwise, she's pretty much Hag 2.0."

Relationship Description
The third horseman. Hell, I might say we're something like drinking buddies even when the other two aren't around. Not so sure I can call people who are constantly at each others throats whenever they aren't drunk *buddies* though, so yeah, it's a weird dynamic.

---

Name of Person
Skywalker (Spacewalker)

Relationship Status
He's a co-worker.

Quick Quote
"Dunno if we've ever actually talked. I'm sure he's... a person... probably.

Relationship Description
I was excited until I found out he wasn't Mark Hamill.

---

Name of Person
Geodude (Geo-gal)

Relationship Status
Barely even see her most of the time.

Quick Quote
"Well, we don't talk very much, but I'm sure she doesn't talk to anyone else either, so at least other people are probably being disappointed too."

Relationship Description
I thought she was gonna be like Toph. Instead, I just kinda feel like I'm talking to a wall, which is appropriate I guess. It's just kinda weird seeing it from the other side is all.

---

Name of Person
Grifter (Drifter)

Relationship Status
Not a friend, but definitely a pal

Quick Quote
"Now this guy knows what's up, at least usually. We drink and trade non-classified info we've each gathered every now and then, so that's pretty neat.

Relationship Description
This guy may not be a horseman, but he's definitely in the area a lot when the rest of us end up in the same place. I like to think of him as the guy blasting the trumpets and heralding our arrival as we descend upon whatever unlucky alcohol serving venue we set our sights on.

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Name of Person
Splishy Splash (William)

Relationship Status
If I had to put a name to it, I'd say... Co-worker.

Quick Quote
"Honestly, I'm fine if he wants to flirt with Schematic, I just wish he'd not be so loud and obnoxious about it."

Relationship Description
We don't really interact much unless Bea's around, considering the fact that he follows her around like a bad smell. I think the closest thing we had to an actual conversation was when he was shirtless and flirting with her in the common room, actually. Then when I pointed out all his nipple hairs, he got a little more annoyed than I'd expected. Which was pretty funny, actually...

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Name of Person
Sirberus (Rumi)

Relationship Status
Pretty much non-existent.

Quick Quote
"I heard he's pretty smart, but that's about it. I wonder if we'd be able to get him out to drink at some point, really overcharge our meridian raids, you know?

Relationship Description
I don't actually know if we've met, so I'm not sure. Sounds easy enough to hang around with though.

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Name of Person
Headbutt

Relationship Status
I think he's a co-worker, but I might be wrong...

Quick Quote
"This guy looks like he's gonna get us sued by Tim Burton the moment he's on screen."

Relationship Description
I haven't really talked to him, but from my own investigations, I can tell you two things. One, he's apparently a pranky asshole, and two, he looks like he was born and raised in goddamned Innsmouth. So we might actually get along.

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Name of Person
Shamrock (Levi)

Relationship Status
He's kind of a dickweasel

Quick Quote
""Oh look at me, I'm Shazbot, I'm so smart and perfect and I can do anything better than anyone else! Meaeaehhaeahh!""

Relationship Description
So yeah, if you hadn't already guessed, I'm not the biggest fan. The guy looks down on everyone, which is fine, because I look down on him right back.

---

Name of Person
Ellis (Murmur)

Relationship Status
Potential third disciple candidate

Quick Quote
"Now, I may not know who this brat is, but I know how having powers can affect the youth. I shall help her find the best path to happiness, as is the duty of all protagonists.

Relationship Description
Advice Joseph 3, The Revenge. Coming to a Hero 1 near you this summer.

---

Name of Person
Angelo (Wish)

Relationship Status
Barely a thing, really.

Quick Quote
"I don't know, really. Seems kinda uptight, like a stick in the mud. I'll think of a better joke if we ever say more than five words to each other."

Relationship Description
Really, not that much. I imagine there might be more later on when her sister becomes yet another of my many students.