Renny

Yu Yu Hakusho - The New Agency

@Cleverbird I actually never knew that was what Yokai meant. I just assumed it was another term for demon.

Hey, the more you know lol.

Yu Yu Hakusho - The New Agency

Nice to see a GM giving such detailed feedback! I've made the changes. And yes, the description of the swords is merely folklore, though I imagine weapons used by spirit-creatures arent exactly normal, are they?.

Hirata Kiwako

"𝐼'𝓁𝓁 𝑒𝓇𝒶𝒹𝒾𝒸𝒶𝓉𝑒 𝑒𝓋𝑒𝓇𝓎 𝑒𝓋𝒾𝓁 𝓈𝓅𝒾𝓇𝒾𝓉 𝑒𝓋𝑒𝓃 𝒾𝒻 𝒾𝓉𝓈 𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝓁𝒶𝓈𝓉 𝓉𝒽𝒾𝓃𝑔 𝐼'𝓁𝓁 𝒹𝑜..."

Name: Hirata Kiwako
Alias: "Kiwa"
Title: The Fallen Miko
Meaning: Kiwako "Child born on a border" Hirata "Peaceful field"

Species: Spirit
Gender: Female
Sexuality: Who has time for this?
Real Age: Roughly 400 years old
Age Appearance: 20-ish

Appearance:

History:

Oh why would you want to bring up such bad memories? Fine, I'll tell my story... Just don't tell it to anybody else, or I'll kill you!

I used to be a spirit of a small Shinto shrine to the north. I used my Goshintai, a Sakura branch, to mingle with the people of the village, playing pranks on the children. My shrine wasn't big by any means, but was still worshiped because I was a spirit that could bestow fertility upon the land. It was a quiet, but pleasant existence for a spirit.

One year however, there was a terrible storm ravaging the lands. The heavy rain caused all the rice crops to fail. And for the first time in history, the village was struck by terrible famine. As only a small god, there was nothing I could do.

The villagers thought it was divine punishment. A small sect within the village stole away my Goshintai and carried it to a new shrine they had erected in my name. It was here that they began the heretical practice of blood sacrifices. I wish I could say that I stopped them at the time, but I had never felt such a surge of power before. It was intoxicating.

Their crops flourished, bigger and more abundant than ever before. But instead of turning back to the ways of old, the villagers too became hooked on their newfound bountiful harvests. The blood kept flowing and the harvest kept growing. It was a dark power that slowly corrupted me from within.

It wasn't until a year later that I woke up from my drunken stupor with a start. The villagers, eager to please the Daimyo with a harvest like no other before, decided to perform the ultimate heresy. Hungry for more wealth, they had brought a child to my shrine. Her tendons cut to prevent the girl from escaping, and were planning on sacrificing her in my name. It shames me that for a split second, I did consider what such power would taste like; but thankfully I hadn't yet fallen completely.

Enraged of their fallacy, I enacted my wrath on the village I once swore to protect. I killed and maimed, razed buildings and burned crops. By the time I was through, the once peaceful village looked like a battlefield as what few surviving villagers fled into the hills.

Returning to the shrine, I used what little strength I had left to heal the girl's wounds. Her last words before running away were "Be a good Miko..." Overcome with grief and guilt, I broke my Goshintai; the one item tying me to this world. For all intents and purposes, I died that day.

My case was an interesting one. The corruption was deemed outside of my doing, but they did find me guilty of not putting a stop to it sooner. Unable to come up with a solution, I was sent back as a Yõkai; stripped of my sacred energy and left to be judged anew.

Personality |
+ Strives to do the right thing
+ Strong 'one for all' mentality
+ kind-hearted

- Cold and distant
- Little self-preservation
- Not entirely mentally stable

/ Extremely protective when it comes to smaller girls

Power and Techniques |

• Sakura Blossom - A storm of sakura petals, formed out of Spirit Energy surround Kiwa in a spherical shape of roughly 10m (33 feet), which are used in her abilities. These petals are sharp, but brittle; unfocused into skills, they are more a nuisance than a threat. While in a neutral stance, they move around much as if a strong wind was blowing around Kiwa; they can be directed more precisely when Kiwa wills it (as demonstrated in her skills).
• Sakura blink - Kiwa 'blinks' to a sakura petal, allowing her to rapidly move around the battlefield. Due to the enormous drain on spirit energy this causes, Kiwa can only do 2 of these blinks in quick succession; the first one leaving her pretty winded, the second one leaving her pretty much drained of energy.
• Leaf blade - Using her swords as a focal point, Kiwa focuses her Spirit Energy into stronger sakura petals which trail behind her blades; allowing her to leave behind a 'ghost slash' after every attack, effectively allowing Kiwa to strike twice in one attack.
• Petal storm - Summoning a multitude of sakura petals, Kiwa can throw up a 'smoke screen' of petals in which she and others can hide. Due to the increased number of petals needed to be summoned, they lose any form of sharpness. In fact, its kinda nice and soft to be caught in the storm.

Spirit Class: C-class

Weapon(s):

Kogarasu-maru and Nuke-maru

"A storied pair of long and short blades said to have been owned by the Heike clan in times of old. The longer of the two, Kogarasu-maru (Little Raven) is said to have been forged using the feathers of a legendary raven from the sacred Ise Jingu Grand Shrine and bestowed upon the head of the Taira by the royal family; the shorter of the two, Nuke-maru (Quickdraw) was forged by a son of the famed smith Ohara Yasutsuna. It got its nickname when Taira-no-Tadamori was attacked by a great serpent and it leapt from its scabbard unassisted to protect its master. It is also known as Wither from a legend that if it was stuck into the ground at the base of a tree, the tree would brown and die by morning." - Excerpt of "Historical swords and myths" by Gregory Irvine.

Theme: (completely optional)

@Cleverbird

Thanks for recognizing the effort.

As for the weapons, unfortunately a lot of them were just normal weapons. A few were capable of some amazing feats so I wouldn't be surprised to see a sword or two capable of something amazing. Take the Artifacts of Darkness, while as an example these are on the grander scale, they do the job.

My last quip would be that being sent back to Human World wouldn't change your innate nature. You would still be a Spirit. Beings in this verse are either, Humans (psychics if born with rule-breaking powers), Demons, or Spirits. I've honestly never seen the term Yokai in Yu Yu Hakusho so I'm going to assume you're meaning Kiwa was demoted to a demonic status of some sort.

Fix that and you're accepted.

Yu Yu Hakusho - The New Agency

@Blondie You're good to go, Blondie. Put him in the char-tab.

@Raging Fenrir Likewise, Raging, throw Ayame into char-tab. Your theme was awesome by the way.

Yu Yu Hakusho - The New Agency

@Dead Cruiser Haha, The Dragon of Darkness Flame is something of a force of nature and offensive attack. While its nowhere in the canon, I can see your concept being plausible, so I'll allow it.

My only recourse for this is that you have it be obscure and something of a guarded secret, almost as if its heresy. In the world of Yu Yu Hakusho, there aren't really too many full fledge families of Demons or Spirits just living in the Human World. Spirit World and King Enma keeps a very tight noose around anything deemed unnatural. The occasional half-demon or half-spirit is okay but they don't usually lay down roots in the Human World, 'cause full-fledge Demons feed on humans and Spirits are often incorporeal if not using some Spirit Tool or being granted permission by the King.

In this situation, I'll allow it on the grounds that your Dragon lineage is ...

• 1. Spirit Based or originating from the Spirit World (you don't have to flesh the mother's backstory out, long as there is a reason for her being in Human World)
• 2. Under the supervision and direction of King Enma (for no Spirit stands above King Enma in this verse.)
• 3. And if not under the supervision of King Enma is prepared to be criminals (either on the run or hidden) in the eyes of Spirit World. Hence being potential targets for Yusuke's new apprentices. Might make for a interesting dynamic later on lol.

Hope this is okay! I know nothing about the setting this takes place in, but I do like the sound of it!

Hirata Kiwako

"𝐼'𝓁𝓁 𝑒𝓇𝒶𝒹𝒾𝒸𝒶𝓉𝑒 𝑒𝓋𝑒𝓇𝓎 𝑒𝓋𝒾𝓁 𝓈𝓅𝒾𝓇𝒾𝓉 𝑒𝓋𝑒𝓃 𝒾𝒻 𝒾𝓉𝓈 𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝓁𝒶𝓈𝓉 𝓉𝒽𝒾𝓃𝑔 𝐼'𝓁𝓁 𝒹𝑜..."

Name: Hirata Kiwako
Alias: "Kiwa"
Title: The Fallen Miko
Meaning: Kiwako "Child born on a border" Hirata "Peaceful field"

Species: Spirit
Gender: Female
Sexuality: Who has time for this?
Real Age: Roughly 400 years old Interesting.
Age Appearance: 20-ish

Appearance:

History:

Oh why would you want to bring up such bad memories? Fine, I'll tell my story... Just don't tell it to anybody else, or I'll kill you!

I used to be a small god of a small Shinto shrine to the north. I used my Goshintai, a Sakura branch, to mingle with the people of the village, playing pranks on the children. My shrine wasn't big by any means, but was still worshiped because I was a god that could bestow fertility upon the land. It was a quiet, but pleasant existence for a god.

One year however, there was a terrible storm ravaging the lands. The heavy rain caused all the rice crops to fail. And for the first time in history, the village was struck by terrible famine. As only a small god, there was nothing I could do.

The villagers thought it was divine punishment. A small sect within the village stole away my Goshintai and carried it to a new shrine they had erected in my name. It was here that they began the heretical practice of blood sacrifices. I wish I could say that I stopped them at the time, but I had never felt such a surge of power before. It was intoxicating.

Their crops flourished, bigger and more abundant than ever before. But instead of turning back to the ways of old, the villagers too became hooked on their newfound bountiful harvests. The blood kept flowing and the harvest kept growing. It was a dark power that slowly corrupted me from within.

It wasn't until a year later that I woke up from my drunken stupor with a start. The villagers, eager to please the Daimyo with a harvest like no other before, decided to perform the ultimate heresy. Hungry for more wealth, they had brought a child to my shrine. Her tendons cut to prevent the girl from escaping, and were planning on sacrificing her in my name. It shames me that for a split second, I did consider what such power would taste like; but thankfully I hadn't yet fallen completely.

Enraged of their fallacy, I enacted my wrath on the village I once swore to protect. I killed and maimed, razed buildings and burned crops. By the time I was through, the once peaceful village looked like a battlefield as what few surviving villagers fled into the hills.

Returning to the shrine, I used what little strength I had left to heal the girl's wounds. Her last words before running away were "Be a good Miko..." Overcome with grief and guilt, I broke my Goshintai; the one item tying me to this world. For all intents and purposes, I died that day.

My case was an interesting one. The corruption was deemed outside of my doing, but they did find me guilty of not putting a stop to it sooner. Unable to come up with a solution, I was sent back as a Yõkai; stripped of my sacred energy and left to be judged anew. Your history is fascinating and its okay the way it is, however I'll have some world info for you later on regarding it.

Personality |
+ Strives to do the right thing
+ Strong 'one for all' mentality
+ kind-hearted

- Cold and distant
- Little self-preservation
- Not entirely mentally stable

/ Extremely protective when it comes to smaller girls

Power and Techniques |

• Sakura Blossom - A storm of sakura petals, formed out of Spirit Energy surround Kiwa, which are used in her abilities. These petals are sharp, but brittle; unfocused into skills, they are more a nuisance than a threat. What's their range? how do they operate? is it in a sphere or linear fashion? directed by your hands or thoughts? Maybe both.
• Sakura blink - Kiwa 'blinks' to a sakura petal, allowing her to rapidly move around the battlefield. I know she's old and should be practiced but it appears she's been weakened by her judgment. So I'm going to place a max. usage on this ability. How many times can she use this technique in one sitting? surely it eats away at her reserves of Spirit Energy.
• Leaf blade - Using her swords as a focal point, Kiwa focuses her Spirit Energy into stronger sakura petals which trail behind her blades; allowing her to leave behind a 'ghost slash' after every attack, effectively allowing Kiwa to strike twice in one attack.
• Petal storm - Summoning a multitude of sakura petals, Kiwa can throw up a 'smoke screen' of petals in which she and others can hide. Due to the increased number of petals needed to be summoned, they lose any form of sharpness. In fact, its kinda nice and soft to be caught in the storm.

Spirit Class: C-class

Weapon(s):

Kogarasu-maru and Nuke-maru

"A storied pair of long and short blades said to have been owned by the Heike clan in times of old. The longer of the two, Kogarasu-maru (Little Raven) is said to have been forged using the feathers of a legendary raven from the sacred Ise Jingu Grand Shrine and bestowed upon the head of the Taira by the royal family; the shorter of the two, Nuke-maru (Quickdraw) was forged by a son of the famed smith Ohara Yasutsuna. It got its nickname when Taira-no-Tadamori was attacked by a great serpent and it leapt from its scabbard unassisted to protect its master. It is also known as Wither from a legend that if it was stuck into the ground at the base of a tree, the tree would brown and die by morning." Lovely history but I'm assuming they're normal weapons.

Theme: (completely optional)

EDIT: Oh snap this thread got active in the time it took me to write this!

@Cleverbird

Regarding your history. Gods aren't really a thing in this verse. While its possible for a strong spirit directed by King Enma centuries or millenniums ago to be viewed as a God by humans, there technically aren't Gods here. The closest God we have is King Enma, and as you can tell he's viewed simply as a very strong, capable entity - hence his title of King.

For instance, its canon that humans conceived the idea of Angels from seeing Demons encapsulated in Sacred Energy (before they were snared in the Kekkai Barrier).

So while your history is certainly doable, I would need for you to make it clear that Kiwa is not a God but a Spirit perceived as one. Other than that I absolutely enjoyed reading your CS.

Yu Yu Hakusho - The New Agency

Corran Hebi

The snake that bites his own tail has already lost...

Name: Corran Hebi
Alias: Serpent Prince
Title: None
Meaning: The surname Hebi is japanese for snake.

Species: Demon
Gender: Male
Sexuality: Bisexual
Real Age: 219
Age Appearance: 21

History: (1-2 paragraph describing your characters overall, history and beliefs.)

Corran Hebi lead an illustrious life of crime in the demon world. Not as anything so glamorous as a thief, or vile as a mercenary though. Corran was Demon World's number one Information Broker. That is, he had the underground knowledge of most of the goings on in many of the criminal circles. He had had dealings with The Black Black Club, informants in the Torukune Gang, and all the while Corran sat and watched the pieces move across the board like a chess game. Of course, he had his detractors. There were many people who believed never to trust a snake, and they were likely correct in their assumptions. For years, Corran had no real personal attachments to any of his colleagues in the criminal trade, and never had anyone he'd consider a friend. Not since he was a young boy, hundreds of years ago, had he felt any true connections to people.

Corran's early life was uneventful, his clan had abandoned him. He had survived on the streets as a pickpocket briefly, but his thin stature and lack of physical strength made him unable to last against the tougher demons in the world. Instead however, he had been "adopted" into a small gang of criminals of various different demon spirits. They were less thiefs than they were con men, and they taught Corran all about the grift. The gang was small, but Corran was happy to have somewhere to belong. And the young daughter of the gang's leader became his best friend. The last friend he really had. As Corran grew, he mastered his snake charming tongue, and became a master of manipulation. The leader of said gang was impressed, and he took a more formal role within the group. That lasted until a particular grift in which Corran's talents were used in a way he never would have agreed to. The young girl was sold off, and Corran had no idea. It wasn't until years later, in which a now adult Corran had run into his old leader, did the man let it slip just what really did happen to his old friend...

Now, Corran has turned his back on demon world. He has lived in Human world for 3 years now, regretting his past actions and looking for any sort of atonement. He was never able to find his friend, and he hasn't been able to forgive himself for that. A chance encounter with a new breed of Spirit Detective is just what he could use.

Personality |

• Observant
• Charming
• Cunning
• Dishonest
• Cynical
• Unethical
• Restrained

Power and Techniques |

• Snake Demonology - (The power that the rest will be derived from - weak transformation are allowed for sensible candidates.)
• Hebi Vice - Corran's grip has the strength of a constricting serpent. He can use the ability only with his right hand, and it enables him superhuman strength that would enable him to perform moderate strength feats (ripping doors off hinges)
• Snake Bite - Corran's nails can emit a poisonous venom charged with his demon energy if he scratches an enemy and it is able to enter the opponent's bloodstream. He is able to control the venom itself and can control it's toxicity in the bloodstream if he desires. A part of me wants to let you have this without changing it but I need to make it balanced. Is it a common poison that going to a hospital can cure? how fast acting is it? how does it progress?
• Snake skin armor - Corran can shed his skin in order to heal non-fatal wounds. He can not do this often, as it requires a great amount of demon energy. How many times is he capable of doing this a day?

Spirit Class: Lower C-Class Demon.

Weapon(s): (nothing overpowered. IE. Kurama's rose or Hiei's sword)

Theme: https://youtu.be/bVnQO9XaKB0

@Blondie

Make the corrections and let me know when you're ready to be checked again. Overall It was a simple but fantastic CS.

Yu Yu Hakusho - The New Agency

@Matador
Your character is accepted. You may place him in the char-tab.

@Dead Cruiser
As long as her heritage is Demonic in nature I suppose its doable. If say she had something akin to Yusuke's deal, how 44 generations back his paternal ancestor was a Demon than its certainly possible. Dragons aren't mentioned to exist but I'm sure there were Demons that greatly resembled them.

@Altered Tundra
Take your time.

@Argonaut@HeroicSociopath
Good to see you guys putting in work. Let me know when you're ready to be reviewed in full.

Here's what I've got:

Ayame

I’m only pickin’ on ya cause you’re fun!

Name: Ayame Masahiro
Alias: Aya-Meiwakuna (The latter part meaning “annoying” or “troublesome”)
Title: Trickster Fox
Meaning: Masahiro means “perfection.”

Species: half-demon (kitsune)
Gender: female
Sexuality: Bisexual
Real Age: 16
Age Appearance: 16

History: Ayame was born to a human mother, and never knew her father. Whenever she asked, her mother would just tell her that he was in a faraway place. As she grew older, she assumed that this meant her father was dead, and Miss Masahiro let her believe it. However, the truth is that even her mother doesn’t know what became of that charming fox that won her heart all those years ago.

Ayame was raised as a human and her mother never spoke of her demonic lineage. She had no tail or ears to give away her origin, and it seemed she would be able to live an ordinary human life. However, it didn’t take long for her to start seeing things that nobody else could. Even as a little girl, she’d talk to ghosts or see little imps scurrying by. Her mother was quick to tell her to keep such things to herself, but that was only a temporary solution. Soon, her vulpine nature began to surface. She would prank her fellow students constantly, skip school, and even got away with shoplifting on a couple of occasions. So she isn't naturally mischievous, I mean she is, but it spawns from her demon heritage. Would having it sealed or suppressed change her? (just for my knowledge)

Everything reached a boiling point one day, though, when she fell in with a bad crowd. While cutting Middle School, she met up with some delinquents from a nearby High School. It started out with typical shenanigans: vandalism, smoking, looking menacing on the street… But then when school let out and they pulled a poor guy into an alley, Ayame was having second thoughts. They tried to rob him, but he didn’t have any money, so they proceeded to beat the living hell out of him. Ayame watched at first, wanting to fit in, but the pit in her stomach just grew deeper and deeper. This wasn’t fun. Her pranks had never really hurt anyone before, and this was too much, so she told them to stop.

That was a mistake, and the delinquents quickly turned their attention to Ayame. They surrounded her before she could run, and she felt their hands crawl along her shoulders, then grip her tightly. She didn’t know what they were planning on doing, but she became overcome with terror. The rest was a blur. She remembered blue flames, and when she came to most of them were running away with a couple on the ground badly burned. Her demonic ancestry was no longer a secret.

Personality |

• Kind
• Outgoing
• Clever
• Mischievous
• Irresponsible
• Nosy
• Inquisitive

Power and Techniques |

• Foxfire – A kind of demonic aura unique to kitsune. This blue flame can be manipulated to produce various effects.
• Purifying Flame – Ayame uses foxfire in its raw form to burn her enemies. However, unlike a normal flame, Ayame can determine who it burns and who it doesn’t, thus it “purifies” what she sees as an enemy. How far do they reach? how powerful are these flames? remember you're D-Class. Also I'm assuming these flames simply race out from around her? to hone fireballs would require it to be a technique in its own right (I'll be allowing more techniques to be learned as we progress).
• Illusory Flame – Ayame can use her foxfire to create tangible illusions. This allows her to create small objects, or coat herself or another in the flame to create a disguise. The illusions require constant concentration, must be within eyesight of Ayame, and are not particularly durable; biting an illusory coin would surly cause it to disappear into a puff of blue flame. Can these illusionary flames burn people? and is it all physical contact that causes them to break apart? One more thing, are there any hints to them being illusions, like a rise in temperature or smoke?
• Internal Flame – By breathing in her foxfire, Ayame can awaken her kitsune blood. She grows her tail and ears, and a set of claws. Her senses become heightened, she becomes faster and more agile, and she gets a small boost to her strength. However, as she is only half-demon, the form cannot be maintained indefinitely. Likewise, when she reverts to her human form, she feels all the strain she subjected her body to. Give me physical feats for your physical boosts. Can she uproot gnarled roots? have speed comparable to a fox? and most importantly how long does the transformation last. Give post lengths. Can she use her flames in this form as well?

Spirit Class: D

Weapon(s): None

Theme:

@Raging Fenrir

I have no real issues with your CS. Fix those little things and let me know when you're ready to be checked again.

Gundam Build Divers: Neo

@Shiyonichi@vancexentan@Double@Keyblade87

---

Isamu had tweaked what little he could on the G-Nexus. It inverted colors had been polished to near perfect gleam and its weapons had been up-kept as well. He pushed away from the workstation, his foot kicking off his floor and sent him into a light spin. As the world turned and turned, blurring into a spiral of cream, beige, and wooden colors. He stopped very suddenly at the sound of his dad's voice downstairs.

Heavier footsteps than his mom's had begun up the stairs.

"Crap!" he cursed, bumbling towards his workstation in his rolling chair. He made it just in time, his dad opening the door a moment later.

He leaned against the door's frame, scratching the premature stubble on his chin. "Don't got school today, kid?"

Isamu furrowed his brows, spinning his chair to face his dad. "Me and mom have a complicated deal about school. I can skip once a week, long as my grades are high enough."

His dad smiled. "We are two lucky bastards aren't we? any rhyme or reason for skipping today?"

He turned back towards his workstation, aimlessly fiddling with G-Nexus. "I'm coming down from a Gunpla high."

A joy entered his father's tone. "Really? we should sit do-"

"-Hon, can you come down here?" His mother's voice covered the distance from the kitchen to his room with an echo.

Isamu didn't look up from his workstation as his dad left his room after some hesitance. When he was sure the man was far enough away, he let out a sigh of relief. His knowledge of him was so bare that he had worried about getting lectured. Lucky him, the man seemed just as irresponsible, if not more so.

Yu Yu Hakusho - The New Agency

@Matador

Tatsuya Mondo

So you're sayin' I got a 3 percent shot of making it out alive...that's practically 100, ain't it?

Name: Tatsuya Mondo
Alias: Mondo-san, Tacchan.
Title: The Gambling Icarus
Meaning: It represents the overeagerness with which he approaches gambling. Many fully expect him to overextend in his life and lose a bet he can never truly recover from. His fascination with gambling is nothing short of an addiction that’ll inevitable send him towards a downward spiral. This section was for your name. Tatsuya Mondo, what does it mean?

Species: Human
Gender: Male
Sexuality: Heterosexual
Real Age: 16
Age Appearance: 18

History: For a large portion of his life, Tatsuya had always been a quiet and reserved child. He lived the average life of a city boy, had his own part time job, and was a member of his school’s boxing club. Despite that, he never stood out from the pack. Everything about him screamed uncertainty, timidness, and reservation that stopped him from reaching his full potential. Whether it was speaking in public, putting in his all in boxing, or trying his best to strike up a conversation with some of the lady customers at his convenience store job, everything he did screamed half assed. His reclusive nature made him come off as weird and most of his peers wanted nothing to do with him. He felt hollow. Most of the things he loved were starting to bore him.

The whole boxing part seems out of place. He's supposedly timid, which implies he's fearful or shy but he decides to join his school's boxing club? where he would be judge in matches for all to see. It seems like you just threw that in as an excuse for Tatsuya being able to fight. Also, just because someone is reclusive doesn't mean they are weird. Most people only react to a stimulus, what has Tatsuya done to merit his exile? And what does he love? or did love?

The root of a lot of Tatsuya’s problems in adolescence can all be traced back to a single moment of his life. The placement of this sentence causes a bit of confusion. Consider rearranging it or deleting it all together (its not really needed).

It was one day when he was fourteen years old and was stacking the shelves at work. That was when a suspiciously looking man slowly strutted his way to the front counter. In the blink of an eye, he pulled out his gun and demanded that everyone get down to the ground. The elderly cashier working there at the time could barely register what was happening. The robber grew more and more impatient with the man’s slowness until he decided enough was enough. He pointed the gun at the trembling old man’s face and was about to pull the trigger. As he was on the ground praying for his life, a surge of both guilt and adrenaline coursed through Tatsuya’s body. How could he just stand by when an innocent old man was about to have his life taken away from him? Before he knew it, he had charged at the robber and tackled him down to the ground. He pounded him with fist after fist, faster and faster and faster until all of a sudden...he had stopped struggling. He looked near dead, but was simply unconscious.

Timid, quiet, and reserved, Tatsuya ignored an armed robber's demand and beat said gunmen with his bare hands? Maybe this is when his powers could come in. It would make taking down the gunmen more believable.

For a period of time after that, Tatsuya had his 10 minutes of fame as a hero. But that didn’t concern him in the slightest. What did, though, was the feeling of excitement he felt that could only be described as a pure adrenaline rush. The numbness that had been plaguing him for so long had dissipated in that one moment. He didn’t want to let go of that feeling. He wanted more. He didn’t want to feel hollow again. At first, it started with gambling in mahjong parlors, but Tatsuya soon found himself wrapped up in business with the delinquent gangs of Tokyo. Soon, he garnered a reputation as the man who had never once backed down or lost a game of Chicken in his entire life. An entire 360 turnaround. Though, that didn’t mean that he always got out unscathed. He would regularly get beat down by members of the opposing team who were furious at him for leaving unharmed when his opponents would always leave with brutal, sometimes life threatening injuries. How? is he using his power?

His parents quickly caught sight of some of these injuries and he was quickly transferred to a school far away from the big city atmosphere that was Tokyo. Though he’s been adjusting well enough, he never shook off his reputation as a thrill seeker. Lately, it’s more because of his refusal to back away from a fight, though even now, he wants nothing more than to experience greater and greater thrills...

My biggest issue is the total erasure of who he was, without a real reason as to why. He saved a life and got a dose of adrenaline, I get that, but that sent him spiraling into the playboy-type? my advice would be to introduce your power early on, that would explain why he's a bit off from everyone else and give more reason for his actions at the convenience store. Taking down a criminal without effort could give him a confidence-boost.

Personality |

• Courageous
• Confident
• Skilled Brawler Not really a personality trait.
• Cocky
• Overly playful
• Adrenaline addict
• Seemingly a decade behind when it comes to technology, still has a flip-phone. Also not a personality trait.

Power and Techniques |

• Core Power - Spirit Strings - A technique that allows him to create and control thick strands of string from his finger tips. The technique’s range is about 20 feet. how strong are they? how fast? Remember they are at D-Rank.
• Spike Strings - Tiny barbs are added to the springs to inflict greater pain on enemies. Cannot be combined with his other string techniques.
• Invisibility Strings - He hides his strings with invisibility. Can only be used on one hand’s strings, at the moment. how long does the invisibility last? can they be incorporated with your other technique: Tracker String?
• Tracker String - He disconnects a strand of string and places it on an object/person of interest, using it to track them down should they get away from him. How long does this last?

Spirit Class: D-class.

Weapon(s): N/A.

Theme:

Hider

Reposting this.

@Matador

Anything in red are either clarifications that I need smoothen out or glaring issues. Check your quoted CS for the review.

My main advice would be to make everything mash together better.

Gundam Build Divers: Neo

@vancexentan The choice is yours. I can imagine enough with how you're describing it now.

Yu Yu Hakusho - The New Agency

Yuunmei Ikiryō

Unless an idiot dies, he won't be cured. So by all means, please try and fix me.

Name: Yuunmei Ikiryō
Alias: Ikiryō, Yuu-kun, Yuunmei
Title: Bad Luck, Yuunmei
Meaning: Yuunmei (Destined Ghost) - Ikiryō (Living Spirit)

Species: Human
Gender: Male
Sexuality: Heterosexual
Real Age: 15
Age Appearance: 15

History: As a child, Yuunmei lived a taxing life. His father was never fully in the picture, always having one-foot in and the other out. At the impressionable age of eight, Yuunmei's mother committed suicide after a lifelong battle with depression. That event left deep scars on the boy. Having no choice, Yuunmei's father took custody of him and tried hard to connect with the broken lad. Overtime it became apparent that his mind would always be elsewhere, always very, very, faraway.

Yuunmei became somewhat of a loner out of not wanting to lose anyone dear to him again. In order to do that he fostered a loathing of himself while disguising it as a hatred of others. It painted a large target on his back at school, which only enforced his solitary ideology. Despite his lack of sociability, Yuunmei does see the good in "hand-picked" individuals and has an almost ambiguous doctrine concerning friendships and acquaintanceships. At the school people tended to get hurt when around him, either by the scraps he would get in with the bullies, jocks, and unmentionables or the mysterious accidents that often echoed after them.

Funny enough, Yuunmei never seemed bothered by the physical beatings he received, he almost looked to embrace them with a quiet resignation. Recently, demons have begun to plague him because of his spiritual awareness.

Personality |

• Fearless +
• Intuitive +
• Strong-Willed +
• Self Hatred -
• Careless -
• Inexorable -
• Antisocial

Power and Techniques |

• Spirit Shroud - A hereditary trait passed down through the Ikiryō line. His spirit energy is especially fluid, it can range from a inch-width from his skin to a powerful force five-feet in circumference.
• Spirit Shroud Fist - Yuunmei focuses his spirit energy into his fist. Because of its natural fluidity and the ferocity of his intent, its appears like blue flames. At his current strength its only three times stronger than a normal punch. It could bend metal and shatter rocks. He can use this technique once a day.
• Spirit Shroud Boundary - He can sense physical attacks within his spirit shroud, allowing for heightened reflexes when faced with multiple enemies or weaponry. Only problem being that at his current level he is incapable of attacking with his spirit energy when using Spirit Shroud Boundary.
• Spirit Shroud Orb Shot - He punches within the bounds of his Spirit Shroud sending off baseball-sized spheres of energy towards his opponent. So far he is capable of sending off five of these without deteriorating his Spirit Shroud completely. They are considerably weaker than his Spirit Shroud Fist technique being about .5x stronger than his normal punch, feeling something akin to a hammer strike.

Spirit Class: C

Weapon(s): None

Other Info

Main Theme


Family
Dad - Danno Ikiryo [retired fighter] - (41) - Human - Alive
Mom - Hisa Ikiryo - Human - Deceased
Sister - Shiori Ikiryo [college student - psychology major] - (19) - Alive
[Yuunmei vividly associates a red sweater and red bird with his mother]