What degrees of the supernatural are acceptable, and how much leeway in rewriting backstories are we granted?
Vanessa's party was the other night. I thought it went pretty well but I definitely saw a couple kids barfing in the bushes and if I know Mr and Mrs Bordeaux they're not gonna be happy when they go out to water their roses. No way Van and Vik are wriggling out of that one. Who can you blame though - most of Mather Memorial was there, and their plus ones, and their plus ones' plus ones. That's Vanessa for you - Queen Bee. I sound bitter but I'm not really, she doesn't even do it intentionally - people have just always gravitated towards her. I gravitated towards her so I can't really complain. I think I'm just jealous. Ugly of me but again, who can you blame. The heart wants what it wants.
Anyway that's not what this was meant to be about. I'm not one for journaling usually but this isn't something I can talk to mom and dad about, or Van or Vik or Aiden or Autumn or Minnie or anyone, really. I'd just sound nuts, but I know something's going on, so I'm just going to write it all down. Exorcise my thoughts. And then I can read it back to myself and either I'll connect the missing pieces, or I really will decide I'm crazy and then I'll just need to wait out high school graduation before committing myself. It's a better 5-year plan that any other I've got at the moment anyway.
I'm getting side-tracked again. Look, diary, journal, blog - I'm writing this because bugs are acting weird. Which in itself is an odd thing to notice but I swear they want me to notice. Flies orbit my head and land on my fingers. Crickets leap from the grass onto my legs and stay there. Caterpillars actively drop themselves from trees onto my shoulders! I woke up yesterday morning and the spider in the corner of my room had spun a web across the ceiling and down the wall and was sat - stood? - on my bedpost, looking at me.
What really cinched it - what made me decide to record any of this - was today in the garden. There was a small line of ants crossing the patio by dad's greenhouse in the back corner - nothing unusual, for ants at least, they were carrying little pieces of twig and leaf and chopped up fruit and some of mom's cake from where the dog had gotten a piece out the back door. But then a few of them started depositing them by my feet. I wasn't doing anything, really, just sitting and watching them, but this tiny pile of debris grew and grew and then, and then, one of them came out from the hill and dropped a larvae in front of me. A fat wriggling white thing, writhing and squirming and baking in the sun on the patio tile. I felt bad for it - removed, abandoned, forcibly taken from underground and deserted by its supposed carer. It revolted me. I wanted it gone. I wanted it back in its colony.
And then a different ant - or maybe the same one - came back. Picked it up. Took it back underground.
I don't know what's happening to me.
Final semester started this week. It feels strange that only a few short months stand between me and graduation. It feels like I've been attending Mather Memorial my whole life - or maybe my life only really started at Mather's. Either way, I don't know that I'm ready for it to be over yet. Give it a few weeks of Mr. Cobb droning on in Econ class and I might change my mind, though.
Anyway. Even in its final hours MM still has surprises up its sleeve. A special class started this semester, they made a big announcement about it in the return-to-school assembly - new teacher and everything, some guy I've never seen before. Complete newcomer to Crestwood but apparently got some serious credentials behind him. Mr. Lehrer. Going to be teaching 'Social Conscience' to the graduating year. Had no idea what to expect but he laid it out pretty clearly in our first class, and it's a small class too by the way (I guess he can't teach the entire year in one go, gotta fill his weekly schedule somehow). It's all about how we think about our place in the world and the impact we have on it, and our potential too. I guess it's some kind of 'we're about to release you into the wild so we better make sure you're not gonna be an asshole out there' thing. Not that that's going to stop some people. Rita for one. Minnie has her moments too. Anyway. It'll be interesting, that's for sure. And Mr. Lehrer's...compelling. He's got that kind of 'sensible but firm authority figure' thing going on.
Oh, I'm still talking to bugs. 'Talking' might not be the right word, I'm not actually speaking to them, but I'll tell you right now they're listening. Simple stuff - 'come here', 'go away', 'move that', 'get food'. I just...think it, and they do it. Slowly, mind you, they're only bugs after all, but I've spooked myself a couple times with how many I can accrue accidentally. They're everywhere. What's that statistic about ants? 2.5 million for every human on Earth? I don't really want to test it. But it's there. Something's there. I can command bugs. I have no idea what to do with this information, but I'm 100% certain of it.
Unless my mom finds this, and then haha I'm just joking! It's a creative writing assignment. Please don't put me back in therapy.
We're all exhausted, and scared, and keeping secrets. Three more have died since...three more. Every fresh corpse found is another person from Social Conscience. When the last one was announced I wasn't even...wasn't even shocked. I turned up to class and someone was missing and I knew, then, exactly what had happened, and I was just waiting for someone to tell me. I feel so...dry. Shucked out. Just a husk left, shuffling about out of sheer habit, not even able to cry for the dead.
There's a curfew in effect now, and an enforced buddy system, as if two frightened teenagers are any harder to kill than one. The state of the bodies...who-whatever is doing this isn't going to be deterred by having two victims for the price of one. As for secrets, yeah. Obviously the police are everywhere at school and they're talking to everyone, students and faculty alike, but they're not getting anywhere. I'm being questioned every other day at this point and I'm tired. Tired of answering the same questions, tired of dodging around the others, tired of pretending I don't know why we're being targeted.
Oh yeah, that was obvious once Aiden and I spilled to each other. Everyone's so on-edge, I just wanted even one fraction of a secret off my chest, so I told Aiden about my bugs. I thought he was going to throw me out, tell me to stop playing stupid games and telling stupid lies - he's been so angry since- since-
He's been angry. I think we all have.
But he didn't. He didn't even ask anything, he just nodded, accepted it wholly. And then he stood up and took me out to the garden and told me to 'watch this' and shot fucking lasers out of his eyes. So I guess he was holding onto a secret too. And then it all just made sense. Everyone else must have them too, and that's why us. That's why Jonas put the class together. That's the why of everything. But Jonas won't say anything - is he waiting for something? Waiting for us to figure it out ourselves, or die trying, picked off one by one? Or just waiting for us to die, full-stop?
I can't do it. If I sit in one more class full of kids pretending nothing's wrong, like we're not dying at the clip of a couple a week, like our bodies aren't being found in pieces scattered and half-buried in dank little corners of the city, torn apart into ragged chunks-
I'll just snap. I feel it already, bubbling away under the surface. Some other dark half of me. I'm not sure what she'd do. She might kill everyone. She might just kill herself. But she's...she's a danger. I've never felt a blackness like this in my life.
Either way, I can't do it anymore. I have to get out in front of it, whatever happens as a result. I've got to talk to Jonas, confront him with the truth. And then he can decide what to do with it.
She was in our class the whole time. Watching us. Perfectly studying our schedules. Of course it made us easy pickings; the curfew, the buddy system, the police focusing attention on the school - it made it all easier for her. No one would even blink at two students leaving campus in a hurry. I've never been so angry in my life. It frightens me. That lurking blackness feels all-encompassing and I don't know what I'll do if I see her again. There's a plan forming now, silently. Autumn can be rooted out; she's only got so many places to hide, and we know her habits, her haunts. Slowly but surely we will force her into the light and make her face retribution for what she's done.
I have been pushing the limits with my abilities. Bigger swarms, more complex commands, greater varieties of species at once. To override their instinct with my will - to make them ignore prey drive, pain, mating - it's more effort than I'd given it credit for. The mental strain of it all; I can feel them pushing back against me, a thousands-strong buzzing choir of dissent. Unruly children straining in every direction. And I have been feeling...peculiar, of late. More than just exhaustion and grief and anger - strange hot flushes, spasms of pain, lapsing headaches, spats of an itch beneath the skin. I've developed a rash, inconsistent, only small patches on an arm, my back, my calf. If it gets worse I will need to see a doctor, but I don't know if there's even the right kind of doctor out there for us anymore. Jonas may be the best we have.
I think I'm pushing myself too hard, but Aiden is right - we need to be prepared. We need to leverage every advantage against the enemy. We can't be caught off-guard again. We can't lose anyone else.
w h i t e white wals. coats.lihts. bandage. evverywere white. remmembeeer erly age. labs docters neeeeedles testsss. probed mesured monitred.
changing. think they are trying to stop the change but feel it. in my bones and bene ath my skull it wont stop. is me becoming what nessa made me. maybe, just watching . study-learn. maybe know it can’t be.ssttopped.
let outside som etime - feel wind on face. sun on what left skin. ssshhhhines off me now.prety yellow. shell hard-tough. back splits.growing ther too. head bulge-buds. changing. changing quite a lot. doct ors smile nice say kind-warm words but am muddled.not stupid. not dimm. tried potions pils needles. OUT of ideeaas. only pause-stal, no cure. no cure for true nnaattuurree.
they know.prepared. guards watch me. grip-seize guns tight as I walk by. see to south, acrossss sea, they are bui lding - building haven-home. not for me. not for me. this island finall prison.
it is marvelus and fritening. body transf ormd.something new and more. stronger faster tougher. ssensittive in new ways. but fading - I am fading. new day.less left. rreememmber family no faces. re emmember friend no names. less and less. becoming new me. want to remain. must remeemmber which me I want to be.
this one.
thiss one.
no other.
I will miss-mourn the girl I could have been.
<Snipped quote by Roman>
serial killers,
Remind me the details of that and I can let you know if it would be kosher or not.
On the night of her murder, Vanessa had unknowingly used her abilities to activate a Hyper-Gene in each of her friends who had been attending her birthday party, including her brother, that night. These teenagers would come together to solve Vanessa's murder and attracted the attention of Dr. Jonas Lehrer and Special Agent Yakob Kowalski.
<Snipped quote by Bounce>
We've tried to run a Indie Comics game (and thats far more focused than such a idea) a few times and we always end up with these issues, I agree. The only one who really feels inspired is whoever gobbles up the TMNT or Hellboy, I find.