shylarah

The Last Embers (Dark Steampunk/Fantasy)

@vietmyke I ship it. <3 Honestly those two are kinda cute together, but I cuold see it being platonic or romantic, and either way it's still adorable.

RPGC #16: It takes two... - Voting and Critique

@AngelofOctober I'm more than interested in hearing your opinions of the story Nev and I submitted (or why bother submitting it, eh?) And certainly I have no compunction about responding to commentary. I don't believe I ever saw your review, so yes please post it again.

and I didn't vote either. O.o

RPGC #16: It takes two... - Voting and Critique

@SleepingSilence

response

Waif is actually absolutely the word to be used there, but there's background to it that the reader doesn't have, so fair enough. It's a nickname, drawn from when Amune was an orphaned child, but since it comes at the start of the sentence, you can't see the capitalization properly. You've caught a number of careless goofs (oops). And yeah, we did go over the limit -- though I specifically asked about it.

I actually was playing with doing dialogue naturally. In narration I try to be a bit tighter, but I've been working on making spoken (or thought) words less formal and more natural. Unfortunately it's bled into my narrative voice as well, since I tend to write from the perspective of a character and use their voice even if they're not actually speaking. Still, I'm thrilled to hear that you liked the dialogue from both @NEvix and myself. Makes me feel good to hear something I've been working on is improving. ^.^

I was not entirely happy with the ending, but we procrastinated -- and a lot of it was trying to cut it down to 7k, which was never going to happen (I think I managed 9kxx or so before I got through to Frizan and got the go ahead to just post whatever). Given that there are a number of /very/ close bonds in the story -- Leia and Illy; Leia and Edric; Edric and Duncan; and then the two men and Amune -- it was the goal to explore those relationships, and some of the problems that occur when a person is caught between two different ones. My personal conclusion, and what I hope was taken away from it, was that sometimes there's not a good answer that wraps everything up neatly.

Thanks for your feedback. <3

@Kalleth and @Zelosse

details

I agree with Silence that you guys have the best range and most interesting vocabulary of the entries here. I think the world you're showing a glimpse of is the most interesting between your story and Goodbyes, and there appears to be a lot of thought put into details that may not turn up in the story proper. It has the feel of a piece of something larger, but overall I'd say in a good way -- a way that makes me want to read more things from you two. I love detailed lore that goes beyond a story, and you guys either did that, or faked it well enough that you deserve praise anyhow. (Faking it is an art form in this instance.)

There's a sense of trust that's more than just friendship between the two chars, though it's not entirely clear where that came from. I've got a weakness for characters that end up pushing people away to keep them safe, as well as for ones that struggle to remain human (for a flexible definition of humanity). The conversation itself could use a little work, but I think these two speak with more than just their words. Using alcohol to lower inhibitions and as a reason to seek out company was a solid choice -- and it gave rise to a few pieces that wouldn't have happened otherwise, making the whole thing feel a little more natural. I'm curious as to what the future holds for this world.

@BCTheEntity and @AngelofOctober

details

The premise here was great, but something for me fell flat somewhere in the early middle. I can't quite place my finger on it. It could be that I'm just not a fan of something entirely sans fantasy. It could be I have had too many friends lose people this month. It could be that the odds of the last day party lining up with his actual last day seems a little contrived without some sort of specific explanation (and one that probably would detract from the story itself, alas). Killer ending, though. Erm, no pun intended? ^.^;; Much like Silence said, a solid ending can more than make up for all kinds of shortcomings, and as someone who has trouble with endings unless I have a very solid idea of what I want, I have to applaud that.

I can feel how far these guys go back, and how much their friendship means. The concept of using a last hurrah to showcase different things they'd done over the years was a clever one. It was also notable that they couldn't do all those things, because they've changed --
something worth including, and very fitting for the slightly melancholy feel despite their best efforts to make it otherwise.

And again. That ending. A solid kick in the feels, especially right now. Well done.

Voting-wise, I've never been any good at selecting a winner. I enjoyed reading them both, and I'd really have to be picky to choose one over the other.

The Last Embers (Dark Steampunk/Fantasy)

@Lovejoy Ah yeah, gotcha. IT's fun to see the little dynamics in a group. Shame Ziotea didn't ever reach out on her own. *kicks her and gets stabbed in return*

...yeah, we'll just let her sulk in the corner. <.<

The Last Embers (Dark Steampunk/Fantasy)

@Draken @Lovejoy @vietmyke

>rub it in Galahad's face

Wait, do galahad and ragnar not get along? I don't think I ever saw the outcome of the discussion as to their dynamic.

HOLY CRUD THIS GIRL. WHAAAAT.

Wait. Dara? I don't remember Kadenza mentioning Dara, nor anyone else mentioning the guy in connection with him. Hmm.

LAdy Bjornlie?! holy crud. I can't believe I missed this post, but I'm reading in now and WOW. Okay, so...hm.

I've no idea why Lady Bjorlie or any of the Bjornlies would want to deal with Dara or anything like that. I'm not even sure if they think it's in the best interests of Magnagrad and/or Varya, or just their company, or if they have other aims entirely.

Regardless, great writing from everyone! <3

~~~~~~

Bah, there's been people broken into pieces before. Exodia was hardly the first. Totally support it being a name, though

Adelon: Steeling the Faith (High-Casual)

@Vena Sera I'm aboard~

The Last Embers (Dark Steampunk/Fantasy)

@Lovejoy *eager wiggling*

RPGC #16: It takes two... - Voting and Critique

I enjoyed both of them, but I'm not together enough to critique beyond saying well done.

Intrigue in the Fifth City - A Fallen London RP

HUZZAH A POST. *collapses*

Intrigue in the Fifth City - A Fallen London RP

Ro watched the two humans exchange further words, though he was amused that Ray could not tell the man was a native French speaker. Perhaps she didn't have the ear to determine such things. His gaze drifted about the room, coming to rest briefly on another bird showing particular interest in their little trio. The Frenchman noticed the observer as well, and commented. The cat decided to do more.

"A dance is better enjoyed in pairs. If you will excuse me, Ray~"

With that he gathered himself and leapt from her shoulder, vanishing past a swirl of skirts to resurface on a convenient ledge near the fellow with the tricorn hat. "Another raven, and just as black as the first. And as curious about our hosts as everyone else here, if a bit rougher in his manner." Schroedinger ducked his head to hold back a sneeze as the sharp scent of salt filled his nostrils -- yes, very definitely a zailor, this one. As if the voice hadn't been indication enough. But perhaps he could be lured into spilling a few tidbits of what he knew.

Ro took in the confident manner, the clothing, and made an educated guess. The party did not seem to have anyone that was merely incidental: most likely this man owned a ship. And if he was wrong, he could pass it off as a convenient nickname. "So, Captain. You wonder who has brought all these people together? Would you care to hazard a guess? I'll say that this is not quite like Society's usual games. Perhaps it is a new one, or perhaps something else altogether. What do you think?"