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4 mos ago
Current i hear dies irae bells ringing in my ossicles every time i claw from the dirt and peer wistfully through the rpg tomb doors thinking, "one last job..." another bony finger of the monkey's paw curls up
3 yrs ago
i can't believe it's already christmas today
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4 yrs ago
*skeletal hand emerges from an unmarked grave* the drive thru forgot my side order
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4 yrs ago
Imagine having an opinion on rpg dot com
4 yrs ago
Let’s play a game where you try to sext me and I call the police
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Bio

Maybe the real plot was the friends we made along the way. [Last Updated: February 1, 2025]


I'm too old for this shit and I have learned not to share too much of my personal life on the internet. I earned a 4-year English degree, work as an English and writing tutor at a local college, a communications copywriter for a non-profit, and I'm a development editor at an academic publishing company. That means I word good.

I like literature and poetry. I first started writing as a hobby with online roleplay at the start of 2010, and I've slowly drifted away from it in recent years. I enjoy most genres, but if I had to pick a couple of favorites, they would be sci-fi and high fantasy—heavy emphasis on the high fantasy. Some of my favorite moments have come from Elder Scrolls roleplays, since it appeals to the D&D nerd in me.

I have a tendency to get carried away with making my character sheets. I've always been a fan of characters overcoming their weaknesses and obstacles and I try to make that show in many of my characters. Therefore, many of the narratives I explore come from a place of vulnerability, but I try to balance the heavy themes with light whimsy. Sometimes though that door swings the other way and I lean into the whimsy while sneaking in moments of vulnerability.

I also try to research whatever it is I'm writing about so that I'm not just spitting into the wind. Unless that's what my character is doing, in which case I try to make sure that's made clear in my writing. Sometimes that gets in the way, like in the case of blacksmith character I wanted to make but felt compelled to study up on blacksmithing first (don't fall into that trap, no one really gives a shit).

It’s kind of hard to define my style, as I’m influenced by all sorts of literary movements and schools of criticism; dark romanticism, modernism, post-modernism, Marxism, feminism, post-structuralism—I have a lot of isms in my pocket. Nathaniel Hawthorne is one of my favorite dark romantic authors, Dickinson is one of my favorite naturalist poets, Judith Ortiz Cofer, Langston Hughes, and Robert Frost—they’ve all in some ways informed my writing, as well as many others. I even tend to look to some of my fellow guild mates for inspiration or analyze what I like about their writing and see what I can do to improve my own through their example.




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These Tickle My Funny Bone
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Currently in no roleplays.

Most Recent Posts

Ay, looks like I was beat to the punch lol


You Never Know

11th of Midyear -- 4E208
Gilane, Hammerfell


The Alik’r used camels to traverse the deserts, and it wasn’t that Hammerfell was without horses; the horses here were long-legged, slender beauties with blonde or golden sheen on their coats like the sands, their black manes and tails like thin wisps – but they were native to the craggy ecosystems like Bangkorai and Hew’s Bane, which still had grasses and shrubs and running water for them to survive off of. They couldn’t store water like camels could or conserve their energy. Muscle was more demanding of nutrients than fat was, but even with as much fat as the little pony Danish had, his thick coat meant for surviving the frozen tundra of Skyrim spelled a cruel fate. Even while injured, the responsibility of taking care of another life weighed on Calen’s shoulders.

As soon as he was able, he returned to his regular routine: get up early in the morning to draw water from the well. The desert night does well to keep that water chilled and being underground meant it was insulated from the day’s heat. Even though the weight of a bucket full of water hurt the torn muscles in his chest, he pressed on – he’d clean out Danish’s old water trough and replenish his hay and oats – an equally excruciating chore, before returning with more water to wash away the old sweat and stink from the pony overnight. The desert nights weren’t so cold that they could placate a cold-weather horse. Vigorously scrubbing through his thick coat with the brush was also excruciating, which amplified his irritation at Tobias, the stray goat of Rhona’s who seemed to have created a bond with Danish and constantly getting caught up in Calen’s feet while he’s working. Tobias would remind him of Rhona; he’d remind him of someone who had no place being in this warzone, who he hoped would simply find a way out of this land and someplace far away. He wasn’t so selfish to demand her company, no, he felt guilty. Part of him felt as though he was the reason she was still here, and Calen would shake his head at such thoughts. He was not someone worth risking their life over.

He made sure to talk with the stable-master to place Danish in a stall facing the ocean so that a breeze would be blowing against him throughout the day, then returning every two hours with more cool water from the well to wash the sweat away from his fur and cool Danish down in junction with the ocean breeze. About as often, he’d replace the water trough that’d also warm up throughout the day. Hours and days of this meant occasionally reopening his wounds, where he'd then have to find Raelynn or Brynja after stopping the bleeding on his own. Sometimes, when he tired of making repetitive trips, he’d sit out at the stable, enjoying the atmosphere and the company of his pony and others. It kept him distracted from thoughts of that day, when he saved Latro from that bullet. At times he repressed the memory, at others, he faced them and confronted his emotions – mostly, it was fear.

It caused him to reflect on his life and what he’s done so far—what little he’s done so far. In his distractions, he remembered how he left his instruments on his wagon back in Anvil – he had nothing to play, and quite frankly, it was upsetting. He had played countless songs on the tools of his trade and he left them behind. He had to resort to just using his voice to pass the time, which was superb and drew the company of a few spectators, but he didn’t feel like it was the same... and singing in excess also hurt his chest. Everything was hurting his chest. Images of his nightmare of Cezare, plunging his sword into his chest would make it feel sore too. It was a funny thought that, even if the Dwemer spurred all his recent troubles on, it was only because he was associated with this group. He wouldn’t have gotten shot and he wouldn’t have stoked Cezare’s ire if he went his own way; but those were toxic thoughts that wouldn’t get him anywhere. So, he focused on Danish, on humming songs to himself in the morning, and on trying to get better.

Part of getting better, he thought, was taking care of his mind. Seek out something productive to keep him occupied. He was never much of a cook or a baker, but he visited the local baker and dropped a few coins on their counter to trouble them for a lesson. He was no natural learner, and he messed up a few times, but he was determined to preoccupy himself. He learned quickly of the relaxed environment that a bakery had – it was neutral territory, and it was just the baker and the dough, a process of patience – as well as learning the process of milling wheat by hand. The grain was imported from the Gold Coast, that meant it became expensive ever since the Dominion embargo from Anvil. He’d mix it with water and kneaded the dough until he could stretch it out and it would still hold its shape. He’d ball it back up and allow it to rest for a short while, using his break to check back in with Danish. He’d return to the bakery to learn the next few steps. More exercising the dough and more resting. Adding the yeast and more rest. It was a waiting game, meaning it would be a day or two until the dough was ready.

When, yesterday, chaos filled the streets with blood and mayhem for reasons Calen could not discern – it was possible that Samara cell conducted another strike without his knowing; it was reasonable to assume they continued without him – all he could do was watch helplessly. The Dwemer were like an overwhelming force of nature, their weaponry like acts of god in how pulling their triggers were the summons for death. Hungering demands for blood. Still, he could not hate the deep elves; not when the citizenry of their people was as innocent as anyone. He watched from Danish’s stall in the stable as Dwemer women hid their children indoors and closed the curtains with as much fear in their eyes as the local Redguard mothers. He couldn’t hate them. He could fear them, reasonably so, but he couldn’t seek vengeance on them. Not with a clear conscience, knowing that he could possibly take it out on someone innocent—like that mother or her child. When the conflict began to dissipate and the resistance to Dwemer rule was quashed, he visited the Dwemer mother’s home and gifted them his first-ever loaf of handmade bread that he was hoping to eat after days of laboring, yet he offered it with a smile.

He didn’t keep much of a journal. It was mostly just a logbook of people he has met; sketches and descriptions and tales. Perhaps he should if he was going to record this segment of history, but such an aspiration seemed so… conceited. There was no promise that he’d survive this, that his name would be remembered, and it seemed like such a little thing in the shadow of actually doing something, but he already tried doing something before. Talos knows how well that turned out. So, as if to practice, he started talking to Danish as if his pony was a real person.

“So one of the gang came by earlier today.” He said, receiving no response. He continued, “Some kind of summons. Said Jude wanted everyone to gather around tomorrow at Three Crowns for some big news.”

Danish, being a pony, did not respond.

“I tried writing some lyrics lately. You know, to get back into the groove. How about it?” Calen said before continuing. “Yesteryear’s uncertainty… loses its charm, its luster of mystery, when you’re living through history?”

Surprisingly, he invoked a response from Danish as the animal nickered, but undoubtedly, he had no real idea what Calen was saying. The bard chuckled to himself and nodded in agreement. “Yeah, a little too on the nose. And rhyming excessively sounds forced, honestly. How about…” Calen thought carefully for a second before continuing.

“Don’t let the fires of your mind steal too much time?
Tears may be spilled, and with fear, your dreams overfilled,
and these cannot be fixed with just song and rhyme.
Be the early-riser and plant your seed,
sow the crops you wish to grow,
and only then can you be free.
Life is brief,
so don’t fear death, sweet child of mine.
Don’t let your mind steal too much time.”

There was a pause of silence after Calen’s recital, allowing him a moment of reflection.

“Yeah,” he finally said, “it needs some more work.”





Wow, I haven't used this in a while. Some of the characters up top might be outdated by now.



High Ideals, Low Means

by @Leidenschaft and @Spoopy Scary

Night, 6th of Midyear 4E 208
Somewhere in Gilane, Hammerfell

Sevari kept walking past the creaking of the huge doors of the Governor’s Palace. They clunked shut and the sound of it locking with its newly-built Dwemer lock working it’s huge gears punctuated the otherwise noiseless walk across the courtyard he was making. Plenty of things were seeking to send his house of cards crashing down around him and his life’s work would all be for naught, twenty-some years wasted because of some Reachman and his woman. Because of an old love deciding to be on the same ship as his last and greatest personal foe’s son. And fucking him too. He needed a goddamn drink, or to get in a good fight. It was the right time for it, the sun falling below the high city walls and just dark enough for lamps and torches to send his shadow stretching across walls.

His contact would be waiting for him and he didn’t want to keep her, though. It was quite something, how the quest for revenge could bring two people into the fold of each other’s lives. It seemed every day he was making new acquaintances. Out of all of them so far, though, this one seemed the most competent and careful, cold and calculating. She was headstrong enough and cautious with it too. He almost could call her a friend. A mutual respect between them, and these days with how slim the selection was for Sevari, that pretty much constituted a friend.

He made his way through the city streets, dodging Dwemer patrols and Redguard watchmen too easily. He could always play it off that he was pursuing a lead for Major Kerztar in the name of the Ministry of Order, but it was best they didn’t even know he was there at all. Less loose ends, less homes and beds he’d have to sneak into with his garrote. Finally, he reached the slums and that tumbledown shack he and his special friend shared. It looked rundown from the outside like Sevari had wanted but as he stepped inside, he looked around at the more well-off and fanciful trappings he’d grown accustomed to.

“How long have you been here?” He said to the presence he could feel in the room. The firelight’s orange glow radiated warmth during the cold desert night, and it casted a wide shadow as hand gingerly set a quill pen onto the table in the corner.

“For as long as I cared to. Does it matter?” Replied simply a feminine voice. Following the quill was a goblet being set on the table. The woman continued, “Tell me, how well did your date go? Did you have fun?”

As she asked her question she stood to her full height. Doing so revealed a woman shorter than Sevari and adorned in modest clothing. She looked to be Breton, though had the sharp angular features of an Imperial. She looked to be little more than a merchant, draped in linen, cotton, and bits of silk. Though her skin was fair, it was still flushed red from the day’s heat, and her shoulder-length auburn hair had the kind of curls in it leftover from wearing it in a braid all day. Though the tone of her voice was pleasant, she did not smile, and was betrayed by the intensity of her eyes as they pierced across the room and into the Khajiit.

“I was just wondering,” Sevari frowned, voice brimming with exaggerated offense, looking the woman up and down before placing his hands in front of the fireplace, “I know this isn’t a palace with handmaidens ready to wipe your ass at a bell’s ring, but I hope you appreciate the new decor I spent half my wage on last week.”

Sevari got up, grabbing up a bottle of alcohol off the mantle above the fireplace. He knew it was alcohol, what kind didn’t often matter. He clamped down in the cork with his teeth and yanked it out with a pop. Spitting it across the room, he took his own seat across from the woman he knew so well the past few weeks. Under her intense eyes, he sat carelessly like at a tavern. She met his candor with a smirk as though Sevari was entertaining her, but it was faint. She picked up the goblet she set down a moment ago and held it out to him, tipped slightly forward -- a gesture for him to refill her cup.

“Your mission. How did it go?” She repeated.

“They managed to spot me and I had to kill them all.” Sevari frowned at her cup and gave her question a moment and her eyes a smug look before finally pouring a good portion into her cup, “Hotel staff and all.”

When no laugh came, he wasn’t expecting one anyway, he continued. “They were having a party. I managed to sketch out what some looked like,” he tossed a journal onto the table from his satchel, “The Altmer noble was there, the ex-Thalmor I didn’t get a look at. The Argonian was there too, you know, the one you trust wholeheartedly.”

“They’re quick to forgive. Interesting. Good for them, though…” She commented, then tasted from her cup. “I would still like more information on that one. Argonia is a sovereign state now, perish the thought that another power becomes involved. Do you have anything on the elves?”

“Nothing past what we already know. The Caliph’s old spies are looking for his Thalmor-loving sons in hopes of restoring Hammerfell’s sovereignty. Shame how short-sighted people with a loyalty to dynasties are.” He downed his glass and poured another, “The Emissary is still an issue but we can resolve that soon. No doubt the noble girl’s kidnapping will do well as bait for that Thalmor shit they have with them. He might not be flying their colors but it’s hard to forget friends and connections that might be here.”

“If worst comes to worst, a certain ambassador of a hostile power could prove to be even better bait.” She suggested innocuously, sipping her goblet as she side-eyed Sevari to gauge his reaction.

Sevari chewed on that, sipping at his glass for a moment before his eyes narrowed, “You want me to leak a little information of you?” Sevari shook his head, continuing incredulously, baffled, “Dangle you around like a worm on a hook?”

He nodded, a small crack of a smile on his lips, “I’m liking you more.”

“Don’t mistake me,” she began explaining, “I've no intention of letting myself be eaten, but a leader leads by example, yes? Someone eventually needs to assume the role. I might be the worm, but we're surrounded by two schools of sharks and I hope to turn them against each other.”

Although her words suggested that it was a burden to assume such a role, a slight smile appeared on her face, this time warmer, apparently pleased by his reaction and resumed her sip from the goblet before continuing.

“That's how we're going to win this: we're going to play the board right; maneuver our pieces, take advantage of everyone’s connections, and manipulate both sides into killing each other. It pays to play the long game, Sevari, step by step, not by running blind into the lion’s den on a personal whim.”

Sevari’s smile upended slightly, “We both know it wasn’t a personal whim. Entirely.” He spoke more softly, “It won’t happen again, I’ll make sure of it. Leaking the information of the Emissary to a more extremist cell in the insurgency would do well.”

He sniffed, throwing back another glassful, “Erincaro is our key to his father, a high-level officer of the Thalmor. Your revenge against the Dwemer was added to my orders of stewing unrest in Dwemer territory. We’re both in this room discussing our personal whims.” Sevari smiled again, though her bringing up the fiasco on the Indrik still stung.

Our whims? Am I to understand you as suggesting that we no longer have to uphold our duties to the Empire?” She challenged.

“It was my understanding that my end of fulfilling my duties to the Empire were to entertain my personal whims. It’s what they’ve let me do for the past 20-odd years.” He shrugged, “What about Samara Cell? Keep feeding the Reachman or leave them to the wolves?”

“They have their uses.” She replied idley. “They’re wild cards, but as long as they’re the Dwemers’ enemies, they’re valuable -- to an extent. Keep doing what you’re doing with the Reachman, but if you can spare the time, keep some eyes on a few of them. The Argonian, the High Elf, the Imperial man; this situation is delicate and we don’t want to upset it.”

The woman paused for a moment in careful thought, before saying, “What was the name of their handler again? Not Poncy.”

“Daro’Vasora.” He said, “The Reachman and her are in relations. Keep getting close to the Reachman and we may have her.”

“Daro’Vasora…” She repeated, getting a feel for the name in her mouth. “I’ll keep it in mind. If it’s not too much to ask, there’s one more person I want to keep an eye on. Salosoix Hawkford.”

“Zaveed has been toying with him and his daughter. Raelynn is among Samara Cell.” He said, stretching in his chair, “That complicates things on that end. Treading where my brother goes might lead him to looking for you if he whiffs something. I don’t want to have to kill him.”

“That’s fine.” She replied casually. She set her goblet down on the table as she stared into fireplace. “I’m not asking you to protect the snake, but I know enough about Salosoix to know that he has his own agenda. I don’t know what he’s doing in Gilane at a time like this when he should be in Daggerfall, but he has the potential to complicate things. Believe me Sevari, I don’t wish to create a conflict of interest for you, but if your brother decides to come looking for me…”

The woman lined her free hand between with the painted portrait of an old Redguard king that was pinned to the wall above the fireplace. A sudden burst of magical fire sparked to life in her palm, and from her perspective, engulfed the man in flames. She looked back at Sevari, the fire reflecting in her eyes as she growled, “I invite him to try.”

Sevari pursed his lips, sighing and nodding before downing another drink, “He knows the risks.” Sevari sighed, “While we’re on the subject, I’m sure you heard about the grand parade today?”

She glanced at him from the corner of her eye, then clenched her hand, snuffing the fire in her hand. She looked as though she was just about to roll her eyes but had enough restraint to keep herself from doing so. “Yes, the people were causing quite a stir about it. I’d call it amusing if it wasn’t so pathetic.”

When she took a drink from her cup, she usually took light sips to savor it, but here she took a few heavy gulps before slamming the goblet down onto the table. She continued, her words now sharp and scathing, “The Samara cell is full of amateurs, so color me unsurprised, but at least they’ve chosen the right side. I’ve spent a few months here in Hammerfell, you know, before the Dwemer came. Before that, I’ve spent countless days educating myself on their history. The Redguard people never impressed onto me as being the type to enjoy being conquered.”

“They never were.” Sevari replied, letting a chuckle go, “Why do you think I’m here? Paving a path to a brighter future for the Redguard people, hearts and minds, pure altruism.”

“It will be wasted unless we take meaningful action soon.” She commented sharply. “Do you think the deep elves will think twice of your judgement if you hold the Dominion emissary under their jurisdiction?”

Sevari narrowed his eyes, frowning, and bringing his cup halfway to his lips, “You’re asking me to arrest a man that’s impossible to arrest. He’d have to…” Sevari slowly let the cup descend back down to the table while in his hands, “Do something heinous. Are you familiar with false-flag operations?”

“You deserve your station, Sevari. You decipher quickly.” She replied. “Yes, I’m familiar.”

Sevari snorted, rolling his eyes as he took a sip of his cup, “I thought you were above patronizing me. Hire thugs to go after another administrator of the Dwemer. Someone of Nblec’s station. Make it look like the noble girl and ex-Thalmor’s handiwork.” He shrugged, “I get to go after the ex-Thalmor in the group as a scapegoat and we get a mer who can give us names. I’ll have to construct some story to connect him to Erincaro’s father. Fangalto will have his son taken into custody and you know what they say about prisons. People die everyday.”

“If you can make it looked like they did it,” she said, “you can provoke the Dwemer. If you leak my name to the Thalmor one, he can attempt to get in contact with the emissary. After he does, we can take him out, then take the emissary and leave behind evidence of the Dwemer. Both sides believe they lost something important to each other. Agent, it sounds like we might have a plan.”

“Doesn’t it?” Sevari said. With a grunt, he pushed himself up from his chair and sighed, “I’d best get going. No sleep tonight, Kerztar will find it odd if I’m not on the job.”

He worked at the array of locks on the door and pushed past it, hanging at the threshold before he threw over his shoulder, “Keep the doors locked if you’re staying. Remember what I told you about the passageway under your bed.”

“Whyever would I indignify myself by taking the back door of my own abode?” She jested sardonically. She stood up from her seat with a sigh, her fingers idly tracing the embroidery stitched into the padded chair. Finally, she looked up at said with unexpected tenderness, “Akatosh bless you, Sevari. May He grant you His light.”

Sevari hung at the door, one foot past the threshold and a hand still on the knob. The sentiment froze him in place and maybe it was the drink, maybe it was everything that’s happened to him the past few days, but the woman’s words cut him. It was as if accepting it would be fraud of the highest order. Akin to stealing coins from a beggar’s purse. His head hung as he rolled his jaw, sighing. Finally, he let go a small, jagged smile, knowing all the things he’d done in his life was more likely to please Boethiah. “Thank you, Aries.” Without turning to her, he spoke low and bitter, “But I doubt he’d waste it.”

The door shut and he was gone.

A soft exhale escaped Aries' lips as her shoulders relaxed. She faced once again towards the warmth of the firelight, and slowly refilled her goblin until the bottle dripped empty. She breathed in its aroma before taking a small sip, then closed her eyes and smiled as she embraced the soothing heat of the flames. Holding her cup close to her chest, her eyes remained locked on the fire as she purred to herself, "The gears are in motion."
Eyes of Mara




A Collab by @Spoopy Scary, @Stormflyx & @MacabreFox

Gilane, Infirmary - 1st Midyear evening

It was a familiar scene.

Lying on a red carpet like a river of blood. An armored man with an eye-patch and a billowing cloak seemingly connected to the bloody river on the floor. He understood now that the executioner looming over him was the source of the blood. With the phantom of Cezare and his claymore overhead, threatening to lop Calen’s head off, he heard it again -- three explosions of a Dwemer’s cannon. Except now with every blast, the cannons shattered his eardrums, images of the Gilane safehouse flashed before his eyes before returning to his execution by Cezare’s hand. Every time the cannons shattered his eardrums, he found himself looking at Latro at the mercy of a firing squad. He heard Latro’s voice again, “Good people detest violence. But good people doing nothing when it’s visited upon others is the only thing worse.” The third and final time the cannons fired, an explosion of pain filled his chest until everything went black.

A cold and sticky sensation smeared itself across his chest.




To see Calen lying there - he had colour in his cheeks again, a far cry from the deathly white he had been the night before. This alone indicated to her that he was doing better. Yet he was sound asleep, peaceful. She wondered what dreams may have been playing through his mind. As she approached, she reached into her bag - taking out a stalk of aloe which she placed on the bedside table beside him, for later use.

She took no time in peeling back the covers, to assess the wound now. The only reason she had been allowed in was because of her credentials as a healer. As far as she was aware, guests were not permitted yet. She could see the bruising on his chest, but the wounds were closed. There was pain there still. Restorative magic could only do so much. Just like in her nightmare, she could see at a glance that his rib was broken. That would be where most of his pain was. The poor lamb wouldn't like to laugh for a while yet. Not that there was much to laugh about. “I'm sorry I couldn't do more for you…” she said as she took the seat beside his bed, placing her hand on his. This was new to her - to comfort like this. But it felt right regardless.

Too much time had passed since Rhona had laid eyes on Calen, and it didn’t take long for her to catch word of what had happened to him. The worn leather soles of her boots slapped softly against the flooring, her pace a hurried one. She had been turned away from the infirmary twice, but not today. Rhona had been told that she should give him time to heal, but she had to see him. She just had to. When she reached the door, she pushed it open with one hand while the hinges creaked in protest. Rhona stepped inside, letting the door close softly behind her; her gaze sweeping over the room, looking for him. Her eyes landed on two familiar figures, her breath catching in her throat, there he was, seemingly asleep, with the blonde woman she had come to know as Raelynn by his side, with her hand atop his. She struggled to keep her emotions about her, the cold words Mortalmo spoke came filtering back in like a black fog. Her mind screamed at her, a bellow that urged her to turn tail and leave. But no, she couldn’t. She wouldn’t. She had waited impatiently since hearing of his injury to see him, and here she was first? No. She couldn’t think anything of it.

It doesn’t matter what Mortalmo said…, she thought, forcing her feet to move out from under her. Rhona closed the distance, where she came to stand at the foot of the bed, her eyes flickering between Raelynn and Calen. Her tongue felt like a heavy weight in her mouth, an iron that she had no strength to lift.

“I…”, she paused, her words failing her as a lengthy silence followed, “...how is he?” She asked. She didn’t know Raelynn well, and she doubted her intentions even moreso.

“He's alive,” Raelynn said to Rhona, it was all she could say. Her eyes met those of the girl and she could sense agitation within her. On a better day she would have retorted with a smirk and something bitter. She pulled the cover back over Calen’s wounds just so, and rose from her seat. “Truthfully we won't know until he wakes. He… It was not easy for him.”

She picked up the aloe from the table, applying pressure to the leaf until it's gel was forced out into the palm of her hand. She moved back over him, gingerly lifting the covers once more to apply the gel to his bruising, she was looking down at it, but could see Rhona in her peripheral vision -- watching her like a hawk. This also meant that she didn’t notice the faint twitching in Calen’s face.

It was only a moment or two after Raelynn applied the cold gel when the previously still Calen’s eyes flutter open before suddenly springing up in bed, crying out while gasping for air, “Lat--!”

But the name of his acquaintance couldn’t come out, as the sounds merged into moans of agony, and coughing fits as he clutched the wounded area on his chest. Beneath the coolness of the aloe gel, he could feel warmth beginning to spread out in his chest. He had forgotten what kind of condition he was in, and reopened something in the process. Still clutching at the pain, Calen fell back down onto the bed with his face twisting with pain. “Gah… d-damn!”

“Calen!” She moved from the foot of the bed to his side, a splash of crimson blotching the bandages, Rhona felt useless in this moment, she wasn’t equipped to handle something like this. She could only heal minor wounds and fractures, this was beyond her grasp. She grabbed his free hand, looking in earnest at Raelynn.

“Do something!” She begged.

“It’s alright Rhona, it’s normal dare I say it…” The mage sprung to action, peeling back the dressing to assess the tear.

“Rhona?” Calen repeated, turning his head to try looking at her through pained and squinted eyes.

“It’s the rib that hurts him.” She placed a hand above the wound and let her spell drift out - dropping into the opening like a heavy golden chain. He would feel as it entered and began to pull everything back together from the inside like a strange and ethereal pressure. “You should… You should hold his hand.” Her voice was a quiet mutter as she worked. She could heal the injured, but reassuring their loved ones was new. “Comfort is needed too, sit.” She indicated to the chair next to his bed with a free hand.

She did as beckoned without question, and took a seat in the chair, his hand in hers, “Everything will be alright. I promise.” Rhona managed to say over the hard lump forming in her throat. “Just squeeze my hand. I’m right here, I won’t leave you.”

“I, ah, I-I’m… is everyone okay?” Calen managed to sputter out. “Did… did everyone make it out?”

“Everyone made it, we made it Calen - as did you. Try to relax. You're putting tension in your chest right here…” two of her fingers pressed against the point of the broken rib, which he would feel like a stinging kiss until the warmth of her healing hand took over and placed relief there. “You gave us a scare and a half…”

“Oh, thank the Nine…” He sighed with relief. He finally allowed himself a moment to relax while under Raelynn’s care and limply rolled his head to the other side to look at Rhona. He found himself staring deep into her hazel eyes -- and for some odd reason, the olive-speckled brown colors of her irises had reminded him of the falafels he had been eating not so long ago; or at least thought so, he had no idea how much time had passed, but he was silently cursing himself at the absurdity because he knew that this meant Rhona was going to be reminding him of ground-up chickpeas with specks of parsley from now on. He wracked his brain for a suitable distraction from his thoughts.

“So how was your day?” He said with a strained voice, but it was clear that he was trying to pass it off as nonchalantly as he could muster. “Mine was great. First day on the job’s always a little rough, but everyone’s alive so it must’ve gone off without a hitch, right?”

“Hush, now. You’re talking too much.” She offered him a half-smile, her eyes starting to burn with tears. Rhona felt relief on seeing him being able to talk to her, to know that he was awake and conscious was all she had needed, a simple reassurance. Something to soothe the worry in her heart that he was alive and well. Anything. She lifted his hand to her lips, kissing it once before she lowered it, her thumb rubbing the top of his hand in an affectionate manner.

All Raelynn could do was watch them, she noticed the way Calen looked at Rhona. She was rather beautiful, who could blame him? But there was more there too. A connection forged from something else. She looked away and returned to his chest - stopping the flow of light before the wound had closed, it wasn't bleeding and she wanted to inspect it and clean it. She wondered if either of them now noticed her presence, or if they were too engrossed in each other.

Rhona shifted her gaze to Raelynn, she hadn’t forgotten the blonde in the least, she didn’t want to distract her from her work. She nodded at her, “Is… is that all?”

“For now… I just want to check the wound and make sure it is clean,” she spoke in response - her voice duller than before as she concentrated more on Calen than on Rhona’s questions. “I think to force it would leave scarring at this point, slow and steady can be far more precise when time allows for it.”

She took a cloth from the dresser beside the bed, and began to wipe away the blood from his chest. “Could you perhaps fetch some fresh water?” she asked in a stern tone - not realising it may come across as a biting remark instead of just a matter of her being lost in the work she was doing.

Rhona blinked slowly at her words, her mouth forming a small “o” shape before she drew her hand away from Calen’s, she glanced down at him and offered him a sympathetic smile, “I won’t be long.” She left the room without further delay, she had no intention of straying far from his side. Not at a time like this. As she left, Calen’s eyes followed after her. He thought the world of her, don’t get him wrong, but his eyes trailed down her back and focused on the sway of her rear with each step Rhona took until she disappeared from view.

“I guess I should soak in all the attention while I have it, huh?” Calen remarked sardonically to Raelynn, not taking his eyes off of the doorway. “Just leave it to me to be the one to get hurt.”

“It could have been any of us. It's the risk we took…” She washed away the last of the blood and looked closely at the still open wound. She felt… strange to be in the middle of them both, stranger to be around Calen - Gregor’s words came back to her, that he was the best of them all. She turned away, pretending to grab at some more supplies while she caught her breath.

She switched her tone from warmth to one more ice cold as she continued; “just try not to jump in front of actual bullets in future, it's not exactly the smart thing to do. You're incredibly lucky to have made it.” What she had wanted to say was much different. That already, without Calen in the group, they would all suffer. Satisfied with the condition of his injury, she placed her hand back over it - the magicka pouring in once more to finish closing it completely.

“I would be lying if I told you I’ll keep that in mind.” Calen admitted. “Truth be told, sometimes my body just moves on its own.”

A moan of relief escaped his lips as the restoration magic seeped into his body and stitched his wound together. Some of the pain subsided along with it, but his chest was still throbbing. He took a deep sigh and bemoaned, “I’m really not cut out for this, am I? I don’t even know what I’m doing here. Anvil was under attack, one thing led to another, and now I’m in a hospital bed after trying to play soldier.”

“You're asking me that question?” He wouldn't see it, but with her back to him again she rolled her eyes. Of course he would say such things - be this way, a soft soul would. There was not an ounce of arrogance in him. “I don't really know what you want me to say…” a lengthy sigh followed, and she tucked her hair back behind her ears and sat down in a chair next to the bed. Her hands resting in her lap now that they were done with their work. “Do any of us know what we are doing right now? I think we're all going through the motions - doing what it takes to survive.”

Just to look at him there, she felt a wave of emotion swell inside but she didn't show it outwardly, not knowing why she had such a trepidation about it. He wouldn't judge her for opening up, would he? “I think you're probably doing just fine. Save for almost dying, of course.”

“Did we at least win?” Calen asked, finally looking back at Raelynn. “I mean, the reason we were there… did we, I don’t know… was the mission successful?”

She exhaled sharply and her nostrils flared. “Define successful. The Dwemer died, you almost died, and we barely got back here. In short, I would say we're in the shit now.” That was putting it mildly, she saw no point in embellishing it with anything else. Those were the facts, she did feel guilty for tossing the information at him like that; “sorry, I just… It is what it is, we didn't fail but we hardly came out of the endeavor victorious.” She wondered if she should place a comforting hand on him, but she didn't, knowing that Rhona would be back soon. Calen had fallen quiet after the news.

After a few somber moments of silence, the bard finally said, “I should apologize -- to everyone. Especially to Latro.” Calen cupped one hand over his eyes and groaned. “I dragged everybody down and I could barely do anything to help. Gods, I...Talos damn me, what kind of Nord am I that I can’t do anything to protect anyone?”

If he was searching for pity from her, he wasn’t going to get it. “You could have benefited from that thinking before your body just moved…” she snorted a slight laugh out and sighed once again. Was it funny though? Was it fair of her to laugh? He had been selfless after all. She was being too harsh on him, especially as she did enjoy his company. Couldn’t she just drop her guard and offer him something more than a spiteful remark? But to her surprise, she found Calen chuckling with her.

“Yeah, I suppose you’re right.”

“I usually am,” she found herself saying without really taking time to register straight away which caused her to laugh again, more naturally this time. Finally she turned her head and made eye contact with him, offering him a heartfelt smile. “I'm sorry Calen. I'm sorry that I couldn't keep my promise.”

“To be honest,” he said again, “I, uh, don't actually remember what that was.”

“I promised I would keep Nblec safe.” It was said under her breath, her eyes moved away from his and she bit down on her fingernails, waiting for his response.

“Oh…”

There were yet another few moments of silence, tangibly stiff, awkward, and uncomfortable, and Calen shifted around in his bed as he tried to think of something to help defuse the tension. He kept getting distracted by thoughts of the argonian, Jaraleet, and his eagerness to jump straight to torturing Nblec. Then how he had apparently gotten so carried away with it that the dwemer died. He tried to push those accusatory thoughts aside and finally piped in with, “Well, hey, let’s just keeping blaming me for all of it. You had to help me, right? There was nothing you could do about it.”

The bard grunted as he pushed himself up and back enough to at least rest his head and part of his back against the wall. With a few sharp breaths to get into position, he found a place to relax. He looked at Raelynn with a weary smile and pointed a finger at her as he said, “You know what, let’s not stop with getting shot either. Why did the Dominion attack Anvil in the first place? ‘Oh, you know, was probably Calen again - damn boy couldn’t keep it in his pants.’ Dwemer invasion? ‘Calen must’ve offended them.’ The dragon crisis? ‘Probably Calen.’ The Warp in the West, the imperialism of Northpoint and Evermoor, or the Invasion of Wayrest? ‘Calen.’

She placed her hand over her mouth to stifle a laugh from the back of her throat. “Do stop it, I'm supposed to be making you smile, not the other way around… And I'm afraid as much as I'd like to, I can't blame any of High Rock’s history on you. It sounds like you might have travelled through there though, I dare say it's a place a damn sight better than Hammerfell right now…” Raelynn sighed longingly for home, strange, she never missed it before now. Something about her circumstances being so wildly out of her control…

“I'm not going to blame you for any of it… We should have listened to you…”

The door to the infirmary swung open, and instead of Rhona standing in the doorway with a pitcher in hand, it was the towering figure of Brynja White-Hand. Her eyes landed on Calen and Raelynn, her mouth set in a disapproving frown. Her long legs closed the distance between them in a matter of steps just as Rhona trailed in behind her.

“Raelynn.” Brynja nodded to her, seemingly none too happy, “Calen.” Her eyes swept over him, her brows knitted together, the frown creasing deeper before she shook her head.

“I spotted Brynja in the hallway, and I asked her to take a second look.” Rhona came around to his bedside where had been sitting previously, and poured him a tankard full of water, passing it to him to take.

“I’d be a lot happier if this whole damned group could keep from dying. How reckless do you have to be?” Brynja chastised, turning to face Raelynn where she gestured with a hand for her to move. “Let me take a look, I don’t have time to waste and lollygag with the lot of you.”

Through gritted teeth Raelynn stood back, practically shoved out of the way by Brynja as she barged into the room. “He's alright Brynja, he needs rest and hydration.” Her hands landed on her hips as she moved around to the other side of the bed to face her. “Your mood will upskuttle the poor boy!”

“Man.” Calen inserted.

“Mm,” she replied, not having the slightest care about what Raelynn had to say, “Rest and hydration won’t do him any good if the wound isn’t healed properly. Just because you healed him with magick, doesn’t mean an infection can’t set in.” Without any time for Calen to protest, she laid her hands upon him, poking and prodding around the wound, with perhaps a hand far too firm, trying to feel anything out of place. Her hands traveled outwards from the wound, her brows furrowed together in concentration.

She watched Brynja work on Calen, she doesn't trust me… she thought, taking a further step back. Realising she was cornered in this situation - by Brynja and by Rhona. She felt almost as if the two had conspired against her. She cast a glance to Calen, she would stay and bite back for him, but thought better of it.

“You're right,” she said with a sickly sweet smile. “I'm tired anyway, it's late - I think I'll go to bed. I'm glad Calen is at least in good hands now.” She didn't dare stick around for a response, and turned violently on her heel - her hair flipping as she did, nose in the air. Before she left the room, she hovered in the doorway briefly, “Feel better soon Calen, we all want to hear your songs again!” and with that, she left.

“Uh, yeah… toodles!” Calen called after her. After Raelynn disappeared past the doorway, his bewildered eyes slowly trailed back to Brynja as she continued to poke and prod him. He said, “You know that she’s a bona fide medic, right?”

Brynja’s eyes shot up in a glower, and drew her hands away, what the hell did he just say to her? Rhona could see the fire in her eyes, and tried to cut in, “I’m sorry, I wanted to make-”

“And you know that I served in the Civil War as a healer, right? You ever see a man screaming for Stendarr’s mercy as I sawed through his foot to save his leg? Don’t talk to me like I’m an idiot, bard.”

“No, I only got shot by a miniature cannon.” Calen said with a shrug and a sardonic smile on his face. “But that’s not my point. You’re both healers and that alone is enough for me to respect you, but why not, oh I don’t know, treat the other people in the profession with more respect?”

“Treat them with respect? If she didn’t walk out like she had a stick up her ass, she would’ve heard my compliment on her handiwork. She did an exemplary job, this wound is going to heal up just fine, and you’ll live.” Brynja said, her eyes shifting to Rhona, “I told you that you didn’t need to fuss over him. He was in good hands to begin with, like I said.” She made her way to the door, without so much as another word, before glancing back over her shoulder, “If you need me, don’t.” Rhona watched as the Nord departed, leaving Calen and her alone. She wrung her hands in a terse fashion. Now she felt bad, she only meant well…

“...I’m sorry…”

“Oh, you’re fine. Everything’s good!” He said nonchalantly. “It is what it is.”

“I… wanted to be certain. I should have trusted in Raelynn. But… you’ll be alright, and that’s all I care about.” Rhona said, taking Calen’s hand in her’s and giving it a gentle squeeze. Her eyes lingering upon him before she leaned in and planted a kiss on his cheek. Calen sighed at her touch, as if it had released all tension in his body. He rolled his head back and closed his eyes as he muttered to himself, “Well… you can’t please everyone.”




As Brynja stepped out into the hallway, where she spotted Raelynn not too far, “I don’t know why you have a stick up your ass, Raelynn. You did a damned good job patching him up.”

Calen’s words of defense caught her off guard, he really was just all good and all light. She wasn't used to someone so fervently being in her corner. She certainly didn't deserve it. She placed a hand on her heart, an earnest expression of happiness shone over her eyes. Yet, she couldn't resist a harmless jab either, “You know Brynja, I wouldn't have to wedge a stick up my behind if you didn't swoop in as if thunderbolts were erupting from yours. I'm afraid it might catch,” she remarked in swift response, without making eye contact to the Nord.

“I just want a damned drink and to be left the fuck alone.” She said with a shake of her head, a small, but tired smile stretched across her face. “I meant what I said. You did one helluva job patching him up like that. Damn flawless. That’s a skill I don’t see often in healers these days.”

Calen had softened her this evening, and because of that Raelynn bit her tongue, resisted hitting back with sarcasm, and instead gave Brynja a nod of acknowledgement, “I did my job, that’s all. But thank you, anyway,” before continuing on her way, hiding a smile from the particularly parched medic.
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